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Thread: I really need help.

  1. #1
    Littlemonkey

    Default I really need help.

    I have been out to my AB side to my girlfriend for five months and she accepts me completely. The only thing getting in the way of us is her not understanding at all (I don't expect her too) but she really wants to understand. We have the "there's a baby in my bed" book but it didn't seem to help her much. I tried explaining myself to her but I have the feelings I just can't communicate it to her. What should I do? I need help what all this feels like. She wants to know why it happens but I told her that there really isn't an answer and she got mad at me. I just don't know what to do... It's destroying us from misunderstanding

  2. #2

    Default

    Tell her to join this community. Also, it takes time to process the fact that a significant other is engaging in behavior that you don't understand. It took me months to come to terms and accept my husband's AB side and I still don't completely understand the need or joy derived from it 2 years later. I don't know if it's the same for you, but when my husband first tried to explain it to me he emphasized on how it made him feel stress free. Like he could let go of the stress of work and bills and all the crap that plagues us as adults. That he could put his mind in a simpler place and relax. Try to explain to her why it makes you feel joy, or relaxed instead of why you do it. If that makes sense!!

  3. #3

    Default

    I don't know your girl friend so this might be a hit or a miss, but might I suggest that your girl friend makes a ADISC account and that way when she is good and ready she can ask the questions that she seeks answers too as there are a lot of very helpful people here that might be able to share their knowledge and understanding in order to help her come to terms with some of her queries.
    To my understanding there have been a few people who have come to ADISC to try and understand their partners wants and desires of the ABDL kind and
    I know ADISC has helped my girl friend come to understand my little side more..... just a thought.

    Update...

    AgentVixenJ you just got in there before me Lolz

  4. #4
    Littlemonkey

    Default

    I am unsure if I want her to join or not because I'm scared it'll push her further im away from me... I try not to talk about it with her now but I honestly just feel so alone.

  5. #5

    Default

    MonkeyDoodle Bahahaha!! Great minds think alike!!

    LittleMonkey, in order for her to gain understanding and true acceptance she will need to ask questions and get answers. While I'm sure it is incredibly frightening to open up this side of yourself to her, you won't know how how beautiful it can be unless you do! That's the thing about love, it's scary as all hell but when it's just right and things are aligned, it's earth moving!!

  6. #6

    Default

    It's really sad when someone doesn't seem to understand you or show empathy for your situation. I know it must really hurt inside, especially when you are saying you feel so lonely right now. I totally understand not being able to explain your ABDL side. I was unable to explain it as well to someone I was with. He was very closed-minded and that's some part of why I am no longer with him today.

    Sometimes it helps to explain it with things she might like. You could explain the feelings you get from it by equating it to feelings she might have. For example, if she comes home from a hard day at work and watches a good movie in her favorite genre with her favorite popcorn and a blanket around her, that is similar to the same sensation we ABs get when little. It's just about a feeling of comfort and happiness. Anything that brings her comfort and happiness, try to explain this using those examples.

    But maybe she won't understand it, ever. That's something you have to think about. If you have tried with the book, and tried to answer all her questions to the best of your ability, something else might be blocking her. With my ex, it was his closed mind. Whatever wasn't normal, to him, wasn't good. In that case, it's hard to say. People don't tend to change very much unless they want to change. Closed-minded people don't tend to change much because being closed-minded is already sort of inherently against the idea of change. So at that point, try to make sure that when you picture your future with this woman, that you are happy. If you are thinking it's a miserable future now, it might not work out. If this AB thing is just one bump in the road, and otherwise you get along splendidly and are very compatible, then I would keep working as hard as you can to explain this.

    She might need some time to take it all in, too. Maybe this is going on too fast for her, and you might want to be a little patient. I'm sure to her, it seemed like her world turned upside down for a moment! So perhaps give her some time to pick up the pieces. Another idea is that she may view this as extra work she has to do. So you want to keep things fair. Let her know that if she tries to engage in your AB play for a while, you'll participate in an activity that she really loves, too. This could be anything really... maybe you could give her an amazing massage, or give her a special movie night, or take her to a concert, or go shopping with her. That way she feels like it's fair, and she doesn't now have this extra duty of being a babysitter out of nowhere.

    Just some ideas. I hope this works out. I know how saddening it is to be misunderstood. *Hugs*

  7. #7

    Default

    The key to a healthy relationship is being open and transparent..... talking is a vital part of a healthy relationship the more you talk and listen to your girl friend the better her understanding and trust will become.... I have also been through the good and the bad with my girl friend on this subject matter and just being open and honest has helped me and her a lot.

  8. #8
    Littlemonkey

    Default

    The thing about her is that she only wants to hear things from me and not others. I need help getting my feelings out.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyDoodle View Post
    The key to a healthy relationship is being open and transparent..... talking is a vital part of a healthy relationship the more you talk and listen to your girl friend the better her understanding and trust will become.... I have also been through the good and the bad with my girl friend on this subject matter and just being open and honest has helped me and her a lot.
    MonkeyDoodle is right, but I might also add balance of Adult and little time. I don't know if this is an issue for you?

    Sometimes it is very difficult to understand why we like to be little, heck, sometimes I don't really know why I want to wear diapers. Who would knowingly want to sit in their own urine? I do... (sounds bizarre, but it is the feeling it gives me)

    I know that you are worried about showing her ADISC, but it really helped my wife when I first told her. It was the fact that there are others like her out there that made a difference to her. She can now understand the being held and comforted part, but she still doesn't get why I like diapers. She is OK with that. I hope your GF will become OK with it even if she still doesn't understand 100%. All the best..

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Littlemonkey View Post
    The thing about her is that she only wants to hear things from me and not others. I need help getting my feelings out.
    I hear you and I have to say rationalizing this is very difficult, no matter how articulate you are. I don't want to suggest the route of counselling, but sometimes counsellors can help you to explain things better. (You would have to get an open minded counsellor)

  10. #10

    Default

    It sounds to me that she is a little self centered if she can't empathize with someone's desires that could be different from hers. Straight people can't understand why a guy would be sexually attracted to another guy, but they accept it because they understand how they are attracted to someone of the opposite sex. It feels the same. Only the participants are different.

    Being attracted to diapers, or objects are similar. It's sexual for me, so I'm on a sort of sexual buzz when I'm wearing a diaper. Additionally, diapers open a door in my mind, something both subconscious and conscious, allowing me to regress to that simpler time. That part allows me to either shed cares and worries, or blocks them, because I'm becoming a much younger if not infantile version of myself.

    Probably something happened to us during our first five years of life, some experience that changed our love mapping, as the shrinks say. We made very young connections to those things that most immediately impacted on us. It's not just the diapers, but receiving love and care at such a young age. Diapers can be connected to nurturing, either given by parents or in some way impaired. We are complicated, and it isn't normal behavior, but "normal" is behavior that simply the majority of people associate. I hope that helps a little.

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