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Thread: My actual memory /not 100% acurate the names have changed to protect

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    Default My actual memory /not 100% acurate the names have changed to protect

    This is my story.These events im recalling are events I was told, mind u im not sure if the accuracy is at 100%.
    I was born in Rhode Island in 1971 by my birth mother and birth father, lets rewind.. my biological parents, I really don't blame them or prosecute them, when my mother was 8 yrs old she had a deadly disease back in those days doctors didn't have the medicine or the knowledge they have today she had to be hospitalized. They did not have any hope she would make it to her 9th birthday she was in a coma for almost 6 months due to her sickness. Doctors did their best to keep her alive.
    God had different plans for my mother, she woke from her coma but suffered some brain damage due to the sickness. She was a virtual 8 year old for the rest of her life.
    My biological father had some similar fate also, now from what I know. He was playing hide and seek in the back of an old house when he was only twelve years old.
    He was playing with some neighborhood kids behind an old house that was vacated for some purpose, not sure,but he was playing not knowing any better. Then he found an old refridgerator to hide in,the perfect hiding spot. As he climbed in the deep refidgerator it some how locked him in as the door shut behind him.
    He won the game of hide and seek, his friends, all the kids, and his family searched for him for all night and all the next day. They found him that night unconsious and not breathing. He woke in the hospital with some brain damage due to lack of oxygen.
    My mother and father met in or around 1962, which was 8 or 9 years before I was born. They had 4 kids, me and my yonger sister leala,younger sister connie,older sister tiffany. Now unfortunately, due to their mental state of minds they where forced to put us up for adoption when I was 3 years old.
    Me and my youger sister, connie, was placed with our uncle and aunt. My younger sister, leala, was placed with another uncle,and my older sister, tiffany, was placed with my grandmother on my moms side .
    The uncles that took us, and my other sister leala, where on my fathers side.
    As far as I can remember, I can only recall being 5 years old when I was abused by my aunt and uncle, we where pretty much treated as trash in their eyes. I'm not going into pain stakeing details but, I will only tell you physical mental and sexual abuse did run on my fathers side of the family, unfortunately I know all to well along with my sisters.
    The abuse lasted for many years . Every sibling of mine has sufferd the same fate in one form or another.
    Yes,five years of age was when I first realized I had an attraction to diapers,not old enough to know better, I was spanked and scoulded and sent to my room. From that point on I would try to steal any diapers I could from other kids that they where watching or, make my own make-shift diapers out of towels and trashbags. Emotions of confusion and and anger ran though my head as the 3 forms of abuse continued through the years . I thought I was a freak! I thought that was why I was put on this earth, to go though this abuse and to be afflicted with a freakish behavior of being so so attracted to diapers. I used to try to watch all the diaper commercials and magazine articles, steal diapers every chance I could. I used to tape them on with any tape I could find, or just stuff them in my pants.
    So being abused sexually mentally and physically wasn't bad enough, I felt like I should have never been born. I've even tried throwing my diaper stash in the dumpster and going back to wearing diapers one week then to no avail.
    I can remember sneaking out of my uncles house at 2:00am, or 3:00am, just to wear my diapers and enjoy the feeling of the plastic-backed diapers. The baby scent was like heaven to me wanting to regress to a time where emotions didn't hurt as bad and innoscence was bliss.
    So this stayed my comfort zone for many years and, the abuse followed right beside all the anger, confusion, and self worth came down as a result. When I reached adolescence I felt I was doomed with being a freak,being tired of the abuse its no wonder my self esteam was very poor ,depression and anger filled my life.
    I never had any girlfriends or true friends from kindergarden all throuh highschool. especially in highschool ,where both aunt and uncle worked at the same school I went to. My diapers where my only souce of comfort and security!
    I moved out of my aunt and uncles house at the age of 17. I've been struggling my whole life trying to prove to myself I am a way better person than they ever gave me credit for.
    So I turn 19 and find out my biological parents also had a hand in the abuse of me, and my sisters, when we where infants.
    my life was not the greatest I know there are other people who have had it worse than I did but, i've always kept my faith in god to pull me through and, my diapers to be my way of releasing tension,anxiety and to be my security blanket.

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