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Thread: Change in orientation, possibly

  1. #1

    Default Change in orientation, possibly


    For a long time I've considered myself largely asexual. I've had sexual encounters several times (I won't go into detail on that.) Regardless of how these encounters went down, I never really felt satisfied, not because of the fact that the sex was bad.. but it just didn't feel like it was for me. Read this next paragraph at your own risk, triggers present for some individuals.
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    I don't know if I was originally asexual or it was something that was caused by abuse of the sexual kind that I endured, which is also why I think I'm an ab, I won't go into detail on what all happened.. but what happened then has made sexual acts sort of traumatizing in the memories they bring up. Anyways... seeing females clothed or not has never really done anything for me. But recently that hasn't been the case. I would have just discussed this with someone but I don't really talk to anyone on this forum on a regular basis. I have a girlfriend currently and I haven't brought this up yet because I wanted to see where it went.

    All of this has been a part of me since I was 6, that's when the abuse ended. When you are at that age it is said that you develop things like fetishes and so on, so I was curious as to whether or not my asexuality is because of that or just because of the fact that I was abused. I'm certainly not getting on here and telling all of you this with the expectation of "Hey.. it's all going to be okay," or any response like that. I figured someone might have had similar experience and even if you didn't you might be able to provide some sort of insight.

    I'm not hardcore asexual by any means, I enjoy showing affection to my girlfriend.. it is just when things turn to sex things often turn grey shall we say.

    Sorry for such a long post, I left everything out that I could.

    SoHMara/Wolfies

  2. #2

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    I'm afraid I can't give much advise on the abuse part, but I can give advise as someone whom (for religious reasons) has not partaken in sexual acts for a number of years now and also has a slightly similar significant other. My boyfriend, due to his very very conservative upbringing, at one point also considered himself more asexual just due to his "sex is gross" upbringing, so my opinion and advise is steming from this experience.

    If you think see is "the one" then no harm (and actually better) to just wait till marriage. If you haven't told her about your past experiences in this area, I would suggest doing so, when you are ready, not only so that she can know and understand why you react differently, but also so that you can come more to terms with it through confessing it and it will grow the two of you closer together by sharing this secret. I would also suggest taking it slow when things do progress to physical intimacy and keeping an open communication with your girlfriend throughout in saying when you are comfortable with something and when something is too much. There is nothing wrong with just cuddling of course . does she know about your little side? If so, maybe introduce more physical intimacy while diapered if that is more comfortable to you... If you haven't told her, I would suggest also telling her of this if you think she can handle it... That's how I got into ADISC in the first place .

    PM me if you want to share more, maybe I will have more specific advise.

  3. #3

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    I consider myself grey asexual. I desire male companionship but really am not turned on by the male body. Sometimes I wonder if this is simply because I have always been largely isolated from people, in fact I don't think I've ever seen male genitalia in person.

    I used to think I was straight, until I realized that I just didn't get the same feelings from other people that I do from my kinks.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by KimbaStarshine View Post
    I consider myself grey asexual. I desire male companionship but really am not turned on by the male body. Sometimes I wonder if this is simply because I have always been largely isolated from people, in fact I don't think I've ever seen male genitalia in person.

    I used to think I was straight, until I realized that I just didn't get the same feelings from other people that I do from my kinks.

    I think this pretty much sums it up for me. Sexual fluidity is a normal part of life whether people want to admit it or not.

  5. #5

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    Though I'm not trained in psychology, I think it's reasonable to believe that being sexually abused at such a young age could impact on how you feel sexually as an adult. I was abused as a child, more physically than sexually, but also sexually to a lesser extent, by other boys who were a little older than I was at the time. It does influence how we feel about others, sexually and in other ways.

    I think you got great advise from TheOtherNinja, and I don't believe I can add much to that. Just take it one day at a time, and let time and experience smooth the experience out for you.

  6. #6

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    Yea, she knows. And I try to mostly just keep it to myself, because some of the details and things I've left out are not the kind of thing any person wants to hear about. So I just keep it to myself. I'm just kind of trying to see where this goes before I consider getting my girlfriend excited over what can possibly be nothing.

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