I don't even know how to start this out. I feel like such an inconvenience, or maybe a cover for who my husband is and what life he wants to lead. I guess I'll start out with I have no issues whatsoever with my husband being an AB. I'll admit, it gets overwhelming at times because it seems like there is no more relationship time, it all baby time for him these days. I've given him all the support and acceptance that I can and that I am capable of. I don't mind him dressing as a baby, or even his paci (which was a hard thing for me to come to terms with), and I don't mind that he uses a forum room to talk with the other AB people as he needs someone to connect with and I haven't the faintest on how to connect with him on this level. Anyway none of this is a problem for me.
He has taken things real world with his AB friends and lied to me about it. He went on a business trip last week and met up with someone he considers his "little boy". He told me after the fact and I could tell he was nervous to tell me but then over shared. He told me that he loves me and our daughter BUT he loves this guy in a parental way. I have made clear to him that the one and only boundary I have is that there will be absolutely NO baby/daddy play with anyone in a real life setting. Fast forward to last night he was video chatting with his "baby brother" about coming to spend time with him while he is on a business trip next month. I have never in our 7 years of marriage looked through his phone, but I feel like I'm being lied to without a shred of thought to how his actions are going to affect our lives as partners. I'm devastated. He is planning to go spend baby time with his "brother" and "daddy" and is "so excited to be babied by daddy". He had text about how his daddy is going to be 3 hours away from our house this weekend and that he was going to make something up to his wife to go have baby time with him.
I just cannot wrap my head around his need to cross the one boundary I have and for him to act as if it's no big deal to lie about it. I don't even know what it is that I'm looking for here. I guess to just let it out. I don't know how to bring this up to him, I already feel like a total ass for looking through his phone but I'm so fed up with being lied to. It hurts and after all we've been through I feel like I deserve the truth. Help!!