Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: Boyfriend is a dl..

  1. #1

    Default Boyfriend is a dl..

    Hi, everyone. My boyfriend of 15 months just revealed to me that he wears diapers when he's alone at his house. He likes peeing in them, even tried pooping but claims it's not for him. To substitute, he uses oatmeal. This was soon after he told me that he also liked me ordering him around, even humiliating him. Bdsm stuff where I can be his domme.

    I can't help but feel extremely betrayed and confused. Even though we've only met once and that too in the beginning, I thought I knew him. We have always been so open about everything, talking on the phone for hours on end. I loved how we could talk about anything. He said he did too. I love him with all my heart. I know he loves me more than anything too. I just don't know how I can come to terms with this. He only told me this 3 days ago.

    I want to support him, I really wish I could. I'm all for playing. We did domme/sub stuff over the phone before the diaper thing. But even that as a lifestyle freaks me out. So I don't wanna do anything in case he likes it too much and it's something I can't handle. I've read everywhere that stuff like this doesn't go away. I don't expect it too either. Just fear that I might not be able to do what he wants or be what he needs.

    It just hurts to imagine that a man I thought I knew completely was wearing diapers while we'd talk on the phone. Or that he would masturbate thinking of me in that specific role. To be clear, it's all sexual for him. He doesn't want to act like a baby normally but he has worn them in public.

    He is my bestfriend. And he means so much to me but I can't get over the fact that he hid it from me for so long. I believed I had met my one. I know it's a little early but I was all ready to marry and settle down with him. Am I a bad person for being scared and not accepting it as readily?

  2. #2
    Littlemonkey

    Default

    I know it may seem a disappointment to you that he never told you about his diapers because you were both so open but if you really think about it, would you have told him about your diapers? Imagine what was going through his mind. It takes a lot for someone to come out like this but it just means his hearts completely with you now. The best thing to do to support him is to not bad talk his diapers and to give him a chance. His diapers probably aren't going anywhere but I'm unsure of that because he is a diaper lover and I'm an AB but if they really bother you in a few months time then I suggest you move on.

  3. #3

    Default

    Oatmeal?! Is he crazy?!

    But I digress

    I may be a little blunt in this, but it's for you two's own good.

    How 'open' are you two? Even the most open of relationships can have deep secrets that either person is uncomfortable sharing with each other right away. There are just some things you shouldn't tell the other person, no matter how open the relationship, until you've built up a decent amount of trust between each other. I'm sure that even you have some sort of secret that you've been dying to tell him, but not sure if you should.

    You mentioned that you two did some 'stuff' before he told you, and I assume that this was his way of trying to break the ice to you. Did you ever mention to him beforehand that it made you feel uncomfortable about it? You've been together for a year and 15 months, so surely you must've had some sort of conversation that led in this direction during this time.

    This behavior should be expected from any guy, diaper lover or not. It's completely normal for a guy to like a girl in that way; it's nature taking its natural course.

    What needs to happen from you, is to sit down with him and discuss this with him a little further. It's okay to be scared and question it, but don't get upset with him. Try to understand where he is coming from. Ask him general questions about it. A relationship is give and take. You're not better than him and he isn't better than you, but there are going to be things that your good at and things that he's good at. And if when you get married, you belong to him and he belongs to you. This is the perfect time to learn how to take a rough situation and work it out with each other. Learn each others strengths and weaknesses so that you can build each other up, working together to make a possible future marriage strong. In life, you can't just bail out when the going gets tough, so you have to use these opportunities to fix mistakes and get more mature about things. This is just one rough spot and there are going to be more. The marriage isn't going to be perfect; no marriage is.

    I wish you all the best Malissa

  4. #4

    Default



    I know it may seem a disappointment to you that he never told you about his diapers because you were both so open but if you really think about it, would you have told him about your diapers? Imagine what was going through his mind. It takes a lot for someone to come out like this but it just means his hearts completely with you now. The best thing to do to support him is to not bad talk his diapers and to give him a chance. His diapers probably aren't going anywhere but I'm unsure of that because he is a diaper lover and I'm an AB but if they really bother you in a few months time then I suggest you move on.
    This. Also, don't worry about it being overwhelming, usually the guys that you see that take it to the extreme are AB's, because it's also emotional for them and some can't handle it. Being a diaper lover doesn't mean he wears 24/7, though it can happen. He must trust you a whole lot to have come out like this to you. Just rest on it for a few days

  5. #5

    Default

    I understand that you are shocked. In my case coming out before my BF was a long proces.At some point i realized that i respect my SO so much that i can't hide anything from him. I was thinking about my relationship in very long terms, so chance that my SO will find out about that side of my life was growing higher. I decided that it will be beter for my SO when i honestly inform him about my and my diaper stuf. Comming out was for me mater of respect for my SO , and for my self.
    After coming out, we talk alot about my diaper related urges, and it come out that my BF don't want to be involved in it, but he will accept me wearing diapers around our home. So i respect his Will, and we are living in perfect harmony. When i wan't to try something new for example sleeping in diaper i ask him if he is okay with that and respect his opinion even if it's negative.

    So if both sides will respect each other, and agree about respect and set boundaries you will propobly build beautyfull and longlasting relationship.
    Best wishes
    MrPolite

  6. #6

    Default

    I know. He almost had a panic attack before telling me. I don't want to end it. I guess I just needed to be able to talk about it with somebody other than him and someone who understood. When we're talking about it, it's just that both of us want to be comforted and neither of us can really do anything. I just couldn't relate to him as to why telling me was such a big deal and why it took him so long. I'm the first person he has come out to, no less.

    - - - Updated - - -

    You mentioned that you two did some 'stuff' before he told you, and I assume that this was his way of trying to break the ice to you. Did you ever mention to him beforehand that it made you feel uncomfortable about it? You've been together for a year and 15 months, so surely you must've had some sort of conversation that led in this direction during this time.

    This behavior should be expected from any guy, diaper lover or not. It's completely normal for a guy to like a girl in that way; it's nature taking its natural course.

    What needs to happen from you, is to sit down with him and discuss this with him a little further. It's okay to be scared and question it, but don't get upset with him. Try to understand where he is coming from. Ask him general questions about it. A relationship is give and take. You're not better than him and he isn't better than you, but there are going to be things that your good at and things that he's good at. And if when you get married, you belong to him and he belongs to you. This is the perfect time to learn how to take a rough situation and work it out with each other. Learn each others strengths and weaknesses so that you can build each other up, working together to make a possible future marriage strong. In life, you can't just bail out when the going gets tough, so you have to use these opportunities to fix mistakes and get more mature about things. This is just one rough spot and there are going to be more. The marriage isn't going to be perfect; no marriage is.

    We did talk a lot about different fetishes. And sometimes he'd ask me if I'd be weirded out if he was a furry or something. I just thought we were kidding around. Guess I've been too blind myself. I just don't know anyone with any fetishes that I know of. I just never thought of having to deal with them first hand either.

    I guess I just have to grow up and realise everything is not perfect. It sure seemed perfect up till now. But I do have to take some responsibility if I want him in my life. This is a nice wake-up call, I guess.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by SomethingNotTooDark View Post
    This. Also, don't worry about it being overwhelming, usually the guys that you see that take it to the extreme are AB's, because it's also emotional for them and some can't handle it. Being a diaper lover doesn't mean he wears 24/7, though it can happen. He must trust you a whole lot to have come out like this to you. Just rest on it for a few days
    He does and I just feel bad for making him feel bad for something he can't control. He doesn't need to do it 24/7. Just every now and then. It just feels like such a big journey that I was not part of. I hope I can overcome that feeling soon and start to accept him for who he is.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by MrPolite View Post
    After coming out, we talk alot about my diaper related urges, and it come out that my BF don't want to be involved in it, but he will accept me wearing diapers around our home. So i respect his Will, and we are living in perfect harmony. When i wan't to try something new for example sleeping in diaper i ask him if he is okay with that and respect his opinion even if it's negative.

    So if both sides will respect each other, and agree about respect and set boundaries you will propobly build beautyfull and longlasting relationship.
    Best wishes
    MrPolite

    I just don't want him to feel like he can't be himself even though I probably don't want to be involved in it right away. I guess we just have to move up. Create boundaries and know what we're okay with. I'm glad it worked out for you

  7. #7

    Default

    Hi Malisaa. This must have been really hard for you, but you should be very happy that he has told you. I only recently told my wife and we have been together for 15 years. She was also shocked and hurt, but loves me dearly. It is extremely difficult to tell somebody and you have to trust them implicitly to be able to do so. I hid it and buried my DL and AB feelings for many years instead.

    My wife also found it overwhelming and hurtful, but slowly came to terms with it. You can let your BF carry on with this if you set boundaries. One of those can easily be that he does it when you're not around, it is enough sometimes to know that somebody accepts you for who you are and does not judge you so lets you carry on with your fetish in private. You may eventually want to do more, but you also may never do.

    There are various threads from partners of AB/DL's on here and you can find some good advice if you look around. Please don't worry about being scared and not accepting it readily, the fact you are on here proves that you are starting to accept already and are trying to help him by finding out more. I promise that it will become less scary over time. Good luck and feel free to turn to anybody on here for support, that is what this group is for.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Malissa
    He is my bestfriend. And he means so much to me but I can't get over the fact that he hid it from me for so long. I believed I had met my one. I know it's a little early but I was all ready to marry and settle down with him. Am I a bad person for being scared and not accepting it as readily?
    You are not a bad person even if you didn't accept it, nor wanted to accept it. For some it can be a real deal breaker. Sexual tastes and needs can be a very big and important thing in a relationship. Your reaction is perfectly normal to be frank.



    I want to support him, I really wish I could. I'm all for playing. We did domme/sub stuff over the phone before the diaper thing. But even that as a lifestyle freaks me out. So I don't wanna do anything in case he likes it too much and it's something I can't handle. I've read everywhere that stuff like this doesn't go away. I don't expect it too either. Just fear that I might not be able to do what he wants or be what he needs.


    I just don't want him to feel like he can't be himself even though I probably don't want to be involved in it right away. I guess we just have to move up. Create boundaries and know what we're okay with.
    Be brutally honest with yourself what you will and will not do for another person in this matter. Don't feel obligated to do so only to please your partner when you yourself don't like it (breeds resentment). He shouldn't expect that you will engage with him either. You can be accepting, but not willing to engage with it.

    Don't take it too much to heart, especially after only dating him for a year (and seeing him once in person) that this wasn't disclosed from the start. Yes it's upsetting, I understand that, but these things are often hard to disclose to partners especially if they seem to have no idea what they plan on doing with it (the sole fact he brought it up casually as hypothetical suggests this). Unfortunately the kicker is it can be bad news for everyone involved in the aftermath. Be careful though of his expectations of what you are willing to do, that's all I can say. I'd ask him that directly and for him to be clear on it.

    My partner has more kinks than I can count with my two hands, so I really have no other advice in this case.

    I just wanted to be clear that you are not a bad person if you want nothing to do with this. If you have read anywhere already anyone suggesting otherwise..they have no idea how the world works. I also want to be clear that you have to be brutally honest with yourself about it. It's just one of those deals unfortunately.

    We'd be very happy to answer any other questions should you have them, as you can see by the wonderful responses by the other members here, we're more than well equipped.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Malisaa View Post
    I can't help but feel extremely betrayed and confused. Even though we've only met once and that too in the beginning, I thought I knew him. We have always been so open about everything, talking on the phone for hours on end. I loved how we could talk about anything. He said he did too. I love him with all my heart. I know he loves me more than anything too. I just don't know how I can come to terms with this. He only told me this 3 days ago.

    I want to support him, I really wish I could. I'm all for playing. We did domme/sub stuff over the phone before the diaper thing. But even that as a lifestyle freaks me out. So I don't wanna do anything in case he likes it too much and it's something I can't handle. I've read everywhere that stuff like this doesn't go away. I don't expect it too either. Just fear that I might not be able to do what he wants or be what he needs.

    He is my bestfriend. And he means so much to me but I can't get over the fact that he hid it from me for so long. I believed I had met my one. I know it's a little early but I was all ready to marry and settle down with him. Am I a bad person for being scared and not accepting it as readily?
    First thoughts of mine. 15 months is a long time of knowing each other, and probably long enough to have already revealed to your special someone about your little side by now. However, you have to give him credit for telling you before you two decided and got married or something of that nature. I have heard of that happening quite a bit, and know of one couple in particular that have a very struggling relationship and i think part of it is, because she doesn't know who this guy is really. So, kudos to your boy friend for having the guts to at least tell you.

    If it was me, i'd probably have done it sooner, especially when you have indicated that you are very open with each other, but no matter how open you are with each other, the first few times of telling somebody that you like to wear diapers is really really hard. Its one of those things that has social stigmas and you know it is stupid, but it is also really important, and you don't want to look like an idiot, a weirdo, a psycho, or misconstrued as a pedophile. You also don't want to loose the special person that you have built a relationship with.
    Its a difficult line to decide, do i tell my girlfriend early, so there are no secrets, and it is out of the way, but seriously risk her dumping me because she knows so little about me except that i'm an odd-ball. Or do i wait for a while until she gets to know me well enough to appreciate all of my qualities and then tell her something that she might get mad at me for not telling her earlier, at which point she isn't sure weather she really knows me as well as she does.
    Its a hard thing to measure what is the best method, or at what point in between. So I hope you can understand that.

    If you want to support him, two things...treat him as the dom that you already have, that seems to work well, or more basically, treat him pretty much the same as you have before you knew. Secondly, read "There's a baby in my bed," a book you can find on amazon, very well written, and will pretty much in detail help you understand how his brain works in relation to this new thing.

    Are you a bad person for being scared about this? No, I think the only bad choices you can make about this is one: attempting to change who he is, two: being angry at him for being this way(you can be angry at his timing if you like), three: Ignoring your hesitations.
    If this is something that you know you can't handle, then it might not be for you to handle. That doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that you have some choices to make.
    -Can we still be in a relationship and he can wear diapers and such in private?
    -Is this something that i think i can get over after a while?
    -Maybe we should break up.

    If you get in a relationship with somebody who has something about them that you hate, then it is the wrong thing to marry them. You could end up raising kids in a home where you argue with your partner about stupid crap, because you hate something about them. Its not worth it.
    You have to accept that you have specifics that must be met for your relationship to work, and if him never wearing diapers or thinking sexual thoughts about wearing diapers is a specific for a NOT. Then I nor anybody else cant blame you for breaking it off, it is the wise choice, and one day both of you will find somebody that fits your needs.

    So to reiterate, no you are not a bad person for having a hard time accepting, just don't make bad choices about it.
    In truth though, it is a hard thing to accept and understand, only having a few days to think about it is not enough time to really make a wise decision on if it is a big enough problem to break a relationship over.

    Now i will get off my soap box and read the rest of the posts, i hope i didn't tell you a bunch of stuff that was already said.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Malisaa View Post
    I know. He almost had a panic attack before telling me. I don't want to end it. I guess I just needed to be able to talk about it with somebody other than him and someone who understood. When we're talking about it, it's just that both of us want to be comforted and neither of us can really do anything. I just couldn't relate to him as to why telling me was such a big deal and why it took him so long. I'm the first person he has come out to, no less.

    I just don't want him to feel like he can't be himself even though I probably don't want to be involved in it right away. I guess we just have to move up. Create boundaries and know what we're okay with. I'm glad it worked out for you
    Telling anybody for the first time is really really really hard. Partially because, for the most part, most people doesn't even know it exists. There is no way for him to reference past experience to use as a way to tell it to you in an easy and simple manner. My first experience I didn't know if i should say "i'm an infantilist", "i like diapers," "i like babyish things," or "i'm an adult baby." The first words are the worst, because none of them completely describe the thing as a whole. (Personally, i think it is best to just say "I'm an adult baby" and then work from there). Anyway, personal experience of telling people makes it easier, but till then, you feel like you are choking every time you are about ready to say to somebody your first few words of what you want to tell. My first five or so times I started with "I want to tell you something" and then sat for a few minutes in agony, and then just texted it to them.

    I'm glad that you want him to feel like he can be himself, that is a good aspiration. My suggestion, is, give things a shot, let him try something that you don't absolutely dislike, and then after the first or second time, tell him weather you don't want to be a part of that particular thing any more or not. Read that book and you can get an idea of what i'm talking about. Try little things, maybe he wants to drink a bottle from you, try feeding him a bottle once or twice. Other things could include, sleeping in a diaper, cuddling with you in a diaper(pants or no pants), breast feeding, you joining him in wearing a diaper.
    There is a whole slew of things that could be little hopes in his mind that he wishes you might participate with him in some day. Some of them you will know right off the bat that you do not like, let him know that. Others you might be like "ehhughghg." Well maybe it weird's you out, but who knows, maybe in the end you will actually like it. Its like eating something you have never tried before. There have been plenty of couples that i have heard of, where the non-ab partner figures out that this particular secret seems to make their relationship way more special because they have something fun that nobody else knows about that they can share.

    I'm sure you will be able to figure it out. It will just take time and experimenting, and in the end, maybe its not the right thing for you, maybe you are not even the right people for each other, or maybe, you can become two people who know every single facet of the others life, mind, personality, hopes, dreams, and whatever else people dream of having in a relationship, but often don't have because they are too afraid to take risks in sharing their inner-most thoughts and feelings.

  10. #10

    Default

    Malisaa, thanks a ton for coming here to discuss the issue. There's some great advice in this thread, and I hope that both you and your boyfriend are getting the support you need to work out the issue.

    From your post and especially your second reply, it sounds to me as though you like your boyfriend, but you really don't like the diaper thing. You said

    I guess I just have to grow up and realise everything is not perfect. It sure seemed perfect up till now. But I do have to take some responsibility if I want him in my life. This is a nice wake-up call, I guess.
    It's important that you think about both sides of that. You're right that, unfortunately, things in life aren't going to be perfect. So your job is to figure out what's important to you: your limits as to what kinds of activities you are and are not willing to participate in. Some things, including age play or the idea of going in diapers, just creep some people out, and if they're not for you, you need to make that clear. On the other hand, maybe after you get some time to think through all this stuff, you'll find that you're willing to try some new stuff and maybe you'll end up enjoying it. That's up to you. Once you've made your position clear, it's up to you and your boyfriend talking together to figure out whether a relationship can continue on terms that make both of you happy. Maybe it can, maybe it can't. I wish you all the best in trying to make it happen.

    One thing I will say about the reveal is that telling you at all was probably really, really hard for your boyfriend. Liking to wear diapers is unusual enough that almost all of us here have built up pretty major hangups about it. The first time I told a friend, I got the shakes through my entire body and I had to dance around the topic for a long time before I could come out and say it. It's just really really hard to talk about for many of us because everyone worries that they'll be judged just on this one thing and their friends and loved ones will forget about everything else. Building up the confidence to handle discussing a sexual kink like diapers is something that takes time. If you're willing, it might even be something that you can help your boyfriend with: if he gets comfortable talking about diapers around you, within your acceptable limits, it will help him be more confident with others, regardless of how your relationship works out long term.

    Again, let me wish the two of you all the best.

Similar Threads

  1. Need help for my boyfriend.
    By livekru101 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 20-Jan-2013, 02:03
  2. Why did my boyfriend do this?
    By memorychick in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 19-Dec-2012, 07:09
  3. Boyfriend...
    By jetemanque in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 21-Jul-2011, 15:21
  4. Should I tell my boyfriend...?
    By daemon999 in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 15-Jul-2011, 23:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.