Hi, everyone. My boyfriend of 15 months just revealed to me that he wears diapers when he's alone at his house. He likes peeing in them, even tried pooping but claims it's not for him. To substitute, he uses oatmeal. This was soon after he told me that he also liked me ordering him around, even humiliating him. Bdsm stuff where I can be his domme.
I can't help but feel extremely betrayed and confused. Even though we've only met once and that too in the beginning, I thought I knew him. We have always been so open about everything, talking on the phone for hours on end. I loved how we could talk about anything. He said he did too. I love him with all my heart. I know he loves me more than anything too. I just don't know how I can come to terms with this. He only told me this 3 days ago.
I want to support him, I really wish I could. I'm all for playing. We did domme/sub stuff over the phone before the diaper thing. But even that as a lifestyle freaks me out. So I don't wanna do anything in case he likes it too much and it's something I can't handle. I've read everywhere that stuff like this doesn't go away. I don't expect it too either. Just fear that I might not be able to do what he wants or be what he needs.
It just hurts to imagine that a man I thought I knew completely was wearing diapers while we'd talk on the phone. Or that he would masturbate thinking of me in that specific role. To be clear, it's all sexual for him. He doesn't want to act like a baby normally but he has worn them in public.
He is my bestfriend. And he means so much to me but I can't get over the fact that he hid it from me for so long. I believed I had met my one. I know it's a little early but I was all ready to marry and settle down with him. Am I a bad person for being scared and not accepting it as readily?