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Thread: Questions about male-to-female sex-reassignment surgry

  1. #1

    Default Questions about male-to-female sex-reassignment surgry

    I have mentioned in my intro that I am a future transsexual, and throughout my teens and here into my twentieth year I have felt the need to transition. I always felt more girly than most of the boys in town, but I grew up in a small town in Wes' Virginie where even the thought of wanting to transition is taboo. Constantly hiding my feminine side takes its toll on me day-by-day, but I always manage to survive it without sinking too down low. Out of all of the transgendered/DL forums I have been in I never quite garnered the courage to ask any fellow transsexuals about the ups/downs/do's/don'ts that go with the most important transition. This one is for post-ops. and I do apologize if any of these questions are too personal.

    Question 1:
    I already know the surgery is painful, but how is it after the full recovery period has passed?

    Question 2:
    What hardships did/will you have to face with family and friends once the transition happens? (If you are comfortable sharing. If not, then do not answer. The last thing I desire to do is open old wounds.)

    Question 3: Do you regret the transition? If so, then what are your reasons?

    Question 4: Did anything go wrong during any of the procedures that go with the transition? (I.E. Vaginoplasty/breast implants/Adam's apple shaving).

    Question 5: What emotional changes occurred during the hormone replacement?

    Question 6: Would you encourage or discourage me from pursuing this goal? Note in mind that my expectations are quite down to Earth and not at all unrealistic. I am aware of the complications that come with it.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    "..."..."..."

    Question 6: Would you encourage or discourage me from pursuing this goal? Note in mind that my expectations are quite down to Earth and not at all unrealistic. I am aware of the complications that come with it.
    I can't really answer your questions in full, as I am a non-transitioning trans...

    As with any surgery, any number of complications can come from it...during or after... that's a risk of surgery that has to be weighed with the intended benefits...

    As far as encouraging or discouraging you from this... well, theoretically... you shouldn't be able to be influenced either way...when everyone else goes home...it's all on you to decide for yourself... because it will only be you who is the most affected...

    Myself...transitioning is really not a viable option, as I have enough other heath issues...and have found ways to cope without even doing HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)... If I won the lottery, I would do the body hair removal though...

    I have a friend here who is undergoing the HRT, and she feels much better... and more as she believes and feels she should be...

    I have another friend here, who is a post-op pioneer...

    Any one or all of us will likely support you in your decisions, and in navigating the family and friends... each of us will have our own perspectives to share too...

    I'm one to say... be the best you there is, because you are the only you there is...

    I'm from a small town too and as much as I'd like to offer you some cultural expansion (living other places)... transitioning to post op (depending on your features) may be better done sooner rather than later... with the reminder that once surgery has begun...there's not much turning back...

    It's no trivial undertaking...

    And a belated Welcome to ADISC!

    My sisters should be along shortly, to add their thoughts and experience...

    Best of wishes to you, SkyeWayAvenue!
    -Marka

  3. #3

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    hello Skye....
    your questions take me back a lot of years.... back before i had come-out of the closet and committed myself to the real work of transition. in my mind of course, i knew just what i was; this having come into sharper and sharper focus during the years of my youth..... just as i am sure it has for you even now.

    but knowing what my mind was telling me that i was, and finding a way to give birth to some reality in which the vision in my mind could become living reality..... well, that is the trick isn't it.

    to be honest, Skye;
    many more folks than you might imagine feel as you apparently do. both 30 years ago and today. the only difference between all the way back then when i came out, and today when you are contemplating coming out.... is that many more people have the requisite family and or community support system availability that was non-existent 30 years ago. there is also the question of legal-rights and protections that many states and even the federal government in some situations have afforded the LGBT community as a whole, and transexuals in particular. another thing that was un-emangenable a short 30 years ago. then there are the Doctor's to treat our HRT.... and Doctor's to do the SRS....

    all of these things have come so far in so short a time.... well all but one....
    i have in my time asked question's like yours of two of my elder Sister's here in the North-West. o had to write them both by mail back then.... what they said to me set me back on my heals because i didn't understand what i was asking.... but they did. and as i matured in my new role and left the closet behind as they both advised me to do, i slowly discovered a small community of folks in and around my home-town who were trying to do what i was doing. so we all got to know each other in person, and while doing so we each learned the answers to these questions, and many more, as a grew together. we became each others mentors.....

    i have a couple of sister's here in ADISC too.... and after a long period of us getting to know and trust each other, we too have talked intimately and privately about such question's as your's, Skye....
    but we all live in different parts of the Country, and so all of them have done on their own just as i once did.... they each, my Sister's who are in or thinking of transition, seek out and join support-groups in their own communities.

    transition, if that is the road that you choose, is very hard and often long.
    the very best way to test the waters of this road, if that is what you are doing, is to go and find a transgender support group in your area that meets regularly, attend that group and make all the friends that you can for the long road.

    in the mean time, stick around here and make yourself known. and get to know others. it can't hurt.

    good luck;
    lodge wrecker.....

  4. #4

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    I thank you both for the insightful replies, and while it doesn't give me any information on how the actual surgery feels both of you did offer your best insights, which I have taken into consideration. I do not think this thread will go too far in terms of more information, but in the end I will always have my padded brothers and sisters here to count on when I am feeling in need of guidance. Nothing says credible information like personal experience from someone who went through it all.

    Again, I thank you both. <3

  5. #5

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    I've not had GRS either, but I can point you towards a few 'diaries' and 'ask me anything's from some people who have gone through with that surgery. [here] and [here] are diaries, [here] is an AMA from a post-op girl, [another thread], [and another], [another diary], and [here's just the search results on /r/asktransgender for 'post-op'].

    Sorry that I can't offer a more personal opinion, but I've not had surgery and won't for a while, and reading things like what I posted make me terribly depressed. I think you'll find /r/asktrangeder can be a pretty good resource if you do some searching, and of course feel free to make your own thread there with these questions. Most post-op people usually move on from hanging out with other trans people, though, so it can be hard to find a bunch of them in the same place, who are also willing to talk about their experiences.

  6. #6

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    If only it was painless, cheap, quick, safe!

    I might consider it then. Till then, seems so much! but I am more lg asexual than anything else. Find yourself! Then the rest will come!

  7. #7

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    Hi, Skye,

    First of all, welcome. I think you'll find here a community of people whom you can easily speak with and who accept you readily. While I think there are a lot more non-op TS and other varieties of TG around here than those of us who have gone through (or will go through) surgery, there are also many--here and elsewhere--for whom surgery is the only possible route. You have to determine for yourself if that is the case for you. It is difficult and (unless your insurance covers it, which more are doing but it is still quite rare) bloody expensive and, yes, painful, so you really should need it as well as want it. That was certainly the case with me and has been with everyone I know who has gone through with GRS...in either direction.

    You asked some very specific and personal questions. I will answer them specifically and honestly because I have never shied away from helping a young T* in search of answers.



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 1:
    I already know the surgery is painful, but how is it after the full recovery period has passed?
    This one is easy. Just like any other surgery, there is obviously a significant recovery period. It will vary depending on a lot of things, but mostly on how many procedures you have done simultaneously. In any case, however, once things heal, they are healed. There is no residual pain or sensitivity you don't want. (I phrase it that way because there is, of course, the kind of sensitivity you do want...)



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 2:
    What hardships did/will you have to face with family and friends once the transition happens? (If you are comfortable sharing. If not, then do not answer. The last thing I desire to do is open old wounds.)
    This one is definitely going to vary from individual to individual. My former brother-in-law is FTM; he lost his entire birth family and gained a completely new one through marriage. It turned out to be an excellent trade. I know many people who have had no losses whatsoever. I transitioned with a woman from Quaker country in PA whose entire family turned against her. She developed a virulent form of cancer shortly after surgery and ended up dying with only friends in attendance despite living in the same town as all of her family. In my own case, I lost a good relationship with my father, which turned into a non-relationship for many years and is now a weird relationship in which, when we are together, he seems to act as if absolutely nothing is any different from what it has always been. My father is an odd man. I gained a much tighter bond with my mother and two of my sisters, who has been slipping away over time. I lost one sister for a time over her irrational fears about her children; these have faded away. My brothers are both fine, though my younger brother, once my best friend among my sibs, actually disinvited me from his wedding because he feared that if I were there it would "become about (me)"; he may have been partially right--it was only a couple of years after my transition and few relatives and friends had seen me yet--but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. So, bottom line: I'd say it is likely there will be issues. You will have to be thick-skinned not to shed many tears. You'll need a shoulder to cry on.



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 3: Do you regret the transition? If so, then what are your reasons?
    Not even for a second. I recall being in Montreal awaiting surgery and having someone ask a similar question: do you have any second thoughts? My answer was heck no! How could I have any doubts about something I'd wanted and needed for forty years?



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 4: Did anything go wrong during any of the procedures that go with the transition? (I.E. Vaginoplasty/breast implants/Adam's apple shaving).
    No.



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 5: What emotional changes occurred during the hormone replacement?
    The best kind. From almost the very first doses, my brain came alive. It was as if it was finally getting the right food after all of those years on the wrong stuff. The universe changed; everything clicked into place. And then, as I started getting used to that sense of rightness and the euphoric feeling that accompanied it, I suddenly started going through puberty. At 40. Alongside my 13-year-old, who was also going through it. So breasts were growing and emotions were swinging wildly and I was basically acting like a 13-year-old girl. Thank goodness I possessed somewhat more intellect than the average 13-year-old girl does. :-)



    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeWayAvenue View Post
    Question 6: Would you encourage or discourage me from pursuing this goal? Note in mind that my expectations are quite down to Earth and not at all unrealistic. I am aware of the complications that come with it.
    I would do neither. It is a completely personal decision. All I will say is this: if it is a goal that you truly desire, don't wait until 40 as I did. You live in a much better and more accepting era than I did. If I were growing up now, I'd certainly try to transition as a child. Everything does have its complications, but for me the complications of not acting on an overwhelming need are far worse than any that accompany acting.

    Good luck!

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