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Thread: Advice for a new chapter of my life.

  1. #1

    Default Advice for a new chapter of my life.

    Hello Adisc. I know I'm not as active as I used to be, but I still lurk about our dear site. However I need to poke my head out of the shadows, and ask for advice.

    A little over a month ago I had two online friends come out, and admit things to me. They told me they were gay (Which I already knew because of a bad secret keeper), and that they were furries. This part was a bit surprising but interesting to know considering I am one as well. Then my world changed when they said they both think I am cute.

    Now I've never even dated before. I drifted though high school like a shadow to avoid prying eyes. However now I have two friends flirting with me though Skype every day...and I'm enjoying it. For a while I was really out of sorts with my emotions but I've finally realized how I feel. I love them both dearly. Now I will point out I have a boy friend, and I've told him about this pair. He's quite ok with them as long as I still love him too.

    What I need advice on is I've been invited to come up to their town for a week to visit, game, and have fun. Before anyone says anything I'm fairly certain they have no ill intentions for me. I've met them both IRL at several gaming conventions before they told me the truth. I fully intend to go see them, but I'm not sure what to do once I'm there.

    Both have said they will respect my boundaries of what I do and don't want to do. At the same time one has said he'd do anything with me including sex. The other isn't exactly sure about having sex but he said he's not opposed to the idea either. This is where my problem comes in.

    I've never dated before. My BF is from a long distance relationship. I would like ideas and suggestions as to what to do once I get there. Just no ABDL suggestions. They know about my fetishes and accept them but it's just not there thing other than caretaker cuddling.

    I'm curious to see the responses I'll get to this, and if anyone has any questions feel free to ask, and I'll answer as best I can. Also if this is inappropriate I apologize in advance to the admins. I just don't have anyone else to really ask about this kind of topic.

    Thank you for your time.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Laz View Post
    "..."..."

    I've never dated before. My BF is from a long distance relationship. I would like ideas and suggestions as to what to do once I get there. Just no ABDL suggestions. They know about my fetishes and accept them but it's just not there thing other than caretaker cuddling.

    I'm curious to see the responses I'll get to this, and if anyone has any questions feel free to ask, and I'll answer as best I can. Also if this is inappropriate I apologize in advance to the admins. I just don't have anyone else to really ask about this kind of topic.

    Thank you for your time.
    I guess my question to you, Laz... what are you intending from this meeting? Do you need to go?
    My off-the-cuff, knee-jerk reaction...would be to talk about it more with all three of the others involved... the excitement and safety of you to them, and them to you...could provide some temptation to get physical...I'm sure that is an interesting idea to you too... but, what does your relationship with your BF mean to you...even though it's long distance?

    Intentions or no... in-person, one or any of you may find the notion of physical activity too irresistible... I think that you might wish to decide now...just what will and won't happen...and though others have expressed their intentions to respect your boundaries...the fact that you're asking here and now...tells me that you are in conflict with your desires and feelings...

    It's one thing to be flirty... and enjoying that is probably not the issue... sorting your desires, needs, and respect for yourself and others is what I think is needed here...

    So, knowing what to do when (or if) you go there...might be as much about determining that now, and perhaps sticking to that... or, letting your BF go, first...and playing the free-market to see what you want or need...

    The thought process is probably not that difficult... the reality however, may be quite difficult... be thoughtful and respectful starting with yourself, and work your way out to the others...

    Best of luck drawing the right card here,
    -Marka

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    I guess my question to you, Laz... what are you intending from this meeting? Do you need to go?
    My off-the-cuff, knee-jerk reaction...would be to talk about it more with all three of the others involved... the excitement and safety of you to them, and them to you...could provide some temptation to get physical...I'm sure that is an interesting idea to you too... but, what does your relationship with your BF mean to you...even though it's long distance?
    My BF means the world to me and I love him dearly. When we started our relationship I told him outright that I am polyamorous. He accepted that and told me "As long as you still love me you can love whoever else you'd like." We have had a long talk about this pair and he wants me to go, and have fun.

    As for what I'm willing to do is all a matter of how comfortable they make me feel. I am a shy person at heart but I've grown to love them both a lot. More so now that they have trusted me with their deep secrets. I have no problem if things get physical or to the extent that they go as long as they can get me relaxed enough. I'm honestly eager to try new things. I'm just not sure what these new things will be. I don't have experience with relationships, and ever since I told my parents I was gay in high school their advice dried up that very night.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Laz View Post
    My BF means the world to me and I love him dearly. When we started our relationship I told him outright that I am polyamorous. He accepted that and told me "As long as you still love me you can love whoever else you'd like." We have had a long talk about this pair and he wants me to go, and have fun.

    As for what I'm willing to do is all a matter of how comfortable they make me feel. I am a shy person at heart but I've grown to love them both a lot. More so now that they have trusted me with their deep secrets. I have no problem if things get physical or to the extent that they go as long as they can get me relaxed enough. I'm honestly eager to try new things. I'm just not sure what these new things will be. I don't have experience with relationships, and ever since I told my parents I was gay in high school their advice dried up that very night.
    So, that doesn't seem to be the problem then... it's not knowing how to physically interact?

    Emotionally... basically be the friends that you state you are throughout...

    If your Polyamory is more theoretical than practiced... please be aware that you may feel as though you are in-love with your physical suitor...

    This can change the perspective dramatically...

    I guess... that you've imagined things...yet, if you've no actual physical experience...well, I'd be inclined to go with the friend that isn't too worked up about it... someone who will be slow and gentle, and very patient...and can manage themselves, if you just get started and decide to stop. You'll likely need to be this for either of them too, if they don't have experience...

    Go with what feels natural and right...nothing forced... when you're ready, you're ready...when you're not, you're not...

    The...erm...graphical aspects... you can pretty much find in carefully worded search-phrases... avoid the porn stuff, looking instead for safety and preparation... please do use protection!

    Have I completely missed your question?

    -Marka

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    So, that doesn't seem to be the problem then... it's not knowing how to physically interact?
    You've hit the mark this time. I have no physical experience at all when it comes to other people besides the occasional hug. They have both been very nice saying we'll take it slow, and explore boundaries. As with most situations though I prefer to have a bit of knowledge before I jump in.

    Thank you as well for all the advice you've given so far Marka.

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