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Thread: I've been caught

  1. #1

    Default I've been caught

    So... here's my situation. I've been caught. perhaps by posting this i can help myself feel a bit better. And perhaps you can all have a laugh with me too! Oh... What. A. NIGHTMARE! I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

    So last night i went out for a bit, got a tad drunk. came home. Got dressed up. I was feeling 'in the mood'. I was using a toy. And then i don't remember much.

    I wake up, Still dressed up. check my hiding place... Its missing. I've spent the last two hours in a panic 'casually' tearing my house apart trying to find it. Then my mum bursts in "what's this thing i've found on the floor!?!!?!" Oh my god. She also knows about the way i was dressed. I'm going to have to have a chat with her now. Brilliant. I didn't want to do this for a long time. Im pretty positive she thinks I'm gay now. I mean, the reason i was so 'in the mood'? i'll be honest it was because of a guy i've liked for a while. But i don't feel like a gay guy. I'm fine with people that are, But personally, I just don't think of myself as one. I don't think i've ever in my life referred to myself as a man. I dunno... Biologically male? yes. Do i feel like a man? no.

    Here i was talking about 'taking my time' and being 'safe'. This is my own fault. I'm not going to swear... AHHHHH!!! I could use a hug . So, now i face a difficult conversation with my mum. She's going to be telling the rest of my family now. Only my sister knew before this. Eventually my friends may find out too, If that happens... i don't know what I'm going to do. I'm in panic mode.

    The problem is, i've been a terribly repressed individual. It's all coming out now. I'm still early on in all of this. But I've got a feeling inside of me, I'm pretty much certain where this path is going to lead me. But I'm still learning how to be on the outside, the person i feel i am the inside. The last few weeks i've been having alot of mood swings, struggling to deal with all the different thoughts and feelings i've been getting. Sometimes i feel great. Sometimes i just feel ugly and upset. Sometimes i still go into complete denial. Before i opened up to my family i wanted to find my confidence, so that i could reveal myself in a good way. That's not going to happen anymore. It's all my fault . I'm such an idiot!

    So. That's my situation. I don't have a clue what I'm going to say. but time for a conversation with my mum. Afterwards i may just go to bed, curl up in a ball and cry. that's what i feel like doing. What a disaster. I really need a hug right now! I'm just gonna have to settle for hugging my pillow instead.

    - Lotus Flower

  2. #2

    Default

    Here is your ! First of all, try not to panic. Second, the best advice I can think of is to be honest with her. Tell your mom what regression is. Tell her you're not gay. Tell her you love her and would prefer to keep this in the immediate family. I know more members will probably have better advice, but for now I just wanted you to know there are people here who care about you. That's what we're here for. Please keep us updated.

  3. #3

    Default The lotus flower



    The lotus flower represents one symbol of fortune.... It grows in muddy water, and it is this environment that gives forth...

    • The flower’s first and most literal meaning: rising and blooming above the murk to achieve enlightenment.
    • The second meaning, which is related to the first is purification. It resembles the purifying of the spirit which is born into murkiness.
    • The third meaning refers to faithfulness. Those who are working to rise above the muddy waters will need to be faithful to their path...


    With you!
    -Marka

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by zipperless View Post
    Here is your ! First of all, try not to panic. Second, the best advice I can think of is to be honest with her. Tell your mom what regression is. Tell her you're not gay. Tell her you love her and would prefer to keep this in the immediate family. I know more members will probably have better advice, but for now I just wanted you to know there are people here who care about you. That's what we're here for. Please keep us updated.
    Hello zipperless. Thank you for the hug! I needed that!

    Disaster averted. i talked to my mum. I just said i've been going through something for a while, that i wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I did say that recently i've been feeling a bit pressured by her to talk. she apologized for that and just called it 'motherly instinct'. For an example, the first time i shaved my body hair i didn't do a great job, i had a few scratches on my hands. She, as well as others, have been asking about it. She also mentioned my family have been talking. Seems they've all been noticing changes in me, they just want to know I'm ok. Perhaps I'm not as good at hiding all of this as i thought! I feel ok. Sometimes good, sometimes low. but perhaps soon it would be good to speak to a doctor. I just don't want to rush into anything.

    I used up all my energy this morning, by the afternoon i was worn out and i've been sleeping. So sorry for the late reply! The panic is over. I've just been left with a knotted up feeling in my stomach. But i'll be ok. speak soon

    - Lotus Flower

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post


    With you!
    -Marka
    Thank you! I've just noticed your post, it wasn't here when i just checked a second ago. I spent a while choosing my username. I wanted it to be special and symbolic. Those definitions you posted. Seem very true to what I'm going through. And... Yay! another hug! its my lucky day. Feeling better with every one i get. Thank you Marka. I don't really know how i'd be coping right now without all you wonderful people. It's done me the world of good joining here. One of the best decisions i've ever made.

    - Lotus Flower

  5. #5

    Default

    Oh my goodness! I am so sorry that happened to you! But way to go on handling it like an old pro. You got out of it a lot better than I did when I got caught a few months ago. I think you did a good job of redirecting the pressure - but, more importantly, of setting a crucial boundary.

    When I was busted, my parents found my things by going into my car without my permission. They had an excuse, but I saw through it - they had suspected something was up, and decided to go check. And they found my stash, which I'd moved out of my apartment for the very reason that I thought they were going to find it. (Side note: don't hide things in your car). They were wrong, but I made one major mistake: I tried apologizing for what I was, promising to see a therapist, promising never to be an AB or a cross dresser again. Anything to get them off my back.

    This pleased them as much as I could under the circumstances. But it put me in the position of being bad for what I did. It was a major, major mistake. And it could have completely destroyed the self-acceptance I'd worked so hard to build. If not for this very community coming together to help me, I think I would have lost so much of my sense of worth.

    About a week later, I called them to say that I was unhappy they'd gone through my things, and that I wanted my privacy to be respected. Surprisingly, my dad agreed, very calmly. And since then, I haven't had any problems.

    All this is to say: At some point, your mom is going to ask about this. She'll naturally be curious, and want to know what's going on. What you do is up to you. You can come out to her at that time. You can also tell her it's your life and you'd like your privacy respected. But whatever you choose to do, you've got a right to be you. And she doesn't have the right to tell you you're wrong for who you are. Don't apologize for who you are, don't change to make her happy. You're OK as you are.

    Living under her roof will mean that some compromises may have to be made in terms of activities until you can move out on your own. But You don't have to compromise on who you are. You're OK, whatever anyone else says. So when the conversation comes, remember that fact. And good luck!

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by LotusFlower View Post
    "..."..."


    Thank you! I've just noticed your post, it wasn't here when i just checked a second ago. I spent a while choosing my username. I wanted it to be special and symbolic. Those definitions you posted. Seem very true to what I'm going through. And... Yay! another hug! its my lucky day. Feeling better with every one i get. Thank you Marka. I don't really know how i'd be coping right now without all you wonderful people. It's done me the world of good joining here. One of the best decisions i've ever made.

    - Lotus Flower
    Sorry, I should've used the reply with quote feature...

    I like your username, and the symbolic connotation too!

    Most, if not all of us here have started with very challenging beginnings...and, have come away with much enrichment, enlightenment, and many friends too!

    It's great to be a part of this, and it's great having you here too!

    It's good to see that you have managed well in this event, in-spite of your fears and concerns!

    Here's another and a with a too!

    You are among friends!
    -Marka

  7. #7
    HushedSnow

    Default

    This sounds like a horrifing experience, but ive went though this (to a lesser extent however) and my parents understood, and im glad for it, im sure you will get the same treatment
    ~Snow|

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    Oh my goodness! I am so sorry that happened to you! But way to go on handling it like an old pro. You got out of it a lot better than I did when I got caught a few months ago. I think you did a good job of redirecting the pressure - but, more importantly, of setting a crucial boundary.

    When I was busted, my parents found my things by going into my car without my permission. They had an excuse, but I saw through it - they had suspected something was up, and decided to go check. And they found my stash, which I'd moved out of my apartment for the very reason that I thought they were going to find it. (Side note: don't hide things in your car). They were wrong, but I made one major mistake: I tried apologizing for what I was, promising to see a therapist, promising never to be an AB or a cross dresser again. Anything to get them off my back.

    This pleased them as much as I could under the circumstances. But it put me in the position of being bad for what I did. It was a major, major mistake. And it could have completely destroyed the self-acceptance I'd worked so hard to build. If not for this very community coming together to help me, I think I would have lost so much of my sense of worth.

    About a week later, I called them to say that I was unhappy they'd gone through my things, and that I wanted my privacy to be respected. Surprisingly, my dad agreed, very calmly. And since then, I haven't had any problems.

    All this is to say: At some point, your mom is going to ask about this. She'll naturally be curious, and want to know what's going on. What you do is up to you. You can come out to her at that time. You can also tell her it's your life and you'd like your privacy respected. But whatever you choose to do, you've got a right to be you. And she doesn't have the right to tell you you're wrong for who you are. Don't apologize for who you are, don't change to make her happy. You're OK as you are.

    Living under her roof will mean that some compromises may have to be made in terms of activities until you can move out on your own. But You don't have to compromise on who you are. You're OK, whatever anyone else says. So when the conversation comes, remember that fact. And good luck!
    Thanks for sharing. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this experience. I've been careful recently, i just had a lapse of judgement last night after a few too many. I think I'm now banned from going anywhere near my clothes when alcohol is involved. I don't want to have this experience again! Looking back now, I'm just glad it was my mum that found me. Sometimes she lets my friends in and they wake me up. If it had been friends who found me like that with those things, i'd be in a very bad situation right now!

    I do still have to be very careful. It's not easy to be myself where i live. Seeing how my nephew and his boyfriend get treated, its awful. They're pretty much exiled from town now, and if they want a night out they do it in the nearby cities. It worries me. if i were to be exposed, it would be like getting caught in a spiders web. You can get a reputation with one person and after a day or two the whole town knows! I'd actually be fearing for my safety. Thankfully, that's not something i have to worry about for the time being.

    I'm ok with compromising for the moment whilst still living with my mum. But i don't want to suppress who i am either, this is something i need to explore. So i will be making plans to get my own place soon. I do believe she respects my privacy. If anything, after talking to her today, i think she just wants to make sure I'm happy and not in any distress. When it does come to time to talk. I'm not so worried about it anymore. She'll struggle with it, but ultimately she just wants me to be, and to be happy. I can tell.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    Sorry, I should've used the reply with quote feature...

    I like your username, and the symbolic connotation too!

    Most, if not all of us here have started with very challenging beginnings...and, have come away with much enrichment, enlightenment, and many friends too!

    It's great to be a part of this, and it's great having you here too!

    It's good to see that you have managed well in this event, in-spite of your fears and concerns!

    Here's another and a with a too!

    You are among friends!
    -Marka
    Awww, thank you! I don't know how to do all those emoticons. Turning me into a cuddle monster. he he! I do feel amongst friends here now. I'm just glad I'm having the opportunity to share all this. I'm so grateful for all the support. Sometimes i feel i don't deserve every one being so nice to me. I guess thats just my self-esteem though.

  9. #9
    HushedSnow

    Default

    Nah, trust me you are not the only one with this fear, as I share it too, though mt family knows, I still have friends that can find out, and yeh.. your lucky none of your friends found out before someone who can understand you more than a "friend".

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by HushedSnow View Post
    This sounds like a horrifing experience, but ive went though this (to a lesser extent however) and my parents understood, and im glad for it, im sure you will get the same treatment
    ~Snow|
    Hello snow! Nice to meet you . are you new here? I'm relatively new here myself only joined a month ago.

    Yes, i must admit those hours this morning. It felt like the world was ending!! now? I'm actually kind of glad it happened. It's given me a confidence boost in a weird way. It's getting a little easier to talk. and it's helping me to feel more sure of myself.

    Hope to speak more soon!

    - Lotus Flower

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