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Thread: How to handle rudeness

  1. #1

    Default How to handle rudeness

    I have a coworker who will interrupt me while I'm telling a story. He will even finish my sentences for me. Granted, I'm not the best at speaking and may stumble trying to remember a word, but I was wondering how to get him to stop, if it's even possible? There has been a few occasions when he has completed one of my sentences incorrectly and I will say something such as, "No. If you had let me finish I was going to say..."

    He is a good friend so I don't want to ruin that and he is an office manager, so I have to be respectful, but it is frustrating to have someone talk over me. Sometimes I will just ignore him and keep talking. One time I even said, "What did you say? I was talking and didn't hear you."

    So am I doing the correct thing? How would you handle it? Should I just flat out tell him "You know you have a bad habit of talking over me and I would appreciate it if you would try not to" and if he does, walk out of his office?

    Thanks in advance.

    ~Zip~

  2. #2

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    "Well This is another fine mess you have gotten us into!" Well maybe that would not work.

    I will assume that this is not work related. With what you have done and he does not get it then you have to go to the next level.

    I would suggest that you talk to him in private and use the techniques that I discussed in the "school House Rock" thread on cognitive problem solving.

    So it would look like this (and remember to use "I" statements);

    Excuse me (NAME) but can I talk to you for a second.

    response.

    I have a problem when I am talking that I get interrupted and lose my train of thought.

    Do you understand what I am talking about.

    response.

    I know that I may talk slow but when people interrupt me, it makes me slightly upset.

    Could you please do me a favor and wait a second before anything is said when I am talking.

    response.

    Thank you for your help.

    Stay calm and respectful and if he attempts to disagree or make a joke out of it stay calm and just restate you request.

    I have a feeling that he is like me and he does not even realize that he is doing it.

    I hope this helps.

    Egor

  3. #3

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    It would be funny if you said, "I have a problem, that when I speak...." and he interrupts you with, "and you lose your train of thought? Yeah, that sometimes happens to me."

    Anyway, I think egor has some good advise. Short of that, you could use humor and just sort of make a joke about his interrupting you the next time he does it. I think people that interrupt others may do it either out of nervousness, or there own mind is turning over 100 miles a minute. In that case, there's probably little you can do about it, other than to suffer through it.

  4. #4

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    And that's another option. Just let it go and suffer through it.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    It would be funny if you said, "I have a problem, that when I speak...." and he interrupts you with, "and you lose your train of thought? Yeah, that sometimes happens to me."

    Anyway, I think egor has some good advise. Short of that, you could use humor and just sort of make a joke about his interrupting you the next time he does it. I think people that interrupt others may do it either out of nervousness, or there own mind is turning over 100 miles a minute. In that case, there's probably little you can do about it, other than to suffer through it.
    Oh i am so very glad that it is you that has brought this up, DogBoy....
    minds that are running faster than everyone else that is. i wasn't going to say anything before you did.

    i was reading what Zip had to say, and thinking..... Hummm... how many times have people said such to me; especially my better-half.
    but on the other hand, have you any idea just what it takes to stop everything that you were doing (cerebrally) and focus on just one person painfully slow method of expressing themselves for a protracted period of time. it is excruciatingly exhausting.... ones mind starts running ahead of the person who is speaking as if to taunt them to catch up. and after a while you just can't help yourself but to give the other person hints and ideas to move them along until finely you are (i guess) speaking for them.....

    the world.... my world, has always seemed to move at least ten times faster than most of the people i am talking to.....
    i must work very hard not to say anything while people are talking. it is a practice of simply being silent while sometimes playing games inside. what can i say.... i was born this way and i try not to be rude with it. but reading how Zip feels makes me feel rude all the same.....

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    Oh i am so very glad that it is you that has brought this up, DogBoy....
    minds that are running faster than everyone else that is. i wasn't going to say anything before you did.

    i was reading what Zip had to say, and thinking..... Hummm... how many times have people said such to me; especially my better-half.
    but on the other hand, have you any idea just what it takes to stop everything that you were doing (cerebrally) and focus on just one person painfully slow method of expressing themselves for a protracted period of time. it is excruciatingly exhausting.... ones mind starts running ahead of the person who is speaking as if to taunt them to catch up. and after a while you just can't help yourself but to give the other person hints and ideas to move them along until finely you are (i guess) speaking for them.....

    the world.... my world, has always seemed to move at least ten times faster than most of the people i am talking to.....
    i must work very hard not to say anything while people are talking. it is a practice of simply being silent while sometimes playing games inside. what can i say....
    I've had to learn to do this too. I used to interrupt my boss in my first job, and he pointed it out to me. He was a father figure to me, as I was out on my own after college. It was something I had to work on, and things got better over a long period of time. I have often thought that being on this site has helped me to be a better listener. I suppose it's the act of deliberately listening to what others are not just saying, but sometimes saying between the spoken lines, that enables one to listen and reflect. Anyway, I try, but I am one who's mind goes 'round and 'round, thinking all sorts of things while someone is talking to me.

  7. #7

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    I don't necessarily talk slow, in fact quite the opposite. And that may be the problem where my mind gets ahead of my mouth and then I can't think of that one elusive word to keep the sentence going. But, this guy will interrupt my sentence as I'm talking when I'm not stopping to ponder my vocabulary.

  8. #8

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    Good team leads know how to listen and keep communication with their employees open. If it's a huge concern and you bring it up to him as such, he will listen to you, or at least thoughtfully consider your point. Just bring it up to him straight-forward whenever you're both alone and get the chance.

  9. #9

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    Well I'm a stutter, so I sympathize when it comes to other people wanting to finish your sentences for you; I hate that.

    If your mate is a true friend, then just tell him flat out that you don't like it when he finishes your sentences, that it is demeaning to you and that it takes a blow to your self-esteem; Pretty simple, really...

    And if he keeps on doing it, try being a little more aggressive about it, he'll get it eventually...
    Last edited by Speck; 07-Mar-2014 at 07:41.

  10. #10

    Default

    I had the same problem with my sister in law and it was driving me nuts. I tried subtle humour about it, hoping she would take the hint but nothing worked. I don't think she was trying to be rude, she just wasn't aware of how it was making me feel (pissed off). Last year I had a private conversation with her and gave her the most recent examples of how she interrupted me and how it made me feel. I wasn't critical or putting her down, I was just letting her know this affected me and that some people could perceive it as rude.. She apologized for it and since that time she has been making an honest effort not to interrupt people and wait her turn. It's not perfect yet, but at least I know she's trying and I don't feel as frustrated with her. So my advice would be to talk to him about it in a respectful manner. Otherwise your friendship may be headed out the window.

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