Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Commentary on the AB/DL Gender Divide

  1. #1

    Default

    Generally the information and research we have on the majority of sexual fetishes involves heterosexual men. Although it is recognised that there are women who have sexual fetishes, it is also thought that men are more likely to have a sexual fetish than women. If this is true, then it stands to reason that, if the patterns of diaper fetishism are comparable to those of fetishism generally, there will be more men with a fetish for diapers than women.

    Of course, not all people who are interested in diapers are interested in the sexual side of things. Surveys on Understanding Infantilism (Girls, Boys, and Diapers) somewhat support the theory that women are less interested in the sexual side - it found that men are more likely to be Diaper Lovers (who are overwhelmingly sexual fetishes) than women, and females are more likely to report being Adult Babies (who are much less likely to report sexual interest) than men. The report linked to above is a very interesting read, and if you are interested in AB/DLs and gender, I would recommend taking a look at it.

    Another theory is that men are likely to be more open about their sexual fetishes, whereas women may not be as out-spoken about it. We live in a society where it is far more culturally acceptable for a man to be very out-spoken about the things that turn him on and about his sexual pastimes than it is for women.

    As an example, if a man starts a conversation with his friends, "So, I was having a wank last night..." they probably won't think much of it, and will probably laugh or chime in with their own anecdotes surrounding masturbation. If a woman was to talk about masturbating in a group, it is probably more likely she would be met with surprise or horror - it is not as acceptable or normal for women to talk about masturbation, and probably sexual fetishes in general, at least outside of their close group of friends. There is still an expectation that women be "lady-like", polite, reserved, and coy, whereas men can be loud and brash and crude without it damaging (and in fact, often with it building on) their reputation.

    Furthermore, women are far more likely to be sexualised and seen as objects than men, and so may have reservations when it comes to being open about sexual fetishes outside of their very close friends/partners for fears that men will begin to see them as easy or as some sort of prize to be obtained. For these reasons it may be that men are more likely to share and be open about their fetish or interest in diapers than women are within the AB/DL community.

    On the other hand, some suggest that it is the AB/DL community itself which puts women off becoming active or introducing themselves. The AB/DL community is a very, very male-dominated place. AB/DL women are almost seen as myths in many places of the community, and a huge number of AB/DL men dream of seeking a girl who shares their interest. This can seem very intimidating. The vast majority of AB/DL websites closely resemble porn sites, and focus largely on the fetish side of this interest. If Understanding Infantilism's report is accurate, and men are more likely to be interested in diapers as a sexual object, and women less likely, then again this could be another intimidating or off-putting aspect of the community.

    I can say from personal experience that the above is true for me. Diapers are not a sexual object for me, but in the AB/DL community I am surrounded by websites with professional pictures of AB/DL women in semi-pornographic poses and men talking about their sexual attraction to girls in diapers. As a result, there are plenty of men out there who are interested in talking to me, a real AB female, essentially just to get their rocks off. They want to talk dirty in role-play, they ask inappropriate questions or details about what I wear with my diapers or how I change them, they constantly reference sex in any conversation, and a lot of the time it feels as if they are assuming that real life ABs are just like the models and actresses in AB/DL videos/photographs - a naughty adult baby girl just desperate for a man to change her diapers and then use her to expel his sexual urges. As a real person, I am far more interested in talking to other AB/DLs about real life things than I am in engaging in sexual roleplay or answering their creepy questions. I am also not naive enough to think that sharing an interest in diapers is going to make me instantly compatible with any guy I meet on here, but there are a number of men who seem to think that because they are an AB/DL man, and I am an AB girl, eventually I will probably want to meet with them, baby them and then have rampant diaper-sex with them. I won't.

    On top of the sheer number of creepy men who want to use you as some sort of sexual object, there are also the men who simply will not believe that you could possibly be a real AB girl. They decide that actually you must be a man pretending to be a girl, and constantly try to out you as a man (hmm, sounds to me like a question a man would be more likely to ask than a woman. Fake!) or constantly demand proof. Usually the proof should be a picture of yourself in nothing more than a diaper. All of this gets pretty wearing after a while, and so you leave the community behind you.

    ADISC is a breath of fresh air compared to the majority of websites. It is a place where the fetish aspect is downplayed, members who say they are female are believed, and men are not creepy and talk to you as a real person, rather than as a porn star. However, it took me about nine years of visiting and promptly leaving AB/DL websites to find ADISC. I dare say there are plenty of other women and girls out there who are stuck in the continuous cycle of joining and then leaving creepy or male-orientated websites, or who choose not to make themselves known and instead just lurk the boards so that nobody contacts them. I suspect that there are more female AB/DLs who have not made themselves known percentage-wise in the community than there are males, and that thus there are probably more female AB/DLs in existence than numbers from polls and surveys show.

    That said, on ADISC there are over 2100 members, and only 200, less than 10%, are listed as female. It seems unlikely that, if there were an equal number of male and female AB/DLs in the world, 70-80% of the female members that, based on numbers of males, should have joined ADISC haven't. My guess is that there is a higher percentage of female AB/DLs than 10-15% of our total population, who haven't joined for some of the reasons listed above or others, but based on the numbers there are still almost certainly more males than females interested in diapers.

    "Why?" is an interesting question. As a female myself I am certainly curious as to why I am in a minority. In truth it is probably for a combination of reasons, probably including and beyond those listed by myself and the members who have already posted, although I will say that from my point of view I don't think the sanitary towel argument is a valid one, or would be relevant for most women who potentially would have become AB/DLs. My interest in diapers, and other baby things, started when I was very young, way before I had started puberty or even knew what periods were. Many people report that their AB/DL interests began in their childhood, in which case the interest would already have developed before periods were started. I don't believe that having to wear sanitary towels or tampons would alleviate somebody's need to wear diapers - if somebody had an interest in going back to child/babyhood I would say in fact it could do the opposite and increase the desire to wear diapers. Menstruating and having to wear pads/tampons is a sign that a girl is growing up and entering womanhood, whilst diapers are, to many, a symbol of childhood, so arguably having to wear pads, and thus the impending feeling of needing to grow up, might increase a girl's desire to turn to something that would make her feel little again. Wearing pads and wearing diapers feel neither physically or psychologically the same, so I would be surprised if that had any effect on female AB/DLs.
    Last edited by Geno; 05-Mar-2014 at 03:48.

  2. #2

    Default

    The ratio of men to women in the ABDL fetish community will probably always be in question, but I suspect the ratio is much higher than the existing empirical evidence suggests, based on the fact that we all wore diapers as infants, and hypothetically we all had the same basic sensations of warmth & release, even if we weren't old enough to understand it. Then we have the group that became bedwetters, and later fetishists; why would they as a group be slanted more towards the male gender, over females? Are guys just lazier, or deeper sleepers? Until I see studies on it, I'd be more inclined to believe the bedwetters groups is closer to 50/50, too, and those that lept from there to fetishism would seem to naturally follow course.

    As for the time of the month aspect, I honestly would think that more females derive pleasure from the absorbent in such close contact with their genitals, as well as the aspect of secrecy behind "that time of the month". Most guys are oblivious to what a woman goes through, but if it were me, I'd die of embarrassment if my white slacks were ruined by bloodstains, and if a pullup would have prevented that, I'm sure I'd have willingly worn one, rather than deal with the overflow.

    Lastly, we can all relate to the innocence of yesteryear as toddlers & bedwetters, and for many (I suspect) the diaper signifies a return to innocence, even more so for women, what with daddies treating their daughters more childlike than their sons. If there are a greater number of AB women, compared to DL men, I suspect the daddy/mommy issues play a role in that.

    So, why then more men out in the community than women?? As you suggested, getting hit upon probably keeps many in the proverbial closet, but I also suspect, as you mention, that societal pressures keep more women than men from baring their souls to others, if my wife is any example. She chokes on anything about our sexlife bring discussed with others, while I am so curious about " it all", that I constantly participate in discussions regarding anything related to diapers (obviously), but also discussions regarding any other sexual issues. Am I more open than her? I'd suggest that I am, especially having grown up with my secret sexual nature, that I've learned to love and embrace in myself.

    Like I said, the discussion will go on and on, but my sense is that we're far closer to a 50/50 split on the fetish, but just way further away in numbers on those that actually come out and play with it socially.

    Of course, its all conjecture on my part, but statistics do have a way of getting skewed by forces that are just not totally understood, for reasons unknown. I'd like to think we're equally attracted to something so child like, so comforting, and so damn convenient, but that's just me...

  3. #3

    Default

    Being on ADISC and not getting exploited has helped me to trust men more. I used to be terrified of them and rarely open up to anyone. Outside of a boyfriend I never opened up much with men, not even my father until now. It is great to have something in common with them and to be allowed to see that they have a side besides the macho/I have it all under control or controlling side.
    F.L.

  4. #4

    Default

    When I started to reply I didn't intend to go all gender talk. lol

    Social ethics have a play on this behaviour from many men. We men are supposed to have controll of everything, including our emotions. Preferably without talking to anyone about the feeling and not asking for help. But the society is changing and making us men more like woman and woman more like men. More socially acceptable to be equal in how we relate and talk with other ppl.

    Because of the said social stigma our emotions and behaviour and need for an outlet is bottled up and can often lead to the behaviour the OP describes.

    It will take time, even decades, before men and women are more equal in their behaviour both in person and online.


    And there are always some creeps around. lol

    - - - Updated - - -

    Lol, I can't find the edit post button.

    Anyway...
    I feel that woman can be more reserved on going online and I can't blame you.
    In a male dominated enviroment women can, and often do, get more attention than what they asked for. And with men bottled up with feelings/urges and no/few places to talk/act on it it sometimes means that we men loose most, if not all, restraint when finally getting someone to chat with. This can lead to the "dirty", inapropriate and unwanted attention.

    Anyways.. That is what I think could be the cause.

  5. #5

    Default

    Yes, I agree. Bein a DL male, here's what I can say:
    This site is a lot better than the plethora of other sites because it acts like an actual forum that doesn't have one thousand posts about wetting diapers (well, some new members come once in a while and ask really weird questions, which make me want to tell them that they are in the wrong site, but who am I to say that? They need to learn the ropes :P), instead it deals with a lot of interesting subjects, and the members here are all very nice, supportive and not-dick-like :P Seeing as this site has an option for transgender ABDL's to state they are so, should they choose to do so, which gives me little reason to doubt anyone on this site that says they are female. Adding to that, this site has a lot of more experienced members, instead of having ravaged, repressed, young ABDL's, like some other forums, that turn the forums in question into fap sites, and see them as something pornographic. Also, great modding, 'nuff said. I think that although ABDL women, despite not being very well placed in other predominantly male sites, can live happy and peacefully here, and yes, even though I am a male, I can acknowledge the fact that a lot of ABDL males on the net make the assumption that because they are AB's and a woman is an AB, they are instantly entitled to sex, because it just makes sense... Which kind of shows how desperate and delusional they are. I mean, why should ABDL relationships evolve any different from normal relationships? When a man and a woman start to talk, the man shouldn't automatically assume he's entitled to get some because he likes the opposite gender and the woman likes the opposite gender. It's the kind of moronic mistake only dimwit delusional confused ABDL's make.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Well, no edit button :P I had written a sort of incoherent text, so here goes the corrected one

    Yes, I agree. Bein a DL male, here's what I can say:
    This site is a lot better than the plethora of other sites because it acts like an actual forum that doesn't have one thousand posts about wetting diapers (well, some new members come once in a while and ask really weird questions, which make me want to tell them that they are in the wrong site, but who am I to say that? They need to learn the ropes :P), instead it deals with a lot of interesting subjects, and the members here are all very nice, supportive and not-dick-like :P Seeing as this site has an option for transgender ABDL's to state they are so, should they choose to do so, I don't see why I should doubt anyone on this site that says they are female. Adding to that, this site has a lot of more experienced members, instead of having ravaged, repressed, young ABDL's, like some other forums, that turn the forums in question into fap sites, and see them as something pornographic. Also, great modding, 'nuff said. I think that although ABDL women are not very well placed in other predominantly male sites, they can live happilly and peacefully here, and yes, even though I am a male, I can acknowledge the fact that a lot of ABDL males on the net make the assumption that because they are AB's and a woman is an AB, they are instantly entitled to sex, because it just makes sense... Which kind of shows how desperate and delusional they are. I mean, why should ABDL relationships evolve any different from normal relationships? When a man and a woman start to talk, the man shouldn't automatically assume he's entitled to get some because he likes the opposite gender and the woman likes the opposite gender. It's the kind of moronic mistake only dimwit delusional confused ABDL's make.

  6. #6

    Default

    I was interested if not intrigued to read BitterGray's analysis that he thought the ratio was 60% male and 40% female. For a long time, we males thought it might be 90/10 percent. As women have become more comfortable with technology and the internet, we see a different picture. It might be noted that females now outnumber males in colleges and universities. They are woman; hear them roar. In other words, the traffic on the web has found gender equilibrium, thus enabling both genders to express themselves equally.

  7. #7

    Default

    To be honest, I Think there are just any many girls in the ABDL spectrum. I think many of them just lie for the sake that they don't get hounded with boys who will send them messages asking if they are single. I love being male in many ways, but the fact of the matter is, some males simply will do anything to find a girl, even if that means spewing messages out to them through messages on a forum. I know there are quite a few females that are out there throughout this forum who feel free to let themselves be known, and I praise them in doing so. The fact of the matter is, because of how some men act, I can only imagine this only but one of the many reasons we don't as many females in the community.

  8. #8

    Default

    Men and women typically have very different sexual responses as well as differing emotional needs. I think this goes a long way towards explaining the overwhelming majority of men who are AB/DL as well as the the shyness of women interacting in this scene. Sexual desire in men is very close to the surface and thus easily triggered while sexual desire drive for women is deeper and not readily engaged. Because a man's sexual desire is so close to the surface, it becomes relatively easy, under certain circumstances, for it to become attached to a diaper, or other inanimate object which has deep emotional meaning. On the other hand, if a women has a deep psychological desire or need for infantile innocence, it will be much easier for her to explore it without sexualizing it and thus considering herself or labeling herself as AB/DL.

    Regarding emotional needs, women typically place a high value on security while men desire respect. Cultural norms permit young women, especially those who don't yet have the security of marriage, to sleep with plushies and wear childish clothes such as Hello Kitty. I see such behavior as an expression of that desire for security. In the same way, home making and grocery shopping can be explained, at least in part, by the desire for a secure home. Therefore a women who is participating in AB/DL activities is likely going view it as innocently exploring her need for security and be repulsed by the notion that some would label such activity as paraphilic infantilism. We men seek the respect of others for such things as career achievements, successful family life, and athletic prowess. Sometimes, when we fail at being the man we want to be, we seem to be driven to sexual gratification. Thus the creepy behavior others have mention in this thread.

    My point is that the interactions between the genders in our community are driven by same factors as in the rest of society, and therefore they are not really that much different. Of course, when you throw something as culturally non-conventional as diapers in to the mix, it does become more challenging.

    I agree 100%, that the uniqueness and success of ADISC is the strict limiting of sexually tantalizing content. It makes our interactions much more civil and I'm delighted that at some of our female members feel secure here. This has been a real help to me personally, as it has helped me think critically about my desires beyond my sexual response to it.

  9. #9

    Default

    I always stayed away from the forums until now .... errrr kind of. I was always on them as a guest reading all the posts and gaining the information but not signing up and joining in. Why? Because the second they find out you are a girl you get sex oriented messages and the "Are you single" posts as mentioned. Since diapers are not sexual AT ALL for me, it was very uncomfortable for me. Have I got any of those messages here? Yes, but I also am mature enough to ignore them now. I love having a forum to talk on that has less sexual content so I'm not seeing or hearing things I don't want to (some forum sites I get grossed out at the avatar pictures! some of them are disgusting and gross and NOT things I want to look at ....). I don't know ... sometimes I feel like I'm asexual or something, no sex drive what so ever ... or could be the chronic pain and depression .... who knows lol.

  10. #10

    Default

    Speaking as a trans woman, my experience with the interned ABDL scene seem pretty typical of what most women go through. I set out trying to find a boyfriend or girlfriend who shared my interests in some capacity, while also being an agreeable partner in all of the other normal respects. I thought the progression of these relationships would be casual chit-chat, followed by a couple of dates where we do normal date things, and then we would talk about getting more serious. What I got was an unedending torrent of oversexed dudes who sent me hardcore porn over MSN and wanted to see me poop on webcam. There were also those who were only interested in "discrete encounters" or expected me to trek across town at a moments notice for some clandestine randevous. There were a few decent people, but seemed few and far between. Eventually I gave up on the scene and just hoped that my future partner would be cool with my weird little kink.
    y
    Here's the thing with me and diapers. I deffinitely have something of a paraphelia. Diapers and fantasies of shrinking into a baby do arouse me, but arousal does not equal sex for me. More than anything I just get really really cuddly. You see, when I first started dating I identified as bi and then pan-sexual, but as hard as I tried to enjoy sex I just didn't. For me sex is at best boring and at worst traumatizing. Furthermore, it is especially disruptive to my little frame of mind. Once I tried role playing a sexual scenario with a guy online and afterward I felt like I had been totally violated. I felt down for a couple of days afterward, even though everything was consensual.

    So yeah; I understand why the state of the community might be distorting the gender ratio. There need to be more safe spaces, and a culture of respect within the ABDL dating scene. There also needs to be more recognition that a lot of us are looking for something other than sex.

Similar Threads

  1. Perhaps we need to divide...in order to unite...???
    By Marka in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 16-Dec-2012, 22:22
  2. which gender goodnites?
    By 8ball in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 06-Jan-2011, 17:01
  3. 100% gender changing?
    By AnonKiba in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 27-May-2010, 03:41
  4. A Lou Dobbs commentary on the proposed amnesty bill
    By ricky in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 04-Feb-2009, 04:59

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.