Binge/Purge Cycle

Parallel between the ABDL Binge & Purge Cycle and a Biploar II Hypomanic Episode

In my previous post I made the point that the ABDL's binge and purge cycle is not to be taken lightly - that it is a pointer to some of the complexity of the psychology of being ABDL.

The term binge and purge is taken from the disorder Bulimia Nervosa. But, at its most severe, the ABDL's binge and purge is something of a cross between that of the bulimic and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode. Let me explain the latter point.

The binge is associated with a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. It produces a feeling of euphoria, followed generally a few days later by a feeling of deep self loathing. This can only be assuaged by purging. The actions involved in purging are compulsive and also involve a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. The purge produces a euphoria at being ‘cleansed’ of something bad which lasts for a while before tailing off. The cycle is emotionally wrenching and exhausting.

The ABDL's binge and purge and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode manifest with similar frequencies, although the duration is different. Wikipedia states –

“Most people who meet criteria for bipolar disorder experience a number of episodes, on average 0.4 to 0.7 per year, lasting three to six months.” [Wikipedia article Bipolar Disorder]

On average that would mean an episode every two to two-and-a-half years. Data from the 2011 Zamboni survey indicates that the greater majority of ABDLs experience binge and purge cycles. They occur on average every two-and-a-half years for males, and two years for females, or every 18 months for those who have experienced prolonged periods of distress in relation to being ABDL. However the duration of the phenomena appears to be different. For ABDLs the interval between a binge and the succeeding purge is usually not long, most likely days at most, which is closer to the interval for a person with bulimia than Bipolar Disorder, and the euphoric effect may last days and tail off in weeks.

The DSM defines a hypomanic episode as follows –

A. A distinct period of elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least four days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood.

B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree.

  • (1) Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity;
  • (2) Decreased need for sleep (eg. feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep);
  • (3) More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking;
  • (4) Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
  • (5) Distractibility (ie. attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli);
  • (6) Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually, or psychomotor agitation);
  • (7) Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences [other sources cite hypersexuality in this context.]
C. The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic.

D. The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.

E. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization, and there are no psychotic features [hallucinations or failed reality testing].
[DSM-IVTR p368]

An ABDL’s binge and purge is likely to meet all of the above criteria, except only (D) – the disturbance in mood and change in functioning are observable by others. In this respect an ABDL’s binge and purge behavior is more like that of a person with bulimia nervosa.

The DSM states –

“Individuals with Bulimia Nervosa are typically ashamed of their eating problems and attempt to conceal their symptoms. Binge eating usually occurs in secrecy, or as inconspicuously as possible.” [DSM-IVTR p590]. The DSM does not specify, but purges are also likely to be undertaken secretly.

Like bulimics, ABDLs in the midst of a binge and purge cycle are likely to be deeply ashamed of their motivations and behaviours, and secretive in their behaviours.

Thus ABDL’s binge and purge cycles replicate many aspects of hypomanic episodes, but do not meet the definition. The difference lies in the fact that those experiencing hypomania are either unaware of, or unconcerned, that their mood state is observable by others. By contrast ABDLs’ are aware of the potential for adverse perceptions by others and commonly successful in concealing the changes in their personality. That distinction is important and suggests that the two phenomena may differ in their basic nature. Nevertheless, the close parallel with hypomanic episodes does indicate that ABDL's binge and purge cycles are serious psychological disturbances, and an important diagnostic indicator.

Regards. Dylan.
 
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DylanLewis said:
Parallel between the ABDL Binge & Purge Cycle and a Biploar II Hypomanic Episode

In my previous post I made the point that the ABDL's binge and purge cycle is not to be taken lightly - that it is a pointer to some of the complexity of the psychology of being ABDL.

The term binge and purge is taken from the disorder Bulimia Nervosa. But, at its most severe, the ABDL's binge and purge is something of a cross between that of the bulimic and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode. Let me explain the latter point.

The binge is associated with a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. It produces a feeling of euphoria, followed generally a few days later by a feeling of deep self loathing. This can only be assuaged by purging. The actions involved in purging are compulsive and also involve a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. The purge produces a euphoria at being ‘cleansed’ of something bad which lasts for a while before tailing off. The cycle is emotionally wrenching and exhausting.

The ABDL's binge and purge and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode manifest with similar frequencies, although the duration is different. Wikipedia states –

“Most people who meet criteria for bipolar disorder experience a number of episodes, on average 0.4 to 0.7 per year, lasting three to six months.” [Wikipedia article Bipolar Disorder]

On average that would mean an episode every two to two-and-a-half years. Data from the 2011 Zamboni survey indicates that the greater majority of ABDLs experience binge and purge cycles. They occur on average every two-and-a-half years for males, and two years for females, or every 18 months for those who have experienced prolonged periods of distress in relation to being ABDL. However the duration of the phenomena appears to be different. For ABDLs the interval between a binge and the succeeding purge is usually not long, most likely days at most, which is closer to the interval for a person with bulimia than Bipolar Disorder, and the euphoric effect may last days and tail off in weeks.

The DSM defines a hypomanic episode as follows –

A. A distinct period of elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least four days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood.

B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree.

  • (1) Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity;
  • (2) Decreased need for sleep (eg. feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep);
  • (3) More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking;
  • (4) Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
  • (5) Distractibility (ie. attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli);
  • (6) Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually, or psychomotor agitation);
  • (7) Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences [other sources cite hypersexuality in this context.]
C. The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic.

D. The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.

E. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization, and there are no psychotic features [hallucinations or failed reality testing].
[DSM-IVTR p368]

An ABDL’s binge and purge is likely to meet all of the above criteria, except only (D) – the disturbance in mood and change in functioning are observable by others. In this respect an ABDL’s binge and purge behavior is more like that of a person with bulimia nervosa.

The DSM states –

“Individuals with Bulimia Nervosa are typically ashamed of their eating problems and attempt to conceal their symptoms. Binge eating usually occurs in secrecy, or as inconspicuously as possible.” [DSM-IVTR p590]. The DSM does not specify, but purges are also likely to be undertaken secretly.

Like bulimics, ABDLs in the midst of a binge and purge cycle are likely to be deeply ashamed of their motivations and behaviours, and secretive in their behaviours.

Thus ABDL’s binge and purge cycles replicate many aspects of hypomanic episodes, but do not meet the definition. The difference lies in the fact that those experiencing hypomania are either unaware of, or unconcerned, that their mood state is observable by others. By contrast ABDLs’ are aware of the potential for adverse perceptions by others and commonly successful in concealing the changes in their personality. That distinction is important and suggests that the two phenomena may differ in their basic nature. Nevertheless, the close parallel with hypomanic episodes does indicate that ABDL's binge and purge cycles are serious psychological disturbances, and an important diagnostic indicator.

Regards. Dylan.
I read your entire analysis and it’s only 30% correct . Whoever wrote this has 0 ideal what they are talking about . It sounds like a papered puppy attempting to psych analyze something they have never dealt with . Office visits are largely held back the other 30% are playing you like a deck of cards . I’ve been ABDL since I was ran over by a drunk driver . Two severe brain contusions ruptured bladder , spleen partly cut spinal cord crushed lower legs . 2 years 5 months in Baylor medical system to learn to talk and walk again . That was 1989-1992 ....I’ve never ever hid my way of living ever . I’m married as well 28 years now . People either accept my little ways or hit the road . Sure I must adult some times but 97% of my time I’m like a toddler due to body damage and brain damage . This write up reminds me of some religious ridden republican hatred of everyone not worshiping YOU . Grow up adult your trying to hard to examine soemthing youve never ever truly experienced . And No there is 0 sexual gratification none . That was also ripped away from my body I’m 100% A sexual . You report is asdonishnllengly way out in right field ....evangelical right wing field . 🤷🏽‍♂️
 
BabyTahani said:
I read your entire analysis and it’s only 30% correct . Whoever wrote this has 0 ideal what they are talking about . It sounds like a papered puppy attempting to psych analyze something they have never dealt with . Office visits are largely held back the other 30% are playing you like a deck of cards . I’ve been ABDL since I was ran over by a drunk driver . Two severe brain contusions ruptured bladder , spleen partly cut spinal cord crushed lower legs . 2 years 5 months in Baylor medical system to learn to talk and walk again . That was 1989-1992 ....I’ve never ever hid my way of living ever . I’m married as well 28 years now . People either accept my little ways or hit the road . Sure I must adult some times but 97% of my time I’m like a toddler due to body damage and brain damage . This write up reminds me of some religious ridden republican hatred of everyone not worshiping YOU . Grow up adult your trying to hard to examine soemthing youve never ever truly experienced . And No there is 0 sexual gratification none . That was also ripped away from my body I’m 100% A sexual . You report is asdonishnllengly way out in right field ....evangelical right wing field . 🤷🏽‍♂️
BabyTahani
My posts on the binge & purge cycle made you angry and upset. That was not my intention and I am sorry that you felt unsafe. I will seek better ways to express my thoughts on this challenging topic.

We commonly want two different things from sharing with others on ADISC - firstly, to validate our uniqueness and individuality and secondly, to find shared experience with others. Sometimes, depending on where we are at, these two needs can be reconciled, other times they can be in contradiction.

So it is with binge & purge. If I understand you correctly, it is not part of your experience. Your experience of being ABDL, based on being grievously injured by a drunk driver, is individual to you. Large scale surveys of ABDLs tell us that a substantial minority have not experienced the binge & purge cycle (like yourself). Those same surveys also tell us that the greater majority of ABDLs have, at one time or other, experienced the binge & purge cycle, and some of those have experienced significant distress from those cycles.

As you want your individual experience to be respected, I ask that you respect the experience of others, like myself, who have experienced the binge & purge cycle.

You questioned my understanding of being ABDL and my motives in posting about the binge & purge cycle. I am a lifelong AB. I have been AB all my adolescent and adult life. For me, being AB is a permanent and (now) healthy part of my psyche. I will always be AB. I have lived through the binge & purge cycle many times over several decades. Again, large scale surveys of ABDLs indicate that this is a common experience for many ABDLs.

My view of the more extreme occurences of the binge & purge cycle as a serious psychological disturbance is based on my personal experience. The large scale surveys of ABDLs validate that perspective. For myself, I prefer to understand myself and being ABDL better, through recognizing the significance of, and understanding, the binge and purge cycle. The best of psychology has always told us we can understand what lies within us, and we don't need to be afraid of it. That is the perspective I apply to the binge & purge cycle..

There seem to be two main pathways to self acceptance by ABDLs. The most common is to maintain that any harm that comes from being ABDL (like the binge & purge) is entirely extrinsic - due to the prejudices or misunderstanding of others, and to an ABDLs' fear of the same. This point of view holds alleviating any harm from being ABDL is simply a matter of self acceptance. Essentially, you just need to tell yourself, "I'm okay".

There is a second, less common pathway to self acceptance. That is based on recognizing that some of the harm that comes from being ABDL is intrinsic. The harm comes from more than just the prejudice of others, it is built into the condition (such as with anxiety). That isn't saying that being ABDL can be 'cured' away; that anyone should give up being ABDL; or that being ABDL can't be psychologically healthy. It is saying that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition with its origin in issues and unmet needs in childhood. It is saying that some of the intrinsic harms from being ABDL need to be addressed and healed, before it becomes a healthy personal identity. This is a more complex pathway to self acceptance. It is sometimes difficult to explain, and is especially prone to being misunderstood or offensive to those who take the other pathway to self acceptance.

My route to self acceptance is the second pathway. My interest in psychology means that I cannot dismiss my personal experience of the binge & purge cycle. I recognize it as a serious psychological disturbance. I have researched ABDLs surveys and parallel experiences in bulimia nervosa and bipolar II to better understand the binge & purge.

My posts are intended to provide some validation to those ABDLs who are taking the second road to self acceptance, based on accepting that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition. It may be the less common pathway but it deserves respect and validation.

Regards. Dylan.
 
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Maybe it is due to me learning about the AB/DL community at a young age (15) and thus accepting who I am, but I never really had a binge / purge cycle. Sure there were times I wore more or less often, but there was no guilt involved. All the psychological talk above is too complicated for me, so I just look at the situation this way: And ye harm none, do as thou wilt.
 
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Like many people here have said, this was a major problem for me early on. I won't say I've accepted myself - wish I could - but I've stopped the binge/purge cycle, because I know now that even if the urge disappears, it will be back, no matter how much I want it to go away.
 
DylanLewis said:
BabyTahani
My posts on the binge & purge cycle made you angry and upset. That was not my intention and I am sorry that you felt unsafe. I will seek better ways to express my thoughts on this challenging topic.

We commonly want two different things from sharing with others on ADISC - firstly, to validate our uniqueness and individuality and secondly, to find shared experience with others. Sometimes, depending on where we are at, these two needs can be reconciled, other times they can be in contradiction.

So it is with binge & purge. If I understand you correctly, it is not part of your experience. Your experience of being ABDL, based on being grievously injured by a drunk driver, is individual to you. Large scale surveys of ABDLs tell us that a substantial minority have not experienced the binge & purge cycle (like yourself). Those same surveys also tell us that the greater majority of ABDLs have, at one time or other, experienced the binge & purge cycle, and some of those have experienced significant distress from those cycles.

As you want your individual experience to be respected, I ask that you respect the experience of others, like myself, who have experienced the binge & purge cycle.

You questioned my understanding of being ABDL and my motives in posting about the binge & purge cycle. I am a lifelong AB. I have been AB all my adolescent and adult life. For me, being AB is a permanent and (now) healthy part of my psyche. I will always be AB. I have lived through the binge & purge cycle many times over several decades. Again, large scale surveys of ABDLs indicate that this is a common experience for many ABDLs.

My view of the more extreme occurences of the binge & purge cycle as a serious psychological disturbance is based on my personal experience. The large scale surveys of ABDLs validate that perspective. For myself, I prefer to understand myself and being ABDL better, through recognizing the significance of, and understanding, the binge and purge cycle. The best of psychology has always told us we can understand what lies within us, and we don't need to be afraid of it. That is the perspective I apply to the binge & purge cycle..

There seem to be two main pathways to self acceptance by ABDLs. The most common is to maintain that any harm that comes from being ABDL (like the binge & purge) is entirely extrinsic - due to the prejudices or misunderstanding of others, and to an ABDLs' fear of the same. This point of view holds alleviating any harm from being ABDL is simply a matter of self acceptance. Essentially, you just need to tell yourself, "I'm okay".

There is a second, less common pathway to self acceptance. That is based on recognizing that some of the harm that comes from being ABDL is intrinsic. The harm comes from more than just the prejudice of others, it is built into the condition (such as with anxiety). That isn't saying that being ABDL can be 'cured' away; that anyone should give up being ABDL; or that being ABDL can't be psychologically healthy. It is saying that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition with its origin in issues and unmet needs in childhood. It is saying that some of the intrinsic harms from being ABDL need to be addressed and healed, before it becomes a healthy personal identity. This is a more complex pathway to self acceptance. It is sometimes difficult to explain, and is especially prone to being misunderstood or offensive to those who take the other pathway to self acceptance.

My route to self acceptance is the second pathway. My interest in psychology means that I cannot dismiss my personal experience of the binge & purge cycle. I recognize it as a serious psychological disturbance. I have researched ABDLs surveys and parallel experiences in bulimia nervosa and bipolar II to better understand the binge & purge.

My posts are intended to provide some validation to those ABDLs who are taking the second road to self acceptance, based on accepting that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition. It may be the less common pathway but it deserves respect and validation.

Regards. Dylan.
Sorry I miss read everything and I was in a really bad place that day . 😔🥰🌈
 
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DylanLewis said:
Parallel between the ABDL Binge & Purge Cycle and a Biploar II Hypomanic Episode

In my previous post I made the point that the ABDL's binge and purge cycle is not to be taken lightly - that it is a pointer to some of the complexity of the psychology of being ABDL.

The term binge and purge is taken from the disorder Bulimia Nervosa. But, at its most severe, the ABDL's binge and purge is something of a cross between that of the bulimic and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode. Let me explain the latter point.

The binge is associated with a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. It produces a feeling of euphoria, followed generally a few days later by a feeling of deep self loathing. This can only be assuaged by purging. The actions involved in purging are compulsive and also involve a mania-like level of energy and preoccupation. The purge produces a euphoria at being ‘cleansed’ of something bad which lasts for a while before tailing off. The cycle is emotionally wrenching and exhausting.

The ABDL's binge and purge and a Bipolar II hypomanic episode manifest with similar frequencies, although the duration is different. Wikipedia states –

“Most people who meet criteria for bipolar disorder experience a number of episodes, on average 0.4 to 0.7 per year, lasting three to six months.” [Wikipedia article Bipolar Disorder]

On average that would mean an episode every two to two-and-a-half years. Data from the 2011 Zamboni survey indicates that the greater majority of ABDLs experience binge and purge cycles. They occur on average every two-and-a-half years for males, and two years for females, or every 18 months for those who have experienced prolonged periods of distress in relation to being ABDL. However the duration of the phenomena appears to be different. For ABDLs the interval between a binge and the succeeding purge is usually not long, most likely days at most, which is closer to the interval for a person with bulimia than Bipolar Disorder, and the euphoric effect may last days and tail off in weeks.

The DSM defines a hypomanic episode as follows –

A. A distinct period of elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least four days, that is clearly different from the usual nondepressed mood.

B. During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree.

  • (1) Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity;
  • (2) Decreased need for sleep (eg. feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep);
  • (3) More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking;
  • (4) Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
  • (5) Distractibility (ie. attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli);
  • (6) Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually, or psychomotor agitation);
  • (7) Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences [other sources cite hypersexuality in this context.]
C. The episode is associated with an unequivocal change in functioning that is uncharacteristic of the person when not symptomatic.

D. The disturbance in mood and the change in functioning are observable by others.

E. The episode is not severe enough to cause marked impairment in social or occupational functioning, or to necessitate hospitalization, and there are no psychotic features [hallucinations or failed reality testing].
[DSM-IVTR p368]

An ABDL’s binge and purge is likely to meet all of the above criteria, except only (D) – the disturbance in mood and change in functioning are observable by others. In this respect an ABDL’s binge and purge behavior is more like that of a person with bulimia nervosa.

The DSM states –

“Individuals with Bulimia Nervosa are typically ashamed of their eating problems and attempt to conceal their symptoms. Binge eating usually occurs in secrecy, or as inconspicuously as possible.” [DSM-IVTR p590]. The DSM does not specify, but purges are also likely to be undertaken secretly.

Like bulimics, ABDLs in the midst of a binge and purge cycle are likely to be deeply ashamed of their motivations and behaviours, and secretive in their behaviours.

Thus ABDL’s binge and purge cycles replicate many aspects of hypomanic episodes, but do not meet the definition. The difference lies in the fact that those experiencing hypomania are either unaware of, or unconcerned, that their mood state is observable by others. By contrast ABDLs’ are aware of the potential for adverse perceptions by others and commonly successful in concealing the changes in their personality. That distinction is important and suggests that the two phenomena may differ in their basic nature. Nevertheless, the close parallel with hypomanic episodes does indicate that ABDL's binge and purge cycles are serious psychological disturbances, and an important diagnostic indicator.

Regards. Dylan.
Hey there, Dylan,

This post is very insightful--I know it's been a while since it was put up, I'm new here. I have to relate, this cycle is very potent in my mind. I think deeper, more personal insights are something I should expect from therapy sessions (which I've finally arranged with someone experienced and supportive of AB/DL), but I couldn't help but post, mostly just to thank you for this information.

It's pretty clear in my experience that guilt/shame drive these feelings, and I would wonder what they're related to in terms of mania--because I frequently go through cycles of reduced sleep, racing thoughts, and intense distraction... it simply struck a chord with me, and I don't speak of AB/DL as a symptom, but it's more subject to other factors at play. Thank you for your insight,

F.A
 
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I thought this would be something I could stop and come out of but after time my desires got the better of me and I knew and accepted it was part of who I am. Its a lot easier to know and accept who you are. Lately this week I have wore a nappy every night apart from last night. I know this is part of the purge stage and it wont be long until the binge stage comes back. I now enjoy both stages wearing whatever I want to suit my desires and remain happy.
 
Goodness I don't have those at all. I wear nappies for a while then feel like a change. The change is enjoyable until I feel like a change
and the change runs the same as before. I wear, I enjoy, feel like a change, enjoy. That simple. No problems.
 
Really informative thread, however I don't think I'll ever fully rid myself of the purge cycle. Maybe if I find a partner who shares this same aspect of me, then it might be easier to accept it... Until then!
 
I was thinking the other night, at one point I threw all my stuffed animals and toys away, I was in the 7th grade maybe, I feel that was my first purge, and I regret it to this day, all my treasured friends met the fate of the trash can, because I didn't want to be a little boy anymore, I had a good collection at that time, was dealing with shame from the diapers and early sexual exploration.
 
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DylanLewis said:
BabyTahani
My posts on the binge & purge cycle made you angry and upset. That was not my intention and I am sorry that you felt unsafe. I will seek better ways to express my thoughts on this challenging topic.

We commonly want two different things from sharing with others on ADISC - firstly, to validate our uniqueness and individuality and secondly, to find shared experience with others. Sometimes, depending on where we are at, these two needs can be reconciled, other times they can be in contradiction.

So it is with binge & purge. If I understand you correctly, it is not part of your experience. Your experience of being ABDL, based on being grievously injured by a drunk driver, is individual to you. Large scale surveys of ABDLs tell us that a substantial minority have not experienced the binge & purge cycle (like yourself). Those same surveys also tell us that the greater majority of ABDLs have, at one time or other, experienced the binge & purge cycle, and some of those have experienced significant distress from those cycles.

As you want your individual experience to be respected, I ask that you respect the experience of others, like myself, who have experienced the binge & purge cycle.

You questioned my understanding of being ABDL and my motives in posting about the binge & purge cycle. I am a lifelong AB. I have been AB all my adolescent and adult life. For me, being AB is a permanent and (now) healthy part of my psyche. I will always be AB. I have lived through the binge & purge cycle many times over several decades. Again, large scale surveys of ABDLs indicate that this is a common experience for many ABDLs.

My view of the more extreme occurences of the binge & purge cycle as a serious psychological disturbance is based on my personal experience. The large scale surveys of ABDLs validate that perspective. For myself, I prefer to understand myself and being ABDL better, through recognizing the significance of, and understanding, the binge and purge cycle. The best of psychology has always told us we can understand what lies within us, and we don't need to be afraid of it. That is the perspective I apply to the binge & purge cycle..

There seem to be two main pathways to self acceptance by ABDLs. The most common is to maintain that any harm that comes from being ABDL (like the binge & purge) is entirely extrinsic - due to the prejudices or misunderstanding of others, and to an ABDLs' fear of the same. This point of view holds alleviating any harm from being ABDL is simply a matter of self acceptance. Essentially, you just need to tell yourself, "I'm okay".

There is a second, less common pathway to self acceptance. That is based on recognizing that some of the harm that comes from being ABDL is intrinsic. The harm comes from more than just the prejudice of others, it is built into the condition (such as with anxiety). That isn't saying that being ABDL can be 'cured' away; that anyone should give up being ABDL; or that being ABDL can't be psychologically healthy. It is saying that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition with its origin in issues and unmet needs in childhood. It is saying that some of the intrinsic harms from being ABDL need to be addressed and healed, before it becomes a healthy personal identity. This is a more complex pathway to self acceptance. It is sometimes difficult to explain, and is especially prone to being misunderstood or offensive to those who take the other pathway to self acceptance.

My route to self acceptance is the second pathway. My interest in psychology means that I cannot dismiss my personal experience of the binge & purge cycle. I recognize it as a serious psychological disturbance. I have researched ABDLs surveys and parallel experiences in bulimia nervosa and bipolar II to better understand the binge & purge.

My posts are intended to provide some validation to those ABDLs who are taking the second road to self acceptance, based on accepting that being ABDL is a complex psychological condition. It may be the less common pathway but it deserves respect and validation.

Regards. Dylan.
This is so true. I spent 50 years going through binge/purge cycles and it was exhausting. Fighting with my inner psyche every day. It all started for me back in the 1970s so there was no internet, no ADISC and the only reference I ever found to anything remotely ABDL was a magazine in a ‘dirty’ bookshop in Soho, London. Even that got purged.
If anyone goes through this, take a long hard look at yourself and understand why it is happening, then acknowledge that your ABDLness is not going away and reconcile yourself with learning to live with it ... in the peace of self acceptance. I wish I had done that 50 years ago!
 
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I feel like I’ve been in the phase for the last year but earlier this week I wore a diaper for the first time in about 6-8 weeks and it felt right, like it was meant to be. So comforting and calming and trying to realize this is me
 
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I've been there at the moment I'm thinking a lot about getting some to wear to bed I'm at the start of the indulge cycle I guess. I'm hoping this time I discipline myself to wesr only to bed and maube occasionally in public. Instead of all the time I'm home like I dud with the last couple packs.
 
Same, Same. Purged it all out. Felt I was somehow damaged by wanting the comfort and security I got by wearing. But, always comes back as a need more than a want. Just something in my life that brings peace to me for awhile.
 
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I’m in the short term phase now...There are the days I know I am free to wear and I do and feel so perfect and at the end I’m content and think it will be over and done for a while but after a few days that urge returns and I feel powerless and needy! It’s all so confusing to understand the triggers!
 
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New2DLWorld said:
I’m in the short term phase now...There are the days I know I am free to wear and I do and feel so perfect and at the end I’m content and think it will be over and done for a while but after a few days that urge returns and I feel powerless and needy! It’s all so confusing to understand the triggers!
Like Teddy02 above, it was over 50 year's of hiding and going through the cycle. Must have cost me more than a few hundred £.
There was zero to learn back in the 70's and so us oldies are in the same place for feeling guilty/dirty/abhorrent/wrong all with the self loathing and self disrespect that went/goes with the purges.
I and MANY like me here on Adisc have found a friend and confidant in reading others life stories.
There's enlightenment to be found and an understanding that the B/P cycle is a fairly normal response, not only to AB/DL BUT so many other things in life.
IT'S A THING, get used to it, NO ONE GETS HURT BY IT, only OTHER PEOPLE'S so called morals.
I have known a few people who have much deeper and darker and downright weird (compared to ABDL!) things going on and they seem to accept themselves and would never dream of harming anyone else with it.
Simply KNOW you will be back. Allow that to remain a neutral thought if not a positive one. DON'T purge, pack it all away and KNOW it's there.
You are NOT doing ANYTHING illegal, just bizarre as my friends would say😁
We all need a little bizarre in our lives😁
 
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Nihlus said:
Coming to terms with being an AB/DL can be a long road for many people. Those who have AB/DL desires but have not fully accepted them are particularly prone to going through what is known as the binge/purge cycle.



The Cycle


Binge

The binge phase is often preceded by a period wherein one's AB/DL desires become stronger and stronger. One might find himself thinking about diapers more often and having much stronger desires to indulge. Eventually, these feelings result in the binge phase where one has a desire to overindulge in ABDL activities.

During the binge phase, a person often overindulges in AB/DL activities and feels a much greater connection to them. This may take the form of buying a considerable amount of diapers, wearing diapers at every possible opportunity, or extensively using other AB/DL items such as pacifiers, bottles, onesies, sleepers, etc.


Purge

After going through the binge phase, a person will typically look back on what they've done and will begin to have feelings of shame or disgust. People tend to take a step back and out of some combination of diminished interest from indulging so much and shame over doing something perceived as very abnormal, they decide that they want to be completely rid of their AB/DL urges. At this point, the person going through the cycle often swears that he/she will stop being an AB/DL and will never wear diapers again. This is where the purge phase begins.

The purge phase is when a person rejects their AB/DL desires and tries to do whatever they think they can do to get rid of them. For some people, the feelings brought on by a purge drive them to throw away of all their AB/DL related items in an attempt to permanently eradicate the desires. The length of a purge can greatly vary between individuals. Many report it lasting as little as a week, and few report it lasting for multiple years.



Why it Happens


Natural Ebb and Flow of Desires

People often go through periods of heightened and reduced interest in AB/DL activities. Members tend to report that with time and increased acceptance, the extremes tend to smooth out, such that their desires vary without creating such massive changes in behavior. It is perfectly natural to gain and lose interest in desires, and the problem is when those otherwise natural swings are destructively large. The cycle is problematic when people binge to an extreme extent wherein they spend large amounts of time and money on AB/DL desires, and then purge in extreme ways, attempting to suppress or completely eliminate all AB/DL desires.


Lesser Acceptance Leads to More Extreme Cycles

The binge/purge cycle tends to result from the conflict between one's AB/DL desires and one's own self-image. There's a negative stigma attached to wearing diapers and for many people, it can be difficult to accept one's desires in light of it. When a person enters the purge phase, they typically think that this behavior is not normal and that they would be better off without it so they attempt to completely rid themselves of their AB/DL interests in an attempt to be a "normal" person who isn't into something that would generally be viewed as bizarre. After purging, the desires, which have previously been rejected/suppressed, build up until they reach a point where the person enters the binge phase, restarting the cycle.


Dealing with the Cycle

During both binges and purges, people are generally faced with extreme feelings regarding AB/DL behavior: during binges, they typically want to indulge as much as possible and during purges, they want to completely rid themselves of these feelings by any means necessary. The key element to dealing with the cycle is moderation. If a person can strike a balance between the two extremes, they can prevent the feelings of binging or purging from becoming too strong. If overdoing things can be avoided, the cycle can be managed.


Moderation While Binging

When going through the binge phase, a person will be very tempted to indulge in AB/DL activities and one should do so to an extent. The feelings towards AB/DL behavior are typically quite strong during this phase and the ideal thing to do is to try and keep the feelings in check by indulging in AB/DL activities in moderation. Wear a diaper, suck on a pacifier, or do some other AB/DL-related thing but don't do it excessively. If you start to suspect that you're overdoing it, put the diapers away for a while and allow for some time to pass before indulging again. Pushing things too far by overindulging is a large part of what triggers a purge.


Moderation While Purging

When faced with the feelings of shame and the resulting desires to rid AB/DL feelings from one's life, it's important to remember that this phase will be temporary and that the desires will later resurface.

No matter how strong the temptation may be, one should refrain from throwing away any diapers or other AB/DL items since these items will have to be repurchased when the desires return. This only creates additional stress one will end up going through the process of buying all the items again which can be considerably expensive, depending on how much is being replaced. When faced with the desire to throw away or destroy any AB/DL items, the ideal thing to do is to put them somewhere out of the way (such as a basement or garage). Throwing things away never helps anything so the best thing to do is to simply put everything out of sight and just try to forget about them until the purge phase ends.



Rising Above Binge/Purge


To ultimately defeat the binge/purge cycle, you must fully come to terms with the AB/DL desires in your life and eliminate all the feelings of shame that you may have associated with them. You need to realize that being an AB/DL is a part of who you are and that the desires will not go away, no matter how much you want them to do so. Self-acceptance of being an AB/DL doesn't usually come easily but it can be achieved. To do this, you need to stop worrying about what other people might think of infantilism and realize that:
  1. It's something that you enjoy.
  2. It's no one's business but your own and whoever you decide to tell about it.
  3. It does not cause any harm to you or anyone else and as such, it cannot be objectively viewed as wrong.
It often takes time to recognize these points but once you're able to do so, you'll find yourself closer to accepting your AB/DL desires and ridding yourself of the binge/purge cycle. Once you've fully accepted the AB/DL desires, you'll find that it's much easier to balance your AB/DL side with your own self-image. You may still go through periods of increased interest or apathy but, as mentioned previously, this is normal behavior.

More information on self-acceptance can be found in this article.
This is great. Thanks. Useful.
 
This is a great thread, thank you so much. I definitely do the whole cycle and it's definitely been because I didn't accept this need in me.

I think I am getting there now, though. For the first time in my life I managed to tell someone a bit about this because scary as it was, I have learned with the help of a lot of therapy that secrets within a relationship, especially ones kept out of shame, are very harmful for me. I didn't want that in my current relationship. So I took the risk and shared some of this. My partner knows there is more to share when I feel ready and she's been incredible supportive.

I hope this will help me in breaking my cycle and accepting myself. I think it will because when I told her she asked to give me a cuddle and said it broke her heart to think of me constantly getting rid of something that brought me comfort and pleasure. So I guess this time when/if we move in together I won't feel the need to purge everything and try to deny myself.
 
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Magicbean said:
This is a great thread, thank you so much. I definitely do the whole cycle and it's definitely been because I didn't accept this need in me.

I think I am getting there now, though. For the first time in my life I managed to tell someone a bit about this because scary as it was, I have learned with the help of a lot of therapy that secrets within a relationship, especially ones kept out of shame, are very harmful for me. I didn't want that in my current relationship. So I took the risk and shared some of this. My partner knows there is more to share when I feel ready and she's been incredible supportive.

I hope this will help me in breaking my cycle and accepting myself. I think it will because when I told her she asked to give me a cuddle and said it broke her heart to think of me constantly getting rid of something that brought me comfort and pleasure. So I guess this time when/if we move in together I won't feel the need to purge everything and try to deny myself.
That sounds really encouraging. Good for you, good luck! I find the more you push certain desires away, the stronger they get. Whereas when you acknowledge them, they lose their power a bit.
 
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