I, like some AB/DL have often wondered why it is that I am this way. Perhaps you might think that this is the wrong forum to discuss this topic, but I feel as if this has happened to enough of us to talk about this subject in a more mature forum.
I've had these desires to wear and use diapers my entire life, and as I am 54, you can imagine just how alone I was, as there was absolutely no one to talk with about this side of me.
I really didn't have anyone to turn to until I was 18, and then it wasn't even being able to talk with anyone, online or in person. I had discovered Diaper Pail Friends, but as some of you may remember it was a bi-monthly publication, and there really wasn't a way to talk with anyone in something even remotely close to real time.
Since the advent of the internet I have now found that I am not alone and have been able to converse with others about my diaper desires. Finding any scientific studies about our particular needs has been very hard, kind of like finding a snowball on the beach in Florida. If one of you out there has any leads for finding any good, worthwhile information about infantilism I would love to hear from you.
So many times I have found what I thought was a promising lead, only to discover that it was once again simply someone's story about a fantasy of theirs. The reason I would like to read of a concrete medical or psychiatric study is that I would like to understand more about myself.
I know that we are most probably born this way, much as transgendered people are born the way that they are, born in the wrong body for the sex that they know down in their bones they are supposed to be. It is something that is just hardwired into their makeup, and I am sure this is the case in myself, as it probably is in all of us. I feel that we were made to be Adult Babies or Diaper Lovers (I myself swing back and forth from one to the other, don't ask me why).
I just want to have some of the questions I have so often asked myself to have some type of answer or to have some of these things explained to me. I too like many of us have gone through the binge and purge cycles, and the terrible angst and internal wars going on as we struggle with the question of why it is that we are the way that we are, and why can't we change this part of our lives?
I have sought balance in my life, and done well for awhile, sometimes doing quite well for periods of time, and then BAM, out the door, down the drain, headfirst into the maelstrom once again. Please, if anyone can help me with any answers to these pressing questions I would be deeply in your debt. If you know of anyone who has delved into these questions that plague so many of us and come up with answers that make some kind of sense to me I will be eternally grateful.