DISCLAIMER: Sorry about the long post. I think this may help newcomers and kids and may be shed some light about "what does it feel to do something prohibited".
Hey folks! I was a bit silent lately, mostly because of lots of work and nothing (relevant) to tell here. Sometimes I feel like I'm bored of (everything) being DL and drop the whole idea for a while. Sometimes I feel like being padded every single second.
Nowadays I'm going through high stress levels because of my job and the possibility of going back to be a freelancer (aka no permanent job). I've got to pay the rent, expenses, bills, etc. so that stresses me a lot.
There is something I can't lie about: This started as a fetish. Today it helps me to relax (still can't figure out why). And somehow it helps me to know and understand myself.
I suffer from a not-so-common-condition called "Klippel Trenaunay Syndrome" that affects me mostly aesthetically. Sure, it has some deep implications like inability to run no more two blocks, one body hemisphere bigger than the other, or general weakness due to some underdeveloped muscles of the upper limbs and chest; but I could mostly do a normal life.
I always was a shy boy. Due to what was explained above, I suffered bullying as a kid (note: here in Argentina "bullying" never was a big issue. It never had a name for itself, like "bullying", just "mom, a kid bothers me" and that was it.) because of my skin tone and my particular way of walking (as I said, I've got a leg a bit longer than the other) among other things.
To make things worse, I always was a very sensitive boy. I always pay(ed) attention to small things, and always took things to heart. So yeah. Things were difficult.
And I wasn't a DL until I was a teenager!
Experiment with my DL side was not a big improvement. I started to feel more awkward, more weird, more strange. But then I embraced it. Or at least, it happened when I was already more confident with me and less worried about what people said or thought about me. Of course, "grown kids", commonly known as "adults", generally try not to say things so childish to anyone (again: generally). But always there is something else to prove, someone to impress (although that someone usually is oneself).
So I decided to raise the bet.
I went out padded, with my mind put not in "hey, look everybody, I'm diapered! I'm breaking a taboo! whoohoo!", but in "how much can I tolerate being padded ouside, how can I face a society that thinks that diapers are for babies or very sick and old people?". So I went to the supermarket, at night. The street was brightly lit.
So this is how I felt:
I was outside, padded, uhm... yes, and... "What did I need to buy? Oh yeah, this and this... and... Yeah, a couple of these"... It wasn't at all a big deal! I almost felt embarrased with myself because of acting so silly. Of course, it didn't lead to feel bad, but to laugh at myself...
Now I feel a bit more confident with myself, and with the following idea: What makes us ashamed is entirely subjective and personal. And no external stimuli can make us ashamed. So, this just gives me more to work on, making me owner of all responsibility about how I feel everyday.
Is it fair? I don't know. But it gives me a bit more of certainty, and a bit less of despair.