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Thread: Psychological side effects of ABDL tendencies

  1. #1

    Default Psychological side effects of ABDL tendencies

    While I personally don't believe the root cause of ABDL desires is psychological in nature, there is no doubt that these desires cause psychological issues. We all have different personalities and have developed different coping mechanisms to deal with this deep dark secret, but one thing I wonder about is how I might behave differently if I never had these desires. Growing up and living with a secret so socially heinous that I feel compelled to hide it from everyone must have taken a psychological toll, but, since I am looking at the problem from the inside, I am most likely missing the big picture.

    Maybe there are benefits to having these "bad" desires. Maybe the struggle between self loathing and acceptance toughens one up. Maybe being a social outcast, mentally, makes one more independent. On the other hand, maybe living with this secret caused more psychological damage than I am aware of.

    Just curious if anyone has any insight on this.

  2. #2

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    One upside I noticed was that I never really judged other people's (legal) proclivities. Whatever other people wanted to do and wasn't hurting anyone was fine with me, because, well, I knew I wanted to wear diapers and suck on pacifiers. Doesn't get much weirder than that. So, I ended up with lots of gay and lesbian friends because I definitely understood the judgment aspect and didn't have any inclination to judge based on my own silly sexual tendencies. I also tended not to bully anyone or tease anyone even as a kid, because, man, no matter how weird things got with their special interests and all, I knew I was just as weird.

    A downside might be some anxiety. At least for me, I am very anxious about making sure no one can find my things, I worry sometimes that my secret will come out. I'm already an anxious kind of person, and I know for a fact that it's not 100% based on my ABDLness. However, I think sometimes my ABDL side can rev up my anxiety.

    That can bring, though, one final upside. Sometimes, when I'm really down and out, and really stressed, going little and having my BF be my daddy can turn me right around. He can handle my emotions better when I'm little, I can listen better and destress faster when I'm little... it really seems to help out. It seems to help get me to a place where I can heal and look for solutions. So it doesn't fix any problem 100%, but it is a great way to help regulate emotions and calm down negative moods and negative thoughts. So when I go big again, I am in a way better place emotionally to start working towards solutions and new ideas.

  3. #3

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    I've noticed that the majority of ABDLs seem to be very open minded. It's quite hard to be negatively judgemental about someone doing something 'unusual' whilst simultaneously not wanting to be judged negatively by others for being 'unusual'.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    While I personally don't believe the root cause of ABDL desires is psychological in nature, there is no doubt that these desires cause psychological issues. We all have different personalities and have developed different coping mechanisms to deal with this deep dark secret, but one thing I wonder about is how I might behave differently if I never had these desires. Growing up and living with a secret so socially heinous that I feel compelled to hide it from everyone must have taken a psychological toll, but, since I am looking at the problem from the inside, I am most likely missing the big picture.

    Maybe there are benefits to having these "bad" desires. Maybe the struggle between self loathing and acceptance toughens one up. Maybe being a social outcast, mentally, makes one more independent. On the other hand, maybe living with this secret caused more psychological damage than I am aware of.

    Just curious if anyone has any insight on this.
    Hello Drifter

    I am making sure that I am reading this correctly so please ask clarifying question if I am not making since.

    First I think you are right in the point that AB/DL does not come to use on its own, but I do think that there is other environmental quos that perpetrate the condition.

    In my personal case it is pretty much a case of "Stockholm's" syndrome. I was diaper disciplined for having a messy accident at my cousins house and she belittled my mother into putting me into a diaper. I had and have always had a touchy gut. I was also pretty much toilet trained by having everything of mine taken away to give to the same cousin that diapered me when she had her first child.

    I remember having accident when I was potty trained and being verbally abused for being such a "stupid baby" instead of a Big Boy.
    These things and the fact that I remember having an other messy accident after the diaper discipline, I went into the back bathroom and made a towel into a diaper, putting it on, and crawled into the cabinet and cried myself to sleep for a few hours.

    After that I just remember hating to see Diaper commercial because I was sure I would get put into them again. I was always being yelled at to quit acting like a baby or do we need to put you back into diapers.

    I do not remember exactly when I started putting on makeshift diapers, but I do remember that it was when I had some messy accidents when I was 7 or 8 that I started doing it regularly.

    From what I have read here on the sight the story seems to be very similar or it was because the individual was made to or offered diapers for bedwetting after the age of 4 or 5 and the feeling became ingrained because of the comfort and/or security that they provided.

    As for the psychological effects on our personality is because of the anti-social acceptance of the condition that made use good at hiding he truth and or covering up the actions that developed our personality to have so many barriers and or "quirks", that it added to the peer pressures that we had to compensate for.

    The other thing that does add to it for pre-1990's is the social stigma of not being a "retard". You could not be different or you were a target for bulling and social outcast. That is one of the reasons that I am more of a do-it-myself instead of a "team player".

    So I do think that because there was "No Help" for us the psychological damage did happen, but how we dealt with it is what makes us who we are today.

    My major problem is undiagnosed depression that I learned to deal with and was criticized most of my life. So in some aspects it was a coping mechanism and also the cause of the depression spells because of the vicious binge and purge cycles. Now that I have the resources such as this web site I am able to understand and control this situation.

    So getting to the point because of this "life style" I am able to look at things a lot different then the "average Joe". I am also using this as a means for dealing with problems that I have had in the past that have lead to unhealthy conditions.

    Case in point. recently I had yet another bad reaction to a medication. I became very irritable and was craving unhealthy food especially at night. I notified my Psychiatrist and discontinues the meds. I gained 20 lbs. in less then a month. I never use one as a child but because of muscle skeleton issues sucking my thumb has not been a good option. Now I use a pacifier and have a SMALL snack to settle my stomach after my PM meds. Then I suck on my "binky" until I go to sleep. IT has helped and I have lost 10 lbs. in just the last three weeks of doing this.

    I also think that we as a group are a lot more open to listen to other peoples stories before we make our opinion know, which is a lot different from the average "beer swigging judgment" makers that I encounter in the general public.

  5. #5

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    At age 66, I've had a lot of time for a lifetime of enjoying diapers to find a level of equilibrium. The early years were rough however, and I think it did contribute to some psychological problems. I think I acted tougher, wanted to be tougher to somehow, offset the weird feelings I harbored. I also was bullied as a young child, so I lashed back, manifesting the violence that was perpetrated against me when I was a child, thus making it hard to decipher all the emotions of growing up.

    Now, accepting my little side gives me a sense of peace. I accept it and who I am. I don't have anything to prove, nor do I care to try. Like me or leave me, I don't really care. It's nice to be at peace with oneself.

  6. #6

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    Personally, the only reason I choose not to reveal this side of me is because I don't take interest in my friends' fetishes and they don't take any interest in mine; there's really no benefit if other people know, and I prefer to keep it that way. At the same time, if someone comes out to me about their fetish, I don't aim to make them uncomfortable about it, and I am certainly not one to judge them for it. Being flamboyant about one's fetish when unwarranted to the point where it's completely obnoxious is when judgment is called for, but that's a different story entirely.

    I think psychological damage comes from lack of acceptance, and everyone accepts this side of themselves differently. If you feel at peace coming out to friends and family about it, you can do that. If you feel at peace accepting it as a secret that no-one needs to know, you can do that too. I chose the latter option on the grounds that I wouldn't find any benefit to revealing it, and that everyone bears the same kind of secret, or at least borne it.

  7. #7

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    Great responses. In a way I'm just fishing around in the dark here because this seems to be, for me, a case of not seeing the forest for the trees.

    I go along with the idea that, due to our own unusal desires, most of us are more open minded about others who might be considered weird. I think we have a tendency to lean liberal, but Dogboy brings up a good point talking about acting tougher in order to offset the weird feelings he had. I think this is similar to gay politicians in the past who have spoken out against homosexuality in order to hide their own homosexuality. Like many here I was bullied as a child but, I am ashamed to say, I also did some bullying of my own due, in part, to a desire to hide some babyish feelings I had.

    Acceptance, either of the ABDL activity itself or of the fact that we hide it, as ClandestineWing suggests, seems important to psychological health. But there seems to be a little contradiction in the idea of accepting something we feel we should hide. I guess one thing to accept is the fact that what we desire will probably always be considered to be anti-social in the sense that society will always be against it.

    Egor brings up the idea that he may be less of a team player because of being "different". I can identify with that. I would love to be more involved in social "team" activity but always, in the back of my mind, is the notion that I don't really fit in. In some subtle ways, and sometimes not so subtle, I feel I am faking it when I try to socialize.

    Most of the things discussed so far are things I kind of suspected: a tendency towards open mindedness mixed with some social anxiety and some psychological problems like depression. Of course these things occur all the time outside the ABDL community but I have to wonder how much our hidden desires enhance or aggravate these things.

    It occurs to me that this is beginning to look like an attempt at group therapy. I hope this is ok here.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frogsy View Post
    A downside might be some anxiety. At least for me, I am very anxious about making sure no one can find my things, I worry sometimes that my secret will come out. I'm already an anxious kind of person, and I know for a fact that it's not 100% based on my ABDLness. However, I think sometimes my ABDL side can rev up my anxiety.

    That can bring, though, one final upside. Sometimes, when I'm really down and out, and really stressed, going little and having my BF be my daddy can turn me right around. He can handle my emotions better when I'm little, I can listen better and destress faster when I'm little... it really seems to help out. It seems to help get me to a place where I can heal and look for solutions. So it doesn't fix any problem 100%, but it is a great way to help regulate emotions and calm down negative moods and negative thoughts. So when I go big again, I am in a way better place emotionally to start working towards solutions and new ideas.
    Some anxiety is natural for everyone so it is to be expected at times and it is, basically, a good thing. You say you are an anxious kind of person, though, and that is what the gist of this thread is about. We can never know for certain but I have to wonder if your anxiety about your secret spills over into other aspects of your life and could it possbily be what triggered you to become the "anxious kind".

    ABDL activities are a legitimate thing to be anxious about. My DL activity was a major factor in the break-up of my 40 year marriage. Other than feelings of failure, living alone for the past three years has been ok, but now the loneliness is leading me to the crazy notion that I should be seeking a soulmate. I'm in good shape and not too ugly so my chances might not be too bad except, of course, this is where the DL dragon raises it's nasty head. What I'm feeling now is more resignation than anxiety, but you know, if some opportunity presents itself, somewhere along the line the anxiety over when to tell will be suffocating.

    Thanks for sharing your experience. Happy endings are great for providing a spark of hope.

    (...of course, maybe I should just get a dog)

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    Acceptance, either of the ABDL activity itself or of the fact that we hide it, as ClandestineWing suggests, seems important to psychological health. But there seems to be a little contradiction in the idea of accepting something we feel we should hide. I guess one thing to accept is the fact that what we desire will probably always be considered to be anti-social in the sense that society will always be against it.
    To be fair, I don't feel forced to hide it; I choose to be... Clandestine.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drifter View Post
    While I personally don't believe the root cause of ABDL desires is psychological in nature, there is no doubt that these desires cause psychological issues. We all have different personalities and have developed different coping mechanisms to deal with this deep dark secret, but one thing I wonder about is how I might behave differently if I never had these desires. Growing up and living with a secret so socially heinous that I feel compelled to hide it from everyone must have taken a psychological toll, but, since I am looking at the problem from the inside, I am most likely missing the big picture.

    Maybe there are benefits to having these "bad" desires. Maybe the struggle between self loathing and acceptance toughens one up. Maybe being a social outcast, mentally, makes one more independent. On the other hand, maybe living with this secret caused more psychological damage than I am aware of.

    Just curious if anyone has any insight on this.
    A great subject nature for post!

    The product of ABDL desires is certainly psychological but what caused them is certainly another story or explanation. In the end, ABDL desires are certainly psychological. These thoughts tend to confuse us and provide direct opposition to who we are openly. These desires are usually kept private for obvious reasons.

    Perhaps these desires can cause destructive psychological issues but it is in my own experience and reading that further psycholigical issues stem from other underlying issues. ABDL propensities are hardly destructive unless allowed to become a destructive obsession.

    ABDL desires alone are not destructive unless they over-take or consume daily normal activities.

    On the point of 'being a social outcast': These desires, if kept within the realm of normal taboo, are no different than any other kink or desire.

    There is simply a place and time for them. Balances in life pertain to every personal aspect. These tendencies are no different.

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