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Thread: How do I clear up my reputation on Fetlife?

  1. #1

    Default How do I clear up my reputation on Fetlife?

    The internet to me is a necessary evil. People are rude and they put words in your mouth. I've had this happen to me a lot lately on fetlife where I have been trying to organize events and groups for the ABDL community, but they mostly attract naysayers who chase me away with all their b***shit and then those same people say I need a thicker skin I don't need a thicker skin. I need people to give me a chance instead of of crapping on everything I say.

    So depressed. I just want to organize ABDL events but no matter what I try it blows up in my face.

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    I feel like people only talk to me to criticize me on fetlife when I try to organize things.

  2. #2

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    Tip, If the internet hates you, kill the alias and start fresh, not as easy as it sounds and really hard to do but sometimes you have no choice, I had to for 4chan and IRC, turned out for the best, made a few friends out of enemies and it went from there, else any other advice, try and not sound too "grabby" and "needy" and even "soft" on the internet, I learned that VERY QUICKLY!

  3. #3

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    Maybe give it some time? If you've been very active lately, let a couple of months or half a year pass before stepping back in again. The ABDL community on Fet will still be there when you return. And when you do, take some time to just post and be involved with the groups before trying to organize one of your own... People like a name they can recognize. If you have a wealth of history that shows you are a supportive, thoughtful, and contributing member, I believe your events would have better reception.

  4. #4
    CrinklySiren

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    I agree with henni. Having been a member of fetlife for the last year and a half (or 2 years i think), I noticed that people on there have a low tolerance for negativity, I use to post depressing or depression related stuff on here and i got mixed responses (most of them not all that great or supportive as they are this day and age) but on fetlife when i tried seeking help, people FLAMED me. Disappear for a while, or try to give off a new sense of attitude because the only thing i did to turn my rep around on fetlife was to be positive and not post negative postings. The only time i posted anything negative was in journal writings. Also, its worth noting that people on fetlife are easily annoyed or offended depending on the topic of discussion ~ i would assume that the reason for this is because ADISC is a support site, and fetlife is not.

  5. #5

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    Sorry for the late response, just found this thread while seeing what I have missed recently.

    The best way to get flamed on Fetlife is to upset someone else's ego. Trying to organize somerthing in someone else's group for organizing things makes it appear that the group owner cannot do it themself; that really gets people upset. When posting in a group, follow the previous examples. Some groups are only for organizing munches and only contain a new post to anounce the next munch date and topic. Any post other than that will likely cause significant heat. Within my local community, a submissive posted a thread to discuss organizing a new training group under her own authority in an already existing training group. The group leader made it clear her post was not welcome in the group and where she could take it (to her own Master). Not following or understanding the unique group ettiquette within each Fetlife group will never go well. If in doubt, it is better to not post because nothing written on Fetlife can be user deleted... Also, some people receive an email every time a new topic is started in a group. Emails for stuff I do not want to know about is rather agrivating; 3 in one day could cause me to be blunt. Some people will be much worse.

    On the other hand, even the rudest people will usually give some information about why they are upset and what may be done to avoid it in the future. If they mention being tired of seeing your posts, perhaps refraining from posting in that group would be a wise decision. Just because someone is mean or rude does not invalidate any useful information they may have. The difference between a helpful suggestion and an overly harsh critique is how you receive the message. When you decide it gave helpful information, it was helpful. When you decide it was rude and inappropriate, that is how it is until you decide otherwise. No one but you is able to make you upset. Figuring out how not to get upset is the hard part.

    Trust me when I say how a person responds is their own personal responsibility. I had a wonderful time attending the retirement luncheon for the guy that gave me a hard time about my exercise routine for over a year and tried to prevent me from riding my motorcycle for the past month. I believe he was expecting inappropriate behavior from me to get me terminated earlier due to his words and actions since December. He is probably still wondering why I did not have a problem he could see. To him, I kept smiling and saying "Yes Sir, everything is good." Today, I told him that I appreciated the opportunity to work with him and looked forward to working with him in the future. Right next to him, I asked how things were going for the guy that stressed me out so much I spent 12 days in a psych ward and expressed how happy I was that things were going well for him. Yes, something is off with my head, but I do not mind that grudges and anger are unnatural for me. The funny thing is, the guy retiring from his cuurrent job will be returning to the building in a week to fill a non-supervisory different position and everyone thanking him for the job he had done mentioned his next position would be without supervisory authority over anyone. This may have been partially due to my discrete communicaiton with the one person in charge of both exercise policy and the motorcycle safety program who also knew what drove me crazy last time; I doubt he appreciated someone trying to make it happen again. I did not have a serious problem this time because I learned what I had done wrong last time, am taking medication to control sleep and anxiety, and took appropriate actions to keep it from lasting too long to handle. Only lost a little sleep during one week. The first time, I had not slept well in over 6 months and stopped thinking correectly somewhere in that time. What none of my coworkers knew was how much anxiety I was experiencing during the past month; my emotions are naturally hard to read.

    Getting back to the Fetlife topic, another good way to get negative responses is to discuss making the general public more aware of private activities and asking others to help. Within BDSM, this is borderline "outing" activities and will scare most people on Fetllife. Most people involved in AB, DL, and BDSM are very paranoid (rightfully so) of their own private activities getting into public knowledge for fear of negative reactions. Most companies have policies against activities that may cause negative publicity and people could lose their jobs, friends, family, and may even lose all possibility of ever working in their chosen field ever again if their private activities became public even if it is not illegal or wrong. What I do in private is fine right up until it causes negative publicity for my employer or causes issues in the work center. Proudly anouncing that I enjoy wearing diapers and medical restraints would be one of those "negative publicity" things.

    Cleaning up your image on Fetlife begins with ceasing all negative posts in groups. Secondly, do not remind people of your past mistakes in new group posts even if you are just apologizing. A reminder is a reminder. They need to forget. Next, be very caustious when, where, and what you post. A journal entry is one thing, within a group is something else entirely. For some groups, you should never start a topic. I would also recomment you remove your face from your profile so people do not associatee a face with the negativity any more. A final option is to delete your account and start a new one in about a month that has no reminders of the old profile. Posting your face as your profile picture will instantly remind others of your past issues.

  6. #6

    Default

    The best thing you can do to clear up your reputation is to get out there and meet people in real life. And don't just stick to AB/DL type people. I left the majority of the AB/DL groups on there because I was sick of reading what the self appointed elite know it all's were posting and how they would gang up on anyone who held different opinions. Get out there, meet real people and leave the keyboard warriors to argue among themselves lol

  7. #7

    Default

    It's common on fetlife to have your words get twisted and people don't really read what you write. This happens to lot of people there because I have seen it. So I know it's not a communication problem on my part.

    I also notice some people there are strange because they compare wearing diapers to sex and think people wear them out in public for a thrill to get caught and see it as pushing your fetish on other people. Some people there are really into this sexually so they are projecting I think. They also seem to think this is a choice we make.True we do choose to wear them and have the stuff and act on it but we didn't just choose to be into this and they act like we made that choice. I suspect not everyone makes the choice to be AB/DL because someone just choose to do it and can live without it because it's something they choose to engage in for sexual thrills. It's like how I might choose to do BDSM and I can live without it and I don't need it because it's not wired into me.

  8. #8

    Default

    Fetlife is only a site, its filled with humans. Humans are good, bad and assholes, depending on the person.

    Just keep trying to stay in the abdl communitty and feel free to ban the nay sayers. Banning the trolls is the only way ive been able to tolerate it.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    It's common on fetlife to have your words get twisted and people don't really read what you write. This happens to lot of people there because I have seen it. So I know it's not a communication problem on my part.

    I also notice some people there are strange because they compare wearing diapers to sex and think people wear them out in public for a thrill to get caught and see it as pushing your fetish on other people. Some people there are really into this sexually so they are projecting I think. They also seem to think this is a choice we make.True we do choose to wear them and have the stuff and act on it but we didn't just choose to be into this and they act like we made that choice. I suspect not everyone makes the choice to be AB/DL because someone just choose to do it and can live without it because it's something they choose to engage in for sexual thrills. It's like how I might choose to do BDSM and I can live without it and I don't need it because it's not wired into me.
    That's what I have found also. Because it's a sexual fetish for them it IS A SEXUAL FETISH. They just can't grasp the concept that for a lot of us it isn't a sexual thing. That's why I left a lot of the AB/DL groups. Particularly the groups lead by the self appointed leaders of the American AB/DL community.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    The internet to me is a necessary evil. People are rude and they put words in your mouth. I've had this happen to me a lot lately on fetlife where I have been trying to organize events and groups for the ABDL community, but they mostly attract naysayers who chase me away with all their b***shit and then those same people say I need a thicker skin I don't need a thicker skin. I need people to give me a chance instead of of crapping on everything I say.

    So depressed. I just want to organize ABDL events but no matter what I try it blows up in my face.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I feel like people only talk to me to criticize me on fetlife when I try to organize things.
    My fetlife name on there is jbradshaw90 if you wanna hit me up it's up to you and I hate it when people do that crap it urkes me so badly

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