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Thread: Feeling Depressed and would appreciate someone to talk to

  1. #1

    Default Feeling Depressed and would appreciate someone to talk to

    Hey, I'm reaching out because things aren't going too well for me. I got rejected again (not romantically, a different kind of rejection) and the depression response followed soon after. I really would appreciate if I could talk to someone. I'm trying to find ways to not think about the matter which is upsetting me but it's so invasive in my mind it's like a virus.

    I really wish I didn't feel this way. I feel like the pathways of change are blocked off and I keep making the same stupid mistakes, like giving into my passive aggressiveness when I felt spurned...

    Please if there's anyone out there who can talk some sense into me... I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to get better. And I want to. I want to not care so much about what other people think of me. I want to be able to stand confident on my own two legs instead of fearing every moment and constantly doubting myself. I need to learn how to stop letting things invalidate me. But no matter how hard I try it just doesn't come to me.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    Hey, I'm reaching out because things aren't going too well for me. I got rejected again (not romantically, a different kind of rejection) and the depression response followed soon after. I really would appreciate if I could talk to someone. I'm trying to find ways to not think about the matter which is upsetting me but it's so invasive in my mind it's like a virus.

    I really wish I didn't feel this way. I feel like the pathways of change are blocked off and I keep making the same stupid mistakes, like giving into my passive aggressiveness when I felt spurned...

    Please if there's anyone out there who can talk some sense into me... I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to get better. And I want to. I want to not care so much about what other people think of me. I want to be able to stand confident on my own two legs instead of fearing every moment and constantly doubting myself. I need to learn how to stop letting things invalidate me. But no matter how hard I try it just doesn't come to me.
    Hi, Bartolome...

    I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties!

    As a disclaimer...I'm a bit fatigued in my head at the moment...if you're up to trying it out anyway...perhaps I could be of some use to you...?

    -Marka

  3. #3

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    In another thread you mentioned wheat smoking. Take a rest of that, it'd give feedback of depresion. Another way is search for some activity out of cause of the depresion. Retake the force when deprimed is soo hard job (my personal experience.)

  4. #4

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    @Marka: Sure. I guess I just don't feel in control of myself because of my mental illness and the way it sometimes impairs my judgment, and so I don't feel in control of my future, and all this vulnerability translates into a defensiveness that's off putting to others... and when I get like this, I don't even realize it. I think I'm justified. And I get anxious and start sending multiple emails or messages and generally doing exactly what I realize later I shouldn't have done, and was probably the worst thing I could have gone: getting angry at people, taking things personally, I just wish I could grow beyond all that but I keep falling into the same old traps.

    - - - Updated - - -

    @CrazySmoker: regarding the wheat my psychiatrist actually recommends it an thinks it's helpful. I was depressed and had these same or similar problems years before I ever smoked that stuff. I am curious though what you mean by your second suggestion. Could you try explaining it again?

    - - - Updated - - -

    I just wish I wasn't such an asshole. I wish I didn't behave like an asshole when I'm upset.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    @Marka: Sure. I guess I just don't feel in control of myself because of my mental illness and the way it sometimes impairs my judgment, and so I don't feel in control of my future, and all this vulnerability translates into a defensiveness that's off putting to others... and when I get like this, I don't even realize it. I think I'm justified. And I get anxious and start sending multiple emails or messages and generally doing exactly what I realize later I shouldn't have done, and was probably the worst thing I could have gone: getting angry at people, taking things personally, I just wish I could grow beyond all that but I keep falling into the same old traps.

    "..."..."

    I just wish I wasn't such an asshole. I wish I didn't behave like an asshole when I'm upset.
    With all of that in mind...I'm not concerned with myself...I appreciate your consideration though! I'm not going to tell you that I know what you're thinking, feeling, or going through...

    I will say though, that I have what seems a similar experience from my past...

    In a manner of speaking...everything that you mention seems to me as expected results...in an odd sort of way, you could say normal...

    While there is much to deconstruct, or reverse engineer... I don't believe that picking you apart, is going to be the most appropriate, useful, or helpful thing to do...including you picking yourself apart... now.

    I've talked before about stopping the ANT's (Automatic Negative Thoughts)... whether you have a particular anxiety disorder, or have a more current condition based anxiety... what we're looking to do right now, is to gain a bit of 'spin' control...we need to stop this run-a-way train, before we worry about backing it up (reversing)...

    I'm going to read other postings of yours, to try to get a better idea of some of your history...

    If you'll use the "Reply With Quote" feature...I'll get a message that you have written something new...and I can get right back to you!

    If I come across a bit clinical, it's probably due to my current fatigue...I do not represent myself as qualified, or professional...nor, do I intend to be cold or impersonal...bare with me please...

    Thank you!
    -Marka

    -------------------UPDATED---------------------
    I've sent a PM, and I see you've logged out here now...I'll continue reading your posts...not sure when, but I may read The Revelation too... So far...I'd say that getting to the root of what seems your fatalistic-defeatist mode...might be the most prudent start...

    I wish you well...friend!
    -Marka
    Last edited by Marka; 20-Feb-2014 at 22:34.

  6. #6

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    Hey Bart, got your PM. I will wait for Marka to respond more fully, she seems to know more about depression than me. I know very little and don't want to guess, but as always I am here to lend an ear and an arm around the shoulder mate.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    I am curious though what you mean by your second suggestion. Could you try explaining it again?
    That's not easy to say what you'd do. Important is have something to do and enjoy it. But - of course - with one condition: Nothing related with depresion trigger. But you'd search that "what to do and enjoy..." I can't tell you what, that's your job. After some time it can give very good results. Another (but not necessary) factor can be change of ambience.

    But I'm not shrink. Only remember how I resolved one my depresion isuue and it worked. After that I'm reforced. It cost a lot, but result is very positive: Can't fall down so easy as before.

    Hope it'll be the same with you.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by DexxKizwizard View Post
    Hey Bart, got your PM. I will wait for Marka to respond more fully, she seems to know more about depression than me. I know very little and don't want to guess, but as always I am here to lend an ear and an arm around the shoulder mate.
    DexxKizwizard,

    I've certainly had experience with depression, and I've worked to help a number of others too...respecting your not wanting to guess at things...please don't underestimate the power and benefit of simply listening, and speaking from your heart! Just being 'there' can be the most important thing to help others!

    I defer to the professionals too...in-spite of whatever intuition and experience that I may have...and not strictly out of liability concerns...help for others, isn't always what we think the best thing would be...that's up to each individual needing help to determine... all the science and fact in the universe, won't be of much use to those who see no point to the universe...

    Just making sure that you don't devalue your potential...it can be tricky, and it can be scary too, but if you simply aren't comfortable, that's okay too...don't force yourself...if you are the genuine and considerate sort that you seem...don't be too afraid to take a respectful attempt either...

    Much appreciation, and warmest regards,
    -Marka

  9. #9

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    If you want someone to talk to or just listen to you vent a bit, send me a PM Bartolome. I'd be more than happy to help. I've dealt with a lot of depression and self-loathing myself. I'm no expert, but I'm experienced enough to have a shallow degree of understanding what you might be going through. Anything to help me understand more deeply would in turn help you out.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    Hey, I'm reaching out because things aren't going too well for me. I got rejected again (not romantically, a different kind of rejection) and the depression response followed soon after. I really would appreciate if I could talk to someone. I'm trying to find ways to not think about the matter which is upsetting me but it's so invasive in my mind it's like a virus.

    I really wish I didn't feel this way. I feel like the pathways of change are blocked off and I keep making the same stupid mistakes, like giving into my passive aggressiveness when I felt spurned...

    Please if there's anyone out there who can talk some sense into me... I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to get better. And I want to. I want to not care so much about what other people think of me. I want to be able to stand confident on my own two legs instead of fearing every moment and constantly doubting myself. I need to learn how to stop letting things invalidate me. But no matter how hard I try it just doesn't come to me.
    Hi Bartolome.

    If you need someone to talk to send me a message. I will get back to you as soon as I am on line again, or see your message.

    As some one who is on disability for mental health issues I can assure you this is "normal state of affair" for me and there is things you can do to help counteract the problems.

    The first thing to do is look at the core issue, and it will take a little time to find it. However look at the thought you are having and then ask yourself if this is true or is there something not factual behind the thought. Then make the statement in a factual way and focus on that.


    This is the process that Marka talked about in reversing the negative thought that you are feeling. Doing this is part of what is called grounding.

    I have to do this multiple times during each and every day. People do this "normally" and it takes them less then a second. Unfortunately for me it can take up to an hour or more and I have to work at it. It sucks, but that is what I have to do to not spend the day mentally flogging myself for not being "Normal". There is a lot of other things that can be suggested, but the first and foremost thing is; have you been in contact with your therapist?

    There is also hotlines in your are that can help you through these hard times. I have called the one in my area twice when I was not able to get a hold of my therapist.

    The other thing that I found helpful to me is to write a letter to nobody in particular. That gets the "venom" out of your head and down some where were it will do no more harm. Since I have joined ADISC I have used the blog on several occasions to write down my feeling and organize my thoughts. I put a spoiler at the start so people know that it is just venting. When I get done I feel better and most of the time I get a friendly poke by my friends here that I am doing OK. The last time I actually had someone else that I trust comment that he had it worse off then I did and it help me release so baggage that I was needlessly caring around and focus on the good things that had happen over the years.

    I hope these tidbits help and remember you are not alone and we are here to support you in a time of need.

    Egor

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