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Thread: AB Loneliness

  1. #1

    Default AB Loneliness

    Do you ever feel a sinking sense of loneliness as an AB? A sense of wanting to be cared for, needing that parental figure, a craving to be little, and finding yourself alone and bogged down with adult responsibilities?

    I apologize, I am venting, and wanted to know if anyone has ever felt the same, or similar.

    You want to suck your thumb, but you feel guilty for not taking on responsibilities. You're afraid to slip into a little headspace because there is no one there to guide or help you. You feel guilty for wanting this at all, and when you realize it's something you need, deeply, you feel even worse. You feel ashamed.

  2. #2

    Default

    I think what you're describing is probably pretty common, it's just that most of us have a very specific outlet for it. It's not that unusual to feel temporarily overwhelmed with adult responsibilities and obviously loneliness is a thing for most people at one time or another. I don't say this to trivialize what you're feeling but to suggest that you're not so alone as you might think, even compared to so-called normal folks. Our feelings are decidedly human, it's just that our solution is unusual. Don't feel so guilty about it but also recognize that you're the best caregiver you could have in many ways. It's great to share but be good with yourself first.

  3. #3

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    I think most ab's experience similar feelings, at least from time to time. Feelings of guilt and shame will decrease as one gains self-acceptance, but often loneliness lingers when the ab lacks a caregiver. I have my moments when I wish I wasn't like this, and I also have times where I feel needy for the love and attention of a caregiver.

  4. #4

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    Thank you. It can be hard to be good to myself, but that is good advice.

    - - - Updated - - -

    *hugs* I definitely related. I wish my feelings of guilt and shame would lessen, but they seem to come in waves. I often wish I wasn't like this because I fear others being angry with me or looking down upon me if they knew.

  5. #5

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    The way I see it is, this loneliness drives us to seek out other people who are like us. Of course, that's only if people look at this situation positively, but we should always strive to find a bright side to life.

    Like Trevor said, a lot of people feel loneliness already without having something like AB/DL desires thrown on them. That being said, it's understandable you feel alone and ashamed from time to time. But use that as motivation to find someone who can fill that caretaker role. When you find someone whom you can finally have a deep attachment with, it will be all the sweeter for having gone through those periods of distress.

    So keep moving forward and look towards finding someone you can connect with. But if you're feeling like you can't stay motivated and positive, just come on back to ADISC and we'll always be happy to help out with a sympathetic ear.

  6. #6

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    *smiles* Thank you. I appreciate this comment so much. It reminds me why I joined adisc in the first place.

  7. #7

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    Hey there, remember this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I know exactly how you feel. I've struggled with the guilt for years but the older I get the more I've come to accept it. The loneliness on the other hand, is another matter. I feel very lonely too because I crave to be loved and cared for but since I've finally found a mommy I'm hoping things will change. Be strong! *hugs*

  8. #8

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    I can definitely speak to being lonely, if it's any consolation. I'd do absolutely anything to have someone in my life who would nurture and embrace my little side.

    I hope that you can find comfort in the fact that you're not alone.

  9. #9

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    A craving to be little, yes. Actual loneliness, not from these interests specifically, but I can sympathize completely. Sometimes there are obstacles in our lives where we feel overwhelmed and need someone to confide to, but there isn't anyone who can appropriately help. This should serve as a reminder that you're not alone.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I think what you're describing is probably pretty common, it's just that most of us have a very specific outlet for it. It's not that unusual to feel temporarily overwhelmed with adult responsibilities and obviously loneliness is a thing for most people at one time or another. I don't say this to trivialize what you're feeling but to suggest that you're not so alone as you might think, even compared to so-called normal folks. Our feelings are decidedly human, it's just that our solution is unusual. Don't feel so guilty about it but also recognize that you're the best caregiver you could have in many ways. It's great to share but be good with yourself first.
    [+1: Excellent perspectives bringing practical advice, while balancing and embracing the oddities with humanity and one's self]

    Thank you, Trevor and petitewhimsy!

    -Marka

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