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Thread: internet culture and sensitivity

  1. #1

    Default internet culture and sensitivity

    hello all. I wanted to just bring up a quick points to consider when using this forum. This is supposed to be a support site and while I understand that being blunt and harsh and frankly I think sometimes rude is for some backwards adolescent reason a big part of internet culture, but some of us are just sensitive. I am one such person. I have always been sensitive and that's not the best way to communicate with me or other people like me, of whom I am sure there are many in the ABDL community. Perhaps there are even people who have been scared away from ABDL internet forums or other kink forums because of people stand in the to be blunt and harsh.

    I want to state that blunt and harsh is not a good way to communicate with me,. I understand there are people on this website who have tried to help me out and give me advice but the bluntness and the harshness have obscured their attempts at helping and made them seem much more like unfair criticism. as was evident from the thread I started this morning, I do not respond well to this. I would like to please remind everyone that there's nothing wrong with being polite and giving the person your talking to the benefit of the doubt. I don't like to get confrontational but I do when I feel I am being criticized. If you want to help instead of criticize, make sure that the language and tone you use reflects that. I am speaking for myself here, but I suspect I am also speaking for others. Thank you, and have a nice day.

  2. #2


    i guess it depends... are you looking for help, or just sympathy? i know nobody's perfect at discussions when emotions involved, but if you start a thread you are, by definition, inviting people to comment on it. and unlike some other threads, you got lots of comments :-) you are not required to agree with all the comments, but it also doesn't have to become a confrontation where you have to declare your boundaries. for instance i don't like certain words, or certain ways of adding tone of voice to written text, so i avoid them... but i can't ask the greater community to follow any rules that aren't official.

  3. #3


    I too don't respond well to any negativity, bad words or things that are not PG. I have found some people to be a little abrasive but most others if listened too seem to be understanding and helpful. After reading some of your posts I feel like you may be a little angry with something other than just the community. You have to understand no one really knows how we get lucky and find an accepting significant other it just happens. But I will tell you that if you do not love yourself and in turn have love to offer a women you will always have issues with finding anyone. I hope you do not take what I have written as an attack I truly want you and all others to succeed and be happy in life.

  4. #4



    Well, I never said no one could use the term vanilla. I just said I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable. Reading it 20, 30 times a day online drives me crazy and I wish people didn't label others like that. That's all I said, I didn't say no one can use, just expressed distaste.

    Help and sympathy, yes, but people can be helpful without being condescending or assuming things about people that aren't true.

    Look, I think the internet is a necessary evil but I don't like the way it warps young people's brains and communication. "TL;DR" is the last refuge of the illiterate. I don't much like online culture. I like research and reading and stuff like that but online social network stuff and most forums I stay far away from. That being said, not wanting to feel alone and wanting to meet other people like me in my area, I'm forced to participate in forums. I'd rather not but it's the only way. forums is an exception. I visit frequently, and they enforce politeness and civility very well. Most forums could learn a thing or two from them. I've never had any personal conflict with anyone on that site.

    Nothing changes the fact that I and others probably respond best to civility and politeness instead of the typical way people behave on the internet.
    Last edited by Bartolome; 29-Jan-2014 at 22:05.

  5. #5


    I apologize again if my first post in the "I Can't Stand it Anymore" thread offended you and/or hurt you. I think I wanted to explain myself, so that 1. you can see I don't actually dislike you and 2. you can see my true motivation.

    When I look at you and the problems you face, I see a trend of your emotions wanting to stay put - stay sad, stay angry, stay miserable. Based on your reactions to people's postings, it seems like the only correct answer anyone would have would be: "You're 100% right, your life sucks, and you'll never find love." This doesn't make you bad; this makes you really human. Most people have a hard time transitioning out of self despair.

    We as a support community will have a hard time agreeing with you that anything is hopeless. So hardly any responses will be the ones you want to see. Hardly any of the responses will seem to agree with you, especially when you are focused around despair and hopelessness.

    For me, I noticed that if this trend of wanting people to agree that your life sucks had worked in the past, then it would have worked. But is it working? You're still really upset quite often. So I have to think, if that one approach doesn't work for you, I want to try another approach. I attempted to be very blunt a few times in my various postings to you. The real reason for that is because when I myself get into a really bad place and start behaving as if my future is hopeless, people agreeing with me will not help at all. I need someone to be blunt and tell me to cut the shit, to knock it off, to get out there and do things. I personally needed to stop feeling sorry for myself before my life changed, and I hoped it would be the same for you.

    I can tell from this thread that you dislike bluntness. What are you actually looking for, though, so that we may better communicate with you?

  6. #6


    ^ I am actually trying to convince myself that it's not true... that's what I mean about being misunderstood. I really want it not to be true. I think people misunderstand when I post and think I'm trying to get people to confirm the negative. It's the opposite. I'm looking for hope. I get frustrated when I get different, conflicting answers and then I get confused and flustered.

    Nothing you said offended me, as far as I can recall. I'm in the middle of an RL crisis right now though so I can't really respond in depth, I apologize.

    THAT BEING SAID... I did not start this thread to be all about me, or about me at all. I started it to discuss how to create and maintain an online culture of civility.

    What I am looking for: a helping hand. Knowledge that there is hope. Friends. Maybe even make some real life friends, find people in Philadelphia, get my life and my mind to a better place. THAT's what I want. I just don't know why it's not clear in my posts because I thought I articulated that well enough. Maybe I didn't. Maybe it's a matter of me restraining myself from posting when depressed and keeping this stuff in my therapist's office. I don't know. I have to think about that.

    - - - Updated - - -

    @IAmJust2: I didn't see that as an attack at all.

  7. #7


    I want to contribute more to this thread then I feel able. Like part of me just honestly wants to say, yes.. we need to remain civil. That's obvious right? Let's go home people.. but part of me knows that's not helpful. This issue is complex and as much as I personally love to be the one who is giving someone sweet and gentle advice, this world isn't just filled with people like me.

    I feel like people sometimes only take the route that works for them, myself included. Tough love is what works for a lot of people, and is what comes naturally to a lot of people when trying to find a way to help others so I think that's why you see it a lot around the internet. In some part I believe that when you reach out to a general internet space.. you take the risk that all manner of people are going to try to put their two cents in and attempt to assist in their own way. Some will be sweet and soft, and some will be harsh but fair. I feel like it's important to realize that if they didn't care they likely would not be posting, and try to see the person that is trying to help you rather then the person that said something that hurt you. Remember why they said what they said. So in some cases part of me wants to say that the fault is that of any person who expects that everyone is going to be perfectly gentle with them. I think that sounds sweet but it's honestly not realistic. Still, I think there is more to this then that and the person being 'blunt' does have some things to consider as well.

    Every person who is posting on a thread that is about another someone else's problem with a focus on reaching out for support should be aware of their position as well. Remember that this is a human being, a human being going through enough trouble that they are looking for the guidance of complete strangers. It's scary and it's really putting themselves out there, and while they should be ready for anything you probably shouldn't be striving to be that person that they are worried about. Really make you are more informed before taking any leaps in logic, asking them questions if you have to. If you feel like being blunt has it's place when it comes to supporting someone that's fine, but make sure that's why you are doing it. To help them. A lot of people I do honestly believe are occasionally blunt for this reason, but remember that if you are that those words can really hurt and that's pretty much the goal of being blunt. Make sure you do what you can to make sure they don't' forget why you are being blunt, because if they feel like someone is just trying to hurt their feelings they are likely to ignore what you said anyway.. which sort of defeats the purpose, you know?

    I don't feel like someone should just want to be mean for the sake of being mean, or the sake of making someone feel bad. If you feel some mud might being thrown in your post out of frustration under the guise or excuse of being blunt or giving someone tough love, then I honestly say that you need to re-think what you are doing. No one should be supporting being blunt with those kind of motives.

    That's how I feel about the internet at large, and this issue.

  8. #8


    @Gigglemuffinz: I think these are very good ideas you've posed. I hope other posters here learn to follow your advice.

  9. #9


    Typing out a response on a forum started out difficult for me. It still takes me hours to type a small response to get the words just right. I never know how my words will be received and that is bothersome.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    I want to state that blunt and harsh is not a good way to communicate with me,. I understand there are people on this website who have tried to help me out and give me advice but the bluntness and the harshness have obscured their attempts at helping and made them seem much more like unfair criticism.
    Personally, I prefer people to be blunt. There is no ambiguity or confusion as to intended meaning. However, blunt is usually perceived as harsh or rude and most people do not respond well to it. I am still learning about normal perceptions and why my words may be both technically correct and unacceptable. In my attempts to be clear and precise, tone gets missed. "Harsh" just does not register in my mind. Please let me know if I have appeared harsh or rude with suggestions for improvement.

  10. #10


    All good points and opinions from above. I've seen a number of members on this site, who continue to ask the same question, thread after thread. I've noticed that when that happens, members tend to bend over backward to help on the first thread, but begin to get frustrated if the same questions appears in repeated threads. I think that sometimes members genuinely run out of answers. When that happens, they begin to respond more bluntly.

    Over my almost six years of being on this site, I've caught both ends. What brought me here first was my wife's discovering my diaper order, and thus discovering that I liked diapers and wearing them, of course. I knew this site existed, and for the first time in my life, I opened an internet account. It was weird hearing from members as young as 13 and 14 advising me that I should be honest with my wife, and that I should have been honest with her before we got married. Was the advise harsh. I didn't think so, and in fact, it's exactly what I did. My outcome was most successful.

    There are some problems that need real life intervention, not internet advise. The advise is a starting place, but if we want a more meaningful relationship with another human being, we have to do that in real life. I too suffer from depression. Not always, but it occasionally rears its ugly head. Members on this site have lifted my spirits, and given me relief, if not some sense of hope. It's always a two way street. I help members and they help me. It almost always happens with a sense of love, if not respect. It simply takes time to establish that.

    Keep chugging away. I've enjoyed your threads as you've given us many reasons to think, care, and respond. Know that we will be here for you, even if we occasionally seem a bit grumpy. We'll get over ourselves, and if you begin to feel just a little bit better, we will too.

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