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Thread: Mr. Nice Guy

  1. #1

    Default Mr. Nice Guy

    I know this may be off topic, but I am really wanting to get some advise here... here we go..
    So here is my rant...

    I'm always that guy who is ALWAYS there for a girl, I do anything and everything in my power to assist in what ever is needed. "Seriously. I am a bit tired of always being overlooked despite being a nice or good guy. It gets old being the one person who is there for someone however they can be to show support to help them to make THEM feel better only to be ignored as far as relationships go. Seriously, I'm about fed up with it. I'm fed up giving an open ear, showing sympathy and being the one guy who puts all the sexual bullshit aside and tries to be your friend only to have you girls run off with some random fuckin dude and ignore me. Makes me feel pretty damn worthless and honestly makes me feel like i'm being used."

  2. #2

    Default

    I understand, I was always broken up with in high school with the phrase "I just want to be friends". All I can say is that when we are truly there for someone without gain for ourselves we are living a fruitful life. Keep being yourself, don't change the way you are, happiness steams from our love for others. Stay strong in your unselfish ways, for when you do find that person that returns your love you will be in a relationship that others only dream about.

  3. #3

    Default

    As someone who generally deals with the issues of most friends be it guys or girls[Mostly girls] I can somewhat relate to what you mean but generally I go off by one thing. Be nice not to gain anything but because that is how you would want to be treated.

    Being nice to a girl(or a guy) doesn't mean someone will automatically be attracted to you or stay by your side once a new significant other appears in their life, it just means you were nice and helped them along in their life which really isn't something that is easily valued but again you really shouldn't be expecting anything in return, just be nice and when things happen they'll happen. By the sounds of it you are looking for something more so I'll say this: Nice + Person =/= Forever Together.

    Just because you are nice doesn't mean they will ignore all the other people that they might come into contact with. If you're voluntary giving yourself as a ear to their problems then expect to be used as a means of venting and understanding, you should not expect anymore other than knowing you're helping them out. If you really want to go the extra step and make something meaningful with the person in hand maybe you should actually consider telling them your feelings towards them and etc. Humans can not read minds, we can just read body language to an extent and I'm certain a majority of the world can really only read it to a very limited point. Use your words, convey your emotions and don't equate nice with showing "interest".
    Last edited by Noodle; 27-Jan-2014 at 16:25.

  4. #4

    Default

    I know it is lol

    I guess all I want is a bread crumb... you know? Just a little crumb of it in return. As one of my favorite songs go "...How can someone give so much and never get anything"

  5. #5

    Default

    Well,

    First off...was expecting a pot reference when I clicked...

    Anyhow,

    From experience though the years...I'll say you might just need to be a bit more aggressive in the pursuit...

    Everyone likes feeling wanted...and pursued...to a point...

    Seriously, keep listening, keep being yourself, a good guy, but, start asking/doing things to let them know your interested in them in that way...

    Especially at 21, girls and guys are both bombarded with flirting and being pursued...and quite often unless your totally overt it just doesn't go noticed...

    When I was 21, wow! Long time ago...It was the same...yep things aren't that different...it was the 90's and well pretty much the same issues you have existed back then, just with lots more coke involved...

    Just step up and even just say something flattering but sexy too...it will get you noticed...

    The worst that will happen is they will say no...

    Now, as you get older, it does change a bit, but still need to let them know your interested...

  6. #6

    Default

    Fellow stoner huh? haha that made me laugh.

    I see your point, I just hate being used in the long run.. My heart is big for my age, considering what I have been through.
    Ill open up.. why not

    Story time guys


    Alright, So..
    Age 6 months, I lost my father from a stage accident on set at CBS Studios.
    Age 8 or 10 i cant remember.. My moms health was rapidly declining, first it started out as crohn's disease.
    So since at around that age, I have been her caregiver, taking care of her for as long as I can remember.. it doesnt stop there
    Ill just list it all.. these are all the issues my mother had before she passed away back in April of '13
    crohn's disease
    diverticulitis,
    skin cancer,
    cancer,
    brain tumor,
    bone on bone knees ( zero cartilage)
    Major back problems...
    the list goes on..

    I have leaned from my mom FIRST HAND that positivity changes everything...
    It never mattered how much pain or how much my mom was suffering, she ALWAYS remained positive with a bright beautiful smile on her face.
    It could be the worst day of her life, she would never admit that she was in dire pain, all she wanted was to make sure I was FED, Taken care of, got my homework done ect...
    She never had a selfish thought in her life.. ever...
    In a nut shell, she was a wonderful woman, never complained and mastered the appearance of "Happy".
    I grew up, taking care of her... I've learned that a little positive thinking can go a long way.
    She always told me "What you put out into the universe is what you get back, you put negative, you get negative. You put positive, you'll get positive back"
    That is something I live by day by day.
    Yet, we all fall and get down and say " oh poor me" Stuff like that...
    I guess what I am trying to say is... its hard to always be that person that everyone comes to crying... My heart is crying and broken, smashed and destroyed... I'm still probably one of the most positive people youll ever meet.. My heart is no stranger to pain, I've had to mature at a VERY young age, which I guess this whole thing can double as my Diaper story.. who knows...
    But, all I know is to be a caregiver, to be the one EVERYONE comes to.. when I need help?
    is anyone there for me to cry to?
    anyone to take me out for anything?
    no.
    Im always left in the dark, yet I keep smiling KNOWING that some day, someone will return the favor and mend my soul..

    admittedly, I started crying writing this, thinking about my mom....


    There you have it, my story in a nutshell.. As you can all see, I'm 21.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I also moved this thread over...

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-topics/82275-mr-nice-guy.html#post1150180

  7. #7

    Default

    Mate, I think you need to be a bit more of a healthy egoist at times...

    I'm ALWAYS here for my FRIENDS and FAMILY - but honestly back when I was dating (I'm in a long term relationship) the line "can we be just friends" usually was met with a "look I'm sorry, but that was not what I was looking for". and On you move.
    Trust me, you're not "attractive" if you're easily available, can be relied on any time and shoved away when no longer needed... you might be "nice" and "handy" but you're always there - they know and they will naturally "abuse" this... because they are not the ones loosing you.. you'll stick around no matter what... so they can have you as the good friend and find fun somwehere else.. and if all fails you're there to talk to, get help & support from.

    A good friend of mine was the same as what you describe - he always got this "can we be friends" line... was always there... etc... At one point he realised he needs to be a bit more of a "bastard" (his words with a smile attached)... I guess what he meant, a bit more "self reliant", not always available, able to say "sorry, but no"... and within half a year he was happily together with a girlfriend.
    I'm not saying it's the only recipe... but it's certainly something from a psychological point of view.


    Now about the family "issues" - stuff like that can "haunt / follow" you for a long time - never easy to "overcome" old behavioral patterns...

  8. #8
    CrinklySiren

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by SirWolfie View Post
    I know this may be off topic, but I am really wanting to get some advise here... here we go..
    So here is my rant...

    I'm always that guy who is ALWAYS there for a girl, I do anything and everything in my power to assist in what ever is needed. "Seriously. I am a bit tired of always being overlooked despite being a nice or good guy. It gets old being the one person who is there for someone however they can be to show support to help them to make THEM feel better only to be ignored as far as relationships go. Seriously, I'm about fed up with it. I'm fed up giving an open ear, showing sympathy and being the one guy who puts all the sexual bullshit aside and tries to be your friend only to have you girls run off with some random fuckin dude and ignore me. Makes me feel pretty damn worthless and honestly makes me feel like i'm being used."
    I know exactly how you feel hun :P and I get it from both sides of the gender coin; I'm constantly going out of my way for my friends and in the end its hard for them just to be FRIEND material, let alone relationship material ~ in the past i've run into similar situations with being there 100% for someone and having them ditch me for some other asshole or indecent bitch; but honestly these girls that ditch you are not worth your company, so you're better off letting them go ~ a genuine person will see you for who you are and give you the time of day. I only say this because it happened to me, I continued being the shoulder to cry on for others, and eventually it resulted in me having a long happy relationship ~ but just know that not all girls are like that, just like how not all guys are cheating douchebags.

    If its any consolation, I think you're really cool I just wish our time zones weren't so drastic :P

  9. #9

    Default

    Perfectly said! Nice can be a sign of weakness. Women will run over you if you don't get a back bone. Trust me! Stop being so nice. Be respectful, but be confident and don't put up with it anymore.
    My wife use to threaten divorce and I would say where do you want me to sign. I don't like being threatened, if you gonna say it, do it. So she did, she filed, I never did anything? One day before it was to be final she rescinded it. Women can be so indecisive. She finally stopped threatening it and trying to change me. They try to change and control you through all this mental abuse! Stand up for yourself.... It will change!






    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    Mate, I think you need to be a bit more of a healthy egoist at times...

    I'm ALWAYS here for my FRIENDS and FAMILY - but honestly back when I was dating (I'm in a long term relationship) the line "can we be just friends" usually was met with a "look I'm sorry, but that was not what I was looking for". and On you move.
    Trust me, you're not "attractive" if you're easily available, can be relied on any time and shoved away when no longer needed... you might be "nice" and "handy" but you're always there - they know and they will naturally "abuse" this... because they are not the ones loosing you.. you'll stick around no matter what... so they can have you as the good friend and find fun somwehere else.. and if all fails you're there to talk to, get help & support from.

    A good friend of mine was the same as what you describe - he always got this "can we be friends" line... was always there... etc... At one point he realised he needs to be a bit more of a "bastard" (his words with a smile attached)... I guess what he meant, a bit more "self reliant", not always available, able to say "sorry, but no"... and within half a year he was happily together with a girlfriend.
    I'm not saying it's the only recipe... but it's certainly something from a psychological point of view.


    Now about the family "issues" - stuff like that can "haunt / follow" you for a long time - never easy to "overcome" old behavioral patterns...

  10. #10
    CrinklySiren

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BambinoPants View Post
    Perfectly said! Nice can be a sign of weakness. Women will run over you if you don't get a back bone. Trust me! Stop being so nice. Be respectful, but be confident and don't put up with it anymore.
    My wife use to threaten divorce and I would say where do you want me to sign. I don't like being threatened, if you gonna say it, do it. So she did, she filed, I never did anything? One day before it was to be final she rescinded it. Women can be so indecisive. She finally stopped threatening it and trying to change me. They try to change and control you through all this mental abuse! Stand up for yourself.... It will change!
    I dont mean to argue but this seems very generalized... not all women see kindness as weakness.. in fact, these days its difficult to find. My best friend has a problem finding a guy who isn't on a power trip. Some women like to push men to the edge, others just want to be treated nicely for once. These kinds of generalizations are damaging to the fabric of our society... Thats the problem with the world today... too many people are ruthless, unkind, untrustworthy, and unforgiving... and because of this its like a virus that spreads.. "oh i've been backstabbed so many times, so im gonna be ruthless and untrusting from now on"... but apparently we dont seem to learn that it fixes nothing.. it only spreads it more and more. I have friends who have stopped being friends with me out of their OWN inability to trust me or let me in... I didn't have to do anything for them to decide they dont want to let their guard down because they were taught that kindness and forgiveness are "weaknesses".

    Confidence Yes, Assertiveness Yes.... but don't stop being nice just because it can be perceived as weak.. if someone perceives your kindness as weakness, im sorry but i dont see them being worth the chase. The OP shouldn't stop being nice just because some women misconstrue it as being weak.

    I'm not an activist or feminist type (by FAR), but I just think its worth noting that saying "women will walk all over you if you dont have a backbone" is the same thing as saying "guys only want one thing".

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