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Thread: I need some perspective.

  1. #1

    Default I need some perspective.

    Hi,

    I've got a question and I figured this would be as good a place as any to find some advice. I am currently in College and I have a full ride (Meaning I do not have to pay for class tuition or any fee's) I only have two more years maybe three left before I finish and when I honestly think about it that is not that long, but I feel overwhelmed by outside factors.

    For the longest time I have wanted the love and affection of another human being which I have found in my girlfriend. We have been together for about three years and the relationship is long distance. Whenever I go to visit her though it is so hard to return back to home and to college. I want to transfer to her because she is what makes me the most happy, but I know that it would be a very stupid choice and I know I should wait it's just hard because other than school there isn't much for me here. I feel kind of alone.

    I hope this makes sense

  2. #2

    Default

    What are you going to college for? I assume you have your degree all lined up? Secure job waiting for you waiting outside? If not why you wasting your time.

  3. #3

    Default

    Decisions such as these aren't exactly easy...

    there's always the logic and the emotional approach - and they are highly contradicting.

    How does your girlfriend feel about this?
    What are her options (like moving closer)??
    How serious is the relationship?

    now honestly, I think you should finish college - two years it ain't a lot.
    plan for the holidays - go away with your girl - have an amazing time etc...
    But once you start working, having aborted your formal education prematurely will lessen your chance at a good job, well once at work anyhow, you'll find it difficult to go back to study / get a degree... it will be expensive and either part time work or as I did full time jobs and evening studies... whilst it was an interesting time getting my masters in mechanical engineering next to working full time - it's not something I would want to do again.

    so as much as it aches to be removed from your girl, well think this through before you do anything that is going to cost you severely in the long run.

    How about changing college? I have no clue as to the possibility & logistics - but people relocate all the time around the globe. So why not go to college closer to your GF?

  4. #4

    Default

    I'm majoring in Political Science, The problem I guess is that if I was to transfer colleges which I could no problem I would be giving up a 100% free education in exchange I would have to take out loans and acquire debt. She completely does not want me to transfer because she feels I have a really good opportunity here which I completely understand, but the very emotional part of me does not agree with. I want to be with her very very much! On the other hand I think if I was to transfer it might make me feel better in the short run but in the long run it will make things very very difficult because when I finish college I'll have to worry about my loan debt and hers. If I stay here then move to her after college all I have to worry about is her college loans.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by incontinentGM24 View Post
    What are you going to college for? I assume you have your degree all lined up? Secure job waiting for you waiting outside? If not why you wasting your time.
    Who ever has a "secure job waiting" outside after two years of college? Who ever had a "degree all lined up" at that stage? Why would you think that the OP is wasting his time just because he is in exactly the same state that, oh, just about every other college sophomore or junior in the world is in? This is someone with a free tuition: that is not a thing to be taken lightly in this era of outrageous college fees. (Congrats, OP!!!) I don't think it is possible to blithely push that aside. Kashi, you say that even your girlfriend seems to think it would be a bad idea: listen to her. She is quite right. No one should have to worry about ridiculous college fees after graduating. Take advantage. Two years may seem a lifetime, but it isn't.

  6. #6

    Default

    Plus you also have the summers, I assume. If the two of you truly love each other, you'll make it despite the distance. Get your degree and then go live the rest of your life.

  7. #7

    Default

    Based on what information you provided, I would say to try to stick it out. Two years may seem like a long time at your age but I think you will find that it will go by quickly. Maybe engaged your self in some outside activities that you would be interested in. This may take your mind off of your loneliness and maybe even make some friends that can help you thru.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kashi View Post
    I'm majoring in Political Science, The problem I guess is that if I was to transfer colleges which I could no problem I would be giving up a 100% free education in exchange I would have to take out loans and acquire debt. She completely does not want me to transfer because she feels I have a really good opportunity here which I completely understand, but the very emotional part of me does not agree with. I want to be with her very very much! On the other hand I think if I was to transfer it might make me feel better in the short run but in the long run it will make things very very difficult because when I finish college I'll have to worry about my loan debt and hers. If I stay here then move to her after college all I have to worry about is her college loans.
    I'm also in love from a distance. I know how hard it is. It's no joke. It does feel like you would want to sacrifice anything and everything to just be there with that person.

    But in this case, you would be sacrificing so much of your future. Student loans, debt, all that. This post is about your relationship, so let me tell you, the future of your relationship is just as important as the present. And fighting about money or having financial instability is one of the main things that causes breakups and divorces. Who knows what your future will bring - whether you have a job, or you don't, but right now as it stands you know there won't be student loans. If you change everything there will be. So that's adding a definite negative to the future, no matter what. Sticking this out, as painful as it is, would be the best decision for your relationship in the long run. If you are so serious about this girl that you would acquire debt in the name of your love, then be so serious that you will accept the pain of temporary loneliness for your relationship's future. You will have wonderful long summers together and spring breaks and winter breaks. And you'll have all that time without stress, anxiety, and strain of financial woes.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kashi View Post
    I'm majoring in Political Science, The problem I guess is that if I was to transfer colleges which I could no problem I would be giving up a 100% free education in exchange I would have to take out loans and acquire debt. She completely does not want me to transfer because she feels I have a really good opportunity here which I completely understand, but the very emotional part of me does not agree with. I want to be with her very very much! On the other hand I think if I was to transfer it might make me feel better in the short run but in the long run it will make things very very difficult because when I finish college I'll have to worry about my loan debt and hers. If I stay here then move to her after college all I have to worry about is her college loans.
    This tells me your missing her badly. I think we all understand that. You are making the right decision because you are thinking about her. Hold firm, excessive college debt is a trap that is very hard to get out of.
    The biggest point is she also wants you to finish where you are at. Sounds like you have discussed this and that is the first step in a long term relationship.

  10. #10

    Default

    Hate to be a wet-blanket, but what do you intend to do with a political science BA? Unless you are planning on going on to a PHD or into law, this degree prepares you for the same jobs that high school graduates get. Since the job prospects for this type of degree are minimal, you definitely don't want to be saddled with student debt (which can't be cleared by bankruptcy). Therefore, I would stay where you are.

    I may be biased, since I am a computer scientist with a masters and 35+ years in industry who currently teaches at a technical two-year college. But all the articles that I read on employment indicate that most liberal arts degrees are not worth much in getting and keeping good employment. If you are at one of the name schools (e.g. Harvard, Stanford, etc.) the connections may and the school "prestige" may get you employed with a political science degree. You should at least take some math (e.g. probability and statistics) and other technical courses which may give you a background that employers are looking for.

    Also, the number of relationships started in the late-teens or early twenties that continue are a small percentage and even if yours is the exception, financial problems can ruin even the best of relationships.

    I wish you luck in your future, but you need to do what is best for you long-term, not allow short-term emotional needs to drive you into a poor decision which you may later regret.

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