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Thread: Needing advice: Disillusioned with life.

  1. #1

    Default Needing advice: Disillusioned with life.

    Hi all- I was meaning to post this a few weeks ago, but I have finally gotten round to it. I would like to start by saying that I am not depressed or anything like that and I generally have a love of life and for the world. For the record, I am 23 and live in the U.K.

    However- I have (over a period of time) become rather disillusioned with life. It seems that every single job I have worked for I have been treated badly. I honestly go into every job I do trying my best and I usually end up making some small mistake and get told off for it. In my current job I feel thankful if I can make it through the day without being told off for making a mistake.

    In other jobs I have worked in, I would have either an over-zealous supervisor or been talked down too. I have worked out of 2 jobs in the past year due to verbal abuse/stress I have received. I would like to state that I am not an emotional or provocative person, and have never sworn or been verbally abusive back.

    When I turn on my TV, all I see are adverts for gambling or 'pay-day loans', when I get paid, most of my money goes on bills. Politicians just do not care, and our government have no idea how a 'normal person' lives.

    I am fed up. I want a change in life, a dramatic change. I am fed up of my country and the direction it is heading. I am fed up of hyped up emotions and when people lose their temper with me ( and others ).

    The amount of boy racers I see, the number of street fights/arguments, the dull uninspiring town I live in. Christmas drove me insane. Commercialism drives me insane. Hidden charges and fees, spam text messages and nuisance phone calls.

    I lived in South East Asia for 10 years growing up and what I saw over there is a family first culture and respect for people. When I came back to the UK when I was 15, I could never fit in, and still have not fitted in.

    Gah..I dont know what to do. I just want an escape off this rain sodden shitty island.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by RouteLeader View Post
    Hi all- I was meaning to post this a few weeks ago, but I have finally gotten round to it. I would like to start by saying that I am not depressed or anything like that and I generally have a love of life and for the world. For the record, I am 23 and live in the U.K.

    However- I have (over a period of time) become rather disillusioned with life. It seems that every single job I have worked for I have been treated badly. I honestly go into every job I do trying my best and I usually end up making some small mistake and get told off for it. In my current job I feel thankful if I can make it through the day without being told off for making a mistake.

    In other jobs I have worked in, I would have either an over-zealous supervisor or been talked down too. I have worked out of 2 jobs in the past year due to verbal abuse/stress I have received. I would like to state that I am not an emotional or provocative person, and have never sworn or been verbally abusive back.

    When I turn on my TV, all I see are adverts for gambling or 'pay-day loans', when I get paid, most of my money goes on bills. Politicians just do not care, and our government have no idea how a 'normal person' lives.

    I am fed up. I want a change in life, a dramatic change. I am fed up of my country and the direction it is heading. I am fed up of hyped up emotions and when people lose their temper with me ( and others ).

    The amount of boy racers I see, the number of street fights/arguments, the dull uninspiring town I live in. Christmas drove me insane. Commercialism drives me insane. Hidden charges and fees, spam text messages and nuisance phone calls.

    I lived in South East Asia for 10 years growing up and what I saw over there is a family first culture and respect for people. When I came back to the UK when I was 15, I could never fit in, and still have not fitted in.

    Gah..I dont know what to do. I just want an escape off this rain sodden shitty island.
    Mate, life can be a bitch I know.

    But there's ways out of the misery you feel - and I'm not talking about the shitty way out by pulling the trigger - hell no.
    In all earnest, there are always options - but if you're looking for a fast acting remedy, well this is not happening.

    there's a poem by William Ernest Henley that I'm rather fond of...


    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the Horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

    It matters not how strait the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll.
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul.
    To me this has been pretty much a poem I can recite by heart... to me it means a lot because of where I came from and how I chose to walk my own road.

    there's a song by Johnny Cash with has similar elements - if simplified of sorts... but here it goes:
    Johnny Cash Cover - I Won't Back Down - YouTube
    "I won't back down".


    The first thing I have to add aside from poetry is that you define your own life... if you're fed up with the way things go... CHANGE.
    No it doesn't come easy - that is why so many are stuck in this world doing meaningless shit and rotting away in front of the TV... because it's easy and "painfree" once you've given up.

    But I wouldn't search for the problems first and foremost in your surroundings - search for them within yourself and you shall find some.
    You say you remember a society of respect and of family first when you grew up in SE-Asia... but hey, who stops you from living by those values, by having your family, friends close, value them above all?
    trust me, all over the world there's misery... often though we attach positive memories to a certain place and time, neglecting how selective those memories actually are.

    Jobs: firstly, find something you really WANT TO DO... that is crucial in my book - you work almost all day long, 5-6 (or 7) days a week, until you almost drop dead... at least try working something you LIKE, something that you actually want to od.
    If it means to go back to school: DO so.. (been there - worked several side jobs to finance my studies)...
    Once you know what you want to do it will be still a long road - but you've got a goal, you can work towards achieving it.

    Get some confidence in yourself - start strengthening the backbone... do sports, work out... helps a lot. Also knowing what you want from life will make you a lot more self-secure. Don't let people mistreat you... being a victim and constantly victimized, there's a pattern... sometimes its stuff you outright attract.
    By developing a healthy self respect and confidence you'll see, this will go away, or at least recede to normal levels.

    As I always say, you've only got this one life... complaining will not make it better - but actively trying to shape it into the life you want, that will truly have an impact.
    You might not achieve all your goals - some are to far fetched, some will be off the book by death himself... other goals you'll pursue for some time only to find something you want more.
    And maybe you find something so captivating that you want to pursue it until the end of days.
    But by the end of the road, when the final moment comes, when the last challenge arises, when all battles have been fought, when its time to close the curtains... when you lie there on the brink of death - at least this is my hope - you can look back unto an eventful life full of adventure and of amazement... of "battles" won, of battles lost... of being beaten down and always getting back up - stronger. on a life of loss and hardship but also on one of love, friendship, unforgettable experiences.
    This is at least how I try to live my life.

    I couldn't care less about the government,... about society in general.. or about stupid TV shows, christmas sales and whats the next lower and cheaper "food" is tesco will put on the shelves by next week.
    Call me an egocentric bastard - I can be one... Not though towards the people I consider family.. the handful of friends whom I know I can rely on and who can rely on myself. Friends or blood, doesn't matter - at least not on that level.
    And to all the rest: I don't care .Its my life and I want to make the most of it. and so should you.

  3. #3

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    This is a typical situation in the U. S. I honestly don't know what has happened to our world. I've worked most of my life as a church musician, and more recently, a teacher assistant. I was treated well by the public school system, but I could tell horror story after horror story about working for church congregations. Every church member sees themselves as an expert in music, and they don't hesitate to tell you what they think you should be doing, even though they couldn't find middle C if it bit them on their ass.

    My feeling is this, that work is work, and the rest of my life is mine. I've worked my jobs as best to my ability, but when I go home, I leave the work stress at work. Education may be key to advancement. Maybe you could go to a college and see a career planner. It's better to do something, take one class at a time than to do nothing and be miserable. The one person in this world who will care about you, is you. You have to make it happen.

  4. #4

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    Something I've observed about jobs is that every workplace needs a whipping boy. It brings everyone else together as a community and gives them somewhere to focus their frustration. When he's not around everyone can get together and say "He doesn't really seem to be getting the hang of this, does he? I'm not sure he's going to fit in here."

    I've been in that position in some jobs, and I've also watched other people get forced into that position and been on the other side of it. I've noticed it's a slippery slope: the more a person gets defined as the workplace fuckup the harder it becomes for them to define themselves any other way. Pretty soon they're thinking of themselves as a fuckup too, and expecting everything they do to turn out wrong.

    I hate to say it, but if you find yourself getting forced into the role of the whipping boy, the best thing to do is quit and find another job. I've done it twice. It's amazing how it can change your perspective to have a job where you're NOT seen as the whipping boy. You realize that being stupid or incompetent is much more about how others see you than about qualities inherent to you as a person. But you also realize that you're partially culpable for allowing yourself to be defined that way. You have to be willing to go into a workplace with confidence and insist that people respect you even as you're learning a new set of skills. And if it doesn't work out you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again with more confidence, not less.

  5. #5

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    First off I agree with your observations. Life can be a pain.
    I noticed in your post you enjoyed your time in South East Asia. Perhaps you might want to look into returning to that area.

  6. #6

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    Hey Route,

    I too am in the UK and I genuinely can relate to your feelings at present.

    The amount of boy racers/rude boys hanging around my town has increased dramatically recently. I think it has suddenly become cool to try and kill yourself by driving like an idiot. They are a menace, but take it from me, as you get a little older you start to ignore them and they even become invisible.

    In regards to the economy we simply live in a boom and bust society, that is the cost of freedom. With state controlled prices we would not be in a democracy and there would be no choice or market to buy from. To stop rising prices and pay day lenders you will need to have a rebellion and instil some serious socialist government. We will never escape the rich getting richer, poor getting poorer. It is democracy and capitalism and you have to take the bad years with the good years. There are always people who will take advantage of the poor, it is human nature and again cannot be controlled without everyone being on serious psychotropic drugs.

    On the job front, hang in there. I know the frustrations of working your way through different jobs and nobody taking you seriously. When I was your age I was going through jobs like nappies with the runs! I would work a job for six months to a year, then either get annoyed at the lack of progress and quit, or something would happen where I would get fired. I then just had to get back on the horse again. It felt as though I was going nowhere, had no future and was destined to be on the bottom run my entire life. Then something amazing happened when I turned twenty five or so. People started to take me seriously and I got a job as a manager. I was really chuffed and could not believe my luck. It turned out that because of my previous experience and the fact I was now a little older, I was being seen in a different light. Gone was the frustrations of feeling like the runt of the litter, gone were the days of banging my head against the wall and gone were the days of not being appreciated. I am not saying this is the same for everyone but it sounds as though you are on the cusp of being an adult and still being seen as a kid by older people. This phase happens to all of us, you feel all grown up and mature (which you are) but the bosses still see you as a young person who is on the bottom run.

    Just hang on in there, one day you will notice the difference, I certainly did and now I have a fairly decent job. It has good pay and benefits with good prospects. I could not see it five years ago but now I hold my head up high and people take me seriously. The confidence will one day appear and you will start climbing up. You have to put the time in to reap the rewards.

    I hope you feel better soon, things will improve for you.

  7. #7

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    Can't offer anything profound other than to say Dexx has nailed it. You're at that weird age where you're no longer adolescent and feel like you have experience, yet don't have enough for others to yet view you as an equal. It might be tempting to walk out of every job where you feel you're being put upon, but that just makes you the newbie in the next place and the cycle repeats. The risk then is you get locked into the idea that you're always the victim, which is never healthy, as every minor annoyance gets overblown and that will start genuinely harming your progress. It might feel thankless at times, but life does come to you if you put the effort in.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by RouteLeader View Post
    Hi all- I was meaning to post this a few weeks ago, but I have finally gotten round to it. I would like to start by saying that I am not depressed or anything like that and I generally have a love of life and for the world. For the record, I am 23 and live in the U.K.

    However- I have (over a period of time) become rather disillusioned with life. It seems that every single job I have worked for I have been treated badly. I honestly go into every job I do trying my best and I usually end up making some small mistake and get told off for it. In my current job I feel thankful if I can make it through the day without being told off for making a mistake.

    In other jobs I have worked in, I would have either an over-zealous supervisor or been talked down too. I have worked out of 2 jobs in the past year due to verbal abuse/stress I have received. I would like to state that I am not an emotional or provocative person, and have never sworn or been verbally abusive back.

    When I turn on my TV, all I see are adverts for gambling or 'pay-day loans', when I get paid, most of my money goes on bills. Politicians just do not care, and our government have no idea how a 'normal person' lives.

    I am fed up. I want a change in life, a dramatic change. I am fed up of my country and the direction it is heading. I am fed up of hyped up emotions and when people lose their temper with me ( and others ).

    The amount of boy racers I see, the number of street fights/arguments, the dull uninspiring town I live in. Christmas drove me insane. Commercialism drives me insane. Hidden charges and fees, spam text messages and nuisance phone calls.

    I lived in South East Asia for 10 years growing up and what I saw over there is a family first culture and respect for people. When I came back to the UK when I was 15, I could never fit in, and still have not fitted in.

    Gah..I dont know what to do. I just want an escape off this rain sodden shitty island.
    Most people with your better level of intelligence devise a new suitable plan-of-action. Some become career professionals. Some become entrepreneurs. Some become envisionists of some sort (artists, inventors, musicians).

    Workplace rhetoric is common. "If you want to fly with eagles, you can't hang out with turkeys." Some jobs are just a course to keep you down. Not all skills are recognized or defined by those you work with.

    Life's course is almost always redefinable.

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