Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Does living with Mom and Dad prevent me from dating?

  1. #1

    Default Does living with Mom and Dad prevent me from dating?

    I'm 28 I lost my job a few months ago due to mental illness. When my UC ran out, I had to move home, like plenty of other people my age.

    Is this going to stop me from dating? Because I can't control the economy. If I could I'd abolish money and private property and set up a benevolent oligarchy of meritocratic geniuses in charge who could overrule the Federal Government at a whim.

    I'm hardly alone in this situtation. I find it humiliating but I've been assured by my mom and other people that women will still date guys who live with their parents. Then, another poster here who shall remain nameless told me the complete opposite, and now I am confused and depressed again. I just a want a straight answer.

    I am so DAMN sick of being told I'm not ready. By the time I'm ready I'll be in my ****ing nineties at this rate.
    Last edited by Bartolome; 21-Jan-2014 at 11:44.

  2. #2

    Default

    No, it shouldn't prevent you from dating. While it may be a turn-off for some individuals, it won't turn away ALL individuals. Life's one roll of the dice after another, the main thing is to believe in yourself enough to get out there and try. What's the worst thing that can happen? She turns you down? Who cares. If she's willing to judge you based on one aspect of your life she's probably not right for you anyway. You were alive and kickin' before Suzy Q, you'll be alive and kickin' after. Don't let her have all the power, and don't undermine yourself.

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default

    Mate, that's a difficult question.
    I come from a VERY different situation - moved out when I was 15 and never looked back. And trust me when I say it wasn't all roses on the way.
    So I'd say I lack personal experience about this.

    Also there's certainly some sort of stigma attached to your situation (28yrs. old / living at home).

    BUT - honestly, if you meet someone and it just "clicks" / "feel right" / "etc" I doubt it's going to matter... at least IF:
    - she sees how you've gotten into the situation
    - you are working hard to GET OUT of the predicament yourself.
    - are willing to compromise (maybe move in together, etc.)

    Seriously, I guess the hard spot will be where to "meet" - just as an example my GF's parents are quite cool, but none the less if my GF would still live at home, whilst I'd certainly would be willing to "work around it" ... I'd say the lack of "privacy" would be "challenging" at best. annoying most likely.
    Personally I love privacy and I love quiet-time.,.. so when I get home (I live with my GF these days) I'd like my quiet - just her and myself... if her folks would be constantly around or we'd basically be confined to a single room, it'd be really not an easy situation.
    Now if she'd be willing to find a different solution (like move out asap) - then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it... but if it looks to be a permanent situation - well, I don't know..


    Bartolome, aside from all this I have had a short read of your other posts and frankly, I don't think the issue of most importance is living with your parents at the moment.
    I know this can come over really wrong - however not my intention...
    What I mean is that you should FOCUS - focus on the most important few aspects... work on your self confidence ... if you're already seeing a therapist and it's not working, try someone else?
    Do stuff you LIKE doing - I feel this one is important... otherwise life can be really gloomy.
    I understand that you've been "burned" before in a relationship, and from what you write it wasn't a "pleasant" relationship at any rate.
    Stuff like that takes TIME - and I think it's important not to rush anything, not to rush into a new relationship maybe because you're afraid you have no other chances.
    Damn it, you're 28, there's a LOT OF LIFE ahead of you - enough time to date and do whatever... so don't rush it.
    You may feel lonely, and well I guess most humans strive for companionship, for a relationship - it's normal.
    But you have gone through some stuff and I guess you'd be wise to work it out first as good as you can.
    Sometimes you need the closure to gain confidence you need time to see where you stand, what's important to you, what your needs are etc.

    And last but really not least: be open minded. I've seen this often enough, if you're too actively "looking" for a relationship it often doesn't really happen... potential partners will perceive you as "needy" / "Pushy" etc... and stay away... if you go about it with a bit of nonchalance you will be probably surprised what effect it can have.
    Also don't make "lists" about requirements for your potential partners - like putting a fetish / lifestyle into a priority position or even a part time position. I say, get to know the person... deveolp trust and see where the common interests are, go from there...

  5. #5

  6. #6

    Default

    Living with your parents shouldn't be a problem for any reasonable person. In the UK, more than a quarter of 20 to 34 year olds live with their parents, so it's hardly something rare or unusual (over here at least).

    If someone I started dating told me that I had to have my own place (or a degree in Astrophysics, or own at least three cars, or be able to speak seven languages or whatever) or they would never date me again, I'd be quite glad that they'd told me so I wouldn't waste another minute with someone who thought it was okay to just give me a list of unreasonable demands.

    And if I met the girl of my dreams, and then found out that she lived with her parents... it would make no difference to me at all. I want to meet someone amazing; not someone who merely has enough money to buy a cube of bricks and live in it by themselves.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Living with your parents shouldn't be a problem for any reasonable person. In the UK, more than a quarter of 20 to 34 year olds live with their parents, so it's hardly something rare or unusual (over here at least).

    If someone I started dating told me that I had to have my own place (or a degree in Astrophysics, or own at least three cars, or be able to speak seven languages or whatever) or they would never date me again, I'd be quite glad that they'd told me so I wouldn't waste another minute with someone who thought it was okay to just give me a list of unreasonable demands.

    And if I met the girl of my dreams, and then found out that she lived with her parents... it would make no difference to me at all. I want to meet someone amazing; not someone who merely has enough money to buy a cube of bricks and live in it by themselves.
    Tiny, I don't know how old you are - and not meant as an offense...
    I can not know what kind of experiences you have with life.

    But a couple - at some point, if the relationship is serious (I know something about that, 12 years and counting of an amazing relationship is exeperience) - will need a bit of space of their own.
    Now I don't mean "money"... two lofts in new york, a flat in london, a country house up in norway and at least four helicopters and a private jet kind of money.
    What I mean is a place to call "home" - to call your own, where no one "intrudes" on your privacy, where you can live like you'd like to live together... where you can wake up in the morning and walk down to the the bathroom wearing your boxer shorts... or diapers... etc.
    As I've said, in the beginning this might not be the biggest issue and if love prevails you can walk around those issues for some time... but honestly, unless the parents house has a separate apartment or so, it's going to get pretty difficult.

    When I started to date my gf, she still lived at home. trust me her folks are amazing and went out of their way to make it "comfortable" for that strange young man who was about to "steal" their daughter
    We (my SO and I) see her parents often enough and we have whole family reunions and stuff like that.
    Still after a short time - we both (my SO and myself) were pretty clear that we needed our own space.
    At the time (12 years ago) I lived in a very small apartment that wasn't really nice nor large enough to host two comfortably.. so we moved in together.
    I worked side jobs - she was still studying and had a part time job... together we were able to finance a somewhat more spacious place. And we've never looked back. Was the best decision back then, ever.

    So sure, I wouldn't throw a relationship away JUST because someone lives with the parents - but it can not be a long-term solution... so this is what I meant by "willingness to do something about it"... doesn't mean within 24 hours... but not years either.

  8. #8

    Default

    People are so damn judgmental when it comes to living at home as an adult. My aunt had to move back at home at 35 approx after her divorce because her husband left her will all the bills to pay and in debt and she had to live at home to pay them all off and she had two children all because of a rough situation she landed in with her husband and leaving her in debt. She lived with them for a few years until she found a place to rent and moved in and then she met a guy and they moved in with him.

    Plus it's not uncommon anymore for kids to move back at home when they hit a rough spot in their life or when they lose their jobs and couldn't find another one and for those that never had to move back home to get back on their feet again, that is great so they will never understand. But how could they not understand? I never had to move back at home and I still understand so people needing to have karma hit them for them to understand is beyond me.

    My sister in law lives with her parents and they rent a home together and she has two children and she is poor. She got in to trouble with welfare for not going to job training because she was going to school and she thought she could get a better job but no one will hire her and now she is over qualified to even get a minimum wage job and it makes her unable to work now and she has no money to move elsewhere for work. So that just shows how going back to school for a better education doesn't always mean you will not be poor anymore and if she was one of those judgmental bitches about the poor, I call that karma she got.

    Families are supposed to help and I think anyone who has kids and then expects them to be on their own at 18 and never help them again shouldn't be having kids because they are yours forever. Families are supposed to support each other and help and that is the way it is in mine. If they are lazy and abusive and stealing from you and not respecting your home and are taking advantage of you and making poor choices, that is different.

  9. #9

    Default

    I called my father last week asking if he could make room for me moving home when my current work contract ends. By then, I will be 33 years old. Between high school graduation and now, I have never lived with my parents and have not dated. Still looking for that special someone I would like to spend significant time getting to know. After I move, I will be jobless living in an area where my skills are worthless, and will be actively getting to know single women in the area without any worries. I want a lady who loves me for who I am and believes that both of our lives will be better together. Yes, my psychologist thinks I am not perfect; my hope is in finding someone who thinks I am perfect enough for her. The odds may be worse than 1 in a million, but my focus in on the positive that there is one out there for me. For me, it does not matter how many women don't work out; it is the hope in that one that will which keeps me going forward.

    Years ago, I met the sweetest couple happily in love. The husband was 40 years old and had never dated when they met. They married within a year and started a family. Now, their children are old enough to start families and they are still completely in love. Both are glad they patiently waited for the perfect partner instead of hooking up with the first one available.

    Back home, there is a family who had all of their adult children live with them until they got married. It was a mutual choice made by a close family. Currently, the oldest (34) and youngest (19) still lives with them and one is away at college. Yes, it is a large family and a full house... For those married now, it worked out perfectly for them because they were able to save for a down payment on a house when they married and never had to live alone in some cheap apartment.



    Quote Originally Posted by Bartolome View Post
    ...I had to move home, like plenty of other people my age... Is this going to stop me from dating?

    ...I am so DAMN sick of being told I'm not ready. By the time I'm ready I'll be in my ****ing nineties at this rate.
    Living with your parents will not stop you from dating. That does not matter to someone who will love you for who you are. The better question is if your life is ready for someone else. Are you actively seeking a better life for yourself and preparing to make room for another to be a significant part of your life? We know you can make your life good; can you believe it with us?

  10. #10

    Default

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah View Post

    Living with your parents will not stop you from dating. That does not matter to someone who will love you for who you are.
    Not according to Ringer (see my other thread in this topic): http://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-to...tionships.html

    He's telling me that no woman would date a guy living at their parents.

    Why do I always believe the most pessimistic thing anyone says?

Similar Threads

  1. Is there anyway to prevent goodnites from leaking?
    By curious88 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-Nov-2010, 07:34
  2. If you could prevent your infantilism, would you?
    By dragsnick in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 24-Aug-2010, 04:28
  3. Sweating... is there any way to prevent it?
    By Psydroflare in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 06-Sep-2008, 15:52

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.