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Thread: Exclusive Arousal to Diapers, etc = Problem with Relationships?

  1. #1

    Default Exclusive Arousal to Diapers, etc = Problem with Relationships?

    Diapers and ageplay are the only thing that arouses me but I enjoy sex and want to have a sexual relationship. But being confident about my sexuality isn't enough. I've read a lot of posts from people in relationships about how they keep their AB stuff to themselves and their partner has nothing to do with that. I DO NOT want that kind of life. I want to find someone who will understand my need to be babied. Not 24/7. But I don't want anyone controlling or negotiating when and where I can wear diapers.

    Alright you all probably think I'm selfish now.

    Ever since I moved back with my parents my mom has told me a "bedtime story" every night about me one day getting over my barriers and meeting a girl who accepts me, diapers and all. As I have stated before I want a relationship and not a fantasy. I'm not looking for a mommy. But how realistic is it that someone who loves me will be willing to be a "mommy" at times just as I would be supportive to them?

    Does that still sound selfish? Maybe it's not selfish and that's just the blulnt, insensitive BDSM jerks from that other website talking?

    Please, I need help with this. I would feel unfulfilled if age play weren't incorporated into a relationship.

    Is this asking too much of someone if they love you?

    And if they say they love you, but your sexuality disgusts them, do they really love you???

    My only experience with ABDL in a relationship was with a psychotic girlfriend who used it to manipulate me and make me feel bad, as well as to pleasure me, just for that extra umph of manipulation.

  2. #2

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    To be honest, You are getting a bit over depressing. I have already told you I don't deem you selfish. I think that you can't love someone and refuse to accept them. You can THINK you love them and not accept them, but real love can't hold a grudge. Real love is long suffering, accepting, and giving. No, no one can love you and not accept that part of you, at least not unless they do not understand that it IS a part of you. As for someone being a mommy figure occasionally, I see nothing wrong so long as the compromise is even. If the SO can't take messy diapers, then you don't mess around them, things like that. But you must be willing to accept and please them as well. But as you said, you would be supportive to them. I understand that you are insecure in the extreme at this point, but you need to cool yourself down a bit. People genuinely want to help you, but it seems almost like you are determined to be sad and refuse to see reason. No one here thinks you are selfish for this, so please stop assuming we do. As for diapers and arousal, I don't see the problem. Some people have Erectile Dysfunction, and have problems get an erection. You might as well have ED, as if you can't get an erection without diapers, that is a kind of dysfunction, and it does involve erections. I see no difference between the two. So what if you need a few moments to be diapered before the act. Though I should not know this, but I overheard it as a kid, there were times my dad couldn't get erect just with mom and needed others. Sure it made her a bit sad and insecure, but she dealt with it.

    Now I must ask that you please quit defending yourself from us. It seems like you are taking the attitudes of other badly informed people, and superimposing their feelings onto us. We are not them. They are not us. We are not those jerks from the other forum(s), we didn't come here, post hundreds of times in some cases, in others thousands, just so we could insult you more. So please stop acting like we are them, and relax a little. Or do you need to see a picture of us all cuddling plushies with a paci before you realize we are not going to attack you? Please understand I mean no offense whatsoever. We just want to help, but it seems like you are determined to be so insecure that you don't listen to us explaining that we are not going to attack you. I know that you have suffered what now seems like some rather extreme emotional torture, at least from how it has affected you, but please, relax a bit.

    What happened with the GF is over, at least that I know of. We are not a bunch of mean jerks, so please, we can't be of any use if you won't accept that we are not going to attack you.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousOne View Post
    To be honest, You are getting a bit over depressing. I have already told you I don't deem you selfish. I think that you can't love someone and refuse to accept them. You can THINK you love them and not accept them, but real love can't hold a grudge. Real love is long suffering, accepting, and giving. No, no one can love you and not accept that part of you, at least not unless they do not understand that it IS a part of you. As for someone being a mommy figure occasionally, I see nothing wrong so long as the compromise is even. If the SO can't take messy diapers, then you don't mess around them, things like that. But you must be willing to accept and please them as well. But as you said, you would be supportive to them. I understand that you are insecure in the extreme at this point, but you need to cool yourself down a bit. People genuinely want to help you, but it seems almost like you are determined to be sad and refuse to see reason. No one here thinks you are selfish for this, so please stop assuming we do. As for diapers and arousal, I don't see the problem. Some people have Erectile Dysfunction, and have problems get an erection. You might as well have ED, as if you can't get an erection without diapers, that is a kind of dysfunction, and it does involve erections. I see no difference between the two. So what if you need a few moments to be diapered before the act. Though I should not know this, but I overheard it as a kid, there were times my dad couldn't get erect just with mom and needed others. Sure it made her a bit sad and insecure, but she dealt with it.

    Now I must ask that you please quit defending yourself from us. It seems like you are taking the attitudes of other badly informed people, and superimposing their feelings onto us. We are not them. They are not us. We are not those jerks from the other forum(s), we didn't come here, post hundreds of times in some cases, in others thousands, just so we could insult you more. So please stop acting like we are them, and relax a little. Or do you need to see a picture of us all cuddling plushies with a paci before you realize we are not going to attack you? Please understand I mean no offense whatsoever. We just want to help, but it seems like you are determined to be so insecure that you don't listen to us explaining that we are not going to attack you. I know that you have suffered what now seems like some rather extreme emotional torture, at least from how it has affected you, but please, relax a bit.

    What happened with the GF is over, at least that I know of. We are not a bunch of mean jerks, so please, we can't be of any use if you won't accept that we are not going to attack you.
    Sorry for getting "over depressing" but I haven't spent a day un-depressed that I can remember, so forgive me if I'm not the happiest drone in the Collective. I do realize that I came off as over defensive but that was based on my last experience trying to talk about this with BDSM-types who like I said, I don't think they "get" what things are like for ABDLs because it's so much easier and common for them to be exhibitionistic about it.

    I didn't mean to project my experieces with other foums onto this one, I'm sorry if I did.

    It's not tha tI think you're all going to attack me it's just that as I read other peoples' posts they seem much less sexually dependent on ABDL than me. That's my personal impression. I wasn't always 24/7 for example, but I am no because I have no job and no real demands on my life anymore. I'm in recovery from deep depression at my parents, and I've been 24/7 since I lost my job. In a perfect world I'd be 24/7 all the time. WOuldn't that be selfish too?

    I don't feel confident without my pacifier around my neck, hidden or not, and a diaper on, or at least a pull up. If I'm not diapered, I change into them ASAP. What women could possibly put up with that???

    Yes, what happened with my ex maybe over chronologically, but not emotionally. Being abused for 2 years isn't going to leave my consciousness any time soon. Sorry it makes me seem hung up but very few people have gone through that kind of extensive abusive by a partner.

    I might be being way too hard on MYSELF, I don't want you to misinterpret that as being hard on you or other people here.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Believe me I want to cool down but right now I'm not programmed for that. I can't relax easily or hardly at all. I wake up and wish I was either dead or still asleep. I try to spend as much of my day asleep or desperately trying to sleep.

    I understand your frustrations with me but being depressed isn't a light switch I can turn off. I started engaging this community as a way of getting over the depression, it's not going to take a very short time. And yes, yes, yes, I have a very hard time trusting ANYONE.

    I didn't mean to treat you like an asshole. But I must have because you're upset. All I did was try to be honest not accuse anyone of anything. My concerns that I listed were not an attempt to project them on your or anyone else.

  4. #4

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    Mistake number one: you are 28 and living at home. Most women want a man who is head of their own house. This is their nesting instinct.
    You appear to be bringing a lot of baggage to a relationship. What can you offer her.
    She may go along with your AB stuff but you're going to have to take it slow.
    Remember, the way to make any relationship work is the rule of 95. You must give 95% into the relationship or what you feel is 95%. Because what your really giving is 50%. You can't give everything and you can't take everything.
    This from one who has had a wife and mommy for 38 years.
    Good luck.

  5. #5

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    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Ringer View Post
    Mistake number one: you are 28 and living at home. Most women want a man who is head of their own house. This is their nesting instinct.
    You appear to be bringing a lot of baggage to a relationship. What can you offer her.
    She may go along with your AB stuff but you're going to have to take it slow.
    Remember, the way to make any relationship work is the rule of 95. You must give 95% into the relationship or what you feel is 95%. Because what your really giving is 50%. You can't give everything and you can't take everything.
    This from one who has had a wife and mommy for 38 years.
    Good luck.
    WHOAH. WHOAH. f***ING WHOAH! I appreciate the good luck sentiment but you have something to learn about adults unwillingly being forced to live at home:

    I only moved back a few days ago when I could no longer afford my apartment because I lost my job. That's the economy we live in. Everyone including my mom tells me it's not a big deal. On the contrary to what you say though, I've been told by lots of people that women will date guys who still live with their parents because they're good guys so I don't accept your "mistake # 1." Everything else was good advice BUT I can't imagine mayself cutting out 95% of my ABDL activties. How is that fair? Compromise shouldn't be so totalistic.

    My mental illness caused me to lose my job and my apartment. I didn't CHOOSE to move home and there are a lot of guys in the US in my position. I reject your assertion that it will stop me from getting what I want. I have to, or I have nothing to look forward to. I'm too messed up right now to hold a job and I don't know how much longer, probably years, I'll be in my parent's. THanks for trying to give good advice but I must reject you "Mistake Number One" as being 1) obvious, 2) false and 3) just more depressing. I don't find that comment helpful at all, in fact, it's starting an obsessive trend of thinking in me and I don't like where that's headed. ****! ****! ****!

    I'm sorry but if you're saying I have to get everything I lost back in order to date- an amazing job, my own place, a sense of ownership and independence... that's very DISTRESSING for me to hear and I can't accept it. I'm here (at my parents) to heal but I'm not going to put all romance on hold just because a series of shitty circumstances required me to move n with my Mom and Dad.

    I know you were trying to help but this is the kind of stuff that makes me REALLY angry.

    I am also really sorry if it seems like I'm picking on you, I'm not, but I don't think I'm being oversensitive this time either. I think your comment about living at home was unconstructive and it only made me feel worse. I'm not trying to start a conflict, I just want support, not reasons why it's NOT going to happen.

    If I seem hostile, please understand that I am FRUSTRATED IN THE EXTREME and I don't mean to be hostile, but I WAS offended by your comment about me living at home. I can't control the economy. If I could I'd snap my fingers and all money and private property would disappear. I can't control the situation that forces me to live at home right now. But other things I CAN learn to control.

    THere's plenty of women dating guys who live at home these days because the MOTHER-BLOWING ECONOMY SUCKS. That's not something I can change. When I'm ready and able I'll move out faster than you can say "goodbye, farewell and amen" but I don't plan to wait until then to try dating. I could be 30 by then. 32. 35! How can you say something like that when the economy is this shitty??????????
    Last edited by Bartolome; 21-Jan-2014 at 10:43.

  6. #6

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    ===============
    Last edited by Bartolome; 21-Jan-2014 at 12:00. Reason: unconstructive

  7. #7

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    I think i kind of understand how you feel. I'm 27 and have a difficult time having relationships and not just romantic ones too. I have a job but it doesn't pay much and it doesn't feel like a secure one.

    One difference though is that I don't need diapers to get arousal, I do get arousal from diapers and watching girls in diapers. Sometimes I wish I didn't but in a way I see it as a blessing because it prevents me from feeling like I'm a slave to abdl, to me it's more like a fetish and less like a lifestyle like it seems for a lot of people.

    I don't know exactly what to say to help you, your parents, at least your mom seem to be supportive, but I wanted to tell you that you're not the only one.

    I always tell myself that life is always changing from better to worse to better again and so on, that's just how it is, we just need to enjoy the good moments and endure the bad ones.

  8. #8

  9. #9

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    No problem. I don't post much but I felt like I had to because 1) I can relate to your situation and 2) the other two posts were more judgemental than supportive tbh.

    I have very little experience giving advice on how to live to people and it's hard because there's the responsability and how can I tell someone what to do with their lives? They know themselves better than I know them.

    Anyway, from my experience you shouldn't give up on trying to better your life and finding a life partner, but at the same time you should be acceptive of the fact you might not get exactly what you want, that life might not turn out the way you want it to be and that is completely ok.

  10. #10

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    I can definitely relate to your situation. I had to drop out of a top ten law school last year because my depression and anxiety had gotten too severe for me to continue going to classes. Mental illnesses can suck. Anyways, because of the severity of my depression combined with the severity of my fetish (I am only attracted to diapers and am actually repulsed by sex) I was worried I would never be able to find a partner. Turns out my worry was misplaced - I have now been happily married for two years. My wife accepts all of me and is more than happy to indulge me in my ABDL desires.

    Moral of the story: don't give up hope. If I could find someone, you can to. It may not happen immediately, but it will happen.

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