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Thread: Either way she wins.

  1. #1

    Unhappy Either way she wins.

    So... the ex is pregnant...the clinically psychotic ex is pregnant....

    At first she told me she was 8 weeks which would put me off the hook. Then she sent me a scanned letter from her Dr. saying she was 11 weeks and change, if accurate, she was pregnant for a full two weeks before she had me thrown out. When I asked her to produce the physical letter, she said she didnt have it

    The way i see it...

    [LIST=1]
    1. If I entertain this and she's not pregnant, she fooled me again.
    2. If I stay distant and she is pregnant with my kid, she can tell the courts i was an uninvolved father and later on tell the kid i'm an asshole
    3. if i entertain this and she is pregnant with my kid, i have to make peace with the 40 yr old current boyfriend and watch him raise him because she doesnt want me at her house
    4. If I push or court order her to have the paternity test done in vetro, she can get all suicidal again and claim emotional distress....
    5. If I sign away rights if it is my kid, I just gave away my legacy to a psycho




    Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truely important. Do you know what that is?
    Greg Focker: Love... friendship... enjoying the moment... living... just love.
    Jack Byrnes: His legacy.
    I would kill to be a father but every single way i play this, she wins

    FML

  2. #2

    Default

    Myself I think I would demand your fourth idea.
    In any case GET A GOOD LAWYER NOW.

  3. #3

    Default

    The fourth one is your best option. If she goes insane and suicidal again, the courts will grant the rights to your child directly to you, if I remember correctly.

    Get a good lawyer and show that she's unfit to raise a child. She lied to you from the beginning and she's had problems with suicidal thoughts and emotional distress before, and she's likely to do it again. That sounds like a solid case to me to keep your child.

    Although I can't say for sure, but I'm just going on what sounds like the most logical thing for the courts to do, in my opinion.

  4. #4
    CrinklySiren

    Default

    Honestly, i would say don't entertain the idea unless you have proof that she's not just f*ckin with you, because there is a reason you call her your psychotic ex. I've seen many of my friends be put through this behavior and they come to find out that it was all bullshit.

    Don't give into anything until you have irrefutable evidence, and then in that case if you do have evidence, get a good lawyer. Also, how long have you two been broken up?

    I think you're kinda seeing only the ways you lose in this... and to be honest they all sound extremely unlikely or irrational... the criminal court system may be flawed but there ARE branches of justice that work >_> you do have rights too y'know.

    Honestly though... you can have kids later on in life... don't think that this one kid in the world is your only "legacy", you can always adopt if you ever dont find a suitable partner... and hell, what if the paternity test proves its NOT your kid? Still gonna feel like you don't have a legacy anymore? You're 21! you have the better part of 30 MORE years to still reproduce... and as i said before, there are plenty of kids without parents who could use a home

    The court system exists so that you can protect yourself before others pull a fast one on you, use it to your advantage :3

  5. #5

    Default

    Anything I put below here is solely my personal, non-expert opinion based on knowing virtually none of your personal circumstances or relevant laws. If you genuinely believe this might be credible I'd stop reading the rest of this thread and go get yourself some legal advice right away.

    Just to clarify, are you asking for the physical letter because you believe the one she's sent you has been doctored or is a fake? What is missing from the one she sent you that makes you think she's not being truthful?
    I really don't know anything about your laws relating to the rights of the father, specifically whether you can insist on a paternity test if you have evidence it could be your child but the mother doesn't want one, or what your child custody laws are. It would seem sensible that if you were proved to be the father, she carried the baby full term, and she was considered a danger because she is clinically psychotic (I assume you mean she has a diagnosis) then you would be awarded custody of the child. But there are a lot of steps between here and that scenario, and I don't even know if that would be the case.

    I don't wish to speculate and go into lots of possible scenarios because I'm not in possession of the facts and it's not helpful to you. Instead I will leave you with one point to think about: You are 21.
    Being responsible for a child is a large responsibility, I don't know about your level of maturity but it's something you really need to think hard about. I'm 21 in under 6 months and I don't know if I'd be ready to make that decision yet, that probably means I'm not. Obviously with the situation you've been put it you might end up being responsible in some way whether you are ready or not, but if you don't it's not the end of you having children.
    If she is lying in the first place, decides to terminate, or has the baby but brings it up with her current partner, you have more than enough time yet to decide what you're doing with your life, find a partner and have a child. You've got at least a decade still to find someone, settle down and decide to start a family - that's a long time.

  6. #6
    acorn

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by goodnightmoon92 View Post
    So... the ex is pregnant...the clinically psychotic ex is pregnant.... At first she told me she was 8 weeks which would put me off the hook. Then she sent me a scanned letter from her Dr. saying she was 11 weeks and change, if accurate, she was pregnant for a full two weeks before she had me thrown out. When I asked her to produce the physical letter, she said she didnt have it The way i see it...
    [LIST=1]
    1. If I entertain this and she's not pregnant, she fooled me again.
    2. If I stay distant and she is pregnant with my kid, she can tell the courts i was an uninvolved father and later on tell the kid i'm an asshole
    3. if i entertain this and she is pregnant with my kid, i have to make peace with the 40 yr old current boyfriend and watch him raise him because she doesnt want me at her house
    4. If I push or court order her to have the paternity test done in vetro, she can get all suicidal again and claim emotional distress....
    5. If I sign away rights if it is my kid, I just gave away my legacy to a psycho

    I would kill to be a father but every single way i play this, she wins FML
    The only one with undeniable rights (in this matter) is the child, all others have responsibilities. Should you be established as the father of the child, then both you and Psycho will jointly share in the responsibilities for the following; 1/ Moral
    2/ Physical
    3/ Religious
    4/ Educational
    5/ Emotional
    welfare of the child, till the child comes of age.

    Took the liberty to look to your location and this is what I’ve come up with. http://www.familylawattorneynashuanh.blogspot.ie/2013/01/new-hampshire-paternity-laws-unraveling.html
    http://www.nhfamilylaw.com/Paternity.html
    This rings serious alarm bells. My uneducated understanding of your local law is that you have legal responsibilities to the child from the time that you are seen (even casually) to accept parentage.

    You are well within your rights not to accept miscellaneous (asssumed exact) photocopies of any official document. It is your entitlement is to see and verify the original or at the very least to have a certified copy of original. You need to know for sure that she is indeed with child, If this is so, have no further contact or dealings with her until you urgently seek legal advice. I would say in this case, you have nothing to loose in contesting parentage. Cite her unreasonable behaviour (past and present) and lack of transparency in dealings as cause, ie, the copied paperwork, etc...

  7. #7

    Default

    1) Is she pregnant y or n
    2) not pregnant.. goodbye
    3) she is pregnant. Paternity test. daddy or not
    4) not daddy... good bye
    5) daddy. seek legal advice. The moral and ethical issues are only for you to sort through.

  8. #8

    Default

    As mentioned by others...

    I'd say the child - if it is yours - is your responsibility just as well as hers...
    And like it or not, psychotic ex or not, if it's your child you owe it a good chance at life and at least try to be there for the child... stuff like join/shared parenting...
    Trying to be a part of the child - without actively being too involved with the ex, certainly isn't easy but can be done...
    A couple I know well (Good friends) - she's got a child from her ex... he's a bit of a douche - but he is involved in the role of a father and his son likes him a lot... The basic joint custody setup - and whilst not always free of complications, it seems to be working rather well (has worked well for some years now).

    BUT - and that is where I'd say your first focus needs to be is not being played: Demand PROOF.
    With her being vague about the letter, with her history etc... I'd say you should really insist to get proof - if this is done in vitro, if I'm "up to date" the earliest it can be done is from the 10th to the 12th week and is an "invasive" procedure... a court CAN order this...
    But the other option is to wait until the child is born.
    Anyhow, I really think you need to establish if you are the father or not... any decision will have to be based on this.
    I for one, in your shoes, if the test would say that I'm NOT the father, I'd get really would make sure to keep my distance from that ex... maybe if she keeps up the games, get a restraining order.

    If the test proves you are the father, suck it up and do your best


    Also I'd think it's a good time to consult with a lawyer / attorney at law about this... see where you stand legally, what you can - legally - insist on, what your rights and your options are.
    I'm not saying you have to take this straight to the next court... but just learn your options and the associated issues... knowledge is power.

  9. #9

    Default

    If you find out she's not pregnant (or pregnant with someone elses child), try your best to sever contact with her via any and all means. Carry a 10 foot pole with you if you have to.

    All other options with option #4 being the chronologically prioritized (first) course of action would all have gr8ly improved odds of your success if you had a lawyer as several others have suggested. 8esides; if the court orders option #4 and she DOES 8ecome suicidal... She just gave you the keys to the she's-mentally-unfit-to-raise-my-child ♏ercedes that you could drive through the court.

  10. #10

    Default

    Yes, definitely #4. There's no sense worrying until you know she's actually pregnant, and that it's yours. I had a girlfriend when I was in high school who played the "I think I'm pregnant" card, and it scared the shit out of me. Turned out she wasn't, so give this some time.

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