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Thread: seeking advice about abdl urges

  1. #1

    Default seeking advice about abdl urges

    Firstly I live with my partner, I was very active in the abdl lifestyle up until about five months ago when I gave everything up. My partner I'm with is understanding of it but he had said I ruined my chances of him being a daddy for me because i wasnt used to someone being around when i was in that mode and it pretty much pressured me to give up all of the abdl things I had accrued. After it I was upset for a while but I got over it until recently. I keep having dreams and thinking about the lifestyle again and its kind of bothersome. I know in my situation I can't go back to what I used to do. Can anyone lend some advice?

  2. #2

    Default

    Nothing in life is permanent. Even when something seems like its not fixable, there is always a way to fix it. Just like you can change your mind about your ABDL urges, i think your partner can consider RE-considering. There is also no reason you can't go back to being how you use to be if its what you truly desire; the initial problem with change is allowing yourself to let go of uncertainty or fear brought on by said uncertainty.

    I have friends who say they are scarred by the betrayal they've faced and can never trust anyone again.... yet I've faced more betrayal than a LOT of my friends, and I still don't have trust issues.

    On the other side of the coin; I use to believe that being traumatized by the exaggerated anger my partner would exhibit in times of disagreement left me unable to ever make a mistake in their eyes; but alas, after a couple of years and discussions, I no longer fear upsetting her or making a mistake because she no longer responds in the same way.

    Just do what you want to do and have an adult discussion with your partner about it.

  3. #3

    Default

    Honestly I'm afraid to even bring it up around him, me and my partner are also furries and his previous household they were all babyfurs and he had to deal with them not being discrete about things and I think he's fed up with the whole idea of it. Like I'm not sure if I would ever get a chance again due to that because he talks about it so negatively. And I love my partner but I just don't think I can talk to him about it, I'm mainly scared because I don't want it to become an arguement.

  4. #4

    Default

    Well, even more of a reason in needs to be discussed, it doesn't seem very fair to you that you should hide who you are just because of something that happened in the past; You should come up with a way to discuss it with him and make sure he understands that you don't want to argue or fight but just discuss it maturely. You shouldn't be made to suffer due to the inconveniences of his past. It would be like me never being trusted by my partner just because I attempted to cheat on a previous partner back in high school -_- people mature and their priorities change and situations change, and we have to change with it or at the very least find some sort of accepting ground, because the more we fight it, the more prominent it becomes. If you have to fear bringing up any topic of discussion with your partner, it opens your relationship up for more and more communication issues.... believe me, i know >_< i experienced it first hand.

  5. #5

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    Well we had discussed it before and he said I was doing it for the wrong reasons, and I do admit I was using it as an escape but it was one of the few things that made me feel safe, he claimed it was also getting in the way of our personal life, like with the instances of me having bad reactions to him just wanting to be close in my abdl form but I had taken it the wrong way. It was mostly a fear because when I'm in that state I don't want to do anything sexual in nature and he got upset at me because I didn't want to do anything and I had said he acted inappropriately. All around its been hard to adjust to this, primarily because I lived alone up until he came into my life but I'm just really not sure what to say to him or how to even approach this

  6. #6

    Default

    the more you talk about this, the more it looks like he's just refusing to reach an understanding. You should give him information from sites and places that explain the ABDL dynamic as well as the mentality behind it, because it really sounds like he just doesn't want to understand what it all means... and honestly there is nothing wrong with having a bit of an escape, he should be glad your escape isnt alcoholism or some other kind of substance abuse, or even something as time consuming as video games. I had an addiction to World of Warcraft and it literally damaged my social life, and I would play that game to escape reality, only unlike being ABDL, it consumed the MAJORITY of my realistic time, while being ABDL is something i have total control over.

    This is especially damaging to you in the sense that your partner is only making it worse for you, and is traumatizing you further by taking this incorrect approach. If you try to reason with him and he refuses to comprehend, understand, or even come to a mutual agreement, then you should consider diverting paths because life is too short to be living under the restrictions of someone who chooses not to understand. Being an ABDL is as much fun as it is difficult to handle, and even my partner knows not to do certain things when I'm feeling little, because she's seen what kind of traumatic effect it can have. I don't know his side of the story, but you seem to be mature enough to understand the situation, and from the information ive gathered it looks like he's being slightly unreasonable.

  7. #7

    Default

    I totally agree. We all need something to escape into now and then. I am a recovering alcoholic and I used alcohol to avoid dealing with my problems, avoiding and escaping for a bit are two different things. I no longer avoid problems I face them head on, but I still get stressed and need a release. The other thought is that it's hard when someone doesn't accept you for you. Acceptance doesn't mean approval. I feel for you and will pray that you and your partner will be able to move forward together. I have learned that I cannot modify my behavior or beliefs to please anyone, all I can do is live life in a loving and honest way, and living this way has brought me countless blessings. Hope that you will keep us informed on how things are going, we are here for you.

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