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Thread: "Being a LIttle", from an autistic perspective...

  1. #1

    Default "Being a LIttle", from an autistic perspective...

    Being a person on the Autism Spectrum, I seem to have a different perspective regarding being a "Little" who is an "Adult Baby". For me, being an Adult baby is not in any way a sexual fetish. It is integrated into my "core personality", which was forged through the adversity of being the multiply handicapped Eldest Son of an "untreated" mentally-ill parent (my Mother). My own "real childhood" was "never normal". As I aged into adulthood, my "inner child" got "fused on the outside", instead of remaining "hidden away".

    I will honestly admit to always having a deep aversion towards the "adult world". Yes! I do have to perform adult tasks, such as driving a motor vehicle, going shopping, and paying bills. Also, I did until right after the Terrorist Attacks of September 11, 2001 had employment intermittently since 1978, but the last 12 1/4 years, I slipped into permanent unemployment and had to take Social Security in 2006 at the age of 48.

    Despite my adult appearance as an Autistic with Cerebral Palsy, I have always cognitively socially functioned at the level of a boy of age 8 to 10 years of age.

    Instead of the normal pursuits of adulthood, I have always been more interested in collecting and playing with toys, and have never had much if any interest in any mature cognitive functioning tasks, such as dating or relationships. Yet, at best, I only understand my having a basic attraction to only adult males of my own physical age. With my cognitive social functioning level so low at the level of an 8 to 10 year-old boy as an autistic, I at my physical age of 55, still think of sex and sexuality as a "grown up thing", which I will never understand.

    Darn! I still think that the opposite sex is "yucky", and I still really do not understand where babies really come from. I feel I have never had the right to really know that.

    I live my life now as mostly a "Little", with intermittent times when necessary to perform "adult" cognitive tasks.

    My life as an older Autistic with Cerebral Palsy is one of spending lots of my time in simple cognitive play with my toy cars and trucks, and my NERF Toy Guns, and my LEGO Bricks, and my G. I. Joe Army Guys, and my little Plastic Army Men, and other toys.

    I play alone, because there are no other autistics around to come over to play with me.

    I am lonely.

    I simply never want to ever harm anyone.

  2. #2

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    Your first paragraph really rings a bell with me -- I am also autistic and being AB feels...like I never really stopped being "B" in the first place. Parts of me grew up, sure -- I have a job, I pay bills, I do what I have to do in order to take care of myself and all that, but personality-wise and interests-wise...I never really stopped watching cartoons or started caring about dating or anything like that.

    It's comforting to know there's someone else on here who's coming from a similar place as I am!

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by KatieBear View Post
    Your first paragraph really rings a bell with me -- I am also autistic and being AB feels...like I never really stopped being "B" in the first place. Parts of me grew up, sure -- I have a job, I pay bills, I do what I have to do in order to take care of myself and all that, but personality-wise and interests-wise...I never really stopped watching cartoons or started caring about dating or anything like that.

    It's comforting to know there's someone else on here who's coming from a similar place as I am!
    Yes!

    I do understand you and where you are coming from.

    I am more comfortable in my own skin as a person on the Autism Spectrum (and the Cerebral Palsy Spectrum) to simply "remain a Little".

    I still do what I have to do as far as "adult" cognitive tasks, but my cognitive social functioning heart is still a little 8 to 10 year-old boy.

    Earlier this evening, I mutely played with some of my huge collection of Matchbox and Hot Wheels toy cars and trucks, and I felt happy.

    One aspect of the adult world which bothers me as an Autistic, is all of the "being mean to people" that I see being shown on the television.

    I was taught to never be mean to anyone.

    Also, I am tired of all the "lies being told" by adults.

  4. #4

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    This is an interesting perspective on Autism. My interests and activities are basically unchanged since elementary school without any adult relationships. As I aged, the "toys" were upgraded to ones age appropriate (airsoft and nerf are age 6-99 appropriate). It is as I never grew up and just adjusted to the new requirements.

    When I was 1, Mom remembers me taking stuff apart to see inside. When I was 3, I could start getting it back together. My toys for Christmas were Legos right up until I stopped getting toys for Christmas (had enough to play with by then...). My parents thought they were great to allow me to spend hours assembling and dissassembling stuff without breaking anything. This year, Mom sent me her favorite flashlight with my Christmas gift expecting me to take it apart, figure out why it won't work, fix it, and mail it back eventually. The post office is not part of my normal routine and may be forgotten for months...

    So, how much of your childhood routines remain into adulthood?

  5. #5

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    Although I am not autistic Im surprised how much I identify with these very feelings! I also have no interest in relationships, and the few times I've tried to have them, I feel like that stuff is for "grown ups" its actually been something I;ve tried fighting so many times but I don't know how to be an adult in a lot of areas. I love toys and that love never diminishes, I get more excited over a new toy than any other things people give me!

    I don't really feel a part of adulthood either, being AB really encompasses a lot of my life, Its more of something I have to tone down rather than bring out !


    Hope you feel less lonely though

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremiah View Post
    This is an interesting perspective on Autism. My interests and activities are basically unchanged since elementary school without any adult relationships. As I aged, the "toys" were upgraded to ones age appropriate (airsoft and nerf are age 6-99 appropriate). It is as I never grew up and just adjusted to the new requirements.

    When I was 1, Mom remembers me taking stuff apart to see inside. When I was 3, I could start getting it back together. My toys for Christmas were Legos right up until I stopped getting toys for Christmas (had enough to play with by then...). My parents thought they were great to allow me to spend hours assembling and dissassembling stuff without breaking anything. This year, Mom sent me her favorite flashlight with my Christmas gift expecting me to take it apart, figure out why it won't work, fix it, and mail it back eventually. The post office is not part of my normal routine and may be forgotten for months...

    So, how much of your childhood routines remain into adulthood?
    Many of my childhood routines as an autistic "resurfaced" in the last 20 years.

    To "pass for normal", I really cognitively pounded them down to attempt to be as functional as possible as an adult with Autism.

    Every day now, I play with either my toy cars and trucks or LEGO bricks or my NERF toy guns, ect.

    I need to, or I would go nuts.

    I also "stim" a lot as an Autistic.

    Self-rocking, hand flapping, fidgeting with objects (my toys) in my hands.

    Those behaviors were ruthlessly punished by my psychotic mentally-ill Mother who could not cope with my relatively mild disabilities.

    @ age 55, I am happier, functioning at a "lower level" as an Autistic.

  7. #7

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    "Self-rocking" I like that phrase. I've always stimmed that way, too, but having it phrased that way in an AB context definitely puts it into a new perspective for me.

    I didn't mention this in my first post, but I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 25 despite the fact that I've shown the signs of it my entire life. I blame that on no one in my life knowing what autism was beyond a few unfortunate stereotypes. But because I didn't know I was autistic, I was just called "weird" my entire life and I tried to push all my natural instincts down. It never worked, not really, but I definitely notice a change in my happiness levels since I was diagnosed and stop trying to hide my (what I know know are) autistic behaviors.

    This thread makes me want to find out if there's a greater chance of being an AB if you're autistic or not...I'm not going to go prying into people's business to find out or anything, but it does make me wonder.

  8. #8

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    I'm not autistic, but I identify with playing with toys. I should add that I've worked for several years with kids who have various learning disabilities at a junior high school. One of my very favorite students is autistic, though high functioning. He changed schools and I and his assigned teacher severely missed him. He came up to me in our grocery store several weeks ago and said, "Hi, remember me?" I of course did, and was overjoyed to see him.

    Back on topic, I too enjoy playing with toys, and especially some that I had as a small child. I have the little gas station and cars, and continue to make car models. I loved my little green army men and asked for a set for Christmas. I didn't get it, so I may order some. I used to frustrate my mom because I'd have them set up all over my bedroom floor, and they'd stay there all week. I was very particular about setting them up, and where each one went. She of course, had her own agenda which included vacuuming my room. She really was amazingly cooperative most of the time, and we had to compromise, me taking them up once a week. At least they could stay "in action" for a week.

    I come and go, still working my church job. I'm married, a father and now a grandfather, and have no reason to believe I'm on the Autistic scale. But we who are on this site are unique. How many people enjoy wearing diapers and know anything about regressing? There may be some strange crossover in the things we feel and experience.

  9. #9

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    I'm mental disabled with mental mind of a 12 year or younger that what real mommy say. I wear diaper 24/7 for need and I like play with toys and think sex is gross to. Also feel more comfortable in a crib then normal bed with my pooh bear.

  10. #10

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    I love pooh bear too, its interesting to see how many people identify with these feelings of leaving "grown up" things to the grow up. Thought I was alone!

    This post made me feel less lonely about my feelings, Thanks!

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