Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: My Despicable Rant That I Couldn't Keep to Myself Anymore, and why I'm Most Likely Awful

  1. #1

    Default My Despicable Rant That I Couldn't Keep to Myself Anymore, and why I'm Most Likely Awful

    I need to vent, and Iím going to do it uncensored.

    I will say things that I wonít believe I said, Iíll say things that make me sound like an asshole, Iíll even probably be despicable to some. But I canít play with this idea of ďYou can soldier onĒ, like I have for a while now anymore.

    Iím not really that active on this site, I attribute that to me being to chickenshit to post anything because Iím afraid of what somebody on the other end of the computer might think. This isnít my main problem though, Iím starting to try and post more things on other websites Iím active on, and so hopefully I can get rid of my BS fear of being judged on the internet.

    When I say Iím not active, I mean I donít post a lot or reply to anything, I do read through some post though, and Iím hoping some of you will understand what Iím upset about now. This is all going to be written without me really editing it, I will of course try to fix typoís, but the flow of this vent will be as I type.

    Here it goes,

    I hate my brother and sister, I also sometimes hate my dog, my mother, and my father. My mother and father though I find myself not always hating. The times I do find myself hating my father, itís because he can sometimes have a temper, not a terrible one, not an abusive one, but one that makes me question why anybody would freak out over something so trivial. The times I find myself hating my mother are the times when she confides in me as being her ďnormal childĒ.

    Why am I the ďnormal childĒ? My brother and sister are currently taking depression meds, and my sister is also taking anxiety meds, and Iím not, even though sometimes I wish I was, but then I kill that idea and move on.
    Why do I hate my brother, I hate him because I donít see how he thinks. He once told me that he tries to piss me and my family off to see the Ďrealí me while we were in a restraunt, I told him to fuck himself and go on with ordering our food. He also comes across as a contradiction. Heís taking a year off from college because of some meltdown he had the first semester, I havenít bothered to learn that much about it because I felt at the time that it was better I didnít understand why a man that went through a year of college all by himself with only one incident where he posted to Facebook that he had a shit year and a close brush with suicide, scaring the shit out of me and my family. He also constantly tries to place the blame for all the worlds problems on himself, bullshit like World Peace and Pollution, even though heís been constantly reminded that thereís no way in hell that those things are solely on him. He also doesnít want to be a bother, this constitutes him dodging and failing to respond to simple questions such as, ďDo you want this box of muffinsĒ with stuttered umís and ďI donít want to be a botherĒ EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE SIMPLY YES OR NO QUESTIONS. Also, even though he doesnít want to be a bother, he has no problem spending my parents money, and he has no problem with not knowing how to drive and having to rely on me or my parents for rides to the movies or therapy. Last summer we tried to teach him how to drive, but I personally gave up when he once told me after he drove the both of us to one of his appointments that he had to resist the temptation to drive straight into a tree, neglecting that he wasnít the only one in the vehicle, and that it wasnít his car. My brother wants every problem in the world to be his fault, and needs to constantly bother everybody that he doesnít want to be a bother.

    Why do I hate my sister, because she wants everyone to hate her, and sheíll make someone out as someone who hates her if they donít do something for her; on top of that, I think she has a false sense of entitlement. She will regularly neglect to take her medication and always acknowledges that, leaving someone to get her pills for her. She also will make you out to be uncaring, she once texted me while she was in school to bring her out of school food as a ďgood brotherĒ while I was at college.; I responded back that I was busy and that we could go out for food that weekend, she replied by saying that I could of done something to try and make her shitty day less shitty. She also did this once while she was having a bad day at school and had a bunch of make-up test, she texted me to bail her out of class, I told her I couldnít, she came home crying saying I didnít care, that she hated me, and that she could have been dead while she was crying in the bathroom when I didnít immediately come up to question her why she told me she hated me. Also, like my brother, she has no problem with spending my parents money, and she has bad grades because she doesnít do her homework or study for her classes; she claims its because itís to stressful and hard, and even after being offered by my parents to see if thereís a way to switch to different classes, she rejects it. My sister wants me to hate her because I donít do her bidding, and she doesnít seem to be bothered with trying to improve anything.

    My brother and sister have also said multiple times that they wanted to kill themselves, theyíre not alone. Throughout high school and half my first year of college, I had some of those thoughts; I went through a period where I was convinced I had depression during high school, I even once had a knife to my wrist and thought long and hard if I could go through with it. I kicked those thoughts to the curb, I stopped always focusing on why everything sucks and started to start looking forward instead of backwards.

    I still look back though sometimes, and I see all the times I wanted to cry out for help and scream that there was something wrong with me, I wanted to stand on top of my school roof and jump off, I wanted to drive to the worst part of town and score something hardcore to find a way to mask those thoughts.

    I didnít though, I kept it in, I pushed myself though almost everything, and I still find myself sitting here typing on my keyboard as to why I hate most of my family.

    When I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up again, I kept it to myself, when my best friend lost his own father as a teenager about to go into college, I was the shoulder for him to cry on and was always there for him whenever he needed help. When I was sitting in my dorm room on a Friday night for the 10th time with no friends to hang out with or no girlfriend to confide in, I wanted to scream and cry at the fact that I was lonely, but I didnít, no matter how much I wanted to.

    When my mother walked into my room crying that she felt that she wasnít a good enough mother because of how my brother and sister ended up, I nearly cried. I nearly cried because the woman that brought me into this world and helped give me opportunities that most children would kill for felt she hadnít done enough. And I almost cried because I realized I was the ďnormal childĒ.

    As I finish this rant, or confession, or whatever the hell this is, I still donít know why I hate my brother and sister. I hate myself, Iím disgusting for hating my own blood, I hate that I am looking forward to getting away from them, I hate it. I know I have some feelings deep within me for them, but I try to ignore those because there might be day where I have to help bury them. I also hate them because they have all the opportunities I use to wish they had, and instead of improving with this help, they seem to be fine at staying where they currently are.

    Then of course, this ďnormal childĒ is and ABDL that wishes to fly away to a place where he can forget what it means to be a young adult, and reconcile with himself to be young at heart, but canít until he has his own job and place where he can pursue this more.

    I hate myself for saying all of this, I hate that I hate most of my family, but Iím just tired of never acknowledging this to anyone but myself, because I rather keep my business to myself.

    Feel free to hate me, I most likely deserve it, I just got a lot off my chest with people I should associate with but donít. I just typed everything Iíve been keeping inside for a while to share with strangers.

    What the fuck am I doing, I really hate this, but I somehow feel as though I canít keep this to myself anymore.


  2. #2


    Not trying to be condescending or rude, but I must legitimately ask: How old are you?

    Regardless of that, you sound a lot like me when i was between the ages of 18 and 22. And I have several harsh solutions for you:

    Solution 1 : Stop trying to understand your brother and sister. Unless you are dealing with clinical depression, it will always seem like they are attention whores (at least thats how you make them sound in your rant).

    Solution 2 : stop giving so much of a shit, reserve your opinion and listen to others if you want. I don't even PRETEND to disagree with my brother, because i would rather avoid a confrontation... sure his behavior pisses me off to no end, but honestly, at the end of the day its wasted energy. You can only do so much, just live your life and stop worrying so much about theirs unless it turns into a matter of life or death.

    Solution 3 : Realize that your parents come from a different time. what might seem trivial to you might not seem trivial to your father, and your mother doesn't yet understand that we live in a world where every fucking child is depressed that its become normal behavior, and there is a very good, very logical reason why everyone and their mothers is depressed, but thats a conversation for another day.

    Solution 4 : (and please don't take this as an insult), you haven't matured enough to see that hating your brother and sister are simply products of your disagreement with things you cant understand and they cant EXEPCT you to understand it. Eventually you will learn to just be there for them regardless of how stupid they might act. You're not disgusting, its normal for siblings to hate eachother.... how do I know this? because I fuckin did it lol but i dont hate my brother anymore, i still disagree with him on EVERYTHING, but i learned a while back that I shouldn't hate him, I should just see that he is struggling with his OWN journey, and i shouldn't let it affect how mine is.

    Conclusion: There is no such thing as normal, I can NOT stress this enough. Our parents idea of normal is completely 360 from what is considered normal today, and because the world is currently run by people from a different time, we are led to believe that we are NOT normal... normality changes about as fast as the milliseconds can count down, so by that logic, normality is always changing, and if normality is always changing, it can not possibly have a structural pattern.

    I gotta say, quite a good rant though. But my simplest answer to you is that you gotta just chill and take it day by day or you're gonna develop your own mental instability lol. Also, sorry if my response seems a bit crude or slightly disheartening. I'm just a very pragmatic person, and sometimes too much of a realist >_< I only mean to help :3
    Last edited by CrinklySiren; 08-Jan-2014 at 05:04.

  3. #3


    I read most of this. And I say bravo!!! Let it all out. Don't keep anything in any more. Life's a lot easier when you don't keep things bottled up.

    But the thing about life is nothing will change. Until you make it change. Sounds like it's time for you to get a job, car, and your own place.

  4. #4


    OK. You've gotten all of that off of your chest.

    Did it help at all?

    I mean sometimes it does help just to spew it all out into the stratosphere and let it fall where it may, especially if you've been keeping it bottled for a long time, as you obviously have. There is absolutely no percentage in doing that, in keeping things inside: there is the way to a breakdown. It sounds to me as if you come from a very difficult family situation. Have you spoken with a therapist or counselor at all? Your school in all likelihood has social services that can provide you with one at no cost; most colleges and universities do. I highly recommend that you seek someone out; from everything you say here, you are coming apart at the seams, and it is not your fault.

    That is a critically important thing for you to understand:

    It is not your fault. None of it.

    You are not responsible for your siblings' mental problems. You are not responsible for your inability to help them. You are not responsible for your mother's emotional breakdown. You are not responsible for your father's temper. You have nothing to "confess." You are not even responsible for your own perfectly understandable emotional reactions to a bizarre and far too heavy situation for any one person to deal with on his own. Don't be angry at yourself for feeling this "hatred"; for one thing, it probably isn't hatred at all, but an overweaning anger. For another, even if it were hatred, it is not them you hate; it's what they are doing to your life. And in any case, as I said: it is perfectly natural.

    You have said nothing here that makes me think that you are anything but a thoroughly decent human being. What you deserve is not our hatred or chastisement but our sympathy and love. I wish there were more I could do for you than pen these words, but they will have to do.

    Good luck.

  5. #5


    I don't think you're a terrible person for having these thoughts, but then if you're afraid of people on the internet judging you what I think really shouldn't matter.

    A lot of people are frustrated with their family; families are pretty frustrating things. It's ok to admit that you hate your family--if that's really how you feel than owning that feeling is an important part of processing it. But it's also good that you recognize that hating your family is not, shall we say, an optimal situation to be in. Finding harmony in a chaotic household is not an easy task and it's understandable that it would drive you crazy.

    But I think it really does matter how old you and what your living situation is like. Sometimes parent and sibling relationships can improve when there's a healthy distance, just enough that you aren't running into each other's barbs all the time. But hey, I'm just some person on the internet. No one knows your family like you do, and I don't think the point of this thread should really be about throwing out advice about a situation we all only know so much about. A rant is a kind of therapy unto itself, so bravo for being brave and speaking your mind I hope this is an opportunity for you to think through how you're feeling. And know that there are a lot of people here who are happy to walk beside you in this.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by Thatperson View Post
    What the fuck am I doing, I really hate this, but I somehow feel as though I can’t keep this to myself anymore.

    You're right you can't keep this to yourself any more.

    Your hatred and resentment for your siblings... obviously they act in irrational and self-defeating ways, but they are mentally ill, that's to be expected.

    I do want to stick up for you brother on one thing though...

    Last summer we tried to teach him how to drive, but I personally gave up when he once told me after he drove the both of us to one of his appointments that he had to resist the temptation to drive straight into a tree, neglecting that he wasn’t the only one in the vehicle, and that it wasn’t his car.
    That's probably the reason that he resisted that temptation.

    It's pretty clear that you're also rather jealous of your siblings, because they get to be the "mad" ones, and you don't - you have the burden of being your mother's "normal child" even though you clearly have problems of your own.

    You should ask for help. No one is going to give you a medal for the good soldier act, so it's pretty pointless. I can understand from your situation that you can't ask your mother and father for help - they don't seem like they have a lot to offer, or prepared for the burden. It's vital that you identify someone that you can go to outside of your immediate family, someone you can talk to about these feelings who doesn't have any interests at stake except an interest in you... do you have any friends that you could try emotionally unburdening yourself to? Anyone who could talk to you for a few yours about your anger and frustrations and fears?

  7. #7


    man dude that sucks. I know from personal experience that it's really hard to tell if someone is genuinely depressed or if they are craving attention or both and making your mind up about that can be stressful because you're basically deciding whether to care or not. Whatever your decision about your brother and sister is don't hate yourself for hating them. Even if they do suffer from depression dealing with a person that's depressed can be stressful and depressing in itself, and if they don't have depression then you have even more right to be angry at them because they are wasting everyone's time for the sake of their own vanity. Whatever you do please don't hate yourself for doing it that's the way you live a life of regret. Your decision is one that you make based off of your evidence and feelings at the time and if you turn out to be wrong it's not your fault you were just acting on the information you saw. You're not a horrible person for having a rant or hating members of your family and if you gain anything from anyone's advice here it should be that you shouldn't hate yourself or think you are a hateful person because you feel that way. these feelings you have aren't that irrational. I'm probably nowhere near as helpful as others here, but I hoped I helped anyway.

  8. #8


    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by MsClaraRiddle View Post
    do you have any friends that you could try emotionally unburdening yourself to? Anyone who could talk to you for a few yours about your anger and frustrations and fears?
    I do have some friends I can talk to, I'll see about talking to them about this when I can. Also, thank you to everybody, thank you so much for offering your insight and help. Dealing with family members with mental illness is really hard, but I now realize that these hurdles I've been coming across lately are just something I have to deal, and I shouldn't drive myself crazy to try and understand it.

    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post

    you gotta just chill and take it day by day or you're gonna develop your own mental instability lol. Also, sorry if my response seems a bit crude or slightly disheartening. I'm just a very pragmatic person, and sometimes too much of a realist >_< I only mean to help :3
    It isn't disheartening, I'll admit I'm still a young adult and don't have that much life experience, and I shouldn't drive myself crazy over not understanding everything.

    Thank you everybody, thank you so much

  9. #9


    I am not a qualified counsellor, but I have spent many hours with people from the mental health profession as well as battling my own depression and anxiety issues at various points in my life. I've been down the hole. I know that it's infinitely harder climbing back up then falling down.

    The first step towards getting out of the hole is accepting that you have a problem. Only once you've done that, can you then reach out for help. It is by far the hardest part of all of this, because in doing do you can't help but feel like you're letting both yourself down and those that you love. But the reality of this is that, partially due to how hard this decision is, it is the healthiest and bravest choice you could make. It is also the best decision you can make for those around you. All terminology you've used in your original post talks in absolutes. According to you, everything is either one thing or the other. Bad or good. Black or White. Life isn't like this. But I once saw life very similarly. It is one of the signs of depression and mental illness.

    I understand your reluctance to accept this part of yourself. I'd imagine part of the reason behind this reluctance is due to the example you see your siblings setting. Two very selfish people, both of whom seem to suck the life out of everything around them. At least from your perspective. You want to be anything other than that. I think we can all understand why. But, just because you accept that you have mental health issues, it doesn't mean that you're the same as them. Or even similar. You are you. You can choose your own path in life.

    In regards specifically to your siblings, I would like to invite you to try and picture life from their perspective for a moment. Part of the issue with mental illness is appreciating the ill person's issues from their perspective, and not your own. What might seem trivial to you, isn't to them. What might be positive to you might not be to them. It is always very difficult for healthy family members to tolerate other less healthy individuals when the cause is hidden. It's much easier when it's cancer, or a heart attack etc. The cause and effects are very visible and so it's much easier to imagine yourself in their shoes. Tolerance coupled with empathy are the biggest factors at play here. Notions healthy family members should try their best to maintain. But if you're struggling with your own problems and feel your relationship with your siblings is in tatters, I can understand why this is not your first priority.

    I would also echo what others have said. It is not your responsibility to worry about your parents relationship with your siblings. It is however an enormous pressure your mother has placed on your by holding you up as her "only well child". I think you should explain to her the pressure this puts you under, perhaps while you're explaining the issues you're hopefully going to deal with soon.

    I may be overreaching my remit in offering this next piece of advice. I am most likely going to get a load of flack from other users with different experiences. But this is my personal belief and I will explain why thoroughly. If you do decide to ask for help, which I urge you to, I would recommend you do one thing. Don't go on medication unless you fell you need to. As I know all to well, there are many mental health professionals that would argue early intervention with medication can be very effective in treating depression and other illnesses. Clinically I would not argue against that view point. It has its place with the more extreme mental health disorders, such as schizophrenia, manic depression and bipolar. However, I would argue the opposite with people with young and malleable brains, those who are brought up in a "fix it immediately with a pill" kind of culture (such as the USA) and those who haven't tried the less invasive approaches first.

    Psychology is a very young science. I would akin it to Victorian Era Medicine. It really isn't that advanced at all. While we have an established code of ethics, often what we do to our mental health patients isn't pretty. Our lack of scientific understanding in neurology leads to Psychology being an inaccurate mess in places. There are of course some widely proven, scientifically validated and peer reviewed theories and therapies. There are drugs that are proven to work as antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. However, there is no over-arching neurological understanding of our brains in place to further support these theories and therapies. As such I am weary of any pill that permanently fucks with our brain chemistry. We know so little about how our brain works in from a holistic all encompassing view that, what might seem excellent and safe now, won't be in 10 years time.

    I am not saying that if you're suffering a very very serious mental illness you should not consider medication. Or that if you really think it's for you, as you know your situations infinitely better than myself, you shouldn't take medication. But I am encouraging you to try less invasive options first like seeing a counsellor, giving cognitive behavioural therapy a good go, or even confiding in a close wise friend who can be a shoulder to cry on. While none of what I just mentioned is a quick or easy way out; over the long-term it is by far the wisest option to take. The less invasive you go, the less reliance you have on rudimentary artificial means to maintain mental stability in years to come. Equally, if you do it without the aid of a pill, you've achieved something. You've taken ownership of your own mind. You, and you alone. Not a drug.

    Even considering what I've said about medication, don't feel guilty or worried accepting it. It has done wonders for many people, including some of my family members and best friends. Medication works for a lot of people. But I truly think you owe it to yourself to give your brain a go at fixing any mental health issues with a person guiding you, before trying the easier fix.

    I hope I've made sense, and you have the courage to face this head on and deal with it .
    Last edited by Luca; 08-Jan-2014 at 21:24.

  10. #10


    I took this post for what it is. A pressure relief valve. Living with, working with, and getting along with the rest of the human tribe requires that we keep our inhibit circuits working for long periods of time.

    We all need a way to let it out, most of us have one that feels good but doesn't hurt anybody. Sometimes its spewing here. Sometimes its cranking up the old Cerwin Vegas and blasting "Won't Get Fooled Again". Sometimes its going out in the woods and screaming at the top of your lungs. Sometimes its going out on the bike (pedal) and seeing how long you can go in the red zone before you blow up.

Similar Threads

  1. Despicable me 2
    By egor in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 26-Jul-2013, 20:24
  2. This forum makes me feel awful
    By AshleyAshes in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-Feb-2013, 13:39
  3. Hey. [my awful childhood]
    By johnnycakes in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-Sep-2010, 20:48

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.