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Thread: New to the world of AB/DL. Please help?

  1. #1

    Question New to the world of AB/DL. Please help?

    Hello everyone,

    I'm hoping I can get some advice to help me better understand the abdl community and fetishes etc. I am currently seeing someone who is a abdl and he enjoys both babyboy/mommy roleplay and daddy/babygirl roleplay. I still have a lot to learn and it can get a bit overwhelming getting a grip of everything abdl. I should mention that I did not have any interest or much knowledge about abdl before we met. Anyway getting to the point. My question is what counts as cheating in an abdl relationship? In a "vanilla"/ "normal" relationship, kissing, sexual intercourse and so fourth tend to apply. But in an abdl context the lines are getting a little blurred for me. Should I be upset with my baby boy if he wants to colour and draw pictures with another girl when we are in a monogamous relationship? Because for him colouring/ drawing can be done in a sexual roleplay with me.... I'm a bit confused. Any advice, thoughts would be appreaciated!!!



  2. #2


    First off welcome.
    If you explore this site, and you might want to do it together, you will find loads of information and things to try.
    I think you need to sit down with your mate and express your concerns. The most important thing is not what we think but what you two work out together.
    Good luck and don't be afraid to ask questions.

  3. #3


    Thanks for your comment I intend to chat with him more about everything. I was worried he would think I was overreacting for getting mad at him colouring with another girl and was curious what people in these sorts of relationships regard as cheating. I realise everyone is different and what one person thinks is cheating another may not..

  4. #4


    In my personal opinion - cheating is anything sexual being done with someone who isnt your significant other. Now, this means the obvious kissing/sex/touching(in a sexual manner). The lines are blurred when the difference between fetish and emotional comfort cannot be differentiated.

    For example - my SO use to get into fights with me because she didn't want to partake in my abdl lifestyle, so i sought it out somewhere else; mind you i am 100% faithful and ive never cheated in my life, I could also never do that to my SO. Anyway, to me, playing with other girls or boys in diapers, or with plushies or just being a baby with another ABDL isnt cheating so long as there is no sexual undertone. I have ABDL friends who have changed my diaper and who I have diapered and seen naked and vice versa but to us its literally a "nothing" factor. But not all littles/ABDLs are the same. To me and my friends, being a little isnt a fetish, its a lifestlye/ comfort zone for us. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for AB/DL play in a sexual context which we also enjoy, but when it comes to being little and playing; thats 100% pure innocent fun.

    So i guess what I'm trying to say is, figure out what he gets sexual gratification out of, and that can help you determine what would be considered cheating, and will allow you and your SO to set boundaries

    But also consider that there are things that can be performed and executed in both a sexual and non-sexual context. Diaper changing would be one of these things for some people; when they get changed by their SO it can have a sexual element to it, but when being changed by another little or by another big person (another daddy or mommy) it can have an emotional element. Either way, having relationships of any sort (as a little) have very strong connections that can be easily misunderstood. I have 2 big sisters who I love, I snuggle with them and I play with them and I have a very close relationship with them, but it is FAR from the same as my relationship with my SO. Being an ABDL/Little can be a very colorful experience because it opens up your mind to understand new concepts and aspects of understanding for things like love and compassion and intimacy and innocence, and has also been testament to showing that love can be felt for more than one person but under different emotional circumstances.

    To put it simpler; the basic ideology of faithful, monogamous relationships is (or can be) HIGHLY different from the complexity of the ideology for ABDL/Little/ Overall fetish or kink relationships. Humans are too complex to fully understand, but in the end its really about what you allow yourself to open up to.

  5. #5


    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    In my personal opinion - cheating is anything sexual being done with someone who isnt your significant other. Now, this means the obvious kissing/sex/touching(in a sexual manner). The lines are blurred when the difference between fetish and emotional comfort cannot be differentiated.
    Yep. IMHO, if either party in a relationship considers it a sexual situation, then its at least questionable, if not outright cheating. Its something the two parties need to define for themselves and each other.

    In something like this, a lot has to do with context. I'm not jealous of my wife's gynecologist or massage therapist, and no one bats an eye (including me...) if I change one of the grandkids' diapers.

    I'm a cyclist. I often get asked to go for a ride one-on-one with an elite female cyclist friend. Why? She almost has to train with men because there aren't a lot of women available for training rides who can challenge her physically. We're close enough in ability and fitness that its a good session for both of us. My wife knows her and her husband, and there's no issues, even though she's a lot younger and quite attractive (as most female athletes are).

    I turn down similar offers from some other female cyclists (younger, single) because I can sense that my wife is suspicious of them.
    Last edited by Maxx; 07-Jan-2014 at 15:22.

  6. #6


    Thanks that's cleared a few things up and confirmed a few thoughts of mine.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by infoseeker View Post
    Thanks that's cleared a few things up and confirmed a few thoughts of mine.
    Thanks for showing interest in learning our community and seeking us out. We are happy to help.

    If it makes you uncomfortable, it should be addressed with your SO. Whether it's "cheating" or not, if you are uncomfortable, imho you should discuss with your SO and come to a consensus. And, your SO should validate your feelings, and there should be boundaries. It comes with the territory, just like if I were having a platonic friendship with a coworker, I make sure my wife's "green monster" is appeased if it ever shows up.

    I have advice on "playtime" books. For full immersion in SO's lifestyle:

    "There's A Baby In My Bed" by Rosalie Bent.

    For "cookies are a 'sometimes' food" type play:

    "Age Play and Diaper Fetish Handbook" by Miss Penny Barber.

  8. #8


    Also; "Ageplay: From Diapers to Diplomas" by Paul Rulof --- In depth psychological understanding of the ABDL dynamic.

  9. #9


    Thanks for joining. I can't really offer any better advice than what's already been said. Beside this tid bit. Communication Communication Communication!!!!!!!!!

    You'll have to talk this out. And some things will be hard to ask/answer. And your not going go be sure what to ask. Or if it's ok for you to ask if. And it is, your in a relationship there shouldn't be anything between each other.

    So take your time, write a simple list. Remember you won't think of everything and that's fine. It would be a lot of pressure to take in 100 questions/answer in one day anyways. Respect each other's boundaries. And don't feel bad if your SO wants to "pass"/stop. Just give time.

    Also a site I find helpful for informing people is

  10. #10


    Thank you everyone for your advice. I think some more research and communication with him would be helpful.

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