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Thread: Being Kicked Out At 18

  1. #1

    Post Being Kicked Out At 18

    Ugh... I need help. I'm about to be kicked out of the house because I have bad grades. I failed a couple of my first college classes because of sleeping problems my mom doesn't believe are real. Same thing happened to me in high school, but somehow I made it through after a couple of F's. My mom paid for the college classes, and she's majorly angry, which I understand. I tried to tell her that I tried my hardest, but she doesn't believe it. She's never listened to me or really tried to help. I was an unplanned child born when she was 19 and it seems like she's treated me as a verbal punching bag for as long as I can remember.

    Enough of that rambling.

    Currently I'm 18 and jobless. I have a car, but my mom pays for the insurance and such on it, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it when I get kicked out. I can't find any jobs around town and I have no friends to stay with. I have a girlfriend and we're very seriously dating. However, her parents are strict and would never let me stay with her under the same roof until we marry.

    Essentially, the situation is either I have to come up with $300 in rent to pay my mom before February 2 or I'm out.

    I'm really scared and I need some advice... What should I do?

  2. #2

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    From your post, you have sleeping problems, no job, poor grades, and have been threatened to be homeless by February. Also, your relationship with your mother is not ideal. My first priority would be to improve the relationship with your mother. Try to understand her perspective and alleviate her concerns as much as possible. Best of luck with that. Second priority would be to correct your sleeping problems. Research healthy sleep habits and pay attention to your use of caffeine and energy drinks. Third (should involve the most effort) is a job.

    My mother was overbearing during High School and I needed my own personal space to arange a healthy relationship with her. During spring break of my Senior year, I signed up to join the military and departed the following fall. Nothing like 2,000 miles of separation for some "personal space". I found a job, home, and parental boundaries with one signature. This is what worked for me.


    For you, I do not know you well enough to make specific recommendations, but can suggest you look at every option you have available to make changes in your life. You cannot control your mother, but you can control your own life. Figure out what you can do and make it happen. Please let us know if you have any further questions.

  3. #3

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    This is a tough one unless you happen to have a hot tip on the ponies and even that would help in the short term. If this is something that has just been sprung on you, I would hope it's likely that your mother would see that this isn't very realstic in the timeframe allowed. Despite that, I'd suggest two things: proceed with all due diligence on the assumption that she's totally serious and won't relent. Secondly, lose any sense that she is obligated to relent.

    You're an adult now. You are not her responsibility anymore. You (for whatever reasons) have not held up your side of the bargain you made with her, another adult, and regardless of any past difficulties, she's entitled to decide you are a poor risk and not provide any further financial assistance. I would hope that if you engage with her in the future with this attitude (that anything she does for you in the area of support is a favor or investment for everyone's benefit), you may be able to get yourself another chance or at least a more realistic timeline to make a change.

  4. #4

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    While, yes... the American (your profile says your from TX, so I assume this applies to you) Job market is not ideal right now. But unless you are trying to make enough money to live on, there are plenty of jobs out there. If you have nothing at all coming in in the way of finances, than 7.25/hour is a lot more than zero... quite the improvement. Go to a local Workforce Developement center. These are usually state ran and can show offerings and help you land a job. It might not be something you like or want to make a career out of, but it will give you some basic income. $300 in two weeks is very doable, even with a part time minimum wage job.

    Secondly, take a bit of personal responsibility. I know sleep issues can be real, and I am not saying that yours aren't, but there is likely some steps you can do to improve them. Does your sleep cause problems with meeting friends for online gaming? Going to parties? Doing other events that you enjoy? It is amazing how lack of proper sleep can be such an excuse for job, school, chores, etc. But 90 minutes of sleep is enough if you have to be up to do something you ENJOY doing. That is everyone.. not just you. I do the same thing. I have sleep issues because I work third shift. It sucks getting up during the day to do anything I don't want to do, but if it is something I enjoy, somehow I manage to find the energy after a short cat nap, and I can be up and raring to go.

    Chances are, if you start to take steps towards becoming a responsible adult, your mother will see it as progress and either give you more time to pay rent or at least relent a bit on the threat to kick you out. If not, at least you will be on your way to getting on with your life and moving away from a bad situation. If you really have no place to go whatsoever, seek out help from local churches and/or charities, but still keep working towards bettering yourself. If you have to ride the bus for a while or bum rides from friends, do it. Don't make excuses. Make changes.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Riggs View Post
    Ugh... I need help. I'm about to be kicked out of the house because I have bad grades. I failed a couple of my first college classes because of sleeping problems my mom doesn't believe are real. Same thing happened to me in high school, but somehow I made it through after a couple of F's. My mom paid for the college classes, and she's majorly angry, which I understand. I tried to tell her that I tried my hardest, but she doesn't believe it. She's never listened to me or really tried to help. I was an unplanned child born when she was 19 and it seems like she's treated me as a verbal punching bag for as long as I can remember.

    Enough of that rambling.

    Currently I'm 18 and jobless. I have a car, but my mom pays for the insurance and such on it, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it when I get kicked out. I can't find any jobs around town and I have no friends to stay with. I have a girlfriend and we're very seriously dating. However, her parents are strict and would never let me stay with her under the same roof until we marry.

    Essentially, the situation is either I have to come up with $300 in rent to pay my mom before February 2 or I'm out.

    I'm really scared and I need some advice... What should I do?

    I highlighted some of the biggest parts of the post.


    -You are not kicked out as of yet.
    -Bad grades on your mothers dime.
    -You are done with High School and in college.
    -You are 18.
    -You have no income.
    -Mother is paying for car insurance and such(must be gas and other maintenance costs).
    -You have no friends that will let you ride for free.
    -Can't lean on your girlfriend to pick up your tab.
    -You need cash.

    Ok, sell your car and all other assets that have any value, xbox/ps, computer, video games, etc... This should buy you time after you pay the $300.

    Now that we have some time let's get down to business.

    First, bad grades just means if you would like to go to school, pay for it yourself. Trust me I know how big of an expense college is. Something that must have been over looked as someone else was paying for it.

    Second, You are in College not H.S., not sure were you missed it but it is time to get serious about what you have in front of you weather it is a job or post secondary school. I understand that you may have some sleeping problems so maybe school isn't for you right now so find a job on 3rd shift some place sounds like you're naturally up those hours anyway.

    Third, you are 18 please stop making yourself out to be a victim, you are an adult now and you have to sometime figure out that you are responsible for yourself.

    Forth, you have no income, why I do not understand you could have been working for 2 years already. Also I addressed this problem 3 different ways above already.

    Fifth, you forgot to add she is paying for your shelter costs, electric, heat/air conditioning, garbage, water, cable, internet, phone, and most importantly food. All this cost money that you do not contribute to as of right now.

    Sixth, either your friends are still living under their parents house or they are living on their own and can not afford you. Plus they are probably paying for it themselves because they are at least trying to be responsible for themselves.

    How can you afford a girlfriend right now sounds like you can't afford yourself right now. Well if she is still around after you get all the above figured out you best take her on one hell of a date.

    Now with this being said, you have a lot going for yourself right now and try not to bring you down. Get out there and apply at every and any job out there. Make certain that you are making yourself presentable and don't make anymore excuses why you can't, it isn't coming down to that right now. It has now come down to you have too, like not an option to act on this problem that you have created, (sorry to say it) on your own.

    I would say it is time to start play internal locus of control and stop playing external locus of control. Find some personal responsibility of the situation that you are in and figure out what you can do to correct it before you really are homeless.

    Hope this helps! Sometimes we all get reality checks in life, I really don't know you and your probably a really good guy. Here is an opportunity to even be a better man.

  6. #6

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    I've been having sleeping problems and no matter how early I go to bed, I can't sleep and then I end up waking like at three in the morning even if I do fall asleep. My body seems to only want to sleep for a curtain amount of hours. I can just lie there and not get to sleep again until seven AM. It is a real thing, not just excuses.

    I would suggest trying some sleeping aid and see if that works but you have to go to bed at the same time every night or else the pills won't work. I can't take any because I'm pregnant. I have taken them when I was working night shift in job training and my body wouldn't let me sleep and I knew I needed some sleep so I got some sleeping aid. I remember how hard it was to sleep at night when I got day time shift so I was always tired during the day and I think I used sleeping aid then too. Sometimes it takes a while to get your body on schedule.

    I am sorry your mother isn't being supportive. My husband has sleeping issues too due to his feet so the pain keeps him up. I have issues with insomnia off and on. I have always had sleeping problems due to my brain and thoughts going around in it and getting over tired so my mother used to give me medicine to help me sleep and it left a white stain on my front tooth.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I never understood the issues with bad grades, if you are working hard and doing your best, why is it your fault if a grade isn't good enough? I wouldn't have finished high school if it weren't for any help I got with it. I have never been punished for my grades ever. I couldn't imagine my life always being punished for not getting an A. That might have start leading me to cheating on tests or copying from my neighbor to try and get a good grade because doing it on my own was never good enough. It has always felt like a form of child abuse to punish your kids for not getting a good enough grade after they have done their best. That is expecting more out of them. That's like telling a child if they can't score a goal, they're grounded and then the kid is upset he can't get one after he is trying hard to score one. I don't understand these kind of parents and the pressure they put on them and expecting them to do more than they can.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    I never understood the issues with bad grades, if you are working hard and doing your best, why is it your fault if a grade isn't good enough? I wouldn't have finished high school if it weren't for any help I got with it. I have never been punished for my grades ever. I couldn't imagine my life always being punished for not getting an A. That might have start leading me to cheating on tests or copying from my neighbor to try and get a good grade because doing it on my own was never good enough. It has always felt like a form of child abuse to punish your kids for not getting a good enough grade after they have done their best. That is expecting more out of them. That's like telling a child if they can't score a goal, they're grounded and then the kid is upset he can't get one after he is trying hard to score one. I don't understand these kind of parents and the pressure they put on them and expecting them to do more than they can.
    I think the issue is that this isn't high school and it cost money to go to college. Other peoples money as of right now. So, just guessing, I don't think this is a punishment issue but rather pay for it yourself issue; and while you're at it, get a job deal. Telling your kid that is not punishing them.

  8. #8

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    I agree with Rogers. Like it or not welcome to the wonderful world of adult. You can't blame anyone else for the results of your actions. People aren't going to hold your hand and make it all right.
    It stinks to be an adult but at 18 you are one.
    I like the idea of the military. It looks like your way out. But don't think this is going to be a free ride. You will be expected to follow orders and if you don't Mom won't be there to make it better just a someone yelling in your face.
    All I can say is good luck.

  9. #9

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    Rogers advice may seem harsh, but from the info given in the original post, he is fundamentally right. Welcome to adulthood!

    Once you reach a certain age the world changes and you are now responsible for many aspects of your own life. Now some may get away with living off the bank of mummy and daddy for longer, but in your case, your mother appears to feel its your time to grow up. If she wants rent to sustain you then you are going to have to get a job somewhere sooner or later, I appreciate you said you are struggling, but you must find a solution. Maybe do some volunteer work to gain some experience.

    Again, from your post, it does seem you need to build a better bridge with your mother, and you cannot expect her to pay for college and food etc. if she cannot afford it. It appears that its grow up time for you. It comes to us all.

    I have no medical expertise or experience with sleeping problems so I will leave the advice for others who have.

    If it helps, I was kicked out of home as well for having no job and not contributing to the family home. At first it was the worst thing that could ever happen. However, it turned me into a man and I found a job much quicker because I was suddenly, extremely motivated to do so. Talk to your mother, put effort into school, or quit if you are going to fail anyway, and get a job in a supermarket, or McDonalds, those types of places are always hiring. I only say quit college if you are going to fail, because presently you are not paying for it. It would be unfair for someone else to fit the bill, for you to then not pass it.

    I am from the UK, so my advice on jobs in the USA will be limited but a quick search came up with this. Finding a Job | USA.gov it seems a useful place to start. Also a site specifically for Texas Information for Job Seekers & Employees - TWC

    Again, welcome to big school!!!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Riggs View Post
    Ugh... I need help. I'm about to be kicked out of the house because I have bad grades. I failed a couple of my first college classes because of sleeping problems my mom doesn't believe are real. Same thing happened to me in high school, but somehow I made it through after a couple of F's. My mom paid for the college classes, and she's majorly angry, which I understand. I tried to tell her that I tried my hardest, but she doesn't believe it. She's never listened to me or really tried to help. I was an unplanned child born when she was 19 and it seems like she's treated me as a verbal punching bag for as long as I can remember.

    Enough of that rambling.

    Currently I'm 18 and jobless. I have a car, but my mom pays for the insurance and such on it, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep it when I get kicked out. I can't find any jobs around town and I have no friends to stay with. I have a girlfriend and we're very seriously dating. However, her parents are strict and would never let me stay with her under the same roof until we marry.

    Essentially, the situation is either I have to come up with $300 in rent to pay my mom before February 2 or I'm out.

    I'm really scared and I need some advice... What should I do?
    Trust me mate, this isn't the end of the road or the world for you.

    I moved out when I was 15ish... and I survived
    Somehow I got through my last year of school, some more education, countless side jobs, drivers license, car, motorcycles, a lot more side jobs, training on a job, evening school for engineering, building my own company, dating girls, living with my girl, living with IC, well... life hasn't been easy - but it shouldn't be

    Now as others have summed up, you're 18 - time to face the adult world - trust me with all shit I've been through, especially in the beginning, I wouldn't want to miss a second of it, find a LOVE for that responsibility, for being your own man, for being able to set your own rules, walk your own road, make your own decisions.

    Alright, your mom is fed up with paying for you, she has - as you say - abused you as verbal punching bag ever since... well I guess moving out isn't the worst thing then?
    maybe it is really time to be your own man, to walk that road of yours without mom dictating the directions, making up the terms and telling you how you have failed.

    Yes - Fail we all do at times... some of us try hard and fail at something twice or thrice... so what, life ain't about how often you have failed - its mostly about how often you were able to stand up again. at least this is what I truly believe. Master of my own fate.


    But enough of that
    - You are an adult, you are no victim: you have choices
    - You've got a month' time to either come up with 300$, a new place to stay, or another solution.
    - How old is your GF? I mean if you are really serious (both of you) move both out and find a place...? Work two or three jobs - so what? you're young - it will not kill you.
    - Job market: Any - even low-paying - job is better than none in your situation... now that college has kicked you, well you've got the LUXURY OF TIME. use it... there's ALWAYS some bit of work you can find, push burgers at mcD's for what it's worth, shrub toilets (so what, there's a LOT worse - trust me), night shifts, ... Ask around, come up with something... don't sit around just hoping for someone to offer you work - it's not happening.
    - Sell your assets... 300$ isn't that much to get hold off, actually I'm pretty certain, just by selling some of your items, you can get a fair amount of those 300$ by next week. Well it's a challenging time for you, and you shouldn't be fussy about selling your belongings.
    - Car? Sell it if it's worth more than 1000$ if it's less than 1000$ I'd say hold on to it if you can.
    - Ask for help. As hard and sometimes tough that is, you can talk with people ... finding someone (GF, relatives, etc...) to loan you temporarily some 300$ shouldn't be that difficult either... I'd say: Last option... debt isn't where you'd like to start, but if nothing else can be found.

    Honestly though:
    - I think your main priorities should be: JOB AND A NEW PLACE TO STAY.
    - Show your mom you can fend for your own. If it doesn't make her proud, it at least shows her that she was wrong
    - Walk outside of your comfort zone. Mentally adjust that the next few years probably are going to be really tough for you - financially, work load, probably no real free-time / hobby activities... but trust me, the lessons you CAN learn on this road will prove invaluable time over time again throughout the rest of your life.
    Learning that you can take care of your self - no matter what, will provide you with more security and good-feeling than a stuffed bank account and a paying mom ever will.


    Anyhow I'd like to conclude:
    It's your life - you are indeed your own master - commander of your own fate, driver on that road of yours... and it's up to you, entirely up to you what turns you take.
    But no matter what, any road you take has it's consequences, it's dark alleys and it's fucked up moments... don't despair - fight & survive. Enjoy the victories and stand up after being defeated. You will grow, you will gain experience - you will make mistakes and those mistakes will be your best teachers. Sometimes friends are around, sometimes you will fend for your own - but at the end of the day, its your life - your responsibility... and it my book, you've got only one (life) - so take out of it whatever it is you are looking for and work to create the world you'd like to live in.
    I wish you strength.

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