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Thread: Telling a girl I have been seeing

  1. #1

    Question Telling a girl I have been seeing

    I have been seeing and chatting with this girl for the past few months. But we have known each other for the past two years (she is not some complete stranger). I have already read the thread about telling someone else, but I am still conflicted. We started hooking up because she came and told me that she really likes me and that is where things started.

    I feel like I can talk to her about this. But I am more scared about her reaction and thoughts to the abdl lifestyle. Since we go to the same college and have relatively the same friends I do not want to make things awkward between us or have her go around telling people about my diapers.

    Also, I do not know how to talk to her about this lifestyle. Any tips how?

    If anyone has been in a similar situation, what did you do? Or what advance can anyone give me?

    Thank you.

  2. #2


    Well, I find that this thread is good...

    There is a lot of good advice in that thread about how to talk about this sort of thing. If you look in the archives, there are lots of posts about when this sort of thing works out, too.

    My suggestion is to wait. Wait at least three months of relationship building so that your relationship is strong, you understand each other, and you trust each other. A relationship has many elements, and I recommend waiting until you believe that all of them are strong first.

    Furthermore, if this is a thing that involves your sex life (like a diaper fetish, rather than non-sexual DL), you should probably shoot for about 3 months into the sexual relationship before talking serious kink talk. Some advice I've heard is also to explore what your girlfriend (not girl-you've-been-seeing, mind you, it's better if you are close) thinks about weird sex things. Some people may have zero tolerance, and telling everything to someone like that is not something I'd call ideal; some others are very tolerant and may pad up with you. Communication and understanding are important. Understand who your partner is, and accommodate their needs too.

    Also, this might apply: Savage Love by Dan Savage - Seattle Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

    I hope this helps. and good luck!

  3. #3


    I'd be really careful, because you really never know how someone's going to act.

  4. #4


    Tell them ASAP but in a positive way like it is 'no big deal', as in the bigger picture it is no big deal.

    Wait too long and there will be the issue of 'you withheld this from me, so what else are you not disclosing' and a rational "why should I trust you now" dynamic.

    We don't withhold our favorite food or sports team from others and there is no more reason to withhold our interest in baby things. If they are not into it, they may leave. So what. Some people won't date those who are fans of a sports team they don't like. Better to get it out in the open. If it isn't going to work, move on.

    I usually disclose in stages. If they can't deal with my plush friend or sippy cup I would not go into diaper play. No big deal, as there are plenty of other open minded people out there.

    If my soft friend on the bed, sippy cup, etc goes over fine, then I tell more about how this side of my life helps me deal with life. If they are interested, they will respond. If they distance from me, that is fine too. Better now than wating years for something that will not happen.

    I am open to my a/b side being integrated in various ways in a relationship but I am not open to it being shut out.

  5. #5


    I resolved to tell my girlfriend about my NL side as I had been going out with her for approaching 18 months. She is aware of my kinky side and has taken part in other activities. I had wanted to tell her a few times before but always bottled out of telling her.
    She didn't freak out and was actually quite cool with it when we discussed it for about 15mins. She said it doesn't change how she feels about me and it feels like a load lifted from my shoulders.

    Since I have not been doing anything in this area for a few years I am not too bothered about picking things up or trying to interest her if she has no interest.

    I think it is important that there are no secrets in a relationship as ultimately they will be revealed at some point.
    Last edited by stevieab; 04-Jan-2014 at 23:07.

  6. #6


    Personally I think women are generally more excepting then men because we are programmed to be "tuff" and "grown up". Women are more sensitive to feelings and nurturing, they may find it weird (who doesn't) but try to understand or except it. For example: I told my girlfriend, after she drug it out of me, that I liked when a woman wears a pad (think it's sexy) and I also like something else. She thought it was weird but ok, she would do that for me! Then she wanted to know what the other thing was, so I didn't tell her but showed her. She unfolded the diaper and said "It's a big pad" to which I replied " basically". We have been married almost 8 years now, she wears a diaper for me now and then but always wears a pad when we have lovin' (we both like it better with a pad between us).
    I also recently told a male friend about being DL.. I built it up soo much he didn't know what to expect until I finally let it out. He asked me if I shit in them (almost corrected him "mess" but did not) and I said "no I don't". He then said "I don't need to see you in one" and that was it. We are still friends, heck I have known him longer than my wife and alcohol helped me tell him!
    I leave you with this thought: be carful whom you tell because they can always gossip to other people! It happened twice with my wife telling people, one was a friend I've known for 15 years. I denied I liked diapers and he believed me, just be cautious.

  7. #7


    In my personal expiriances, people generaly don't even think about it much after you tell them. To be fair, it boils down to how much you trust her, and her expected reaction.

  8. #8


    I think it depends on why you are wanting to tell her. If you have never told anyone (sans other *BDLs on ADISC/ other internet places) and just really need to tell someone just to get it "off your chest" so to speak, I would suggest telling a VERY trusted friend who you have had a longer friendship with. If it is sexual, and you would want her to participate in some way or another, then I would start by bringing up your sexual relationship, and kinks in general. When you say "hooked up" does that mean casual sex without being exclusive bf/gf? If that is the case, I would probably wait a little longer, and decide if this is going to be a serious, long-term relationship. I wouldn't tell her until you two have talked about exactly what you want out of the relationship, and become exclusive.

  9. #9


    I think it goes down to how you tell her and how interested she is in kinky stuff. I explained it to my wife that I like the feeling of being embarrassed and she totally got it right away. Just don't all of a sudden say I like crapping my pants or something like that.

  10. #10


    A shameless plug for one of my girlfriend's post from a while back. It was received relatively well then and feels applicable now as food for thought.

    She unfortunately is really busy (as evident by her lack of activity as of late) but if there are any questions you'd like to ask her I'll pass them on.

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