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Thread: Conflict - who gets anxious, or is it just me?

  1. #1

    Default Conflict - who gets anxious, or is it just me?

    Hello everybody

    First, a bit of background information: I've got depression/anxiety, which has been supressed a fair bit by Fluoxetine, which has been prescribed for me for about one-and-a-bit years now.
    Now the trigger: I've been watching Series Six of the Big Bang Theory just now, and in the two episodes I watched with my family, both had a fair amount of verbal conflict in them (shouting and all that). I got rather anxious toward the end of it, and had to leave the rest of my folks to it.
    I don't know if that situation seems a bit strange, or if I seem rather weak to you. I've always wanted to withdrawal from verbal conflict: it started when I was younger, and I always used to think that if the teacher started shouting at people in class, it was somehow my fault. It grew into kids being told off, and now with people having arguments.

    I just wanted to know whether this is a feeling shared throughout some people, or if I've kind-of dug myself a hole with only myself in it.

    (I do apologise if I have any grammatical mistakes: I'm not really feeling at my best)

  2. #2


    It's not just you. I am afraid of conflict, to the point where I'll often just cave and let someone else have their way to avoid a fight. Yelling scares me, too. I don't even like watching football or hockey games with some people because they scream at the TV the whole time and I find it upsetting.

    For me, the fear is from the same thing as you've mentioned: when people yell, I feel like it's my fault. I'm not sure how it started, but I've always had a bit of a thing about helping people be happy and peaceful. So when other people are yelling, I think it's my fault, or that I should at least stop it somehow. As a little kid I'd try and break up my parents' occasional arguments (which were never severe or abusive, but the sound of raised voices made me want to do something!) So, it's not just you, in short.

    As for what to do, I'm still working on it. Reminding myself that it's not my fault has helped. Reminding myself that I've got the right to be safe and not yelled at has helped too. But I'm not sure of permanent solutions to this.

    It's OK to feel frightened, though. I know it's scary, and your feelings are legitimate. There's an answer somewhere, I'm sure!

  3. #3


    Not the only one, I try to avoid conflicts and potential conflict situations IE holidays, family gathers, family events- I AVOID them like the plague as I have no desire for conflict because I usually end up in a conflict with my brother-in-law or my father. I hate conflicts. I prefer to avoid them. This Christmas for example I spent it in Cleveland, Ohio with friends rather than family and I had a wonderful time up there and it gave me a chance to get a way and to avoid the conflicts.

    Last Christmas, I got into a stupid argument with my father over something stupid and after that I swore NO MORE FAMILY GATHERS.

    For me, the source of conflict is family gathers where I have to be there all day and I can't leave when I wish to because I don't drive. I hate being in situations I cannot get out of and thus adds on the potential for conflict. I too, hate conflict and will do whatever I can to avoid a potential situation. As for my history, I'm not depressed nor on medicines as I despise big pharma with a HUGE passion and find ways to deal with things with my multitude of hobbies. I admit I did have depression for years in high school but I think the drugs I was on back then caused it.

    I can understand where you come from... there are times where I just have to- AVOID the situations and sure it does piss off the family but it is MY right to do so as an adult.


  4. #4


    I don't get anxious over conflict on TV (though there are other things frequently depicted on TV that are triggers for me, just not conflict in particular), but I *do* get anxious if people are fighting IRL in front of me. For instance, sometimes my mom and step-dad will argue about money in front of me. I know it's not serious and it's just temporary and they're not about to divorce or anything like that, it's totally minor. They're not even using raised voices. But I still feel myself getting anxious and curling up in on myself. The same thing happens if I hear either of them talking about a situation that's making them angry -- dealing with my step-sister's inlaws or something like that. The only thing I can figure is that my mom has been divorced twice before this marriage, the first one when I was five, so maybe hearing my mom and dad fight when I was a kid and feeling truly powerless about it ingrained in me some kind of anxiety over people around me fighting. I have no idea.

    But you're not alone! I cry if I find myself in conflict with someone and I start feeling panicky if I so much as witness someone in conflict. Anxiety doesn't make you weak, not even a little.

    (And for the record, some of my triggers are things that I'm sure seem down right silly to other think conflict is a weird trigger? I get anxious if I hear country music. Seriously. Because my first step-dad [the one from mom's second marriage] was abusive, and he would always have the living room TV on CMT. So I hear country music and my mind thinks about being abused and voila, there I am in a panic. Now that one is a strange trigger!)

  5. #5


    I have the same feelings. Conflict on TV bugs me. I enjoy watching the typical murder shows like CSI, Law and Order, Cold Case, when it aired, and in all of these series, the characters seem to have all these personal problems. I call it "embroilments" and I hate it because it makes me nervous. It's like I identify with them, and want immediate resolution. I don't like confrontations, and usually try to avoid them. I tend to be phone-a-phobic because I fear what the unknown caller might me calling about, or expecting from me. Yes, you are not alone.

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by KatieBear View Post
    But you're not alone! I cry if I find myself in conflict with someone and I start feeling panicky if I so much as witness someone in conflict. Anxiety doesn't make you weak, not even a little.
    Thanks for the note of support Thanks everybody for all your notes of support - things are feeling a lot better now

    It's been interesting to see other people's perspectives on triggers and the feelings associated with them. New topic: calming down. I often try music, but it's a hit and miss thing with me: play the wrong track, and it makes me more emotional ! So far, the best medicine for anxiety that's actually worked would be funny friends, and comedy. You know the saying "laughter is the best medicine"? That's just the ticket with me!

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