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Thread: Need advice with my relationship

  1. #1

    Default Need advice with my relationship

    I am in need of help to figure out where to go with my relationship, seeing as it is now falling apart.

    Let me start with the beginning of my relationship because it all ties in. about 3 months into the relationship I told my GF that I was ABDL and to my surprise she said she wanted to try diapers and she did and she told me she liked them. She even got some on her own and has used them and so on, well 5 months later out of nowhere she tells me that she hates diapers and hates that I wear them and that she does not want to do it or any part of it and this is long after we gotten into the role of daddy daughter play when we were together.

    Here is where all the problems started. Well she was leading me on by pretending to like diapers “so I would like her more” we were happy and not even a single argument to speak of but as soon as she told me the truth it was then like 5 months of our relationship was built on a lie. Since then we have gotten into many arguments and she has even tried to break up with me a few times quite simple because I have said no to something’s such as not taking her out to eat because I was doing homework. And I did not let her break up over a silly decision because I believed there was something that could be worked out.

    Well now that it is 2 more months later now present she is telling me something such as “I love you, you are perfect, now change”. In other words she is telling me not to change but at the same time telling me to change, she wants me to be me but she wants me to be what she wants a guy to be. The trouble is in this relationship I am the girl and she is the guy. She is the one demanding sex and mirage and I just do not want that yet because I am still in collage.

    On top of all that, over the course of 10 months I have spent $3000 because she does not help in any way money wise and I littlery have $39 to my name now. And at an average spending of $75 a week on her or $300 a month I just do not have the money to support the relationship she wants. And right now as it is, she does not care that I am broke she has demanded me to spend more money on her, not kidding she does not care if I go into debt she wants me to spend more money on her right here right now.

    Now pleases don’t tell me, that I am the guy and I just need to act like one and just go off and marry her and have sex because that is what guys do. The thing is I may be a guy but really I am the girl. I am writing this here for advice because this is an open community and I need advice from people that understand a similar situation. So pleases tell me what should I do. Should I try to keep the relationship going or just break up with her as is?, because right now as is I have pretty much given up. so please help, i would like to make the dicisoin to stay or go on new years, for my resolution.

  2. #2

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    kitty3 sorry but reality sometimes bites when the honey moon period is over.

    If you don't see a workable situation where you are diapered and she isn't (and by your words might actually hate diapers) and you can't get her to understand relationships are about love and respect not about spending money that you don't have take a step back and consider if A) she loves you for you and B) if you can love someone that doesn't accept you (actually sorry you probably can't longterm unless you want a life of misery.)

    Easy for me since I am older, a bit more hard bitten, had crappy relationships in the past (sure that broke my heart) and have kids I can't stand to see be hurt by users but reading you post I would like to remote control you to say to this girl "sorry it really isn't working out, best of luck and I will look back fondly on the good times we had and grow as a person from the challenging times."

  3. #3

    Default

    I'm sorry kitty3 *hugs*

    That's a really bad situation you're into right now, especially at that time of the year.

    And quite honestly from your perspective now... it just sounds quite bad, like you're only getting used in every way - do what she wants, give her what she wants and ultimately be what she wants you to be.
    Secondly your way of holding onto this relationship, despite that she wanted to break up already, is just another bad sign. Besides that it could also be a kind of leverage for her, like "do what I want or I`ll end this relationship", until you give in to things.

    If it's really that way... that's no relationship, she's just using you to be quite frankly. But is it really that way? So is it fact or does it also depend a lot on your position and feelings, especially if you're hurt. Ask this yourself and also primarily if all this is worth it. Nonetheless, speak with her, openly, otherwise nothing will change in any way.

    And anyway, I agree with Argent, there is a difference between lovingness and love, and perhaps or better said it seems like the lovingness is gone. It has surely been there, she did try things you love, she hasn't been that demanding... and on and on.
    But if it's gone... and if there's no real love, it just doesn't work - or not directly - you two would have to work on it.
    What I could also think of is perhaps a big influence from other people about her change of mind in case of the diapers and how she wants you to be, or not.
    And mind you, and believe me it's always that way. She has been falling in love with the person you have been and probably how you still are, not the one she want's to make out of you. ;)

    I`d say, speak with her, honest and determined about all those things - that they bother you a lot and secondly why she changed that much, or also as you think perhaps why she has been lying in the first place. And the money thingy... doesn't work that way, she should do her part too for it.
    Either way how it may end, so if you can fix your problems or not in the end, it's way better then dragging on with the given circumstances in my humble opinion.

    Don't let yourself be used, chin up! And best of luck anyway.

  4. #4

    Default

    This sounds to me like a clear example of manipulation on her part. I only have your story to go on, but it sounds like she lied to you to draw you in, then suddenly changed her mind to keep you off balance. She's giving you very unclear messages if she's telling you you're perfect but you need to change. You probably have no idea where you stand most of the time. And that's incredibly stressful.

    The other issue is money. If she really loved you, don't you think she'd be more respectful of your situation? Loving someone isn't based on whether they can buy you stuff or give you a certain lifestyle. A caring partner would see that you're in a bad situation, and understand that the gifts have to stop while you get enough money to buy food. Going into debt for frivolous gifts won't help you. And I'd argue it won't even make her happy. You've spent $3000 on her; do you think this extra will make a difference? It's completely unfair, and she has no right to do this to you.

    Sadly, I've seen relationships all to similar to this one. And I'm sorry to say that like daLira said, she's using you. Even though she's nice sometimes, it's not worth the loss of self-respect and the emotional uncertainty she's causing. You need to tell her it's over.

    I know, this is hard to do. It may feel mean. But think about your own happiness. You're unhappy right now, I imagine. Do you want to live like this for the next fifty years? Or do you want to be the one left with nothing when she decides to divorce you (and people like this often do; if she sees you as a source of gifts, she'll leave when the gifts stop)? You deserve so much better than this!

    Whether you take the masculine role, feminine role, or both, you deserve to be respected, listened to, and given honest responses. (And whoever's saying you should "just get married and have sex" needs to have their head examined. This sounds like my old church, and there's a reason it's my OLD church). The diapers aren't even on the radar here. The fact is, if she'll give you mixed messages and see you as nothing more than an ATM, she's not a good partner. Based on what you've told me, I think it's wisest to get out of this as soon as you can. There are people out there who will respect your needs and treat you as a partner, not as a slave. I hope you find a happier situation soon!

  5. #5

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    wow thank you, you 2 for thoes posts. @dalira there is a few thibgs I did not say but I should probably get them cleared up. after the 5 moths of what seemed like heaven she went to see a tharpist, for other reasons. she did not tell the therapist about my abdl side but side but she did tell her mom. now the therapist told her I should be acting like a man. that us where her eanting me to change so much came from. and well her mom is into bdsm but not abdl. so not understanding it she told she daughter that liking diapers was not healthy (I found out about this conversation much later) anyways that is why she nainly stoped with the diapers but I do think deep down she never did like it. and last night I thought and thought about the relationship and tryed to think of e b at she did for me In the relationship, not for me for her benifit but just for me. well ut is sad to sat but th De inly thing I could come up with was her randimly giving me a back scratch now and then. I did not say she tryinf diapers just for the fact she only did it to try and get in my pants, witch is not want I want. thank you for the advice again and right now around new years I am going to have a talk with her and right niw it is planed ro be the break up talk (sorry for mistakes. this was all typed on my phone this time)

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by kitty3 View Post
    I am in need of help to figure out where to go with my relationship, seeing as it is now falling apart.

    Let me start with the beginning of my relationship because it all ties in. about 3 months into the relationship I told my GF that I was ABDL and to my surprise she said she wanted to try diapers and she did and she told me she liked them. She even got some on her own and has used them and so on, well 5 months later out of nowhere she tells me that she hates diapers and hates that I wear them and that she does not want to do it or any part of it and this is long after we gotten into the role of daddy daughter play when we were together.

    Here is where all the problems started. Well she was leading me on by pretending to like diapers “so I would like her more” we were happy and not even a single argument to speak of but as soon as she told me the truth it was then like 5 months of our relationship was built on a lie. Since then we have gotten into many arguments and she has even tried to break up with me a few times quite simple because I have said no to something’s such as not taking her out to eat because I was doing homework. And I did not let her break up over a silly decision because I believed there was something that could be worked out.

    Well now that it is 2 more months later now present she is telling me something such as “I love you, you are perfect, now change”. In other words she is telling me not to change but at the same time telling me to change, she wants me to be me but she wants me to be what she wants a guy to be. The trouble is in this relationship I am the girl and she is the guy. She is the one demanding sex and mirage and I just do not want that yet because I am still in collage.

    On top of all that, over the course of 10 months I have spent $3000 because she does not help in any way money wise and I littlery have $39 to my name now. And at an average spending of $75 a week on her or $300 a month I just do not have the money to support the relationship she wants. And right now as it is, she does not care that I am broke she has demanded me to spend more money on her, not kidding she does not care if I go into debt she wants me to spend more money on her right here right now.

    Now pleases don’t tell me, that I am the guy and I just need to act like one and just go off and marry her and have sex because that is what guys do. The thing is I may be a guy but really I am the girl. I am writing this here for advice because this is an open community and I need advice from people that understand a similar situation. So pleases tell me what should I do. Should I try to keep the relationship going or just break up with her as is?, because right now as is I have pretty much given up. so please help, i would like to make the dicisoin to stay or go on new years, for my resolution.
    I'm sorry that this is happening. From the way that I'm reading it (and I'm sorry to have to say this) it might be time to move on. It doesn't sound like she is wanting a real relationship with give and take. She just wants to take and have someone take care of her. What is she wanting you to spend money on her for? Going out to eat and stuff like that?

    If she can't understand that you aren't in a financial situation now that allows this, you'll need to get some distance from her. Otherwise she'll bleed you dry and when you finally have a breaking point, she'll just move on to someone that will spend money on her.

    I've been in those situations before, and they aren't fun. I'm sorry, as much as you care for her, in my opinion (and remember it's just my opinion) it might be time to move on.

    Good luck, and let us know how it turns out.

  7. #7

    Default

    All good advise from above, so I'll shorten my insight. I would cut off the spending of money, and see if she still stays with you. If not, good riddance. I have to wonder, what is she giving to the relationship? You should weigh the positives and negatives, and let the weight of pros and cons make your decision.

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