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Thread: so it goes

  1. #1

    Default so it goes

    I have reached the end of my supply of Pill #5. Or is it 6? I have honestly lost track. The bottom line is that it did not was the case for all of the others.

    The doctor, when I saw him last month, told me frankly that he was only hoping at this point to be able to "lessen the severity" of my incontinence; he no longer held out much hope of being able to eliminate it altogether. Maybe if I were willing to attempt some of the more invasive procedures...none of which he could promise would do the job anyway...

    So here I am, about eight months 24/7 incontinent, almost precisely a year since the problem initially manifested itself as a new and permanent issue in my life. I think at this point I have come to terms with that permanence. I have accepted the image of my diapered self as a replacement for the version that I will likely never see again. Sometime during this Christmas break, I will remove the underwear from my drawer and place it somewhere in storage; it no longer needs to be accessible. There is no point in its taking up valuable space. Whatever clothing does not work over diapers will gradually be pruned from my closet and drawers for the same reason.

    I am perfectly OK and composed about all of this. I've said it all along: my AB history helps me to accept what otherwise might be truly hard to bear. And while of course I would prefer to restrict my diapers to "little time"--a concept that had utterly disappeared from my life until this...what is it exactly? I am loath to label it a "disability" for that seems to diminish real disabilities, but what is it?...came into my world--I can handle them 24/7. I have learned how to live with them. And I am at peace with it all.

    Perhaps things will change the first time I leak noticeably at school and some student sees it. We shall see. But for now...

    I am going to talk to the doctor next time and tell him that I think I will stop the experiments with the pills. They are having no effect whatsoever, and if the very best I can hope for is being less incontinent...well, that is still incontinent, and it would still leave me diapered, so what is the point?

    I'll just take my cue from Vonnegut, then.

    So it goes.

  2. #2



    Sorry your experiments with the pills didn't help...

    I myself have been detailing with this a long time...

    It's just like dealing with anything else that life throws our way...

    I'm sure you'll get along within and it will be just fine...

    As for leaks...I've had plenty...and just have a water bottle or pop with you...always worked for me...noticed a up your pop and let it spray a bit...or something if your worried about it...

    I used to do that...but now not so much...

    But, I'm not working anymore, and that's also makes a difference as well...

    Hang in there!

  3. #3


    I'm also sorry the pills didn't work. Like you said however, if the pills slowed the flow down and prevented leaks, it might be prudent to continue with the medication. As for me, Friday was my last day of work, as I'm now officially retired from my school job. Though I will enjoy having my life, I will miss the kids. The circle of life is carrying me ever forward, and I must do this. My wife asked me if I would be diapered more often, but it seemed to me that I had adult things to do as well, so I would probably live my life as I have.

    I hope you will be able to accept your incontinence with some sense of grace. For the things we can't change, acceptance offers the only chance of peace.

  4. #4


    I am loath to label it a "disability" for that seems to diminish real disabilities, but what is it?...
    A burden. The world seems convinced that problems can be solved with a pill or a scalpel, but you've given it a serious go and it obviously didn't work out. You don't need to convince the world of anything. You're owning the burden and that is sometimes even harder than accepting it.

  5. #5


    I'm also sorry that the meds didn't work for you. I wouldn't call it a disability but a minor handicap. That's how I look at my urge IC as a minor handicap and that I can go about my daily routine in a normal way.
    I'm retired so I don't really have a problem of changing or leaks.

  6. #6


    Another (hopefully not to grumpy) old man here. I am retired from my main employment but very active in community and still with a heavy workload. i am in a lot of situations where wet/messy pants would be a disaster. It is going on 10 years since i had to admit to myself I was IC and the problem has gotten worse over time. BUT I still manage to do almost everything without the management of my condition being burdensome. I don't declare a disability and so far have been successful in keeping things private. The only thing I have ducked out of has been sharing a room at a residential conference.

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