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Thread: The well-tempered ABDL

  1. #1

    Question The well-tempered ABDL

    I am facing a dilemma divided into two questions:
    I don't want to start dating non-ABDL people because I will probably keep looking at ABDL porn. I am not sure weather this is a moral thing to do when in a relationship.

    On the other hand, a sustainable relationship for me, at least before telling him, (probably tell him only after 14 months) will probably have to include me watching ABDL porn (alone...) because I decidedly need it. Not necessarily to get off, just to make me feel good about my fetish.

    First question: So- should I slowly attempt quit watching ABDL porn (umm...NO) or just start dating and not worry about whatever I watch because I watch it with a good reason? (reason being that I feel completely alone in the real world regarding a sexual kink which is an important asset to my personality and sexuality.)

    One thing I didn't mention is that I have Tramumatic Masturbation Syndrome, eg. I almost can't (and really don't want to) cum without using either a diaper or a stuffed animal. I can't masturbate with my hands basically. I once came when I was engaged in mutual masturbation with another guy but still I really hate touching myself. I am saying this because it is linked to the ABDL me: both things are things that exclude me from the general population and "norm"- either wearing diapers or using my hands. Both are a big blow to my self confidence when I try to imagine myself in a real-world relationship.

    Second question: So the dilemma here is should I make an effort and experiment BEFORE I get into a relationship or should I just let things flow and work my way there DURING A RELATIONSHIP, my possibly helping me slowly get comfortable with the other way of masturbation?

    Hope it's not too long. Bye!

  2. #2

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    Why should you have to change your porn viewing habits? Is not immoral or insensitive to watch porn. It's when you're not giving your significant other the attention that it becomes a problem.

  3. #3

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    Well for question one I don't really see a point in changing you porn or masturbation habits because as I see it when your in a relationship as long as you give your partner the love and attention they deserve and don't let your porn or masturbation habits interfere with your relationship then you are doing nothing wrong.And for question two once you get in a relationship you should just go with the flow and see how your habits change or even if they will but even if they stay the same as long as you do as I said earlier and don't let your habits interfere with the relationship you are doing nothing wrong

  4. #4
    CrinklySiren

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    I think you might be over-analyzing everything just a tad. You dont have to change your porn habits and if anyone makes you, tell them to get out -_- i have a friend who is happily married and he watches porn all the time... sometimes him and his wife watch it together. You shouldn't change your porn or masturbation habits, unless YOU want to, the only point it would be necessary is if it is taking over your relationship and taking time away from the 2 of you. Also, there are sites and advice and therapy you can go to, to relieve your Traumatic Masturbation Syndrome... there is a name for it, so you aren't exactly alone in that lol. The 1st dilemma is something that can be fixed with a bit of therapy or practicing a few exercises. Google how to cure Traumatic Masturbation Syndrome and you'll find it, its not a permanent thing.

    And it is ALSO possibly to ween yourself off the sexual allure of diapers by simply reducing the amount of time you spend indulging in the practice of diapers.

  5. #5

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    On (1): I wouldn't worry about watching porn while dating, especially if you're gay. Very few gay men would object to their boyfriend, partner, or husband watching porn.

    Keep an open mind about when to tell a new romantic partner about your ABDL side. Sure, it's not first date material (unless you meet at a leather bar, in which case it might be). But you might develop a level of trust that makes it appropriate to talk with a boyfriend about your kinks well before 14 months.

    On (2): I used to have a similar problem. I got so used to masturbating by humping that I couldn't get off by using my hand. After forcing myself to masturbate only using my hand for a while, I'm now able to come either way.

    I think it would be a good idea to start varying your masturbation routine. Diapers can still be involved. Just don't hump them all the time. Instead, try taping one on loosely and using your hand (with a light touch, not a death grip). Lube helps.

    Dan Savage has written about a related problem that some guys get--they are so used to masturbating with a very tight grip that they have trouble getting an orgasm from vaginal, oral, or anal sex, which all involve subtler sensations.

    Savage Love by Dan Savage - Seattle Columns - Savage Love - Dan Savage - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by CrinklyEmilyLG View Post
    And it is ALSO possibly to ween yourself off the sexual allure of diapers by simply reducing the amount of time you spend indulging in the practice of diapers.
    Actually, I rarely even wear diapers nowadays. It's just tumblr and adisc. It feels a bit empty going at it alone...
    ...And I don't think it works that way. I will always be attracted to diapers, but I have also other sexual sides; diapers are my comfort zone.




    Quote Originally Posted by buridan View Post
    I think it would be a good idea to start varying your masturbation routine. Diapers can still be involved. Just don't hump them all the time. Instead, try taping one on loosely and using your hand (with a light touch, not a death grip). Lube helps.
    That MIGHT work. Thanks!

  7. #7
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by some1 View Post
    Actually, I rarely even wear diapers nowadays. It's just tumblr and adisc. It feels a bit empty going at it alone...
    ...And I don't think it works that way. I will always be attracted to diapers, but I have also other sexual sides; diapers are my comfort zone.

    I never said you'll stop wearing diapers outright, im saying you can reduce the sexual allure... "reduce" not "abolish". You can also open up your mind to other sexual practices to see what you might be into, as long as you are willing to keep an open mind. And I also said "practice of diapers" this includes more than just wearing them. Believe me, it does work that way because i use to only be able to get sexually aroused with diapers, and then i slowly started to pull diapers away from my sexual "agenda" i guess you could call it, and eventually my sexual interests grew so now I dont NEED diapers to get off... in fact, i dont even use diapers sexually anymore, but that wasn't my original intention. Diapers are my comfort zone too. Believe me, you're not alone lol

    try indulging in your other sexual sides for a bit and try to use diapers or diaper-related material less and less, im not saying stop doing it OUTRIGHT, im just saying, if you want to stop feeling like diapers are the only thing that work, then indulge your other sexual interests... I'll be reluctant to believe its not possible since I was able to do it.

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