I am facing a dilemma divided into two questions:
I don't want to start dating non-ABDL people because I will probably keep looking at ABDL porn. I am not sure weather this is a moral thing to do when in a relationship.
On the other hand, a sustainable relationship for me, at least before telling him, (probably tell him only after 14 months) will probably have to include me watching ABDL porn (alone...) because I decidedly need it. Not necessarily to get off, just to make me feel good about my fetish.
First question: So- should I slowly attempt quit watching ABDL porn (umm...NO) or just start dating and not worry about whatever I watch because I watch it with a good reason? (reason being that I feel completely alone in the real world regarding a sexual kink which is an important asset to my personality and sexuality.)
One thing I didn't mention is that I have Tramumatic Masturbation Syndrome, eg. I almost can't (and really don't want to) cum without using either a diaper or a stuffed animal. I can't masturbate with my hands basically. I once came when I was engaged in mutual masturbation with another guy but still I really hate touching myself. I am saying this because it is linked to the ABDL me: both things are things that exclude me from the general population and "norm"- either wearing diapers or using my hands. Both are a big blow to my self confidence when I try to imagine myself in a real-world relationship.
Second question: So the dilemma here is should I make an effort and experiment BEFORE I get into a relationship or should I just let things flow and work my way there DURING A RELATIONSHIP, my possibly helping me slowly get comfortable with the other way of masturbation?
Hope it's not too long. Bye!