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Thread: well I am having a rare moment

  1. #1

    Default well I am having a rare moment

    alright please read these links first before reading anything else on this thread. and yes chances are you already know ALL or even MORE about this then me it's just necessary for me to simplify communication here

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...er-fetish.html
    http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...rge-cycle.html

    Basically I just got 2 cases of Total Dry plus diapers in the mail 3 days ago and had a binge cycle(not controlled substances, i mean diapers) and now it would appear that I am finally starting to slow down in terms of desire's to wear them and it seems I will just go ahead and put the diapers away now because of it.

    The reason why this is a rare moment for me is because I just got done with a binge cycle and I believe I have just started my "purge" cycle for the first time in my life and NOT feel that I am some sort of freak or something like that(meaning that I have NOT gotten disgusted of myself by doing this for the first time). I have slept diapered for the past 3 nights and I did sleep more comfortably those 3 days then what I have slept for the last 5 years I think. this is just something that I wanted to share because it seems encouraging to me. this has NEVER happened to me before since I started doing this when I was 16 years old and has gone on for me for the last 20 years and 8 months and 23 days of my life. it's such a relief to know that I can be comfortable with who and what I am. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me by simply showing me that I was not alone in this. if it was not for ADISC and the rest of this community this would not have been possible for me.

  2. #2
    kayley

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    Yay!

    =^.^=

  3. #3

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    Congratulations. It's a heck of a relief, isn't it? Your username fits the bill too.

  4. #4

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    I did want to take a look at this from multiple points of view as well because being padded and waking up wet and all and NOT hating myself feels so "weird" to me that it occurs to me I could use the information so as to understand myself better. you see obviously I am NOT used to this and well I want more of these feelings because I have BEEN starved of these feelings for well over 20 years and I do NOT want to go back to those days seeing how it is that it drove me mad on the most basic and literal sense to try to what is essentially destroy a part of myself. and yes I know that is not healthy and I TRIED obviously unsuccessfully to do that. right now I am trying to learn how to regress more and in better and healthier ways for me as a person so I can get my "therapy" at home whenever I need it the most.

    Keep in mind my main concern is how do I do this in such a way that it does not interfere with my responsibilities or hurts me in any way shape or form?embracing this side of me is obviously going to be a challenge for me and while I clearly feel a desire as well as a need to do this I also want to be pragmatic the entire way so as to avoid unnecessary damage to myself because I have been through enough and I need to make sure I don't get hurt any more at least for a while.

    As for this being a relief oh yes it certainly is YankeeFox all things considered it would never have even occurred to me to even embrace this side of me had I not seen those links I put above on my original post. what amazes me is the timing of just seeing those 2 links under a thread on Google. you see like I said I was having a binge cycle on October 8th and then I started feeling disgusted AGAIN with myself when I decided to just try to do research while finishing using the diaper I was wearing at that moment to at least try to find a name for what is "wrong" with me so I typed in "mental disorder:diapers" and saw a thread of someone who was clearly distressed and took a look at it. here's a link to my first contact with the AB/DL world Psychiatric Illness: Need Diapers. Please Help Me. - Incontinence - Medical - [DD] Boards & Chat. now at some point I saw that post made in a reply by somebody named spokane girl and read those 2 links I made in my original post and I obviously received a shock by what I read. when I read and IDENTIFIED in ways what it was I was feeling I made a account on ADISC as well as that other site(I usually don't go there currently but that may change soon enough) right there on the spot and I was glued to my monitor for the next 3 weeks as much as possible. INSTANTLY I started feeling relief and now I am getting even more then I thought was even possible!

  5. #5

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    My congratulations for the moment of self-acceptance you're living.

    Each one of us gets there at a different pace, some don't even make it at all... some of us decide to just start wearing 24/7 in their late teens or early twenties, feeling it's the right thing to do for themselves and just enjoy every second of it from the very beginning, some others take a few extra years to get over the guilt and free themselves from the nightmare of binge-purge cycles. Normally it's us "older" abdls falling more in the latter category, while most youngsters are lucky enough to have the right level of open-mindedness to avoid going through the ordeal.

    Personally it took me a while, it was a gradual process for me so I don't remember having a particular epiphany, but I'm pretty sure I haven't been purge-free for more than 5 years, or maybe less. it's a nice feeling indeed, true that maybe this way the "highs" are not as high as they used to be, but I definitely prefer the rational and constant kind of enjoyment rather than lusting like crazy for diapers, enjoying a brief moment of hype, and then feeling guilty about myself. Nowadays, even if I allow myself some naughtiness in my diapers, it takes at max a few minutes for my mind to be back in the "diapers are awesome!" state of mind.

    If I may offer some advice from my direct experience, in case you were to fall into a purge again, or if you wanted to improve your level of self-acceptance, the best way to get over it as quickly as possible was - at least for me - fighting it straight at the core. The moment you start feeling disgusted and out of your comfort zone about your diapers is the moment you should insist on them more than ever. Wearing diapers, or giving some space to your inner little, is neither illegal nor immoral, so there is no real reason we should feel ashamed about it. Cases like the one you linked from DD stem from a morbid approach that is typical to things we consider taboo: we enjoy having a thrill on them while we're on a hype, but then feel guilty about once we've regained our rational state of mind, and this ultimately makes us feel bad, or even damage us in the long run.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    My congratulations for the moment of self-acceptance you're living.

    Each one of us gets there at a different pace, some don't even make it at all... some of us decide to just start wearing 24/7 in their late teens or early twenties, feeling it's the right thing to do for themselves and just enjoy every second of it from the very beginning, some others take a few extra years to get over the guilt and free themselves from the nightmare of binge-purge cycles. Normally it's us "older" abdls falling more in the latter category, while most youngsters are lucky enough to have the right level of open-mindedness to avoid going through the ordeal.

    Personally it took me a while, it was a gradual process for me so I don't remember having a particular epiphany, but I'm pretty sure I haven't been purge-free for more than 5 years, or maybe less. it's a nice feeling indeed, true that maybe this way the "highs" are not as high as they used to be, but I definitely prefer the rational and constant kind of enjoyment rather than lusting like crazy for diapers, enjoying a brief moment of hype, and then feeling guilty about myself. Nowadays, even if I allow myself some naughtiness in my diapers, it takes at max a few minutes for my mind to be back in the "diapers are awesome!" state of mind.

    If I may offer some advice from my direct experience, in case you were to fall into a purge again, or if you wanted to improve your level of self-acceptance, the best way to get over it as quickly as possible was - at least for me - fighting it straight at the core. The moment you start feeling disgusted and out of your comfort zone about your diapers is the moment you should insist on them more than ever. Wearing diapers, or giving some space to your inner little, is neither illegal nor immoral, so there is no real reason we should feel ashamed about it. Cases like the one you linked from DD stem from a morbid approach that is typical to things we consider taboo: we enjoy having a thrill on them while we're on a hype, but then feel guilty about once we've regained our rational state of mind, and this ultimately makes us feel bad, or even damage us in the long run.
    so essentially your saying that IF I feel disgusted with myself I should wear MORE not less then until I feel (more or less) like wearing 24/7? as for my inner little well here's my assessment of that side of me. my little side was FIGURATIVELY thrown into a cold cryogenic freezer and put into suspended animation so it could survive the damage that was done to the rest of me(both self inflicted and from without) and has been thawed out and allowed to continue to grow and be happy finally. in simpler terms I was already going crazy and simply could not even hope to handle this part of me and I simply NEVER even acknowledged this side of me because it was simply to much for me to even think about because of the pain I was in at the time(as well as legitimate concerns like staying alive while trying to find something to sleep on other then a park bench). now that i'm beginning to recover from this I now have the LUXURY of simply being able to take a good look at myself in the mirror in a safe and healthy manner and not ruin the most untouched part of me I have left.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by accepted View Post
    so essentially your saying that IF I feel disgusted with myself I should wear MORE not less then until I feel (more or less) like wearing 24/7?
    What I am saying is that, for myself, that's the method which works best. In other words, if you want to wear diapers, there's no better (and simpler) way to do so than... wearing diapers! (My 24/7 mentor, CGH, can surely back me up on this one! ^^)

    Everyone's mind is shaped in a different way so I can offer you no guarantee that the same method will work for you, I can just base my guess on the fact that such a reasoning sounds to me like the most logical and straightforward way to get there.

    You basically want it to become something normal for you, don't you? In that case, there's no better way of shaping our mind than doing so with our actions.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    What I am saying is that, for myself, that's the method which works best. In other words, if you want to wear diapers, there's no better (and simpler) way to do so than... wearing diapers! (My 24/7 mentor, CGH, can surely back me up on this one! ^^)

    Everyone's mind is shaped in a different way so I can offer you no guarantee that the same method will work for you, I can just base my guess on the fact that such a reasoning sounds to me like the most logical and straightforward way to get there.

    You basically want it to become something normal for you, don't you? In that case, there's no better way of shaping our mind than doing so with our actions.
    I do have a question about this though. is OVERKILL an option? I am MILDLY concerned about how this is going to affect me financially even with my insane money management skills and all. those 144 Total Dry plus diapers I got costed me only $103.48 (it was a cyber Monday sale that's now over) and well I was hoping to make them last clear out to the end of April or at least March. I did buy some skin care items(mostly Vaseline and powder) at the request of my doctor(yes she knows i'm into AB/DLism, patient confidentiality laws are really appreciated here) and I want to save money constantly from here on out because I really would like to move out of State eventually.

    Is it a good idea from a mental health standpoint for me to slow down my diaper usage though? I do this for LOTS of reasons fun only being one of them. you see I have been in psyche wards up at various hospitals in the past and I seem to be doing just fine right now because my depression is more situationally based rather then clinical in nature.I am no longer on any medication for depression as of right now and i'm doing better now then I while I was on various medications and I just got fed up with the idea of medications and told my doctor just get me a bloody therapist for gods sake and stop giving these pills that have PROVEN less then effective and could cause SERIOUS long term side effects. you see I am seeing a therapist right now and I am getting additional therapy at home by regressing and all and now I am doing not just F.I.N.E (f(ed)-up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional) i'm doing GREAT for once! obviously I want to keep this going indefinitely without hurting myself in other ways, so your advice is greatly appreciated.

  9. #9

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    I'd say that, if you slow down on diaper usage not because of purging or guilt, but just for keeping an eye on the cost, it shouldn't be affecting you negatively.

    I'd compare it to finishing a meal without being full to the point of exploding, normally it just means you'll have better appetite when the time of the next meal comes up! To me it sounds like a valid option too: this way you should avoid purging because when you take a break from wearing you'll still be looking forward to it. After all there are some daily situations in which not being diapered is objectively more practical, and when you get back to wearing you'll be even more in the mood for it. You could also look at it as an extended air-out time
    Last edited by quattrus; 15-Dec-2013 at 02:48.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by quattrus View Post
    I'd say that, if you slow down on diaper usage not because of purging or guilt, but just for keeping an eye on the cost, it shouldn't be affecting you negatively.

    I'd compare it to finishing a meal without being full to the point of exploding, normally it just means you'll have better appetite when the time of the next meal comes up! To me it sounds like a valid option too: this way you should avoid purging because when you take a break from wearing you'll still be looking forward to it. After all there are some daily situations in which not being diapered is objectively more practical, and when you get back to wearing you'll be even more in the mood for it. You could also look at it as an extended air-out time
    well this sounds like a good idea but the thing is it's getting to the point where I wonder if could sleep without being diapered and this could affect me negatively actually. are you saying just try it ONLY at night then? if that's the case i'm positive I can handle the price tag with maybe a few times during the day during any given month.this will be difficult for me but it is feasible I think.

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