I have done a lot of thinking about my AB/DL side and I think I have come to understand myself better. There are several parts to my AB and DL interests. I feel like a black sheep because of it. I need some support and advice, and I wasn't sure if I should post this in the AB or DL forum. I will number the different parts although it doesn't mean that one takes priority over the other.
1. Pure AB. I like to relax with my various AB paraphernalia such as wearing my footie pajamas, a diaper, using a paci, and cuddling with my blankie and plushie. This is therapeutic to me and helps with my depression, stress, and anxiety. I usually wet and sometimes I mess (but it's a big pain). I usually take care of the DL side first so that I don't mix my sex drive into this.
2. Diaper lover side (no AB): I enjoy diapers for the sexual thrill I get from them. I enjoy wetting and messing them but usually just wetting. None of this is done in baby head space.
3. Bondage with diapers (no AB). I havnen't done it yet but I fantasize about being in bodage with a diaper on. The diaper is so I can be in bondage even if I have to go potty and it provides a sexual thrill. I guess some of the diaper is also humiliation and the feeling of a submissive "needing" diapers. None of this is done in baby head space. I would wear plain diapers.
4. Sissy (in adult head space): I have never done it before but I have fantasies about being forced to be a sissy in a diaper and wearing a full outfit. More than likely I would get a thrill out of this for being forced into it and being "changed" into looking more effeminate. This could also include restraints or bondage.
5. Being forced into being treated like a baby by a dominant figure but not in baby headspace (purely adult head space).
Is any of this not normal for a diaper lover and an adult baby? After a long day I usually take care of my sexual needs first usually twice so that I have no sex drive and then I relax with my AB stuff. Most of the time I'm an AB.