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Thread: Back from a 2 year hiatus. I am about to binge again.

  1. #1

    Default Back from a 2 year hiatus. I am about to binge again.

    I haven't worn diapers since I trashed them all 2 years ago. Things are different now. I am 21 now. I've accepted that I am gay finally. But I still haven't accepted this whole liking diapers thing. I have been stuck in the binge/purge cycle for many years. I hate that I like diapers and I feel disgusting for using them. After I masturbate in them I can't help but dump them all in the garbage with no hesitation.

    I don't know how to break free and accept it. I feel like accepting being gay was easier than this. Being gay is at least somewhat acceptable. This makes me feel dirty. I don't know why me a grown man wants to wear diapers. I dont want to act like a baby. It just something about wearing diapers that gets me aroused. The feeling of wearing and wetting is relaxing and I don't know why.

    I can't accept it. I want to accept it. I know once I accepted my sexuality everything got better. I want to accept this fetish but I feel guilty for indulging in it. It just feels wrong. I wish I could be normal and not have these desires but I can't get rid of them no matter how many years go by that I dont wear.

    Can someone help me? I really would like to able to use all the diapers I just bought for once without the inevitable purge.

  2. #2

    Default



    I haven't worn diapers since I trashed them all 2 years ago. Things are different now. I am 21 now. I've accepted that I am gay finally. But I still haven't accepted this whole liking diapers thing. I have been stuck in the binge/purge cycle for many years. I hate that I like diapers and I feel disgusting for using them. After I masturbate in them I can't help but dump them all in the garbage with no hesitation.
    Hi S. I felt like that too: I had no access to diapers, but would "use" my underwear instead. After a session, I felt like the worst piece of **** in the world. Purge feelings came on hard for me too once the rush of enjoying myself had faded. Standing in the shower I would be in a deep funk over it all, BUT I don't do that anymore.



    I don't know why me a grown man wants to wear diapers. I dont want to act like a baby. It just something about wearing diapers that gets me aroused. The feeling of wearing and wetting is relaxing and I don't know why.

    I can't accept it. I want to accept it. I know once I accepted my sexuality everything got better. I want to accept this fetish but I feel guilty for indulging in it. It just feels wrong. I wish I could be normal and not have these desires but I can't get rid of them no matter how many years go by that I dont wear.
    You are a diaper-lover like me.
    I invested a lot of time and effort in trying to understand why I was so attracted to this, to try and "cure" myself, and I never figured out the answer. Don't worry about it.

    What worked for me was this: when I have strong purging feelings, I try to detach myself a bit from the situation. I realize my desire to wear will be back. I just don't wear when I feel like purging, and keep the diapers out of sight, and I feel "vanilla" or "normal" (however much I disagree with the use off the "n"-word... normal is never something to strive for) for a bit. Then, later, I feel more like a DL again. I'll wear but not use. The purge part of the cycle is lesser in magnitude that way, and not as destructive.

    Most recently, my purge feelings are shrinking away. Honestly, controlling my binge feelings is harder.

    You know that you will feel better when you've accepted your sexuality, and I want you to know that your fetishes are part of your sexuality if you are anything like me. I am essentially pansexual: I like *people.* But I also like wearing and using diapers, and those feelings are integral to my sexuality whether I like it or not. Try to remind yourself that even if one part of you isn't speaking up at a given point (your DL feelings), it still exists and needs care. If you feel like purging, hide the diapers away, just don't toss them.

    Maybe you could also figure out why it is that you don't like yourself having the fetish... it's easier than figuring out why you have the fetish in the first place (and that for me is so far impossible). What is the thought process that makes you so frustrated after you enjoy yourself?

    Thanks for reaching out.
    ~YF
    Last edited by YankeeFox; 30-Nov-2013 at 00:11. Reason: details, details!!

  3. #3

    Default

    I know where you're comming from, sir. I went through the same cycles over and over, and didn't stop until I started meeting people in the community. Somehow that allowed to see that there are plenty of good folks like us in the same situation, so its not so bad. I guess if I couldn't accept myself until I found it from others. Its kinda backwards, but now I feel much more accepted and accepting.

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