I haven't worn diapers since I trashed them all 2 years ago. Things are different now. I am 21 now. I've accepted that I am gay finally. But I still haven't accepted this whole liking diapers thing. I have been stuck in the binge/purge cycle for many years. I hate that I like diapers and I feel disgusting for using them. After I masturbate in them I can't help but dump them all in the garbage with no hesitation.
I don't know how to break free and accept it. I feel like accepting being gay was easier than this. Being gay is at least somewhat acceptable. This makes me feel dirty. I don't know why me a grown man wants to wear diapers. I dont want to act like a baby. It just something about wearing diapers that gets me aroused. The feeling of wearing and wetting is relaxing and I don't know why.
I can't accept it. I want to accept it. I know once I accepted my sexuality everything got better. I want to accept this fetish but I feel guilty for indulging in it. It just feels wrong. I wish I could be normal and not have these desires but I can't get rid of them no matter how many years go by that I dont wear.
Can someone help me? I really would like to able to use all the diapers I just bought for once without the inevitable purge.