Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Hi

  1. #1

    Default Hi

    Hi everyone so I found out about my husbands fetish for diapers he likes wearing them for fun and comfort reasons he says I don't really know how I feel about it

    I don't really know how to feel about it I mean is it a good this or bad thing ?
    I don't really get it and I don't really want him to wear them It is too weird for me I think I would freak out if I was to walk in on him in a diaper I do love him very much but it's weird really weird too me.
    I don't understand why he would want to wear something made for baby's ?
    He showed me this site so I thought I would make an account and ask about this matter

    What should I do guys ?
    ( joined the site for help on this matter )
    Last edited by Near; 28-Nov-2013 at 18:48.

  2. #2

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Sorry guys ill rewrite that not much info there

    Hi everyone so I found out about my husbands fetish for diapers he likes wearing them for fun and comfort reasons he says I don't really know how I feel about it

    I don't really know how to feel about it I mean is it a good this or bad thing ?
    I don't really get it and I don't really want him to wear them It is too weird for me I think I would freak out if I was to walk in on him in a diaper I do love him very much but it's weird really weird too me.
    I don't understand why he would want to wear something made for baby's ?
    He showed me this site so I thought I would make an account and ask about this matter

    What should I do guys ?
    ( joined the site for help on this matter )
    Welcome to the site. It's good sign that you're willing to at least ask for help on this one, although we may not be the most objective audience on the subject. Many of us have come to the path of self-acceptance as a result of a lot of soul searching and self-loathing, so I think we can at least understand your misgivings even if few of us share them at this point.

    Is it a good or bad thing? Why does it have to be good or bad? I like biscuits and gravy. It may not be to everyone's taste but liking it is neither good nor bad. If I eat it too often without a corresponding level of activity, I'll likely get fat, so it has inherent negatives along with the positives of being delicious. I think the ABDL thing is much the same. It's something we like with no clear origin but it's neither good nor bad on its own, it's how we act on it that determines that.

    I understand that this is pretty far from the norm and it may take some getting used to but if you step back and look at a lot of the things we do at without batting an eye (work, being nice to people we dislike, sex-based clothing conventions, etc., they can be pretty strange. I think one of the benefits of being involved in this community is that it pushes me to look more objectively at things I might have reflexively dismissed. I don't have to incorporate or even accept everything but I try to look at it fairly to see if it's really harmful or it's just a matter of unfair prejudice.

    You don't understand why he (or I or any of us for that matter) would want to wear something for babies. Join the club. This is not a well understood urge. Some people seem to think they're trying to recapture their childhood because it was good. Some think it's because of trauma and they need to enjoy it the right way. Some of us are "diaper lovers" or "DLs" and aren't interested in the baby side but just enjoy diapers for their own sake, whether sexually or not. Others are drawn to these things as adults specifically because of the infantile baggage that goes with them (I'd count this as similar to liking adult women in schoolgirl fashions). That's by no means an exhaustive list but it covers some of the common suppositions we have within the community. Without good study, it's hard to be definitive.

    What I finally decided is that the reason (lost in the mists of my childhood) was less important than what I did with it. While it is driven by a weird urge, that weirdness doesn't make it bad and I can still do positive things with it. If you ever get to the point where you can really share this with your husband, you may be able to see how it's just an unusual mechanism for getting the things people typically want. A trail of rose petals and aromatic candles might be more conventional to your way of thinking but this is really part of the same thing. You and your husband get to decide what will make you happy in your relationship. I urge you to open yourself to not just this but other possibilties that might bring you both joy.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thanks tbh don't think I will ever get my head around it and because got other problems in life heads kinda all over the place already before I found that out

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Thanks tbh don't think I will ever get my head around it and because got other problems in life heads kinda all over the place already before I found that out
    Some of us have taken decades to get our heads around it and it's an urge we feel for ourselves. However, being able to talk with others typically makes this a quicker and easier process. Approaching it from a neutral position is likely to be more helpful than a negative one. Personally, I'd look at it as an opportunity for personal growth whatever the effect on your relationship. This has implications beyond just diapers and in other deviant but harmless behaviors that you may encounter throughout your life.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi Giggly,
    welcome to the site. I'm not sure I can hope to equal Trevor's excellent advice but I'll give it a go.

    I don't really know how to feel about it I mean is it a good this or bad thing ?


    Neither. It's a thing. It doesn't harm anyone directly. For the vast majority of people it is as much a part of their selves as their hair colour and what food they like.


    I don't really get it and I don't really want him to wear them It is too weird for me I think I would freak out if I was to walk in on him in a diaper I do love him very much but it's weird really weird too me.

    You're in excellent company there most of us don't really understand it either! Your husband has probably been dealing with this from quite young age, most people start early. He is probably feeling quite freaked out about opening up to you too. It is by no means an easy thing for most people. Both points of view are important and here communication really is key. You might want to talk about what his interests are is he an adult baby or more of a diaper lover (though most people are somewhere in between). Try to keep an open mind. While you are quite understandably feeling shocked at the moment you might find with effort you can understand some of what your husband feels. If you truly cannot come to terms with it then as I say your husband has probably dealt with these feelings for sometime, he has opened up to you demonstrating his trust in you but it doesn't have to go any further if you don't want it to. For him it is probably not the out come he wanted but in essence it's back to the status quo. You might just choose to turn a blind eye every now and again.


    I don't understand why he would want to wear something made for baby's ?

    That's not strictly true incontinence can affect people of all ages but I take your point that we choose to wear something we don't medically need. It is important to realise that AB/DL-ism is completely distinct from paedophilia if this is what's causing some of your anxiety. ABs see themselves as babies, some speculate, out of a desire to feel cared, to discard some of their adult stress or surrender control. DLs feel a sexual desire connected to the garment itself, much as some people do to leather, feet, underwear, handcuffs you name it there seem to be more fetishes than people! In no way is it linked to an attraction to children or babies.
    Psychologist have filled books on this. If you figure it out you're a better person than them! The statistics seem to show (though they are difficult to check in any rigorous way) that it affects more men than women. After that it seems to be a lottery it can affect people from all walks of life regardless of economic, social or racial background. Though some people have suggested links to childhood trauma and autism there really is no consensus. For what it's worth I personally don't fall into either of those camps.

    What should I do guys ?
    Communication is key. Talk to us if you want to know something, we are here to help. More importantly talk to your husband. At the end of the day you don't have to do anything if this is something you find too hard to accept then you don't have to be involved in it. Most importantly I think you should try to recognise this is an opportunity for you and your husband to grow closer together. He has opened up to you and however you deal with it that trust and openness is an opportunity to grow closer.

  6. #6

    Default

    Hello Giggly and welcome to the group.

    Trevor and begard have given you the basic advice.

    Communication is the most important part of this situation.

    Your husband has had some reason for doing this and you need to talk to him and support him.
    You do not have to accept or reject that he does this. What is more important is that you listen to him and gain an understanding of why he does it.
    I would suggest that you watch Baby Mitch's "understanding AB/DL" on You tube. This helped me very much and I had my wife watch it when I told her about the aspect of my life.

    Communication is the key to the relationship and when you have an understanding of the whole picture, then you can help your husband in so many ways. But the most part is that through communications you can gain an understanding of his needs and after that the boundaries and balance/control of the situation can be set up.

    My wife has gained an understanding of the situation and has accepted that I do do it, but we have boundaries set up and they are followed with no conception.

    I wish you the best of luck in your relationship. You have already done the most important part by learning about the condition and being open minded to reasons. This is why this group is here and if you have any other questions feel free to start another thread.

    Egor

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Sorry guys ill rewrite that not much info there

    Hi everyone so I found out about my husbands fetish for diapers he likes wearing them for fun and comfort reasons he says I don't really know how I feel about it

    I don't really know how to feel about it I mean is it a good this or bad thing ?
    I don't really get it and I don't really want him to wear them It is too weird for me I think I would freak out if I was to walk in on him in a diaper I do love him very much but it's weird really weird too me.
    I don't understand why he would want to wear something made for baby's ?
    He showed me this site so I thought I would make an account and ask about this matter

    What should I do guys ?
    ( joined the site for help on this matter )
    Hello, welcome and thank you for taking the time to talk to us about your husband's revelation.

    Now, to be honest, asking a group of AB/DL's whether liking diapers is a good or bad thing is going to give you a biased result. But you seem to have gotten some great info already, so I won't drown you in repetitive info. All I can say is that this is not a phase in your husband and will not go away. But in time, if you both work on boundaries, as well as open and honest discussion and communication regarding how you both feel, you can come to accept this part of your husband. If you feel you absolutely cannot though, then you both have to figure out how you are going to deal with this situation. Does he carry on in private? Does he try to hide a natural part of himself? Does your marriage suffer enough to the point of divorce because he's indulging in his fetish?

    These are tough questions, but you're in a tough situation, so I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. But I can assure you your husband is still the same man you married. In fact, you're just discovering a part of who he really is, and that should be a very rewarding thing in itself. To know that he truly trusts you to be himself.

    Now this doesn't mean you have to indulge in his fetish with him. Your relationship is a two-way street. He has to respect your wishes just as much as you should respect his. Compromise is the key to success, and if you aren't comfortable with him having a diaper fetish, then you need to find a way for him to not bring it around you.

  8. #8

    Default

    All this information is helpful and I understand it must of been hard to tell me but we've always been close and I think he should of told me before we got married it wouldn't of changed things but I believe in no secrets before marriage

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    All this information is helpful and I understand it must of been hard to tell me but we've always been close and I think he should of told me before we got married it wouldn't of changed things but I believe in no secrets before marriage
    While I agree that would have been the thing to do, I think your reaction shows why it was hard to do. It doesn't justify it, but when you consider all the angst that can go with this and the lack of self acceptance or the degree to which we can deceive ourselves on the matter, I think it should be understandable. It's in the past now, so we have to work with the present and plan for the future.

  10. #10

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.