Okay, so I thought I'd post this in here since this has been a problem plaguing me for quite a while, I've been pretty quiet about it in an attempt to figure out why myself. But to be honest, I don't think I can go at it alone anymore.
For the past few months I've been indulging myself within the AB/DL community a bit more, I seem to be a bit more "into it" than I was beforehand and I think it's a good thing, I haven't been more happier with myself and I've been feeling a bit less "restraint" on how I feel in general.
But at the same time, this is where my problem comes into play, since with feeling less restrained on my feelings, it's lead my AB side to slip in through the cracks more often while I'm in my adult mental state, often citing feelings of being lonely, episodes of depression and anxiety due to the perpetual fear of being alone.
All of this really stems from the idea that my little side feels lonely not having anybody there to stimulate it physically, like on most cases whenever it comes through and tells me of those feelings above, it's often telling me; "I just want a hug." because whenever that comes through, my body just desperately wants the sensation of someone being there and holding me tightly.
But instead, since nobody is there to do it, my body just gives off this chill-like sensation that often leads to more of the same lonely and depressive feelings in my head.
It's gotten worse recently though, on many occasions when that happens I've ended up to the brink of a mental breakdown or even worse actually crying (although that last part has only happened once for the record).
My head and AB mind can't seem to take this anymore, I fear if this goes on it could end up in a really serious situation, like a full on meltdown in public or worse in front of my friends who don't even know I'm an AB/DL...
It's those kinds of fears that pretty much fuel that depressive idea. I honestly dunno what to do.
I know it may seem like I'm blowing this way outta proportion and...well, maybe I am. But to be honest, this is really how I feel about it right now, my head just can't take this kind of emotional stuff since I'm used to just keeping my emotions in check...
But anyway, my point for this thread is. Is there something wrong with me? Am I just being over-dramatic about it? Or are my feelings regarding my AB/DL side justified somehow?
In any case, I don't want this thread to seem like I'm just venting for the sake of making a vent thread. I wanna be able to get some idea of what the hell is going on in my head. And I really hope you guys and gals here at ADISC can help...
'cause I sure as hell can't seem to do that myself.