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Thread: I need to learn not to care so much.

  1. #1

    Default I need to learn not to care so much.

    I'm back. Needed to take some time off to deal with some things.

    One thing I need to learn, I thought I had, is not to let things pill up on my Emotionally. The Little ones in my Family I will always worry about, that is just my nature.

    One thing I thought I would be over by now is loosing two of my Great-nieces on Nov 26,2009 , That was Thanksgiving Day four years ago. They were 11 and 9. Their mother, my nephews long time girlfriend they split up years ago, was diving. She ran a stop sign and was broadsided. She was driving on a suspended licences . The girls died instantly , their brother who was 10 at the time survived. She was charged with the deaths, but justice was not severed, she got two years probation and that is it.

    Now my Great-Nephew has turned to drugs to help deal with the lose of his sisters. His mother has never taken him to concealing to help him deal with his grief . He is 14 now.

    I feel helpless because I can't help him.

    I don't like Deaths, when it is a child it seems to reach way down inside of me. It is like some ne pulling my soul out, if any one can understand that.

    For those who have supported me in the past I thank you again.

  2. #2

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    Oh god -- that's so awful. I'm not surprised that the memories return... particularly with the aftermath and having to see what's happening to your great nephew...

    I don't know what to say... The one thing I keep having to remind myself is that, the reason that losing people (whether to death or to drugs or whatever) is so painful is because you care about them. The only way that the world could exist without so much pain is if you didn't care; if nothing mattered to you. And that would be a terrible pointless world in which to live. Pain is "just" the price we pay for investing care and love into people and situations... and I'd rather live in a world of love and pain than a world where no one cared enough about anything to feel either. But knowing that doesn't make the pain any easier.



    Quote Originally Posted by kennyrallen View Post
    Now my Great-Nephew has turned to drugs to help deal with the lose of his sisters. His mother has never taken him to concealing to help him deal with his grief . He is 14 now.

    I feel helpless because I can't help him.
    I don't know about your situation, but I know what it's like to see something bad happening when it seems like there's nothing you can do... like watching a slow-motion car crash... Sometimes we underestimate the power that we have... Maybe your great-nephew can see how much you care and that will, in some way, help him resolve his problems in the future. Maybe you're not as helpless as you think you are. Or maybe there really isn't anything you can do, and maybe his choices just aren't your responsibility. In either case, it doesn't help to blame yourself for what's happening to him. Maybe it's better to concentrate on the things that you can do (like looking after yourself, and just letting him know that you are "there" for him), and not so much on the things that you don't have control over.

    Sometimes "bad" things turn out okay (or, at least, "not-quite-so-bad") in the end... As painful as it is to watch, people often need to make their own mistakes in order to learn anything. I don't know... I'm rambling now... I really don't mean to make light of the situation...



    Quote Originally Posted by kennyrallen View Post
    I don't like Deaths, when it is a child it seems to reach way down inside of me. It is like some ne pulling my soul out, if any one can understand that.
    Yeah... That's a really good way of putting it. I felt like that (and still do) when my parents died...

    Well, I hope the fact that you're back here is a sign that you're feeling a little better. And sorry if I've said anything stupid... I'm not very good at talking about this kind of stuff...


  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Oh god -- that's so awful. I'm not surprised that the memories return... particularly with the aftermath and having to see what's happening to your great nephew...

    I don't know what to say... The one thing I keep having to remind myself is that, the reason that losing people (whether to death or to drugs or whatever) is so painful is because you care about them. The only way that the world could exist without so much pain is if you didn't care; if nothing mattered to you. And that would be a terrible pointless world in which to live. Pain is "just" the price we pay for investing care and love into people and situations... and I'd rather live in a world of love and pain than a world where no one cared enough about anything to feel either. But knowing that doesn't make the pain any easier.



    I don't know about your situation, but I know what it's like to see something bad happening when it seems like there's nothing you can do... like watching a slow-motion car crash... Sometimes we underestimate the power that we have... Maybe your great-nephew can see how much you care and that will, in some way, help him resolve his problems in the future. Maybe you're not as helpless as you think you are. Or maybe there really isn't anything you can do, and maybe his choices just aren't your responsibility. In either case, it doesn't help to blame yourself for what's happening to him. Maybe it's better to concentrate on the things that you can do (like looking after yourself, and just letting him know that you are "there" for him), and not so much on the things that you don't have control over.

    Sometimes "bad" things turn out okay (or, at least, "not-quite-so-bad") in the end... As painful as it is to watch, people often need to make their own mistakes in order to learn anything. I don't know... I'm rambling now... I really don't mean to make light of the situation...



    Yeah... That's a really good way of putting it. I felt like that (and still do) when my parents died...

    Well, I hope the fact that you're back here is a sign that you're feeling a little better. And sorry if I've said anything stupid... I'm not very good at talking about this kind of stuff...

    Thanks, don't worry about the rambling I would have sounded like I was if I posted this sooner. I have had a lot of thoughts going through my brain lately that I had to step back and sort things out one by one. I do do feel helpless thou when I see some one that needs help and I can't do anything about it.

  4. #4

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    There's nothing worse than the death of a child. Two, there are no words. I've seen it happen. When I was in Ohio, I witnessed a horrible accident. A mother ran a red light and was hit broadside by a cement truck. Her son who was in the front seat was torn in half. The bumper of the cement truck tore through the body of the car and the heads of the two children sitting in the back. The mother survived.

    So how do we live with terrible loss? The only way I know is one day at a time, hoping that time dulls the horror of loss, panic becoming depression, depression becoming remorse and sorrow, sorrow turning into the dull ache, one day following another until life become tolerable.

    It's not only good to remember and occasionally feel sorrow again, but necessary. How would their lives have meaning if we didn't grieve over them? It's important to know sorrow and remember. I pray that we will one day be joined together in the next world, one of joy and peace.

  5. #5

    Default

    I'm sorry for your loss! I really feel for the brother and hope he gets the help he needs. The death of a child is never easy not to mention the family losing two! Very heartbreaking! I'm sorry for you loss of your nieces, know you are among friends and here to support you!

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