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Thread: Reaching out

  1. #1

    Default Reaching out

    I wanted to share so here it goes

    This abdl thing is a fetish for me. It's been a very hard road coming to terms with this. I've liked diapers since I was very young.

    I got a joke gift when I was a kid from somebody in my family who though it would be funny to buy me diapers for my birthday. Given the nature of my birthday I have to deal with a lot of jokes but this one brought me to tears. I was the baby of the family and I acted very childish so it made sense but it isn't an easy thing to get when you're that young.

    I can remember though being excited about it at the same time. I didn't show that on my face obviously but after, my mom put them in a downstairs closet to eventually donate them. When nobody was around I'd find myself in that closet touching the package and trying to "accidentally" rip it so I could touch one. If I wasn't terrified about my parents finding out at the time I definitely would have pulled one out and put it on but I didn't.

    I've been excited by the sheer thought of diapers ever since. Every time a diaper commercial came on tv I was excited by it. Keep in mind I'm a diaper lover not a pedophile. I used to watch these commercials and visualize myself as the baby in the ad wanting to be diapered and I love that in those commercials the diapers are the main focus of that world. The parents in these commercials in the case of Pampers or Luvs would drop everything to make sure their baby had a fresh diaper and the package was always crisp and fresh, the diapers fit perfectly. In the case of huggies it was a parent free world where kids just roamed about in a huggies world. There was just something exciting about the way the diapers were presented. Nobody talks about diaper commercials like that , even on here, but when I watched these commercials I always wanted to be that baby. It was my introduction to being a diaper lover.

    When I was younger it was easier to hide it and feel normal and all that but I always had this secret I didn't want anybody finding out

    I'm a straight male in my 20's now and I haven't been in many relationships, mainly for fear that I'd have to tell somebody about me. For some reason most of the world is accepting of a lot of things that people do, the kinky and weird, yet having a diaper fetish and wanting at times to dress like a toddler (in my case)in the privacy of my own home and wet and be changed and all of that, if that were to get out at least in my case would really hurt me psychologically.

    I had a girlfriend that I dated for quite a few years that I told about me pretty early on. I didn't tell her everything because she's a germophobe. So I didn't mention wetting. I don't mess (gross in my opinion. No desire to) but I just told her about the diapers. She was weirded out but she looked into it and she did try it once but after we role played she didn't want to ever again she felt weird. It was ok but she would always ask if I was still into it and I'd tell her I was and she told me I should see someone because it was something that she told me was not a part of me and could be overcome. I felt defeated and unaccepted and it hurt our sex life drastically because I wanted to do the diaper thing sometimes. Not all the time but I needed and need that sometimes. It really hurt our sex life and we eventually broke up

    Now, I'm single and back to that feeling of having to tell somebody about me and open up again and I'm afraid of being hurt again. Lately the only joy I feel is when I am able to put on a diaper and just relax, but the older I get the harder it is to feel normal. I feel like a freak and I hate it. I'm not a freak. I'm a normal every day guy who's into diapers. I've joined dating sites and such and I go to bars just it be around girls and people my age but I never talk to them and I don't pursue on these dating sites either. It's been 5 months since my ex and I broke up and I'm wondering when I'm going to be ok again. Wow that was a lot.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm sure you know this but I'm going to say it anyway: you're not alone. There's nothing in your post that won't resonate with multiple people here. So many of us struggle or have struggled with accepting this part of ourselves; it's the best reason for this site. I'm sorry it harmed your previous relationship, but although it will likely continue to be a point of some concern, it's important to see that others can and do accept and understand it. I think that by getting to a better place ourselves that we increase the odds of acceptance by others we care about. This community has been most helpful for me in getting to see that this has positive aspects as well, and that this part of me is just as worthy of fulfillment and joy as any other. I hope that your path to that kind of understanding will be faster than mine.

  3. #3

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    The positive thing about reaching out is that there are a lot of people here to listen, support and encourage. It bothers me that your previous girlfriend looked into this and didn't digest the fact that these urges may ebb and flow but can never go away completely; it's like if you had constantly minimized her fear of germs. Anyway, dating sites are a can of worms on their own without even getting to the topic of what makes us happy behind closed doors. Going out rather than being a total hermit is a positive thing but don't forget at some point it's time to start talking to somebody there

  4. #4

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    Hiya, Moon! (Okay if I call you that?) I was really really struck by your post. I can really relate to this, so I'm going to respond by breaking up your post and chirping in throughout.



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    I wanted to share so here it goes

    This abdl thing is a fetish for me. It's been a very hard road coming to terms with this. I've liked diapers since I was very young.

    I got a joke gift when I was a kid from somebody in my family who though it would be funny to buy me diapers for my birthday. Given the nature of my birthday I have to deal with a lot of jokes but this one brought me to tears. I was the baby of the family and I acted very childish so it made sense but it isn't an easy thing to get when you're that young.
    Whoof! That's tough. A gag gift wouldn't have gone over well with me as a kid either, I would have been mortified. I was very serious and sensitive, and took things like that hard. How did this actually happen? Like, did the giver ever explain it further? Was it meant to be a jab at you or did they think you wanted them? If you are comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear the story.



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    I can remember though being excited about it at the same time. I didn't show that on my face obviously but after, my mom put them in a downstairs closet to eventually donate them. When nobody was around I'd find myself in that closet touching the package and trying to "accidentally" rip it so I could touch one. If I wasn't terrified about my parents finding out at the time I definitely would have pulled one out and put it on but I didn't.
    I'm pretty sure I would've done the same thing.



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    I've been excited by the sheer thought of diapers ever since. Every time a diaper commercial came on tv I was excited by it. Keep in mind I'm a diaper lover not a pedophile.
    There isn't any connection between pedophilia and AB/DL that I am aware of. AB/DL is between consenting adults (or between one adult and his clothes).

    I am terrified, often, that some people mistake AB or DL behavior (wearing diapers or childish clothing, having same as a fetish object, or wanting to be "babied") for anything involving children. That's the main reason I resisted joining the ABDL community ("coming out to the internet") for a long time: because I was worried that the general populace in its ignorance over fetishes and AB/DL makes a connection between these harmless behaviors and harmful behavior where there is none. I can say with reasonable certainty that no one on this site will jump to that conclusion. ADISC seems too enlightened than to make such a mistaken judgement against its members, Moon.

    Then again, I think the public perception of AB/DL is basically "weird, but harmless," so maybe my fear of the community being crusaded against is unjustified or irrational...



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    I used to watch these commercials and visualize myself as the baby in the ad wanting to be diapered and I love that in those commercials the diapers are the main focus of that world. The parents in these commercials in the case of Pampers or Luvs would drop everything to make sure their baby had a fresh diaper and the package was always crisp and fresh, the diapers fit perfectly. In the case of huggies it was a parent free world where kids just roamed about in a huggies world. There was just something exciting about the way the diapers were presented. Nobody talks about diaper commercials like that , even on here, but when I watched these commercials I always wanted to be that baby. It was my introduction to being a diaper lover.
    I think there are some threads that talk about diaper commercials in Diaper Talk. Can't say I've checked them, though... why don't you make one if it doesn't already exist?



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    When I was younger it was easier to hide it and feel normal and all that but I always had this secret I didn't want anybody finding out

    I'm a straight male in my 20's now and I haven't been in many relationships, mainly for fear that I'd have to tell somebody about me. For some reason most of the world is accepting of a lot of things that people do, the kinky and weird, yet having a diaper fetish and wanting at times to dress like a toddler (in my case)in the privacy of my own home and wet and be changed and all of that, if that were to get out at least in my case would really hurt me psychologically.

    I had a girlfriend that I dated for quite a few years that I told about me pretty early on. I didn't tell her everything because she's a germophobe. So I didn't mention wetting. I don't mess (gross in my opinion. No desire to) but I just told her about the diapers. She was weirded out but she looked into it and she did try it once but after we role played she didn't want to ever again she felt weird. It was ok but she would always ask if I was still into it and I'd tell her I was and she told me I should see someone because it was something that she told me was not a part of me and could be overcome. I felt defeated and unaccepted and it hurt our sex life drastically because I wanted to do the diaper thing sometimes. Not all the time but I needed and need that sometimes. It really hurt our sex life and we eventually broke up
    I have dated several people, but there wasn't really any magic to the relationships; they didn't last. I never got to the point of telling any of them about being a DL either.

    I'm still working on that part of my life, and I can't really say much about dating, but what I do know is this: I think anyone who I'd be willing to be intimate with would have to have expressed a positive or at least tolerant stance on unusual sexualities. I would probably use conversations about fetishes to figure out whether this person who I am potentially devoting myself to is one who is tolerant and accepting or is one who crusades against things they don't yet understand. I think if my partner had kinks/fetishes of their own, that would be a mark in their favor since they're already more likely to understand the "closet experience" and that "vanilla" is one among many flavors. I think it's a set of conversations most of us here are likely to have to have, asking both directly and indirectly whether that person can understand us and is willing to support us like we would support them.



    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    Now, I'm single and back to that feeling of having to tell somebody about me and open up again and I'm afraid of being hurt again. Lately the only joy I feel is when I am able to put on a diaper and just relax, but the older I get the harder it is to feel normal. I feel like a freak and I hate it. I'm not a freak. I'm a normal every day guy who's into diapers. I've joined dating sites and such and I go to bars just it be around girls and people my age but I never talk to them and I don't pursue on these dating sites either. It's been 5 months since my ex and I broke up and I'm wondering when I'm going to be ok again. Wow that was a lot.
    You are right: you aren't a freak. You are a normal person with a fairly common fetish. In dating we are looking for our best friend in the world. We're kissing frogs looking for a prince(ss). It won't happen overnight, and we will have to meet a lot of people before finding a match. When you meet someone who you enjoy spending your time with, and who enjoys spending time with you, and who is open-minded (and there are many who are) then this issue will be minor. That said, you can't find out who's your match without putting yourself out there.

    Conventional wisdom that I've heard says that your kink cards (and your partner's) should face up on the table around 3 months into a relationship. If you have a positive attitude ("I am not a freak. I am a normal person with a fetish.") about those "cards" and let it show while explaining them, then things should go smoothly.

    Finally, most importantly, remember:

    "Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

    Ultimately our goal is to be happy, and we can make it there. You will be OK again, and I think you will be OK when you believe that not everyone will react to your sexuality the same way your ex-girlfriend did. I am sorry for the loss of your relationship, but I think it will get better. When it will get better for either of us I don't know, but I think it will.

    Good Luck, Moon. A lot of us are in the same boat with you. <3
    Last edited by YankeeFox; 17-Nov-2013 at 19:45. Reason: clarification

  5. #5

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    Hi, others have said it, you are OK. I too related to much in your post, oh and btw I also longed to be part of that amazing Huggies world lol.

    The fact Is that this thing we share, is something that reaches so deep into our being that it can't really be separated from us, and that is tough because we are so often forced to treat it as something 'other' an addition to us.

    Look for that loving relationship you desire, but don't stress or lament over the need to reveal this part of yourself to this person. Love is powerful and transcends such things. Having said that though, unfortunately, this fetish will make most people take a step back. I personally feel that securing and maintaining a loving relationship is far more important for the many needs you have so don't narrow your focus. You can introduce your fetish somewhere well into the relationship I believe...I certainly don't believe it should be a deal breaker, if it was then the relationship perhaps isn't as strong as it ought to be. As I said, love copes with such things.

    Good luck finding love, but go out there with a clear head ... there's obviously so much more of you than your love of diapers to offer another person.

  6. #6

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    I can't believe how much I can relate to you about that situation.

    Since I can remember I also was fascinated by diapers, I can't explain how I felt but It was different. Though I didn't see myself as the baby in the diaper commercials, I said to myself, what would I give for those diapers !
    And yes, as you said, it was much easier to hide this, easier to focus on another thing even though this always came back.

    Also I haven't had many relationships, that depresses me a little sometimes because it has been a long time since I felt loved and cared by someone else, but now I'm not sure if I'll be able to find someone that could understand this about myself.

    Excuse me if I didn't give you any advice, since actually I'm in a similar situation, but all I can say is that I understand what you're going through.

  7. #7

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    Your story is absolutely incredible to me because it is nearly identical to mine. In fact, it's almost scary. The package-touching, the commercials, the fetish, telling your girlfriend, everything. We're even the same age and gender.

    This means I can safely say there are people for you out there. My girlfriend is the bomb and I know she's not the only one who's okay with this sort of thing.

    What helped me with these problems was making friends with a few people that happen to do porn. They deal with hundreds of random strangers via a webcam every day. Guess what? Our fetish is one of the most common. They say everyone is always really embarrassed, but they don't mind it one bit. In fact, some of my friends say they think it's pretty neat. When I told them about my fetish, they actually chuckled at the fact I thought it was bad at all.

    We are not alone and we are not bad or broken. Society doesn't have its crap together yet. Not by a long shot. But there are always people to support you. We are not freaks.

    Edit: well, i'm not surprised, but yeah a lot of us relate!

  8. #8

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    Wow, I honestly never thought sharing my story would have responses like this. Thank you to everybody who has responded. I know we don't actually know each other but it's nice to hear real people with similar situations and walks of life as me coming together in one place. Seriously, thank you. I'm a little happier tonight because of you. Stay diapered!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Yankeefox you can totally call me moon. Hope it doesn't bother you that I'm a Red Sox fan.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Wouldn't that huggies world or pampers or luvs world rock?! I sometimes dream about being in one of those commercials. Best dreams ever

  9. #9

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    I would recomend looking at some of my past posts that explain my diaper loving side. I went on a whole story from when I was just out of diapers till now and the journy that I took. It was kinda similar to yours. I would watch the diaper commercials and my siblings around me would know I was enjoying them. some people just don't get it, but others do. Just remember your not alone and to think that there are millions of us out there with the same fetish and we all formed it for one reson or another. I though I was all alone till I has internet access then it's like "wow! How is it that there are all these people out there that have similar stories as mine and we all liked diapers and we didn't even know it!"

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by apoptosis View Post
    Your story is absolutely incredible to me because it is nearly identical to mine. In fact, it's almost scary. The package-touching, the commercials, the fetish, telling your girlfriend, everything. We're even the same age and gender.

    This means I can safely say there are people for you out there. My girlfriend is the bomb and I know she's not the only one who's okay with this sort of thing.

    What helped me with these problems was making friends with a few people that happen to do porn. They deal with hundreds of random strangers via a webcam every day. Guess what? Our fetish is one of the most common. They say everyone is always really embarrassed, but they don't mind it one bit. In fact, some of my friends say they think it's pretty neat. When I told them about my fetish, they actually chuckled at the fact I thought it was bad at all.

    We are not alone and we are not bad or broken. Society doesn't have its crap together yet. Not by a long shot. But there are always people to support you. We are not freaks.

    Edit: well, i'm not surprised, but yeah a lot of us relate!
    Boy, it makes me happy to hear you say that, apop. I'm glad you have such a lovely girlfriend.
    Also, I always figured our fetish would be common, (and our experience similar) but I never figured on it being one of the most frequently observed (or exactly *that* similar). How interesting!




    Quote Originally Posted by Goodnitesmoon4 View Post
    Yankeefox you can totally call me moon. Hope it doesn't bother you that I'm a Red Sox fan.
    Hee, my name only is a reference to where I'm from, i.e. probably where you're from if you like like the Red Sox. I'm a Sox fan too. XD
    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things, too.

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