I wanted to share so here it goes
This abdl thing is a fetish for me. It's been a very hard road coming to terms with this. I've liked diapers since I was very young.
I got a joke gift when I was a kid from somebody in my family who though it would be funny to buy me diapers for my birthday. Given the nature of my birthday I have to deal with a lot of jokes but this one brought me to tears. I was the baby of the family and I acted very childish so it made sense but it isn't an easy thing to get when you're that young.
I can remember though being excited about it at the same time. I didn't show that on my face obviously but after, my mom put them in a downstairs closet to eventually donate them. When nobody was around I'd find myself in that closet touching the package and trying to "accidentally" rip it so I could touch one. If I wasn't terrified about my parents finding out at the time I definitely would have pulled one out and put it on but I didn't.
I've been excited by the sheer thought of diapers ever since. Every time a diaper commercial came on tv I was excited by it. Keep in mind I'm a diaper lover not a pedophile. I used to watch these commercials and visualize myself as the baby in the ad wanting to be diapered and I love that in those commercials the diapers are the main focus of that world. The parents in these commercials in the case of Pampers or Luvs would drop everything to make sure their baby had a fresh diaper and the package was always crisp and fresh, the diapers fit perfectly. In the case of huggies it was a parent free world where kids just roamed about in a huggies world. There was just something exciting about the way the diapers were presented. Nobody talks about diaper commercials like that , even on here, but when I watched these commercials I always wanted to be that baby. It was my introduction to being a diaper lover.
When I was younger it was easier to hide it and feel normal and all that but I always had this secret I didn't want anybody finding out
I'm a straight male in my 20's now and I haven't been in many relationships, mainly for fear that I'd have to tell somebody about me. For some reason most of the world is accepting of a lot of things that people do, the kinky and weird, yet having a diaper fetish and wanting at times to dress like a toddler (in my case)in the privacy of my own home and wet and be changed and all of that, if that were to get out at least in my case would really hurt me psychologically.
I had a girlfriend that I dated for quite a few years that I told about me pretty early on. I didn't tell her everything because she's a germophobe. So I didn't mention wetting. I don't mess (gross in my opinion. No desire to) but I just told her about the diapers. She was weirded out but she looked into it and she did try it once but after we role played she didn't want to ever again she felt weird. It was ok but she would always ask if I was still into it and I'd tell her I was and she told me I should see someone because it was something that she told me was not a part of me and could be overcome. I felt defeated and unaccepted and it hurt our sex life drastically because I wanted to do the diaper thing sometimes. Not all the time but I needed and need that sometimes. It really hurt our sex life and we eventually broke up
Now, I'm single and back to that feeling of having to tell somebody about me and open up again and I'm afraid of being hurt again. Lately the only joy I feel is when I am able to put on a diaper and just relax, but the older I get the harder it is to feel normal. I feel like a freak and I hate it. I'm not a freak. I'm a normal every day guy who's into diapers. I've joined dating sites and such and I go to bars just it be around girls and people my age but I never talk to them and I don't pursue on these dating sites either. It's been 5 months since my ex and I broke up and I'm wondering when I'm going to be ok again. Wow that was a lot.