Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: wife was cool, now not so much.

  1. #1

    Default wife was cool, now not so much.

    So yeah. Before my wife went into mental health rehab, she was GGG. Even made several diapers for me. Now, however, she says she refuses to be second to my activities. I only partake after she goes to sleep. Now she wants to get a hotel for her tonight. I guess I need some advice. I'm not too cool with changing my sexuality after I've been led to believe I've been accepted. That seems a bit of a dick move on her part to me. Advice, please. I love my wife but hate her illness.

  2. #2

    Default

    what kind of illness does she have exactly?

    Also, how long into your relationship has she known about your diaper wearing?

  3. #3

    Default

    I can relate. My wife didn't do rehab though. Im still working on why the change from being good with it to not being so good about it. My best advice is to communicate with her. Try to find a balance a compromise, thats were i am, but its up to ur partner to also communicate and compromise.

  4. #4

    Default

    it doesn't seem like you told her before she married you though.

    Calling/thinking she is a dick, hating her illness whatever it might be. It's clearly not a path to salvage a marriage.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by xtrabulk View Post
    So yeah. Before my wife went into mental health rehab, she was GGG. Even made several diapers for me. Now, however, she says she refuses to be second to my activities. I only partake after she goes to sleep. Now she wants to get a hotel for her tonight. I guess I need some advice. I'm not too cool with changing my sexuality after I've been led to believe I've been accepted. That seems a bit of a dick move on her part to me. Advice, please. I love my wife but hate her illness.
    with my following input you have to consider, that I neither know the exact circumstances of your marriage - aside from what you have outlined here - and also have no insight in what you wife went through (after all, it's not just like "hey, rehab, cool"... so there was something "wrong" in the first place which she tried - hopefully with success - to get through, with the help of rehab).
    I'm just saying, going through some tough shit can really change the way you look at things.
    With that aside, here's my 2-cents:

    It does sound to me like, she was - before - indulging FOR YOU (ie. getting no gratification / satisfaction out of that stuff for herself)... that alone is a bit of a task in any way.
    And it sounds - maybe harshly interpreted on my behalf - that you have come to accept that her partaking is given / granted.
    Neither is a good starting / standing point in such regards.

    Now, that she wants a hotel - read: SPACE/DISTANCE - you should really look at the situation again... I think it would be highly important to sit down and have a long talk about all of this, about how she feels, why she feels the need for the distance/hotel, about how you feel in this etc.
    It's not about CHANGING YOUR sexuality - but it certainly is about how *that part* of your sexuality is going to be included/excluded/etc.

    There's no such thing as relationships without compromises - and compromises come at all levels... of importance is, that a compromise WORKS for all involved.
    Not always such a compromise is going to be "sweet" - but sometimes for the greater good, small trade offs have to be made.


    If you can not find it in your heart to go over that situation and find out what the problem is, how it can be solved - then there's hardly any hope for your marriage.

    In the end it's important in life to define priorities, and to think "long term" .... sometimes something looks different if you try to wrap your mind around a longer period of time, rather than just whats been pushed onto your screen right now.


    Last but not least: Love your wife and hate her illness...
    Well mate, hate to break it to you: it's not how life & love works.
    As much as you'd wish that her illness wouldn't be (and I hope she'll get over whatever it is) - at least for the time being it is a PART of her...
    Just as being a DL is a part of you - probably your wife would wish to have you without the DL aspect...... and that isn't really going to work entirely either.

  6. #6

    Default

    It was for PTSD. And, I'm in therapy...sex therapy...for it. And, please forgive my crisis, but ive been told by professionals it's fine to hate her desease. She's told me it's fine as well. It causes her to be abusive to me and the kids. What's not to hate? I've been walking on eggshells for 5 years. She used to throw glasses at my children. She used to scream at them and belittle them. I dont hate her...I love her...but do hate her mental desease, and that Iis fine with the primary players...me and the wife. Sorry for the confusion.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    with my following input you have to consider, that I neither know the exact circumstances of your marriage - aside from what you have outlined here - and also have no insight in what you wife went through (after all, it's not just like "hey, rehab, cool"... so there was something "wrong" in the first place which she tried - hopefully with success - to get through, with the help of rehab).
    I'm just saying, going through some tough shit can really change the way you look at things.
    With that aside, here's my 2-cents:

    It does sound to me like, she was - before - indulging FOR YOU (ie. getting no gratification / satisfaction out of that stuff for herself)... that alone is a bit of a task in any way.
    And it sounds - maybe harshly interpreted on my behalf - that you have come to accept that her partaking is given / granted.
    Neither is a good starting / standing point in such regards.

    Now, that she wants a hotel - read: SPACE/DISTANCE - you should really look at the situation again... I think it would be highly important to sit down and have a long talk about all of this, about how she feels, why she feels the need for the distance/hotel, about how you feel in this etc.
    It's not about CHANGING YOUR sexuality - but it certainly is about how *that part* of your sexuality is going to be included/excluded/etc.

    There's no such thing as relationships without compromises - and compromises come at all levels... of importance is, that a compromise WORKS for all involved.
    Not always such a compromise is going to be "sweet" - but sometimes for the greater good, small trade offs have to be made.


    If you can not find it in your heart to go over that situation and find out what the problem is, how it can be solved - then there's hardly any hope for your marriage.

    In the end it's important in life to define priorities, and to think "long term" .... sometimes something looks different if you try to wrap your mind around a longer period of time, rather than just whats been pushed onto your screen right now.


    Last but not least: Love your wife and hate her illness...
    Well mate, hate to break it to you: it's not how life & love works.
    As much as you'd wish that her illness wouldn't be (and I hope she'll get over whatever it is) - at least for the time being it is a PART of her...
    Just as being a DL is a part of you - probably your wife would wish to have you without the DL aspect...... and that isn't really going to work entirely either.
    Thanks for the input, it is valued, trust me. We used to have hot, sweaty diaper sex. She made them for me and sometimes diapered me. Sorry I didnt include that in my op.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by xtrabulk View Post
    It was for PTSD. And, I'm in therapy...sex therapy...for it. And, please forgive my crisis, but ive been told by professionals it's fine to hate her desease. She's told me it's fine as well. It causes her to be abusive to me and the kids. What's not to hate? I've been walking on eggshells for 5 years. She used to throw glasses at my children. She used to scream at them and belittle them. I dont hate her...I love her...but do hate her mental desease, and that Iis fine with the primary players...me and the wife. Sorry for the confusion.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks for the input, it is valued, trust me. We used to have hot, sweaty diaper sex. She made them for me and sometimes diapered me. Sorry I didnt include that in my op.
    Hating - well without sounding wise beyond my years - I unfortunately do know a deal or two about hate.
    And trust me with this: NOTHING, I mean absolutely NOTHING good ever comes from hate.

    What you describe sounds pretty tough and I can understand where you come from to some degree about hating her disease.
    The problem is, hating it doesn't change it, doesn't make it go away or be less problematic. And it certainly doesn't help to handle the situation.

    Anyhow - that isn't really the issue I guess.

    you say "we used to have hot...", fine -... things change.... I am (and have been for over 10 years) in a relationship, and both of us once in a while do something for the other person that isn't entirely to ones own liking but we still do it, cause we know it makes the other person VERY happy...
    Sometimes people get "caught" up in the stuff they do for the other person, cause they know it makes the other person happy... and that can create weird dynamics... especially if it's something that maybe isn't working for the "giver"... and sometimes stuff like that becomes a serious burden.
    We have tried (successfully) to keep those things "minimal"... whilst my girl and myself share a lot of common ground when it comes to sexual stuff, we both have some aspects, that the other person isn't cool with. And we accept this. Acceptance here is key in my opinion.

    It's like this... most people are quite "faceted" when it comes to sexual preferences... it's rarely only one single aspect that drives them...
    If you find a good number of common interests, sex life in a relationship becomes VERY fulfilling and very interesting. But there's bound to be one thing, or two that can't be fulfilled on a healthy level, on a level that wouldn't provide a far to big compromise for one of the involved.
    I believe it's VERY important to talk it out, to see behind it... and ultimately to accept the way things are.
    But also - and not limited to sexuality - people change... interests change... limits change... desires grow and some vanquish... it's probably the one of the more rewarding and challenging aspects of any long term relationship: trying to keep up with the change, ever willing to get to know your partner, never to fall into the trap "I know you, fully". Always keep an open mind for the change, for the unexpected.
    Trust: knowing you can trust your partner with those changes, desires, new ideas, etc.
    Wanting to WORK together on the relationship.

    I can't tell you whether your wife in the past played along for your own pleasure, whether she found it pleasing at any rate, whether she found it thrilling because it was new or something "you shouldn't be doing", or whatever.
    But fact seems, at least for the time being, it doesn't work for her anymore. I can certainly give you no insight into the "why".
    And probably it's not something that is bound to change back.

    Neither one should bend backwards just to please the other... sex is at it's best, when both fully enjoy whatever they are doing.
    Maybe it's time to EXPLORE other desires with her, other plays, other fantasies... maybe try to figure out what is it that drives her sexually...
    and maybe when there's been enough exploration, change, climax, etc.. then diaper play has it's place again... don't know but it might as well be.
    And if the sex life is generally excellent for both, I guess both are willing to "compromise" to some good degree once in a while to fulfill the other ones top desire, even if it's not their own, as long as it's "healthy / consenting".

    I mean when I look back like 10+ years into my relationship, well I can say, sex has changed a good bit over that time...
    Stuff we both found insanely hot became mundane, overdone, out-used, rejected... other stuff came in and filled the nights with pleasure & pain (we both are into BDSM stuff)... then there's vanilla moments, and sometimes, stuff that we didn't do for a long time because we had enough of it years ago becomes the best thing again for the day... other stuff has been constant favorite, whilst yet other stuff we rarely do, just for the sake of keeping it something ultimately special.
    Some thing I wouldn't have dared to think about 12 years ago are now something I couldn't do without.
    The point is, as I said, it's rarely "just this one thing" (in your case seems to be the diaper stuff)... be open minded... explore, find the virtue in the passion play, pleasure, etc... sometimes, you're your own prisoner, captive of your own mind and it's important to free yourself.
    I'm not saying your diaper desires are bad or should be undone, but I'm saying you should not define yourself through a singular fetish.

  8. #8

    Default

    To be more brief, if your wife is having fits of rage and threatening the children, you need to take the kids and leave, if for no other reason than their safety and well being. You have to look at this situation and determine, can things change for the better. If not, you have a choice to make; continue to live like this in a poisonous relationship, or make a big life change.

  9. #9

    Default

    Have to say I am with Dogboy. Abusing you and the kids is just acceptable. Don't want to even imagine what harm (mentally) this is doing to your kids...!

    Horrible situation for you all. Not your wife's fault, and must be horrible for her to know she is putting you all through this. Hope she can make improvements, to really try to keep your family together.

    I hate to sound mean, but I would say the diapers should probably be the last concern for now. Wear when you are alone, but I would try to not push wife into participating.

    I really hope you all get through this together, and somehow she makes some improvements, through therapy or medication. All the best

    Andrew

  10. #10

    Default

    I have been in mental hospitals more than I care to remember.

    All that they focus on, in my experience, has been self-esteem and caring for yourself, etc. If in this vain, your wife mentioned what "goes on around the house" to her therapists, there might be the problem. "Change," (no pun intended) is a subject of discussion in these sessions as a good way to improve your mental status, as it were. I'm sure that "diaper play" (which is all it is) is frowned upon by the mental health community at large.

    Perhaps they influenced your wife's feelings on the subject, and her "changing it up" is merely a way to react to this mindset.

Similar Threads

  1. How to tell my wife
    By PaddedInPuyallup in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 20-Jan-2013, 00:23
  2. wife of AB/Dl in need of help...
    By Sad in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 15-Jan-2012, 16:22
  3. Should I tell the Wife?
    By TimmyDaToddler in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-May-2011, 20:42
  4. Wife needs help!
    By chrys4215 in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 01-May-2011, 02:10
  5. Wife
    By Harmonbros in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 06-Jul-2010, 03:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.