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Thread: How blind is love?

  1. #1

    Default How blind is love?

    I ask this question because I want to know how people deal with the idea of love, and have some kind of physical deformity. I have a problem that's impossible to hide or cover up. What helps make you keep your hopes up?

  2. #2


    True love I absolutely believe is blind to such things. However, it must be very difficult for some people to reach that point in a relationship where a physical deformity is hindering it. It obviously takes someone special to reach beyond the superficial to find the loving person within. I guess meeting such people can be difficult if there is something holding you back. Idk, does blind dating over the Internet help someone to get to know the inner you? I'm just surmising.

  3. #3


    I mean I personally was raised not to care about a person's looks and focus on the person's personality and their inner self.So I believe that true love is blind to physical appearance and focusses on a person's inner and true self because outer appearances fade with time and are superficial while inner beauty never really fades.It just takes a special person to look beyond the physical and see a person for who they really are on the inside.

    As far as the what helps keep my hopes up for me that is kinda simple and that's my boyfriend because he knows everything about me and doesn't care about any medical issue,my looks,or anything else he loves me just for being me.

  4. #4


    While there's life, there's hope, basically I guess. There's not much more to it.

    But I know it's hard sometimes, reality can be harsh..., kind of natural selection, the strong survive, the weak are getting left behind. We are still genetically programmed to favor physical fitness and prowess, most of the time we do not consider mates with physical disabilities. Our programming says, “They are not fit to raise my offspring.” That’s the blunt truth of it. Although that's still wrong, people can be cruel fit's more I suppose, since it's up to us about what we're going to do and how we perceive and handle certain situations, so also disabilities.

    Anyway, I mean I've heard a lot of stories, where this state of mind get's confirmed. The last conversation I remember has been with a guy that clearly stated he probably will leave his girlfriend if her condition get's worse. To be honest it sounded more like if her current state of having seizures, since she had epilepsy, wouldn't change much, besides that she had problems continuing with certain things like her studies at some days, he would be gone. He wants someone to grow old with, have kids and not someone to care for at a time when they're not already old.
    So well, it sounds egoistic somehow, but still I can understand what he means. It's understandable simply, our society works this way and we want someone that will go along on our way, or on a new way together, and not someone we need to drag or carry too as another burden.

    But! Mind you one simple thing: In this case you cannot even deny if love makes blind, since this has been no love. This example is simply the desire of having someone while getting old, perhaps also reproducing, but that's not love in my honest opinion. Love would look behind such problems and focus on the big picture, and in conclusion in this case it's the goal to do everything it takes to reach it.

    Perhaps you could say love makes someone blind enough to love someone despite their flaws... but it's wrong to state it that way. Love makes you love someone no matter what, loving your positive aspects as also accepting your flaws.
    Yet blind love let's us do nearly the same mistake in reverse, funnily. Being that blind in love that we may not see how we're getting used or misused, or simply not loved at all as we do a certain person sometimes. The only I can say in this case is to be rational at some points, nothing more. Love is not rational of course, but we're still able to perceive pros and cons in a rational way.

    I'd say if you keep an open mind you will meet people who can look beyond your disability and you yourself can help people see beyond it. Never give up, there are a lot of people which are attracted to competence, ability, and skill, not their "physical perfectionism".

    The most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

  5. #5

  6. #6


    Yeah I agree totally. Its always been my mentality to accept people for who they really are and not their outside physical appearance if you really love someone you can easily look past minor stuff

  7. #7


    There are so many different factors that make up attraction. Often it's personality and having common likes. Youth can be beautiful, but we all age and change. Love is based on so many other things; things which last and outlive physical beauty. Deformities fit under the same category. Beauty is skin deep, but the loving spirit know no bounds.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by babygohan View Post
    I ask this question because I want to know how people deal with the idea of love, and have some kind of physical deformity. I have a problem that's impossible to hide or cover up. What helps make you keep your hopes up?
    Honestly? there's hardly something that really does matter in that regards, as long as you're willing to give 100% into the relationship...

    When I met my current girlfriend 12 years ago I was 22 - Incontinent, relying on pads / diapers / occasionally waking up in a wet bed (rare though) / leaking during sex... / so you can guess I was pretty mortified about "opening up" and telling her of all these problems - added to this I'm pretty kinky...
    Now well, she did ask a lot of questions about the IC part - she had no real clue that anyone at 22 could have such problems... but guess what? it was no big deal at any rate.
    Kinky? Damn, that girl is even kinkier than I am... wouldn't have guessed when I first met her....

    A good friend of mine, well he refers to himself as "scarface" and not because he likes that movie so much... but well, being propelled through a window-shield didn't leave him looking too good.
    I guess the surgeons were more concerned with keeping him alive as with plain aesthetics.
    Well long story short... the guy has an amazing and smoking hot girlfriend... they also have been together for a long time.

    There's tons of those stories out there as well... people with disabilities, deformities, etc... still able to find love.
    Sure it's not easy. but I guess finding true love is never "easy".

    I do believe that any relationship needs "WORK" .
    - Be there for each other... no matter what
    - don't be a dick
    - Try to take good care of yourself (don't become a slouch)
    - Be open minded
    - Listen
    - Be open
    - Be honest
    - TRUST - mutual trust... needs time to build up and can be shattered by stupid acts...
    - Pay attention to some details... even after years
    - keep it spicy
    - ...

    I've seen it often enough - two people come together, have initially a good time but after a year or so it starts to crumple because neither one of them is willing to go the extra mile anymore.
    They take the relationship for granted and love slowly falls apart.

  9. #9


    I've found that most people who judge people so critically based on shallow aspects like appearances / wealth / fashion / car / home etc. just aren't the kind of people that are interested in a genuine human connection anyway. To them, it's like you are not really a human boyfriend but an accessory. You're the pretty boy on their arm. A trophy of sorts. When you bore them (or the people they are trying to impress using you) they'll move on.

    So the people who would judge you based on your appearance are probably not the people you want to go around getting into a serious relationship with anyway. When you love someone's personality and your brains click, appearances matter little. Also, for me at least and other female friends I have, when you really love someone's personality they tend to actually look more attractive in your eyes. It's like a strange offshoot of the "halo" effect. The Halo Effect is where we think good-looking people are really smart or really nice or competent etc, just because they look so perfect. Well, for a lot of women I know and myself, if you have a great personality and you have passion in life and are generally interesting, you end up looking even better than strangers would judge you! So if you do snag a nice date, you'll most likely end up looking even more attractive to her over time as she gets to know you.

  10. #10


    It bears mentioning that while true love is blind, we often see certain things as deformities when others don't. So it's worth considering that what you see as a deformity might not be seen as such by someone else.

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