Hi everyone, I want to introduce myself first as a serious musician Ė as an artist. I use the word artist with some trepidation because it seems to be a term of self-aggrandizement, so I must add that I mean only that art in the form of music is very important to me and takes up a lot of my time and resources. Making music is the most important thing in my life and has been for most of my life.
It is not a vocation, that is, I donít make a living as a musician and I donít want to either. I am a recording artist primarily. I use composing software as well as acoustic, electric and bass guitars. I can play well slowly as well as very Ė very fast, hence my username ďFretflailer.Ē I am bragging a little here, but it is true.
I am both fortunately and unfortunately a diagnosed manic-depressive. Bi-polar disorder is for me a real disability which has at times been life threatening. It makes it impossible for me to hold a job that requires consistent work hours and uninterrupted attendance because I lack adequate circadian rhythms and will often be out of synchrony with the rest of the world, which is mostly diurnal.
Because of my disability I am afforded, by the kindness of our society, a place to live in peace, sustenance and the resources to create music, which is what I mean when I say that I am fortunate to be bi-polar, although honestly I would rather not be. It imposes severe limits on many aspects of life.
I would like to mention why I am here. First I am here to make friends with individuals who share with me the emotional needs that are in some ways met by wearing diapers and other related infantile activities.
This is not something I take lightly because the issue has caused me much anguish. For me this is not an interest but a deep seated emotional problem that I have had since my earliest recollections. I have undergone psychotherapy and have discovered the likely predisposing factors involved, in particular a troubled childhood in a severely dysfunctional family. These are the same factors that later manifested in bi-polar disorder.
Second, and maybe more importantly, and with the mutual understanding about infantilism with all its variations, I wish to make friends with others who have similar interests especially music, art and any other creative endeavors. I find infantilism and creative work a difficult match. I hope also to find support with regards to this.
Sometimes I think I am too serious and dramatic, but I really do have a pretty good sense of humor when Iím in a good mood. Sometimes Iím even zany. I canít let myself get too zany though. Iíve been in the funny farm lots of times and the truth is that those places ainít funny at all.
You might be wondering what kind of music I like. Well, I was raised on the rock of the late sixties and early seventies. I feel there is a sweet spot between around 1967 and 1974 when a ton of fantastic music was produced. A lot of experimentation happened then. Bands like Pink Floyd, Yes, The Beatles, ELP, Led Zeppelin and others were developing the art of music in new ways. I seek to emulate that experimental spirit in what I create.
Alright I should stop before this intro gets too long, if it hasnít already.