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Thread: Milestones to incontinence

  1. #1

    Default Milestones to incontinence

    Over the past five years or so I have gradually become more and more incontinent, despite lots of treatment and two operations. On Sunday I made the decision to stop using the toilet for urination. It had got to the stage of only making it about 10% of the time anyway, and involved lots of hassle. So I decided to just us my nappy. It has made life a lot easier. It occurs to me that in my journey to incontinence I have crossed several other mile stones on the way. Are you the same?
    The dribbling in your pants after peeing getting so bad your trousers are wet. The first time you don't make it to the toilet on time and start to wet your pants before you pull them down. The first time you end up totally wetting your pants for the first time since you were a kid. Also the first time you wet your bed again. Added to that the decision to start to wear protection, to start with at night and then 24/7. The absorbsion gradually increasing.
    So here I am, having not peed in a toilet for three days. It is much more relaxing now I have eventually taken the plunge. I know I am past the point of no return and that this is it forever.
    I am incontinent, but I am not going to let it alter how I live my life.

  2. #2


    I believe that there's also a way to come to terms with right-now...without giving up or giving in to the future as an unalterable fate...
    Granted with the surgeries, and may look far less likely (it may be far less likely)...but, please don't give up...just don't torture or berate yourself either...

    Be all of who you are with confidence...and just happen to be IC too!

    Peace to you,

  3. #3


    You have kind of described my situation a year or so back. Although I didn't go to a urologist you explained your dribbles and having your pee starting before you can get to
    a toilet. I had the same situation and I decided to go 24/7 over a year and a half ago. So far it hasn't impeded my ability to go about my daily routine. I'm retired so I don't
    have a big problem with changes. I do use premium disposables during the day which are actually cheaper in the long run. I get by with two changes a day on average.
    For nighttime I use a cloth AIO. Also use them two or three days a week to help with cost.

  4. #4


    Hmmm.. I've had the first two lately. And I think I'm technically ok at night but have been sleeping diapered at night for a few weeks straight and I'm not always sure if I remember going in the night. I do hate dribbling down my pants and I have had a few instances of really trying to get to the toilet in time and somewhat failing. It would be horrifying to be at work and really lose control and not be able to get it shut down.

  5. #5


    I'm having a rather odd occurrence lately: although nothing seems to be working to help my incontinence, I have not been wetting the bed much. I mean my diaper is dry in the morning almost all the time, though I often wet it the second I awaken. If I do not, though--and most often even if I do--there is rarely much in me. I am experiencing very low output overnight lately despite having no real change in how I approach my evenings. Odd...

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by ICkaraokegirl View Post
    I'm having a rather odd occurrence lately: although nothing seems to be working to help my incontinence, I have not been wetting the bed much. I mean my diaper is dry in the morning almost all the time, though I often wet it the second I awaken. If I do not, though--and most often even if I do--there is rarely much in me. I am experiencing very low output overnight lately despite having no real change in how I approach my evenings. Odd...
    Thats been the case for me since my IC started. I could go without protection all night, if only it all didn't come flooding out the minute I wake up. My bladder is effectively paralysed but apparently my sphincter can still stay closed except when under pressure. Interestingly, if I set my alarm for six hours sleep instead of my usual seven, I can often wake up and have enough time to get to the bathroom and use a catheter without the morning flood. I only do that on days I'm not working though, so I have enough time to go back to sleep afterwards.

    As I understand it, it's normal for the kidneys to significantly slow down the production of urine whilst asleep. Also, you are going around 8 hours without drinking anything, which is why its always more concentrated first thing in the morning.

  7. #7

    Default Planning vs fear or giving up

    I think the most important thing is to do what works best for you. For most of us it takes a while to get over the fact that incontinence isn't a personal failing. We all know that, but the training we received as children tends to replay as we adapt to our new normal. I noticed two other things in making the transition from "trying to prevent it" to "planning to manage it." After I finally admitted that I wasn't going to be able to avoid accidents and that discrete little pads can't absorb a flood, I had a lot less stress. If I was in meeting and couldn't rush to the bathroom without being disruptive, I didn't try. That's what diapers are for. I also stopped frantically trying to memorize the location of every restroom in the city, and being afraid to go places where I wasn't sure I could get to a toilet quickly. Life got better rather than worse when I switched from pads to diapers and from worrying to accepting.

    But I also learned, as I'm sure you will too, that I didn't have to give up on toilets entirely. A little bit later, and partly due to the decrease in stress, I found that if I could establish a routine, I could reduce the number of wettings and changes in a day. For instance, I noticed a pattern of a no-warning emergency between one and two hours after lunch. I would end up wetting myself almost every time. Now I plan for a break about 45 minutes after lunch if I can. I have a similar plan in the morning. It doesn't always work, and I don't worry about it on days it fails. But on average it saves about one diaper a day (multiply the cost by 365 and you'll see it matters), and I also have fewer skin problems.

    So, acceptance and planning haven't gotten me out of diapers--I don't expect that will ever happen. But it does reduce my stress, it saves some money, and its easier on my skin.

  8. #8


    Like you say it is so much easier once you stop fighting it. Now I don't need to rush about and be stressed and be ruled by the toilet. It has been over five days now and I have only peed 'properly' once. Now if I need to go I just go, there is no haste or the pain and panic of urgency. Often now I barely feel the urge to pee at all, I just leak. Sometimes peeing several times an hour. I suppose eventually I will loose the sensation all together . At least my bowels still work, even though my bladder is shot.

  9. #9



    I've been in the ic group forever...

    But, I do use the bathroom when I can, not to save money or anything, but to as has been mentioned save skin rashes...

    I don't work anymore, so the whole meetings, flights, driving issues are mostly gone...

    But with that others take the place...I can't walk much, so beyond just parking and inside and sit...I use a wheelchair for like getting some groceries...over fifteen mins my back can't handle that and I use a push chair with a reclining back...

    Anyhow, out of the house, usually requires a diaper, especially anything long...I get quite a bit of muscle cramps in my feet and, going to the bathroom is usually a dangerous endeavor...ever have a leg cramp up whial trying to use the bathroom?...not fun!

    But, long ago I came to the conclusion that it's better to just go with what works...and that's diapers...

    I've even tried catheters, even in dwelling catheters, all I got was plenty of uti's...

    Anyhow, I can remember all the attempts at potty training when I was little...let's say it's wasn't fun...tis why I moved out at 16...

    Anyhow, don't fight it, but don't give up either, sometimes I can go a whole day without any issues...never a nite...

    Which, there is a drug your body releases that's is an anti diuretic...slows urine production...I can't remember the name, but my body doesn't produce it...I wake up all the time in the night wet, and thirsty...always have a glass of water on the nightstand...unless I've knocked it over...but, I produce approx the same amount all the time, and thirsty at nite...

    So, try to make it sometimes, it will help skin issues for sure.


  10. #10


    It's now nearly a week and I have only managed to pee in the toilet once! I think it's easy to just use my nappy now. I get a sudden need to pee and then I am doing it. Unless I am on the toilet having a number two at the time I don't make it .
    Yesterday I had another milestone experience. I wear nappies all the time now, but when getting showered or bathed I clearly do not. I have peed while in the bath and in the shower for many years, but last night was different. I got undressed as normal but before I managed to get into the bath I felt the need to pee and just wet myself all over the bathroom floor, I couldn't stop and ended up standing in a pool of pee. Next time I will make sure that I keep my nappy on until I step into the bath, and tove it before I get in.

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