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Thread: Not geting caught & Not telling people...

  1. #1

    Default Not geting caught & Not telling people...

    How about this subject? I have been a DL for 6-7 years now. My stash has never been found, and I have NO intention of telling the wife (or a cousin, my friends or anyone)! But I sure do love my Abenas, and intend to wear and use as often as conditions allow.

  2. #2

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    Exactly why wouldn't you tell your wife though?

  3. #3

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    Well, thatīs cool.
    No need to tell anyone.
    And wearing "as often as conditions allow" sounds fine too.

    Conclusion: You are probably sane :3

  4. #4

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    I kept my diaper wearing a secret from my wife for decades until I got discovered. Turns out that she accepts me unconditionally. The upshot is that I can share this side of me, and feel "little" in front of her, which I really enjoy. As a result, she buys me "little" things like onsies, sippy cups, plushies, etc.

    Everyone is different, and has different relations with their loved one. Because of this each one must find their own way, and that which they think works best for them. Probably, there is no one right way.

  5. #5

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    I always find it weird when someone is into this stuff and their wives DON'T KNOW. You two live together and are in a relationship, why not be open with each other? Did you enjoy this stuff before you got married or did it happen after?

  6. #6

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    I had to tell my girlfriend. It took a while but she now accepts it and I wear fairly openly around her.. but it doesn't dominate the relationship. I do not see wearing diapers as a fetish and it is nothing sexual to me at all, so I do not ask her to participate.

    But I would seriously invest some time in telling your wife. Keeping it a secret is hard work and I know this first hand. I'm not saying tell everyone, like your friends, cousins, colleagues... but you live with your wife, and when I told my girlfriend she wasn't happy that I kept it a secret for so long.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaddyDorito View Post
    I always find it weird when someone is into this stuff and their wives DON'T KNOW. You two live together and are in a relationship, why not be open with each other? Did you enjoy this stuff before you got married or did it happen after?
    Because being ABDL can be a real stigma of your child/teen-hood that sticks all your life. I, and probably others, see this as a part of their own individuality but also something that makes us different and more hard to be accepted. When you love someone and you want them to be part of your life, you don't know how they could react to this sort of news. Over the years, I've seen countless stories of people for whom the ABDL thing was an obstacle in their relationship or even the end of it. Because some people can't handle it.
    So, yeah, fear is pretty much the motive for not telling your significant other. I, too, think it's better if this can be shared, but it's so hard to do. You never know how your partner is going to react.
    I used to hear the "well, if you live together/are married/have kids/..., you should be 100% open with each others" argument (I'm not telling you're thinking this or not, just answering) . Well, I think it's bullshit. Everyone deserved its own inner sanctum. Sharing it or not is a decision you have to make but being it a good or bad decision depends highly on your relationship.

  8. #8

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    It took me quite a while before I could bring myself to tell my wife. (I discovered diapers well after we were married and after our kids had grown.)

    One very strong reason to tell someone who you are committed to is to avoid having to talk about it for the first time in the shock of discovery. (This is almost certain to feel like a betrayal of some sort.) Introducing it in a calm context might not help, but having the diapers introduce themselves, without explanation, is certain to make things harder.

    I'm not AB. I wear because of the emotional comfort it brings me (which I don't understand and don't have any real need to understand). I'm really not comfortable with involving her in it. So we have found a way of living with it that does not challenge either of our boundaries.

    I wish you the best outcome, no matter how you proceed.

  9. #9

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    This is one of my favorite quasi-debate topics. In short, though, I agree with the folks who've said that it's highly situation-dependent.

    Diapers are something different to each of us. For some of us, they are part of a larger lifestyle that would go into withdrawal if not incorporated into our relationships. In those cases, not telling is a form of self-harm. For others (like me), diapers are basically a variation on masturbation. For still others, they're some mix of these things, or something else entirely.

    I was married for 12 years before my wife discovered my diapers. It really never occurred to me that I should tell her, just as it had never occurred to me that I should tell my parents or friends. So, outside of these forums, I've never told anybody (willingly). Given my particular use of diapers as a sexual release, my telling a girlfriend or my wife seemed roughly equivalent to a non-DL man disclosing a porn habit -- totally non-beneficial, and likely harmful. Now, of course, there are those partners who, upon discovering a diaper habit, would welcome it into the relationship, make it a part of sex, or otherwise find a place for it, however one ought to have the (low) probability of such an outcome in mind when weighing the merits of telling versus not telling.

    I've heard people here make goofy comments about how, after a certain number of dates, one ought to disclose to one's significant other that he/she likes to wear diapers. That's ridiculous. I'll wager that those who advocate this are on the lonelier end of the spectrum. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, but in a simple, matter-of-fact way. Relationships are about adapting, and where one's capacity to adapt intersects one's interest in wearing diapers, I see no reason to promote diapers to an undeserved level of importance. Truly, I do not believe that my interest in wearing diapers is or should be important to my wife. I chose (and still choose) to keep our relationship focused on other things, and I don't feel bad about that at all. If I had it all to do over again, it's quite possible that I'd just do a better job of hiding my stash.

    But, again, there are those folks, mostly on the AB end of things as far as I can tell, who need this stuff to be a part of their relationships. In those cases, telling is probably a very good idea. Otherwise, it just becomes a source of mounting stress.

  10. #10

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    Very well said! Thank you.



    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    This is one of my favorite quasi-debate topics. In short, though, I agree with the folks who've said that it's highly situation-dependent.

    Diapers are something different to each of us. For some of us, they are part of a larger lifestyle that would go into withdrawal if not incorporated into our relationships. In those cases, not telling is a form of self-harm. For others (like me), diapers are basically a variation on masturbation. For still others, they're some mix of these things, or something else entirely.

    I was married for 12 years before my wife discovered my diapers. It really never occurred to me that I should tell her, just as it had never occurred to me that I should tell my parents or friends. So, outside of these forums, I've never told anybody (willingly). Given my particular use of diapers as a sexual release, my telling a girlfriend or my wife seemed roughly equivalent to a non-DL man disclosing a porn habit -- totally non-beneficial, and likely harmful. Now, of course, there are those partners who, upon discovering a diaper habit, would welcome it into the relationship, make it a part of sex, or otherwise find a place for it, however one ought to have the (low) probability of such an outcome in mind when weighing the merits of telling versus not telling.

    I've heard people here make goofy comments about how, after a certain number of dates, one ought to disclose to one's significant other that he/she likes to wear diapers. That's ridiculous. I'll wager that those who advocate this are on the lonelier end of the spectrum. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, but in a simple, matter-of-fact way. Relationships are about adapting, and where one's capacity to adapt intersects one's interest in wearing diapers, I see no reason to promote diapers to an undeserved level of importance. Truly, I do not believe that my interest in wearing diapers is or should be important to my wife. I chose (and still choose) to keep our relationship focused on other things, and I don't feel bad about that at all. If I had it all to do over again, it's quite possible that I'd just do a better job of hiding my stash.

    But, again, there are those folks, mostly on the AB end of things as far as I can tell, who need this stuff to be a part of their relationships. In those cases, telling is probably a very good idea. Otherwise, it just becomes a source of mounting stress.

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