I apologize in advance if this is a little long, or not done properly, this will be my first post aside from my introduction so bear with me! ^_^ I am new at accepting the AB inside myself, and I'm a little lost. I figured if I put my story up here, maybe some of you nice people can help me figure out what steps I need to take to actually live my fantasy.
My entire life, I pretty much knew I liked baby things. I still sucked my thumb, and I would keep water bottles with a sucking type top so that I could put milk in it. When I was alone, I would still play with all my old toys and babydolls, and I still watched cartoons every chance I got. I even used to take some of my nieces pull-ups and tear the sides and put it in my underwear so it felt like I was wearing a diaper.
My family is extremely judgemental, about everything. Once when my sister caught me sucking my thumb in my sleep, she actually woke me up to give me a lecture about how she thought I gave that up when I was five, and that I need to grow up. I thought there was something wrong with me, I was mad at myself for wanting to be a baby. I didn't know that their were other people interested in baby things until I was seventeen.
I was watching CSI with my mom when the King Baby episode came on, and then I didn't feel quite as alone, but then I had to deal with everyone in the house talking about how sick and disgusting it was, and I got really ashamed of myself. I started to look it up, and have been interested in it ever since, but I hid it from everyone and tried to repress it mentally because I didn't think anyone I knew would understand.
My boyfriend and I are getting really serious, and we were talking about moving in together, so I decided I had to tell him. As the first person I ever told, he surprised me. He had never really thought about it before, but not only was he okay with it, he wants to participate. His reaction made it easier to tell a couple of my other close friends, and they're all surprisingly comfortable with it.
So here I am, FINALLY feeling like I can be myself. Now I'm a little lost. I don't know where to begin. Or even what to call myself... I just got a new job, so I'll be able to buy the bottle and binkie that I want, but beyond that I don't know what to do. Any suggestions on just getting started?