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Thread: Your most recent purge

  1. #1

    Default Your most recent purge

    In a fit of depression (the kind where I'm thinking 'this is stupid, WTF am I doing? I don't belong here') and probably coupled with buyer's guilt I was trying to get to sleep but kept dwelling on the negative aspects of this compulsion intruding into my life - the sneaking, not being able to wear 'openly', leaks, uncomfortable diapers, the disposal, getting the diapers, and not being able to come up with a valid reason if someone were to ask me why I felt the desire to wear. I made a tentative resolution to not buy any more diapers after I finished out everything in my stash which would take about 2 weeks.

    Then I get up this morning and change into a Tena Ultra and start making plans to get the next bag of Attends to replace the current one that still has 1/3 remaining. This is the closest I've come to an actual purge, is anyone else that crazy to have their urges wildly fluctuate literally overnight?

  2. #2
    petitestrawberry

    Default

    *hugggs* I'm sorry that you feel that way at the moment. In my case, I've had my urges fluctuate in the sense that I've felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and promptly hide everything and don't indulge for awhile. That being said, I haven't indulged in quite some time.

    If you'd ever like to talk, feel free to message me.

  3. #3

    Default

    Constantly. For me I seem to be having less urge to wear these days since for a while I have always had a few on hand, and in the back on my mind I know that at any time I can wear instead of feeling the need to because I cant.

    The mind is a funny thing, alright, if you have it you feel less desire to make use of it - and if you don't have it you make it an obsession to have it and make use of it.

  4. #4
    norcal57

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    Don't feel alone by any stretch of the imagination. I have went through so many purge cycles over the years. There were times when I felt so guilty that I threw everything out (Done finished!). Two weeks later, I the urge would hit me like a ton of bricks, and I would restock. It took me forever to realize what I was going through, and then I accepted it as part of me. My final purge was tossing out all of my regular underwear, and I am 24/7 close to 5 months. It suddenly clicked for me, and I couldn't be happier. Please be patient and try not to feel guilty about something that is part of you.

  5. #5
    marquis

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    stopped doing the purge thing years ago, just owned up to the fact that it is a harmless compulsion affecting only myself and have made sure it stays this way. I do wish this compulsion was targeted at piling up money,,I would be richer than bill gates

  6. #6

    Default

    My last purge was 3+ years ago when my mum found my stash. Whenever she found my stash, I always felt guilty and purged my precious diapers in a rage. But I have finally accepted myself and I am living happily as a DL that has come to terms with my diapers.

    When I was about.. 12ish.. I got caught for the first time when my mum found my stash. I felt so embarrassed/disgusted at myself that they found out, I tried to get the idea of diapers out of my head. So at the time.. I said to myself whenever I thought of diapers, I would think of tomatoes in my head.

    Thats right.. tomatoes. I would imagine an image of a tomato in my head whenever my brain tried to even think about diapers. Oh to be 12 again..

  7. #7

    Default

    It took me a large number of years to come to terms with the urge to purge (see what I did there?). I think the important step was realising that that mental state wasn't any more or less "true" than when I was at my keenest. As a result, I (a) smoothed out the rollercoaster a bit, and (b) when I get like that, I put everything into a (couple of) holdalls, and tuck them away somewhere safe and out of sight. That seems to do the trick, and then I haven't thrown anything out that I'll regret not having.

  8. #8

    Default

    My last purge was around 8 months ago while i kept all my supplies in a college locker room i can't remember my excuse but I tossed all my diapers, wipes and rash cream. But havent thought about trashing them since i moved out of the dorms
    Last edited by dukeleto; 30-Oct-2013 at 01:43. Reason: typo's

  9. #9

    Default

    I'm convinced that strong emotions like guilt do trigger the urge to purge. If you're feeling down on yourself for being an AB, I think wanting to purge is a fairly natural consequence. You're actually going about it a smart way, I think, by not throwing out your stash, but deciding not to buy anymore until you're done with your current stash. You understand that the purge won't last forever, and doing something rash will just cause more problems inside.

    I'm feeling a similar urge myself...I came within an inch of being caught twice in one night, and I'm not fully out of the woods yet. I'm trying to move my stash in preparation for a move this weekend, but I'm feeling like I should just throw it all out tomorrow. I won't, though! It'll be OK in the end, for both of us!

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    I'm convinced that strong emotions like guilt do trigger the urge to purge. If you're feeling down on yourself for being an AB, I think wanting to purge is a fairly natural consequence. You're actually going about it a smart way, I think, by not throwing out your stash, but deciding not to buy anymore until you're done with your current stash. You understand that the purge won't last forever, and doing something rash will just cause more problems inside.
    Y'know, Matilda, you may be onto something there; I had a close call recently so between that and reading several posts about families having a 6th sense about some things, the impending feelings of about-to-be-caught seemed to fuel this episode. As it is though my Spidey Sense was tingling all right about something - which turned out to be another Twilight Zone Day courtesy of my F.O.O. - the kicker was at 1 point one of them tells me I'm not being true to myself (they are cut exactly from the same cloth as another ADISC member's family who destroyed his accessories then harassed him in front of his new residence - huge can of worms if I were to drop the mask) yet hiding this from them is contributing to the tension I already feel around them.

    I completely grok you not wanting to be found out though I'd hope your family would react more kindly to it but you've only got a couple more days, you're almost in the clear!

    I've read enough on binge/purge to not let myself consciously get to that place of completely jettisoning a stash but the compulsion to actively seek more diapers while I still have a supply is stronger and probably a manifest of my hoarding tendencies, though like Marquis posted, why couldn't it be a compulsion to gather money?

    These are all great and insightful posts, I appreciate everyone's input on this






    I'm feeling a similar urge myself...I came within an inch of being caught twice in one night, and I'm not fully out of the woods yet. I'm trying to move my stash in preparation for a move this weekend, but I'm feeling like I should just throw it all out tomorrow. I won't, though! It'll be OK in the end, for both of us!

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