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Thread: Post-Breakup AB/DL Relationships

  1. #1

    Default Post-Breakup AB/DL Relationships

    Well my girlfriend broke up with me, not because either of us did anything but we mutually agreed that we did not think we were soulmates and blah blah blah. well anywhos, we are still best friends, the Parent/Baby and vice versa dynamic is disappearing but we stlll care for each other. We still like to talk about AB/DL stuff and all so i still have a cuddle buddy or play time friend.

    The key thing note is that we are still trying to break the Parent/Baby dynamic and it was funny that we realized we had to get over two relationships rather than one. She said her "big" self was pretty much over me, but inside she still had mommy feelings for me and that she had empty-nest syndrome. we laughed about this and i kind of felt the same way as her daddy. Has anyone else felt these kind of things? Is the AB/DL relationship pretty much 2 relationships played off as 1?

  2. #2

  3. #3

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    I experienced an ABDL break up this year actually!! I can definitely see how it can be two different things to deal with because of the unique dynamics.

    The "empty nest syndrome" part you mentioned is adorable and so funny xD omg!

    I don't think in our case he really experienced the "empty nest" thing, I think in our relationship he didn't separate the adult relationship from the big/little relationship. They happened at different times, but I never noticed him separate them or even refer to my little side as "little you" (to me) or anything like that. I think that might be because even when i'm not regressed, I have sort of a childish and playful side of me. I think he saw it more as something I was doing for enjoyment rather than a "role" or a different side of me, hmm.

    I think it definitely can be two different relationships inside of one. Especially if you separate the two bonds. I think in our heads it is hard to have this amazing bond as "Soul mates" or "two relationship partners" but then also have this bond as "parent/child" and have it all be one solid bond.

    I think it is easier for us to wrap our head around it to separate them. Also I think that a lot of people are just more comfortable keeping their "little side" out of their "adult" romantic relationship, if that makes sense?

    I think perhaps it is more a question of how people that pursue relationships separate their little/big relationship from their romantic relationship. I have observed some couple separate it more than others, but I have also observed some couples that don't really seem to separate it at all. I think you can take either approach and still have a healthy relationship in my opinion!! =)

    You just have to have lots and lots of communication!!

    In short: Is the AB/DL relationship pretty much 2 relationships played off as 1?
    My overall answer is still yes, like 95% of the time. But there are some people who lump it into a combined bond and still function well as a relationship =)

  4. #4
    petitestrawberry

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    I agree with prettybaby. I think it depends on how people choose to separate their romantic relationship from their little/big relationship, or how much of a separation there is. I think it depends on how deep the little/big connection goes as well. For some individuals, I think it might be more of an occasional activity and for some it's a larger role. Even among that their is variation; in either scenario, someone may be more or less affected. Either way, I'm sorry for the loss, but am glad for you two that you can still remain friends.

  5. #5

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    It definitely depends on the couple to decide how far the AB/DL stuff go, but it nice to think that I have someone still looking after me. "prettybaby" says it perfectly. For now my next relationship probably won't be AB/DL related because my ex keeps looking out for me and telling me to find a nice girl. hehehe "Big" me is okay to find a new girl, but "little" me is finding it hard that my mommy "left". "Little" me is coping by making mommy into more of an auntie figure. Eventually, we'll get over it, but for now i think its just so funny. My best friend ever ;p what can I do. haha

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by prettybaby View Post
    I think in our relationship he didn't separate the adult relationship from the big/little relationship. They happened at different times, but I never noticed him separate them or even refer to my little side as "little you" (to me) or anything like that. I think that might be because even when i'm not regressed, I have sort of a childish and playful side of me. I think he saw it more as something I was doing for enjoyment rather than a "role" or a different side of me, hmm
    How odd! My GF seems to feel exactly the same way about my little side. It's honestly a little upsetting sometimes, because I feel like she doesn't 'understand' me. Did it ever upset you?

    Personally the little/Big parts of my relationships are usually the most important to me, so 'we can't date anymore' would be okay, but 'I can't be your mommy any more' would devastate me. I definitely see the two as separate but 'joined' relationships, not simply the same one with different titles.

  7. #7

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    Yes, I believe it is two relationships. I've been with my girl for about 3 years now, and we both manage our time for our normal relationship and our.. abnormal relationship. We both love each other and if I can make it work, I think you can too.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CharliePup View Post
    How odd! My GF seems to feel exactly the same way about my little side. It's honestly a little upsetting sometimes, because I feel like she doesn't 'understand' me. Did it ever upset you?

    Personally the little/Big parts of my relationships are usually the most important to me, so 'we can't date anymore' would be okay, but 'I can't be your mommy any more' would devastate me. I definitely see the two as separate but 'joined' relationships, not simply the same one with different titles.
    Well, it didn't upset me. It's because I did feel like he understood what regression meant to me, and what I liked. All my needs were met, my "little" side and my "big" side ^_^ He did acknowledge it, just not separately or as it's own sort of "persona" if that makes sense? Our dynamic was a little hard to explain, but it worked for us at the time =)

    I can definitely understand how it would be upsetting though if it makes you feel like your significant other doesn't understand you. One of the benefits of having your "little side" acknowledged as a separate side of you, is that it makes it a lot easier to communicate your needs and desires. It helps to keep things organized and make sure your needs as a "little" and your needs as an "adult" are both met. I hope that made sense, I understand these concepts pretty well in my head, but I am still learning to be able to articulate them better =)

  9. #9

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    yes, it was hard when me and my daddy broke up when i went to foster care it was like i lost a parent and now were back tougher i hope it never happens again.

  10. #10

    Default

    Well,

    Must be the year for ab breakups...

    I too broke of a serious relationship about a month back...nothing at all to do with Abdl...

    It was in fact over "real" parenting of her son...

    Long story, google unschooling...

    I just couldn't allow a child to not learn, at just about 10, and over the last six months, he has become more dependent, and still doesn't know the alphabet...

    Anyhow, it was he goes to school or leave my place...

    I do miss both them, and just couldn't allow it to continue anymore...

    As for Abdl...that hasn't been a huge deal...I also don't live the life 24/7 either...

    Been harder with some other issues...

    Now, when I broke off a relationship when I was 19...

    That was different, she wanted to be Mommy nearly 100%...and I didn't...

    I when complete polar opposite and didn't do any ab stuff for years...

    I was feeling like I wasn't worth anything as a man...so, I went and did all the Macho crap for the next 8 years...

    It was just too much for me, in fact I'd say if that relationship didn't happen, I'd be more into ab stuff...

    I've always in my adult life leaned that way...at least inside...but when it was so much, and I was just trying to really explore myself, and didn't have a huge self worth at the time at all...

    I really still can't point the finger at a reason for my low self worth of the time...I made decent money...had a really nice apartment...and looking back it should have been a fun time in my life...

    Living outside Chicago, really didn't ever want for anything tangible...it was the early 90's and I was in computers...so the money flowed nicely back then...

    Anyhow, I still wonder what ever happened to her...she'd be just about 50 now...but that was 30 years ago...damn I'm getting old!

    Well, I did miss quite a few of the things we used to do back then...some of the things we did are still in my top 10 best times...

    And yes, I guess I had some separation issues...I missed the cuddle time, and just bonding...

    This time, not so much, I feel it was right, when I helped her pack her stuff up...it didn't feel bad in any way...

    In fact other than missing having other people living at my place, and some the things she helped me out with...I haven't missed her...

    Don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I've actually just this week started to totally relax and have fun!

    I actually don't handle stress to well, and with the whole issue involving her core issue of unschooling, it was very stressful...I feel like a weight was lifted from me after she was all done with clearing her stuff out.

    Now, this is an overall feeling...

    Now, my little is lonely right now, but the last few days been watching some of my favorite anime films and kids movies and that has helped tons!

    So, my big side is doing great...my little is a bit lonely...

    I have a few personas that I use, and when I'm stressed too much in one, it spills over into the others somewhat...

    Sorta like I have a few buckets and when one is full the excess drops into the other buckets...

    I sincerely hope that anyone making a serious change in this realm reads posts like above too, and they know that there is a place they can come to that won't judge them for anything...

    Even just writing the bit in this post has made me feel a bit better too...

    May you bottle be full, and have Mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast...live life, explore, and above all have some fun, especially if your going through a rough change...

    Take a bit of time for yourself, wether it be your little or big...and do something you really truly love...

    Me, I've been watching kid movies, uninterrupted, eating popcorn, dots, and pop...that to me reminds me of being a kid again...

    B

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