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Thread: New Member

  1. #1
    petitestrawberry

    Default New Member

    Hi. I am new here.

    I've been interested in infantilism for (what feels like) awhile now. My interest encompasses both the adult baby aspects as well as the diaper lover aspects.

    While I have been able to experience this interest, both in online roleplay and in real life, I've never quite been able to feel comfortable doing either nor fully immerse myself in the experience, even though I've craved it.

    I consider myself to be both an AB/DL and a caretaker. That being said, at current, I'm not searching for a little nor a caretaker. I do, however, hope to meet some new friends, to talk to people who truly understand what it's like to have this as an interest, as a desire, as a need. I hope to learn more about how to feel comfortable with being little and advice for how to be an effective caretaker. I am also interested in learning what draws people to this interest, how they discovered it in the first place, and why it brings them satisfaction. I am a psychology major in college, and love learning the "why" behind why people think and act as they do.

    I am also here to listen to anyone who needs someone to talk to. I know that having an interest in infantilism can be rather alienating, so I'm always willing to lend an ear. Nice to meet everyone!

  2. #2

    Default

    Welcome to the site. Always good to see someone with an intro worthy of being called a paragraph!

    What field of Psychology interests you the most currently?

  3. #3
    norcal57

    Default

    Welcome!
    I joined recently and I am very glad I did so. Being a psychology major, we would all be very interested to know how and when you first discovered your AB/DL interests. Do you know what triggered them?
    Have you ever shared your interests with anyone in your life or is joining this group the initial step?
    You are definitely an interesting addition to the group! I know we all have have more questions than answers. This should be fun,

  4. #4

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    people who truly understand what it's like to have this as an interest, as a desire, as a need
    Yep, that's us, all right. It occurs to me that it's normal among us to be really obsessive about it all. Does that ever strike you as worthy of attention? I mean I have some mild fetishes for a couple of other things, shiny buttery-soft leather, for instance. But no comparison to diapers! My fixation goes back as far as I can remember, and though, as things turned out, puberty revealed it to be a sexual fetish, that didn't raise the intensity of the feelings. Said feelings really were around in grade 1, maybe earlier, and peaked at 15-16 and lessened gradually after that.



    having an interest in infantilism can be rather alienating
    It used to be that way, for me. Nowadays there's this rich, varied community of us, with branches and tendrils throughout many inter-related worlds, from bdsm to furry to cosplay and beyond. I don't feel alienated at all. I used to I may not be ab, or babyfurry, but this community is where I feel I belong. And within the abdl world, Adisc.

    ABECAUSE... I like helping, without shorting myself. I am a bit of a compulsive do-gooder. I empathize, I find, with nearly the whole lot of us, be we learning disabled or having graduate degrees.When I had religion I would have asserted that Adisc is doing God's work. Since my lapse back to agnostic I would STILL say Adisc is doing God's work, only saying a bit more metaphorically. And I like to help out where I can, and make use of my particular skillset, and lead a useful, productive life.by helping others lead useful productive live themselves

  5. #5
    petitestrawberry

    Default

    Thank you! And I'm wanting to get into research. Either abnormal psychology, cognitive neuroscience, or forensic psychology.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Thanks!

    (Answering from bottom to top here...)

    Yes, I have shared my interest with some of those in my life. My closest friends know, and my last three exes know. I was able to participate with one of my exes, but more from the caregiver side than the AB side.

    I discovered my interest in diapers before my interest in AB. I am a rather anxious person, and that high level anxiety developed very early on. I think that triggered my interest in diapers. Although, at the time, the idea in my mind was one of convenience. I didn't want to stop playing just to get up and go to the bathroom. In retrospect, I think I viewed having to get up and go as a responsibility, an expectation of independence, and that made me somewhat anxious. I experimented a bit with using diapers around the age of 8. Well, they were pull-ups, and a friend and I used them at a sleepover. I remember feeling guilty and telling my parents. I told them I wanted to wear diapers and they told me that I didn't need them and that I was too old for them. I recall being very fascinated by my friends who were around my age, but still needed to wear diapers or pull-ups to bed. I'd ask them lots of questions about it.

    I'd always had a desire to be younger. Whenever I would play pretend games, I'd want whichever character I was playing to be the youngest. I am the oldest of two, and was always told that I was "too old" for something or that I needed to be the mature one. As I grew older, there were still many childlike items I clung to; stuffed animals, TV shows, etc. I think that due to the anxiety, being younger for me represented a more carefree time, and also one where there was the security of an adult presence ensuring that I was safe. There was a long stretch of time where I truly didn't want to grow up because the idea of the lack of security of an adult, where I would be wholly responsible for making my own decisions and having to fix my own mistakes, terrified me. I have never been a very confident person.

    Early on in high school, I admitted to myself an interest in age play before I admitted to myself an interest in AB. I felt such a sense of shame over it and still do. In my mind, I am supposed to be an adult. I am supposed to be responsible and competent and successful. I also usually tend to be the one to pick up the slack, or to be the one to conceal my own emotions out of pride, or, for the sake of someone else not being sad. I often feel as if my needs aren't met and as if no one takes my emotions into an account, or even when they do, I still feel obligated to conceal them. (It's...a rather vicious cycle.) Even in situations where I'm dealing with other adults, I still often feel as if I have to be "the" adult. I constantly feel as if I have to be strong and self-reliant. I don't trust others easily and the thought of being in an AB role, of depending on someone else to that capacity...I feel as if I don't deserve it, as if no one would want to care for me that way.

    Early on in my college career, I convinced myself that I wanted to be a preschool teacher. Largely, it was for summer vacations, but I also thought it might be a socially acceptable outlet for my enjoyment of more childlike things. I'd get to play with toys and buy markers and not be looked at strangely. Unfortunately, I realized that I was merely, once again, in denial about being an AB/DL. I am no longer in denial, but I still feel horrendously guilty for having this interest. Those whom I've told (and still talk to) accept it and understand my reasoning in as far as I've explained it, but, as they themselves do not experience it, they've expressed that they do not fully understand it. It can be very alienating, hence why I joined this forum.

    I've thought about AB/DL from a psychological perspective and what draws others to it. In my mind, childhood is a time of unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is a time to be carefree and to act purely out of want, desire, impulse. There is a relinquishing of self-reliance and independence. My anxiety consistently made me/makes me feel obligated to act older, more mature. In what I've learned so far in my college career, when one is a child, he or she has not yet developed the capacity to think beyond him or herself, to think beyond his or her perspective. Emotional regulation is a skill that has not yet been learned. Due to the fact that one is unable to see beyond the scope of a limited world view, the cynicism of an adult perspective does not come into play. That isn't to say that all adults are cynical, but cynicism is absent from the mind of the child because he or she does not have the capacity for it. They do not yet know how terrible the world can be.

    Sorry for the long reply. I admit that it was very cathartic though, although I still do apologize for the length.

    I am curious as well; how and when did you first discover your AB/DL interests? Had you shared your interests with anyone in your life prior to joining this forum?

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Raccoon View Post
    It occurs to me that it's normal among us to be really obsessive about it all. Does that ever strike you as worthy of attention? I mean I have some mild fetishes for a couple of other things, shiny buttery-soft leather, for instance. But no comparison to diapers!
    That's an interesting observation and one I hadn't previously realized. There does seem to be a relative obsessiveness surrounding AB/DL for many who are interested in it. I think that may be due to the fact that either the level of vulnerability experienced by an AB/DL, or the level of responsibility a caregiver takes on can evoke very intense emotions that may not be easily expressed outside of play. It is also a very multifaceted interest which involves many mental aspects such as relinquishing control, returning to a more innocent and playful frame of mind, and a relinquishing of inhibitions, as well as many physical aspects. The physical aspects include many rather unique tactile sensations such as the soft feel of a diaper or the fluffiness of a teddy bear which directly contrast to some of the tactile sensations many normally experience in their adult lives such as the hardness of a desk or the more rough material of pants.



    I don't feel alienated at all. I used to I may not be ab, or babyfurry, but this community is where I feel I belong. And within the abdl world, Adisc.
    I'm glad to know that you do not feel alienated and you feel a sense of belonging here.



    I like helping, without shorting myself. I am a bit of a compulsive do-gooder. I empathize, I find, with nearly the whole lot of us, be we learning disabled or having graduate degrees.When I had religion I would have asserted that Adisc is doing God's work. Since my lapse back to agnostic I would STILL say Adisc is doing God's work, only saying a bit more metaphorically. And I like to help out where I can, and make use of my particular skillset, and lead a useful, productive life.by helping others lead useful productive live themselves
    I'm very glad to know that you feel so passionate about this forum and that you are willing to help others. Thank you so much. Your post has made me feel very welcome, and a bit less alone.

  6. #6

  7. #7
    petitestrawberry

    Default

    Thank you.

  8. #8
    norcal57

    Default

    petitestrawberry

    I was a little skeptic and wasn't sure if you were just doing an AB/DL study, or you actually had a real interest. I have not shared my DL interests with many (until I joined this forum). Although I do not think there is anything wrong with it, I just do not feel like be judged by others who may not understand. I really believe that everyone is a little different, some more different than others. I discovered my interests at a very young age. I have loved it, hated it, buying and purging for as long as I can remember. Recently I read an article on acceptance that jumped up and bit me. I finally accepted that it is part of me. Kind of like a sign wave, but I have managed to make it a very low frequency and a small amplitude (close to straight line) = acceptance. It is a very real part of my every day life and very happy about it. I am 24/7 close to 5 months, and I feel like I have got the old monkey off of my back, and know I am in control (well actually loosing control).

    Again welcome aboard, and like everyone else on this forum would probably say, toss the questions out there, and I know I will do my best to tell/share what I know.

  9. #9
    petitestrawberry

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by norcal57 View Post
    I do not think there is anything wrong with it, I just do not feel like be judged by others who may not understand.
    I agree with you completely. This is often my fear as well.



    I finally accepted that it is part of me.
    Congratulations!



    Again welcome aboard, and like everyone else on this forum would probably say, toss the questions out there, and I know I will do my best to tell/share what I know.
    Thank you so much.

  10. #10

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    Those whom I've told (and still talk to) accept it and understand my reasoning in as far as I've explained it, but, as they themselves do not experience it, they've expressed that they do not fully understand it. It can be very alienating,
    Yes, absolutely. I too have a passing familiarity with being alienated. I know what it's like when words can't convey your meaning, and only a kindred spirit "gets it." But by the same token being among your own kind is an incomparable experience Well, let me tell you about my amazing weekend, and my backstory... my main point being to show that I understand where you're coming from.

    I just celebrated my 50th birthday with some ab friends from out of town who had spent the previous evening at a private ab party. Then my friends and I all trooped off to a babyfur Hallowe'en party. There were several full fursuits including a very impressive dragon and a friendly white wolf... diapers were the topic of many of the discussions, especially Fabines which are much lusted after, and Bambinos, the diaper of champions.

    Babyfur art throughout the house. Dozens of babyfurs. Craft beer in abundance. Mega plushypile in the basement (with diapered plushies, naturally.) And most amazing of all, for me, I met another raccoon!! we chatted a long while, for it turned out that he too had deep feelings of kinship for the species, very similar to me. This was my highlight of the night. The next day there was a regularly scheduled abdl munch: so all in all a splendiferous weekend.

    Yeah, growing up I was massively alienated: I didn't fit in at school or in scouts and sure as hell not in boarding school. Bible camp at least had archery and shooting. High school was only marginally better... got my first girlfriend, also an outsider. Sang Roy Orbison's Only the Lonely to myself a lot. At university I got to be amongst peers and at last BE PART OF A CROWD for the first time ever: mostly fantasy role- playing geeky English majors. But while they went on to publish novels, and get PhD's, I spent years having breakdowns.

    Then came the internet, and the abdl/fur community... which brings us to today. These days I have several close friends: both live and online, and don't feel alienated at all. I am now part of something bigger and important, a larger world. I've arrived. I am home now.

    Welcome to Adisc, to my home. mi casa es tu casa.

    I wouldn't be me if I closed without a song... or two.. pick one
    Last edited by Raccoon; 29-Oct-2013 at 03:59.

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